Intimacy & Aloneness

[JustBe]

A great deal of humans who are on the spiritual journey, tend to link up with this whole twin flame idea as part of their deeper awakening.

Whether this chosen person, whom you’ve decided is your twin flame is or is not, this idea and connection becomes a source of deep learning and deep connection for yourself.

Our deeper desire for intimacy and connection plays out in so many ways of life. We all want to be seen and heard, feel important and special in someone else eyes, especially this person we’ve chosen as our representation of deeper connection in us.

I learned a great deal through this creation, I created in me, towards another. I was very grateful, that even as I was quite delusional initially, just deciding to let myself open, trust and connect to this path, to another in this way, gave me valuable insight into my own delusional, ignorance and I was able to break through so much.. I was also lucky, in that, this connection, being mutual, trusting enough, challenging enough, allowed me to undo a lot in myself. Profoundly so.

All those deeper more vulnerable aspects of myself came up and out of me, I was able to feel, see, express openly everything in me in the safety of that connection. In my intimate partner relationship I was not able to source myself through them in this way. My spiritual journey was very important in me, it wasn’t something I could ignore. It was something I had to embark on.

In our minds we create all kinds of ideas what people mean to us. That’s ok if it’s a temporary, growing changing awareness. If you hold another to being what you need, be prepared for what that need opens as yourself. Because it will.

When we chose a certain path, that ignites us, opens us, that’s a beautiful thing for our growth and experience. Understanding who and what you are as a changing, growing human in those choices, is just as important.

When you cling to an idea, hold expectations or get very attached to your chosen path, you cannot open deeper to what this chosen path seeks for you.

I’m aware as a seeker more directly what the twin flame path, activated in myself. We are all different with different issues and needs, but even so if your open and growing with this choice, with any path you chose, you will notice how everything moves, shifts and changes in this choice.

If you’re not open to feel your way through, the circumstances as they arise and present themselves, you’ll miss what this flame within you truly means.

It’s not wrong to want and desire closeness and intimacy. At the core we are always seeking this in some form of our life experience.

The issue at the core, when it hasn’t dealt with it’s own aloneness, It’s own intimacy, it can decide what ‘feels’ wonderful and important and cling and hold on for dear life. This clinging is what causes your suffering.

Intimate connection with ourselves and others, is something to be enjoyed. Something to cherish, but it too, is a fleeting moment where we let go, let that experience be as the moment decided. It’s not something we force or make into.

Mutual connection and relating, is about two people or more who openly respect each other as each one requires.

It’s our personal responsibility through any path, twin flame or anyone, to respect and let go of our unhealthy attachments to them. In a world where each person builds their own intimacy, their own connection, we can build and have an entire reality forged on that creation.

If you’re simply leaning on ‘one’ as being something important and not leaning on yourself as the ‘one’ you’ll never move past this idea someone else is the other half of you.

We are born into separation which creates this skewed idea we are not whole and complete. Our conditioning reinforces this.

The spiritual quest, to source yourself ‘out there’ in something, is part of this conditioned idea, that life or someone else completes us, that something is missing. That we need to have this particular person close to feel alive and whole.

My mind fabricated a story to trick me into opening up to my own connection. My own deeper sense of self, that isn’t governed by the world or another.

It’s my birthright to know and feel complete as ‘I Am’..

[FallingLeaves]

so, i've never really been 'safe'. Never asked that if i did this one certain special beautiful thing I could think of to do it would mean I would have happiness all the rest of my life and not have to worry and be safe. So most everything I've done for most of my adult life has had some element of risk (often in earth-shaking ways), and that continues to this day.

I kinda think though, I get a larger sense of freedom by not tieing myself down to some one true way of being, just so I can get results that others have told me are desirable.

I also still think, one of the 'foolishnesses' god was talking about in that infamous passage where he called the wise fools while at the same time noting they would say the same of him, is, that people would find it 'wise' not to suffer and yet, the path back to where we really want to be would ironically lead through suffering. So we are endlessly fighting between our desire to 'wisely' not suffer, and our being dragged back into it despite our own best efforts....

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

so, i've never really been 'safe...

Taking risks especially when it comes to matters of the heart, was often my way through these times. That kind of vulnerability and openness can land you in hot water, but often the cooling down period boosted me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

I use to dive in head first, so everything in me got jostled and shaken about in this way of being. Deconstructing everything so it looked rather messy, all laid out, but the mess needed to be that way for me as I chose. It’s kind of like, you say you don’t like certain parts of you, so you keep them in check, tucked away. My mess has shown me, that kind of delivery is really only fooling yourself, that you don’t bring all of you to the table. Naturally in those untold, unspoken, kept at bay, you end up seeing them all come to the surface in your own time and process.

Deep connection does this. Mainly because we tend to drop our guard when we trust in another. Sometimes it’s not even about trust, it’s just familiar and you dive in. You don’t even realise your trusting more than you have previously..

But certainly when that connection ‘strikes’ it activates, stirs you inside. The mechanics of those energetic ‘drawing closer’ is often how life works with regards to matters of our own connection. People might gaze longingly and desperately into those reflections, but if you don’t see yourself looking, it can break through rather harshly into the view you’re not noticing as you.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Taking risks especially when it comes to matters of the heart, was often my way through these times. That kind of vulnerability and openness can land you in hot water, but often the cooling down period boosted me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

yeah.... putting oneself out there seems to be a prerequisite for proceeding....

FWIW I've been thinking over the past few years, it may not be the smartest idea for me to just get over this already and just walk into a nicer place..., somehow the feelings associated with anxiety, fear seem compelling even though I don't like what that would seem to make my place in the world be like.
Sigh...

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

yeah.... putting oneself out there seems to be a prerequisite for proceeding....

FWIW I've been thinking over the past few years, it may not be the smartest idea for me to just get over this already and just walk into a nicer place..., somehow the feelings associated with anxiety, fear seem compelling even though I don't like what that would seem to make my place in the world be like.
Sigh...

Yes, for me it’s been my way. I’ve let the world punch and kick open my being, not physically but you get my drift.

Being open you can’t not feel, you can’t not ignore, you’re open and dealing with stuff as it lands, wherever it lands.

Thinking back through these processors, it was an emotional nightmare, but ultimately now, I’m able to flow and be aware with ease.

It doesn’t mean it’s all easy, I still have ‘deeply’ harmed human aspects, that are triggered, I’m aware all the same, consciously so. Sometimes the practice in this way, is to know there is no where to go, nothing to resolve, but just to be ok with what is there. What you’re moving through, without change out side of changing.

Most people fight feelings because they want what’s triggering them to change. But it’s through feeling feelings fully, you realise you are the change you’re seeking.

In empowering myself emotionally now, I can address with ease and assertiveness. I know what’s coming through others more open and clear.

This gives you an advantage, in that you’re no longer projecting your stuff into the situation, but rather addressing the other and they have no where to go but within.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by JustBe

This gives you an advantage, in that you’re no longer projecting your stuff into the situation, but rather addressing the other and they have no where to go but within.

i agree with most of what you wrote.

The thing with me and my twin.... she endlessly 'triggers' me and then I get to figure out I was triggered and what to do about it.

Ironically, I found out that sometimes it is fun to let myself be triggered. Having found I can be just as aware when that is happening as when it is not . If that is something I want to allow. And there really is no good reason to say I gotta suppress THAT next just for the sake of propriety....
--------------------------------------------------
Any more I really think it better for all of us if others have the advantage over me. That I don't try to take the advantage even in small implicit ways like the one you proposed. Their life is their life, not mine; why make it harder for them to think about whatever it is they need to think about? Why I am so sure others need to be doing exactly the same things I did, right here, right now?

Doesn't seem too desirable to me to be higher in a heirarchy, either.

[scorpius_rex]

Originally Posted by JustBe

My mind fabricated a story to trick me into opening up to my own connection.

That's all love ever is. :)

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by scorpius_rex

That's all love ever is. :)

So you mean, love is connection? Or love is a trick of the mind? :)

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

i agree with most of what you wrote.
The thing with me and my twin.... she endlessly 'triggers' me and then I get to figure out I was triggered and what to do about it.

A lot people won’t allow triggers in the every day world of humans and humans. We tend to love to to tell ourselves stories as to why we think and feel stuff.

Judgement is a huge curse in society as well.

Of course unless you become all that you see, open up to all if you deciding as you do, it’s difficult to not get caught up in those trappings of life.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by JustBe

A lot people won’t allow triggers in the every day world of humans and humans. We tend to love to to tell ourselves stories as to why we think and feel stuff.
Judgement is a huge curse in society as well.
Of course unless you become all that you see, open up to all if you deciding as you do, it’s difficult to not get caught up in those trappings of life.

yeah the course to become more open, more awake/aware/part of things is difficult enough because there are just so many things that push me out of it again as soon as I get started lol... it is difficult for me too, to go against the things other people are saying and very difficult especially to contemplate things like actually interacting in some other way than the ones I already know will be 'safe'... part of it like you say is people can get mean when they start in with things like judgement... and that is a very hard thing to sidestep...

honestly I talk a big game on here but IRL I am only very barely able to even think about asserting who I am, to myself even. And it has been a long road getting even that far. As well learning to be open on here was its own adventure... I used to take offense at so many things that were said! Now I'm more able to be accepting of other's views as part of my own learning. So that is part of my journey

I'm not really expecting that to change much beyond however I want to try to change it whenever Im actually someplace wanting to do something... for me for a long time this was about trying to be some perfect me so I could live happily ever after... at some point i decided that living my entire now so I could have a one true better later hurt too much. So now things are about just trying to have some kind of life that is meaningful to myself right here right now. Which sometimes I just wanna ditch all the lessons and have a little bit of fun..

thank you for talking to me by the way. You are one of the few around here that I think is quite on a level like the one I'm on and it is nice talking to someone who I think could actually heare