Distracted by my Love's love for another...

[In Flux]

Hi, going back to Tolle's book, he talks about how the pain body needs to feed on negative energy. If she is in pain, and you offer positive energy, she might actually turn away from it, and find the (negative) energy she hungers for with her friend. In case you feel that she is rejecting your love, then I would try to find the right moment (at a time where she does feel loving towards you) to address this, so you both can start recognizing the patterns as they appear. I do recommend reading his book :-).

[Baile]

Originally Posted by truth.seeker222

My wife struggles with anxiety and depression, and often even mentions self harm. I have a very hard time wanting to be around her when she gets into these moods. She yells, punches things, screams and cries.

When dealing with so many issues at once, you need to whittle things down to the core issues and tackle them first. This is it I would say. She needs to be on anti-depressants, and needs counselling help. She requires regular profession help on some level. And you need to find a way back to a place where you can help support her instead of wanting to get away from her. I would suggest that will require counselling as well.

The stuff about the friend and all the accompanying gossip... that's white noise, a distraction. She is not the problem.

Your marriage is the issue, right here, right now. You need to deal with these marriage basics first. A husband supports his wife, always. A wife will always sit down with her husband and discuss how to better the relationship. If you two cannot meet these basic marriage requirements, it's not a marriage. And then the question becomes why are you hanging onto it?

You sound adamant that you will not divorce. So be it. But if things continue as is -- if she declines counselling etc. and refuses to listen to your needs -- you can't have it both ways. You can't be "tired" of it. Because you know what it is and you've chosen it for yourself. You have to accept that you are in a dysfunctional relationship, period. And then you get on with your life as it is, and focus on being there for your kids.

And you take practical steps like taking over the finances, to make sure bills are getting paid. And whatever else you need to do to bring stability and order to your home. Even if it means taking extreme action at times, such as banning her friend from the house if that's something you feel you need to do. There's a point where you've made your bed, and now you probably have to launder the sheets as well. And vacuum the carpets. And cook the meals. And do the dishes and shopping. (All the stuff I always do.)

[truth.seeker222]

So, just an update. My wife and her friend planned for almost a week to travel 800 miles with my two kids and her friends three kids, and I only found out when I did because I over heard them talking about it. I found out less than 24 hours before they left. I expressed my feelings against it, but it did no good.