how to make a connection work

umbridge · #1 25-12-2012, 12:33 AM

hey ya all.. i just wanted to know one thing, i really like a guy but we seem to argue with me all the time, because i think all he does is wrong or i want him to make himself better.. not because i am not happy with the fact who he is but still... i want him to fulfill his potential.. maybe i am mean.. and i know that guys(men) take that wrong way..as i am not happy with WHO they are, that i am not content..
its just when you really like someone, you want whats best for him/her..

we are not having exactly the same viewpoints on things, but the outcome is the same..like the destination is the same, but how we get there is different..and it makes me mad. because its seems to me, ITS ALL about ME.
i want to argue and fight with him, because i want him to fulfill his dreams and his pontential, at the same time I want him to be prince charming and still i want him to accept my views and i want to accept his..but there is always some kind of madness going on..

I want to just be happy with who he is and accept his viewpoints.
any advice? or is it really that difficult to manage that kind of thing?

thank you A lot :)

kindheart · #2 25-12-2012, 02:30 AM

I think trying to change him or change his point of view is only gonna make your relationship weaker, and will actually make his resist change even more... But you have it right: try to be happy with who he is and be accepting of his viewpoints. Ask yourself : is it really important that he views things the same way? How is it important? Is it really worth all the fighting?

Like I said, fighting and arguing with him will only make him resist change even more, and maybe make him start resenting you. If you believe in Angels, you could maybe ask them to help you become more tolerant of his differing views? Ask them how you can make the relationship with him better? Or even just meditate about it, regularly, or telling yourself short phrases like "him and I have different points of views, and it's ok" when you start getting worked up over it? How about praising and validating everything you DO like about him? That is, focus on the POSITIVE and ignore the negative... Just doing that, on top of making you and him happier, might actually make him more open minded/less resistant to hearing other opinions in the long run.

I hope this helps a bit! You are on the right track with your goal (wanting to be happy with who he is and accept his viewpoints... if they aren't dangerous) :) Good job, and good luck! :)

umbridge · #3 25-12-2012, 08:57 AM

thank you, kindheart :) I appreciate your help :)
I try to do my best :)

take care!

#4 25-12-2012, 03:30 PM

You cannot force someone to change, or to better themselves...it simply does not work. They have to come to that decision on their own. Just like quitting smoking - you can tell a smoker all the bad things about it every day, but until they decide to quit smoking for themself, they won't listen!
I know your frustration - I spent 6 years going through the same thing with my ex...I told him countless times that he was capable of being, and doing, so much more than he was - he was restricting himself...guess what??? It didn't work!! In early 2011 I broke off our engagement, and we went our separate ways......It's up to you how long you want to put up with it.....