Do i move on or stay for the children?

Fantastic outcome with the children! I'm sure it will all work out where you all benefit.

Bright Blessings

Originally Posted by lightworker

Hi, I haven't posted on here for years, so i'm a little rusty!

My dilemma is : I have known for 13 years that i'm married to a man that is not my soulmate. I do care for him deeply, I want him to be happy, but I don't particularly like the person he has become (quite negative and mean although decent deep down) also I have a deep nagging feeling that i need to move on to fulfill the life I planned before I came back here.

We have struggled to stay together for all these years, we have seperated twice, once for 9 months (7 years ago) and last year for 6 months, but both times we stayed in contact (more out of habit) and ended up getting back together (I did it mainly for the children).

I was so happy when I was single, I loved life again, joy had returned to my life at all the possibilities, I wasn't being told what to do, what to like, where to go etc anymore, but the kids really missed their dad as we moved 5 hours away and he could only see them every few weeks, which was also really sad for him.

In the end, I gave in to his constant pleas to get back together, things would change etc, but now i've been back for a year and i'm back to feeling the same old feelings I had before I left.

I love him and care for him but we want totally different things out of life and the longer we stay together, the more i feel like i'm dying inside,.

But what about the children, do i stay and keep everything stable and familiar for them and feel joyless and nothing inside (apart from the joy and love I feel for my kids) or do i leave and try and work with my husband to make the shift as comfortable as possible for the kids?
I feel so guilty that i may be doing irrepairable damage to my kids and it stops me from making any decisions.
I'd love to hear your thoughts

Oh, my gosh, this sounds so familiar! I stayed with a man, supporting him for 26 years, sacrificing my own interests and welfare for the sake of him and the children. He was so abusive and repressive. I did love and care for him though he was miserable and his actions were mean and dishonest. When I told him I couldn't tolerate it anymore, he always pleaded he would change. I always hoped upon hope that he would.

After what seemed endless abysmal betrayals...any one of which would have made any "sane" person leave, imo, I finally separated.

Not kidding you, it was so hard...He was furious and threatened to kill me...

The kids were so upset with me, and I finally had to admit to myself that it was so much harder than it would have been earlier on. Now I believe that had I followed my first impulse to leave earlier on events would have turned out much less tragic for all. My kids haven't grown up seeing what a lovingly reciprocal relationship is like. They actually thought such repression and abuse of the woman was "normal". Dear God, I would never want my kids to grow up thinking women are objects deserving of subjugation.

I left him and it was the best decision I've ever made. After that I met my soulmate and I wouldn't have been able to be with him if I'd stayed in the one sided, masochistic relationship.

Of course I wouldn't think to advise you, your relationship is your own, your decision is your own. All I can do is relate my own personal experiences and the results of my decisions.

By the way, my kids did adjust to the dissolution of my relationship with their Dad. I'm glad they're adapting to the new circumstances well. However, I now know even if they hadn't I still wouldn't regret the decision I ultimately made.

Truly best wishes to you with whatever you decide, big hug!

Also, I wouldn't feel guilty for following your inner wisdom in whatever you decide. I always thought it was my responsibility to be "always loving" and "always put others first". Your responsibility is first to yourself. You must respect yourself and your joy/passion. Loving must foremost include loving yourself. From that, eventually only good will blossom or so I believe.

Thanks for your input everyone, this forum is so supportive. Gentledove, your story is a sad one, but with a great ending, i'm really happy for you!
I had a phone reading with one of Australia's best mediums/ clairvoyants last week, (which is amazing as i made the booking over a year ago!, the angels knew i needed that reading now!) and everything he said was spot on, down to names and everything (he does live shows like John Edward and Lisa Williams), and he was talking to my deceased nana and she told him that it's time for me to go, I was with him to try and help him with some lessons he needed to learn in this lifetime ( I don't know whether he learnt anything though?) and all my hardwork is done now and it's time for me to shine! He said i'll meet my soulmate about 15 months after we seperate and he'll be really spiritual and our relationship will be really special! So i'm chuffed about that! Although I do realise you can't live your life by a prediction, i'm just going to get on with my life, love the heck out of my kids, and start finding my joy!

Yes, you were probably with him to help him, and undoubtedly you did. Either way, it sounds like your job there is complete. I believe we souls are always on little missions we're not even consciously aware of. Sounds as if it really is time to move on. If you can place aside worry and follow your own inner intuition (which requires a leap of faith which can seem like a leap off a cliff), I think you'll be onto your next adventure with flying colors!

Also, I think my use of the word "tragedy" was really overly dramatic considering we have eternity (I believe)...I think small pains here and there aren't much really in the big picture.

Originally Posted by lightworker

Hi, I haven't posted on here for years, so i'm a little rusty!

My dilemma is : I have known for 13 years that i'm married to a man that is not my soulmate. I do care for him deeply, I want him to be happy, but I don't particularly like the person he has become (quite negative and mean although decent deep down) also I have a deep nagging feeling that i need to move on to fulfill the life I planned before I came back here.

We have struggled to stay together for all these years, we have seperated twice, once for 9 months (7 years ago) and last year for 6 months, but both times we stayed in contact (more out of habit) and ended up getting back together (I did it mainly for the children).

I was so happy when I was single, I loved life again, joy had returned to my life at all the possibilities, I wasn't being told what to do, what to like, where to go etc anymore, but the kids really missed their dad as we moved 5 hours away and he could only see them every few weeks, which was also really sad for him.

In the end, I gave in to his constant pleas to get back together, things would change etc, but now i've been back for a year and i'm back to feeling the same old feelings I had before I left.

I love him and care for him but we want totally different things out of life and the longer we stay together, the more i feel like i'm dying inside,.

But what about the children, do i stay and keep everything stable and familiar for them and feel joyless and nothing inside (apart from the joy and love I feel for my kids) or do i leave and try and work with my husband to make the shift as comfortable as possible for the kids?
I feel so guilty that i may be doing irrepairable damage to my kids and it stops me from making any decisions.
I'd love to hear your thoughts

It seems we have the same problem we all deserve to be happy

[TheReason]

Originally Posted by lightworker

Thanks for your input everyone, this forum is so supportive. Gentledove, your story is a sad one, but with a great ending, i'm really happy for you!
I had a phone reading with one of Australia's best mediums/ clairvoyants last week, (which is amazing as i made the booking over a year ago!, the angels knew i needed that reading now!) and everything he said was spot on, down to names and everything (he does live shows like John Edward and Lisa Williams), and he was talking to my deceased nana and she told him that it's time for me to go, I was with him to try and help him with some lessons he needed to learn in this lifetime ( I don't know whether he learnt anything though?) and all my hardwork is done now and it's time for me to shine! He said i'll meet my soulmate about 15 months after we seperate and he'll be really spiritual and our relationship will be really special! So i'm chuffed about that! Although I do realise you can't live your life by a prediction, i'm just going to get on with my life, love the heck out of my kids, and start finding my joy!

This is wonderful to hear! I wish you all the best on your journey, and even through the difficult times ahead - keep your energies high and your outlook positive. You will manifest all the things you need into your life, and all the good you need too. I have all positive feelings about you, and your guides want you to know they are with you every step of the way.

Love & Light.

Thanks guys ^j^

Your relationship sounds very similar to my own it would be nice to stay in touch if you would like to add me as a friend that would be great
Angel blessings

Originally Posted by lightworker

Hi, I haven't posted on here for years, so i'm a little rusty!

My dilemma is : I have known for 13 years that i'm married to a man that is not my soulmate. I do care for him deeply, I want him to be happy, but I don't particularly like the person he has become (quite negative and mean although decent deep down) also I have a deep nagging feeling that i need to move on to fulfill the life I planned before I came back here.

We have struggled to stay together for all these years, we have seperated twice, once for 9 months (7 years ago) and last year for 6 months, but both times we stayed in contact (more out of habit) and ended up getting back together (I did it mainly for the children).

I was so happy when I was single, I loved life again, joy had returned to my life at all the possibilities, I wasn't being told what to do, what to like, where to go etc anymore, but the kids really missed their dad as we moved 5 hours away and he could only see them every few weeks, which was also really sad for him.

In the end, I gave in to his constant pleas to get back together, things would change etc, but now i've been back for a year and i'm back to feeling the same old feelings I had before I left.

I love him and care for him but we want totally different things out of life and the longer we stay together, the more i feel like i'm dying inside,.

But what about the children, do i stay and keep everything stable and familiar for them and feel joyless and nothing inside (apart from the joy and love I feel for my kids) or do i leave and try and work with my husband to make the shift as comfortable as possible for the kids?
I feel so guilty that i may be doing irrepairable damage to my kids and it stops me from making any decisions.
I'd love to hear your thoughts

Very proud of you Lightworker. :) I too left my husband of 12 years because he just wasn't good for me or the children. He wasn't abusive either and I know exactly how you're feeling. I will say now, 4 years later, their father doesn't make ANY effort to even call them on the phone. His loss. Sure they miss him but they also see him for who he is. I never downgrade him to them, they made up their own minds. They are growing, healthy and happy. I also found a new relationship and he is amazing with my children. Life DOES get better. Trust in that gut and in your divine light. You'll be JUST fine! :)