Christmas Balance with Family

[Lynn]

Hello

This is such a hard time of the year for so many. Its almost like your on pins and needles asking others what they are doing for the holiday. So many are not with whom they were with, or family has not been a kind thing to them. Working again I am seeing how hard it is for many. We are expected to smile and be happy around the customers but for many that are working for minimum wage, it is not a joyous time of year. It is a "lest just survive it" time of year.

This is year two for me and the kids in our new home. First year with Heart my hubby with us. Last year Boxing Day I was off to England. I have no contact with the EX and the kids do not want a thing to do with him so that makes it a bit less stressful.

I so remember the "Christmas Day" two dinner days at times. My parents were together and we had the morning family time. Then it was off to my Dad's side and to my Mom's side (as the two sides clashed ) . Then it was off to Aunts and Uncles that were of the same family that clashed....I was like can not everyone just get along for one day a year ???? I know get how very hard that is but as I child your innocence does not understand that. You go to school and are taught to get on with everyone.

My heart goes out to parents that both want their kids at Christmas but one gets them and one does not. I am blessed mine were old enough to make that custody call for themselves and visitations. I feel for the tug of war that is put on kids.

This is a hard time of the year for many, once again I fear the EX showing up drunk on the doorstep. I fear him calling here and the kids not wanting to talk to him like last year....I put LIGHT around Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Mankind.

Whom else out there has some family fears to have some light put around....so that we survive the ride ?

Lynn

[Belle]

I'm somewhat ashamed of myself with respect to Christmas but I have to protect myself.

I have opted out of all family activities. I have a token relationship wtih my mother, last time I spent Xmas with her it was so awful - me her and dad. And a 20lb turkey. She got up at 3am to start cooking it. By 9am she was exhausted and in a filthy mood and dad and I couldn't do right for wrong. It was awful.

Neither of my siblings care for her, for 20 years I did all the time with the parents out of a sense of guilt as I believed I had been so horrid that i owed it to my parents to make things up to them. That was a lie perpetuated by my mother to me to manipulate me.

I am spending the day with a friend who has lost her daughter through suicide. It will be a very hard day for her. I am no saint, I don't say the right things but I will be there.

My mother is with my brother. For the last x years she has found Christmas meaningless and pointless and says it every year as if it were for the first time that she will find Christmas hard.

I used to type her Christmas message for her that she dictated - it always started "it has been a sad and difficult year". I couldn't deal with the negativity.

I have to protect myself. She is unkind to me and manipulative and cruel. Very passive aggressive. Others judge me for not being with her.

I share in the joys and struggles of other people's Christmasses and am quietly sad for the nothingness of the day myself but it's a private sadness mingled with relief that I have been stern enough to draw boundaries in this area. I am grateful for what I have. I mourn the lost years but i look to the coming year and have a hope for a better tomorrow.

For me, Christmas is a festival of light, it is the coming of the sun, the longer days and it is that I celebrate. I long for an easier world where Christmas can be a joy with no pressure and expectation but it explodes exponentially.

I have lied to my mother about my whereabouts. i feel great shame about this. And great guilt. The fear of being found out over the lie is a punishment in itself for the lie. I do it to protect her rather than say i don't want to be with you - she is not kind but she is fragile of mind and always has been. So i would ask for "light" in forgiveness that I forgive myself most of all and that I can maintain my security.

I would also like light for this corner of the universe, where we are flooded badly and have been and with another storm to come. People's homes, lives, businesses - shattered.

I just wish a peaceful and blessed Christmas, a quiet contentment and a moment of light for each and every one of us that will hold us through the day - and the coming year.

[Lynn]

Hello

We have to do what is "Best" for our self and at times that might feel heartless and cold, but we are the one that has to survive the ride. I have the most difficult of situations this year, my EX's legal Guardian when he was a teen, is also a good friend of mine and the kids. He has made the choice that he wants to do Christmas with me and the kids....so be it. He is welcome here in our home but its not easy.

Do not worry on the Mother.....you are not a child anymore......I had to go to the place with my Mom that I cut all contacts. I had to for my sanity !

Lynn

[starling]

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

This is such a hard time of the year for so many. Its almost like your on pins and needles asking others what they are doing for the holiday. So many are not with whom they were with, or family has not been a kind thing to them. Working again I am seeing how hard it is for many. We are expected to smile and be happy around the customers but for many that are working for minimum wage, it is not a joyous time of year. It is a "lest just survive it" time of year.

This is year two for me and the kids in our new home. First year with Heart my hubby with us. Last year Boxing Day I was off to England. I have no contact with the EX and the kids do not want a thing to do with him so that makes it a bit less stressful.

I so remember the "Christmas Day" two dinner days at times. My parents were together and we had the morning family time. Then it was off to my Dad's side and to my Mom's side (as the two sides clashed ) . Then it was off to Aunts and Uncles that were of the same family that clashed....I was like can not everyone just get along for one day a year ???? I know get how very hard that is but as I child your innocence does not understand that. You go to school and are taught to get on with everyone.

My heart goes out to parents that both want their kids at Christmas but one gets them and one does not. I am blessed mine were old enough to make that custody call for themselves and visitations. I feel for the tug of war that is put on kids.

This is a hard time of the year for many, once again I fear the EX showing up drunk on the doorstep. I fear him calling here and the kids not wanting to talk to him like last year....I put LIGHT around Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Mankind.

Whom else out there has some family fears to have some light put around....so that we survive the ride ?

Lynn

This is why I won't marry.

Yes , tensions here, even my sister's man wasn't too happy a few days ago.

I don't drink, I don't want sweet food and loath dinner parties and have an intolerance to lots of noise. I'm just going to get through this as best I can.

Good luck to all those finding this period hard.

I learned a friend lost his Mum in Sept.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

We have to do what is "Best" for our self and at times that might feel heartless and cold, but we are the one that has to survive the ride. I have the most difficult of situations this year, my EX's legal Guardian when he was a teen, is also a good friend of mine and the kids. He has made the choice that he wants to do Christmas with me and the kids....so be it. He is welcome here in our home but its not easy.

Do not worry on the Mother.....you are not a child anymore......I had to go to the place with my Mom that I cut all contacts. I had to for my sanity !

Lynn

I hope yours will be peaceful Lynn. You deserve it. Sad tho to see your ex as he is.

I just hate lying. I would be happieir if I could say that I wasn't spending xmas with her or new year, staying up here with my friends. I was going to be going away on Boxing day. That was cancelled cos of the op that I didn't tell her about.

Yes, I protect myself but I wish I could do it truthfully.

Thanks for your support.

[joyfirst]

I am enjoying my Christmas so much more now than before divorce. my family lives abroad, and my ex'es family is a very high drama family. Now it is just me and my son, and I also invite my neighbor, who is on her own as well. My son spends Christmas Eve with me and then I will bring him tomorrow to his Dad's home. Christmas or nay holiday is really just another wonderful day in the physical reality. Not sure why people use it as an excuse to feel bad...Also birthdays...:)

Not me, Lynn. I shall spend a happy enough day though I always worry about whether Father Christmas can fit down the chimney.

But may I wish you as merry and peaceful a Christmas as can be hoped for.

Eat, drink and be merry as best you can.

Peace and warmth,
Lorelyen.


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