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Originally Posted by Romy123
I work with TF. These past year, and especially these past few months things got very stressful and somewhat hostile at work. I was headhunted by a different organization, after praying for the upper level directors in my current position to become more positive. I feel it in my gut that this new job is my answer to my prayers. The process for getting hired in my new position was very fast (two and a half weeks including 2-weeks notice), and of course it's a huge shock to the system.
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Fabulous piece of news...being head-hunted. Congratulations and all the best in your new post!
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I am seeking advice about TF. His mom just died last month and I am leaving my place of employment (he always refused to see me outside of work, even as friends and even if he's hinted around but is never brave enough - for many reasons- i.e. He has a girlfriend, I'm married, even though husband has been supportive of us being friends). I am sure this is very difficult for him. Our last conversation (after I asked him if he was going to my going away party), pretty much ended with a "nah, I can't go. Hope you have a nice life!" And this comment was the day after he asked me if I would come visit him at work or call once in a while.
Do I just leave and ignore him, expecting him to reach out to me? Or do I go visit or call once in a while like he asked. I'm confused
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It sounds like you've done your best so far.
While you'll no doubt feel compassion, he'll have to manage the bereavement alone
(as you aren't involved with his family, anyway) so he'll have to stand on his own feet
with whatever support from his relatives.
Well, bereavement is well-known as the biggest cause of stress. People take it in different ways.
What he's
really feeling may be hidden from public view so it may not match
his outward behaviour.
So if possible, make allowances for him right now.
Bereavement isn't always over with quickly so you may have to be patient.
So...were it me, I'd remain aware that he's there. Give him some time - say a month,
then pop in to see him with just a very casual hello initially. You could disguise it as a hello to
the others you left behind.
Maybe you and he can have lunch or something.
Take it from there. As you are no longer with that employer he may just ease up on "not seeing you outside work"
Workplace relationships can be a bit claustrophobic for some people.
Just breathe the fresh air of a new job, new people, new learning how your new place works
and again, congratulations. It has to be a nice boost to one's self-esteem to be sought after.
Good luck.
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