In Love with Spiritual Coach

[benuk]

Hi

My names Ben i wanted to introduce myself to this forum and explain my reasons for joining it.

I have been getting coaching from the most amazing woman for nearly a year now, over skype. I had a friend on fb who was friends with her and one day when i saw something with her on my wall i looked and saw that she was a spiritual life coach. I knew that my friend was into that sort of stuff, that he was a nice guy so i contacted her through the company that she worked for. It took a while, with the first response being that she was unavailable and if this other person would do, i didn't reply.. i saw something in her eyes that made me want to only speak to her something that i could relate to: one of her eyes told me that she could understand what i have been through, also that she was a friend of a friend. Eventually i heard back and we started speaking, her first question was about how i found her that she normally does work with Americans i told her a lie i didn't want her to think i was stalking her. It was instantaneous how profound her energy was, i mean it was something that i haven't really seen before, an innocence so pure i was amazed, this was the role model i had been looking for my whole life. We went over various issues starting at my childhood which was really traumatic and then over to more current issues with a stressful job that i had, i would tell her what situations were causing me discord and then she would unravel them and make me think about them all in a completely different way.

She woke me up after a few months... i remember coming away from talking to her one evening and lying in bed so confused with my thoughts, what was ego, what was not this was the defining moment for me where i began the process of separation.. i was so scared with only her for guidance i quickly became dependant on her and have been ever since, up until now, kind of.

We would message on skype too.. i remember the last two conversations we had on skype.. now these were life changing, i was already awake and doing well but these were more about modern urban approaches, life style choices these two conversations really opened my mind up.. we got on really well during those last skype calls i could see it in her eyes. She said that my energy was good now and that we didn't need to do the coaching anymore, instead we were messaging on skype, a lot it was so weird being opened up to her life. This is when i started to really fall in love with her, she opened my heart up, has the most amazing personality, clever, attractive and we got on. I went to her birthday party a few weeks ago and i was the first there, she was panicking about people being late it was so weird seeing her aa a person instead of the life coach i remember having to adjust to the change in dynamics. it went quite well, it was one of the first times i had been out with normal people for many many years but i did okay, i showed them my light even though i wasn't able to speak as much as them.

I also found a place that does floating, like inside a tank so i invited her there to go with me to try and we met up in the chillout room afterwards, now this was like the best conversation ive ever had, it was like talking to a dream. I remember feeling so low when we parted, her train was going the opposite way so we hugged and said goodbye. We were then friends on fb and i quickly started to get even more attached, still messaging on skype but now commenting on fb posts etc i was all over the place.. i could also see that she was too, maybe it was the floats maybe not. Then she sent me a song that i took as being some kind of subliminal message in regards to feelings and i fluffed it off then she asked me again i said who knows its difficult to tell isn't it in other words i switched the question around... it must of been obvious how i felt. I wasn't expecting to hear from her after that but the next day she made put a comment on one of my updates joking about a joke i made about moving inside a cardboard box she said maybe she would maybe move next door then two ''separate comments after saying 'maybe' again, next comment 'not sure.. i took this as being a response to the skype message the night before. I always suspected she had feelings for me but never believed it after all that time i had some sort of confirmation.. I didnt know what to do though i remember being so ecstatic that evening that i just shut the world off and enjoyed some music.

I sent all the screentshots of the skype messages and fb comments to my ex, to be sure i wasn't still inventing this i mean i actually thought i had the woman of my dreams, in total and compete love with and that maybe she felt the same. My ex agreed that there was something. So i sent her message on sunday night, i asked her out, i said i couldn't believe i was saying this but would you like to go for dinner.. i then stupidly put some subliminal fb post out on monday about making difficult decisions then when i got home she had vanished from FB. To be fair i knew i was having difficulty being friends with her that it was either this or nothing but i am really starting to regret that decision.. she was the best friend i ever had.. and now she's gone and im complete pieces. i have all this energy inside me that i barely know what to do with, reality is changing and i now have no-one who understands what im going through, poor me i couldn't even work today i had to come home, i was sitting in the corner of a cold room on a building site feeling so sad i had to come home. Im still yet to receive a reply from her, she hasnt blocked me from skype though thank god and i have been resisting sending any more messages, like with all my will power. Its just nothingness now complete nothing, she's protecting herself from something i jsut cant seem to get over the fact that i know she likes me and after all of this she has blocked me from fb and not replied to my offer over skype.

Now i have to walk with my shadow and after such an experience i will have this with me wherever i go, perhaps this last lesson was the best yet, but why? i really need closure at least and / or confirmation that im not completely mad.... that there was something there. instead nothing in nothingness

Ben ;((((((

[fayette]

Welcome Benuk

[Chrysalis]

Hello Benuk and welcome to SF.

[Miss Hepburn]

Everyone in history has loved someone that had no romantic
interest in them.
It is an awful, heartbreaking feeling...whew, we've all been there.
Not answering a phone, not returning letters, now blocking on FB...
all the same rejection and door slammed.
I'm so sorry.

[shoni7510]

Falling in love can bring us such heartaches sometimes and the rejections is even more painful. I hope you will sort yourself soon and go back to your normal happy self.

[Lucky]

Ben, I have a story to share with you that may help you look at your situation from a different perspective. I was in a pretty low place in my life not too long ago (I'm still in the process of transforming/awakening). I came across a different spiritual forum at the time, seeking answers and clarity. It helped to know I was not alone in my journey, as I shared stories and experiences with the other members. One day I replied to a post and the author messaged me back saying what a connection she felt with me based on my reply. We quickly became friends on this forum and exchanged many messages. Turns out we were similar in many ways, though she was more experienced than me in her awakening process. She kind of took me under her wing in a sense, guiding me through a dark time with all sorts of advice and the importance of grounding and sheilding. We tried to communicate once through the chat room in the forum but there was such a time lag..it was like communication breakdown...weird. Anyway, after several months of exchanging messages she just vanished.

Here's my point....I believe there may be angels or guides here among us, sent to us precisely at the right time and we instantly know that this being was put in our path for a reason. They may very well play a pivotal role in our journey and help us out of trying times. Similar to stories we've all heard that someone or something grabbed them saving their life from getting hit by a car for example. Then in an instant, they're gone. While my story didn't involve romance, perhaps take a minute to look at your own story from my point of view. While you may be hurting now, I think the mystery of it all and unanswered questions you have may be clouding your mind a bit more. Whatever the outcome for you, be grateful for the experience and knowledge you have gained. Just my opinion.

[Celestialseraphim]

"This too, shall pass."