City event boxing match and friends dream

[Ladyrose92]

I woke up last night crying and whimpering like a baby/child because I dreamt that I wasn't good enough for Matt. I've only ever heard myself cry like this when I've had a really painful dream. I suspect this is an underlying fear that I'm not good enough. Matt didn't wake up so I comforted myself back to sleep. Also it's the 4th day I've not smoked drugs so I felt my raw feelings were coming out. Then I had a dream that I've had before but with a slight change of the person I was going with. I dreamt everyone of my friends and people at different work places had been invited to a big event in the city, it was to watch a boxing match (which we did watch last night although I didn't really watch it). I was going with a guy called Alex who was just a friend. When we arrived at the pub we got drinks and we was looking around at everyone and talking with each other. People were generally celebrating and having a good night. There were parts in between that were a bit fuzzy. One part I was in the toilet and a girl Charlie was talking to me,she was really close to my face and looking in my eyes, I could tell she wanted to kiss me so I lent forward and we were kissing. She started touching me and I was thinking this felt really good being with her. Another part there was a boundary around the city with a big green field and people were running towards these bouncing things and trying to bounce in the air and over the fences and escape. I think I tried but couldn't make it far enough to get over the fence. I remember when we was leaving, the boys/partners of the girls had already gone downstairs so I grabbed my suitcase and bags and as I walked past all the girls I wished them a happy weekend and hope they had a lovely time. They stopped me and said they felt that my relationship with Matt was one of those were a guy gets a girl way above his level, that he is punching above his weight. That it's one of those relationships where the girl really loves him and loves being with him but that secretly under the surface he doesn't feel the same. It's just like I'm a trophy wife. So I stood on the stairs and said I appreciate that's your opinion and your looking out for me but I don't feel that's true, people change and our relationship has grown in leaps and bounds and is much more authentic as we grow together. Then I walked down the stairs saying goodbye and Dani Dyer, who had been with me in most of the girl group parts, walked down with me to meet her partner and gave me a big hug. Then I woke up.

[Michelle11]

I suspect that you are uncovering your true fears of feeling unworthy by not self medicating and i think that the second dream is a reflection of your inner struggle to maintain sobriety. A boxing match can symbolize an inner conflict or battle of some sort. You have a tendency to want to protect yourself (alex means protector of mankind). So you may engage in substance abuse so that you can feel strong (charlie means manly) because you worry if you embrace sobriety you will feel judged (dani means god is my judge and dryer can symbolize sobriety drying out). Your instinct is to bounce out of bad feelings by self medicating so you can avoid feeling judged. But if you let God do the judging instead of letting yourself feel judged by other humans you would feel good about yourself not bad. Turn to spirit and your soul for your worth not humans and you may be able to get past feeling the need to self medicate these feelings of unworthiness. They were born in you from other humans, not God and therefore are likely not based in truth because they were put upon you by confused humans who do not understand unconditional love. See yourself as spirit sees you not as other humans see you and the inner conflict will end.

[Ladyrose92]

Yes that's what it felt like to me. I was shocked how sad I felt about it but I guess it's my true feelings that I've blocked out in the past. I thought about what you said and I asked God what judgements he/she has about me and I just heard that basically at this point in my life I don't do anything wrong in Gods eyes, that I don't do anything to hurt anyone etc the only thing is judging but I know when I'm doing that too so I just need to learn what you have said, not judging myself based on human standards. It is peaceful imagining how God views me although I feel a bit confused but I'll keep going with it. I had another dream this morning, I guess it's based on similar insecurities

I Dreamt Matt was in bed. I was in the living room and every time I came in to him, he quickly put his phone down and was looking at saucy pictures of other women. There were ones were women were biting their lips and ones in their underwear with big boobs. I was upset and saying to him why are you looking at these pictures. He didn't think anything was wrong about it. I said to him I can't be with someone that is looking at pictures of other women and he didn't really seem to care that it bothered me or understand why. There was a part where I was in a car with my step dad and brother. My step dad was driving and my brother was using some pedals in the passenger seat to learn to drive as well, I was sitting with my brother and learning how to do it too. We stopped off somewhere it was like a private doctors and a man in there had a false webpage that was sent via email as a scam, I was saying to him that it's wrong and later I received an email from him with a scam email too. Someone gave him my email not sure if it was Matt or my dad/brother. I deleted it and that's all I remember.

Also I had an awful migraine last night, I was meant to go for a job interview today but as I couldn't sleep I didn't go. I was crying with frustration that i couldn't sleep and asking why I have a migraine. I don't know if this sort of thing can be done to stop me going to the interview? I realised last night that the starting salary wasn't much more than what I earn now, but with an hours travel and the costs I Would earn less. I was willing to go anyway then I got this killer migraine. My ears hurt, all round the back of my head. Is it's just a coincidence? I had an awful migraine last Sunday night and didn't go to work last week for a few days as I felt so awful. Luckily I had today booked off otherwise I would of had to go into work despite feeling exhausted. I hope it doesn't all mess up as I feel like my life will fall apart if I give into how I feel.