being tested whilst single????

Uno what, i just realised i dont even know if im single or not lol I dont even know when we became 'a couple' , dont know if we ever was was. Dont know if we are now hahah

Anyway, im his woman. whatever way you look at it. I tried to 'have a bit of fun' during the time when he was in a relationship. Though theres no point waiting around for him to reject me so I had a one off. Was the thing that made me realise...I'm stuck with this guy no matter what. I used to be such a 'man's-lady (female version of a ladies man ) could and probably still can get any man i wanted with my scorpio charm . Just dont want to anymore. I dont have to even try to control myself . Just havent got the urge.

Mystical "i didnt wnat to commit to anyone because it wouldnt of been fair" I said EXACTLY that sentence to him a little while ago. I said its not fair being with someone else whilst thinking of him and its not fair, when I could allow this person to find HIS true partner in a woamn who is obviously not me.


I wanted to ask. Do you all think this is whole not feeling like your able to be with others in the same way as before the connection is harder on the male side of things?I mean i was able to let go of that lifestyle easily but do you think its harder for this masculine side to deal with wanting to be with just one person?

[mystical]

[quote=Lilstar07]Uno what, i just realised i dont even know if im single or not lol I dont even know when we became 'a couple' , dont know if we ever was was. Dont know if we are now hahah

Anyway, im his woman. whatever way you look at it. I tried to 'have a bit of fun' during the time when he was in a relationship. Though theres no point waiting around for him to reject me so I had a one off. Was the thing that made me realise...I'm stuck with this guy no matter what. I used to be such a 'man's-lady (female version of a ladies man ) could and probably still can get any man i wanted with my scorpio charm . Just dont want to anymore. I dont have to even try to control myself . Just havent got the urge.

Mystical "i didnt wnat to commit to anyone because it wouldnt of been fair" I said EXACTLY that sentence to him a little while ago. I said its not fair being with someone else whilst thinking of him and its not fair, when I could allow this person to find HIS true partner in a woamn who is obviously not me.


I wanted to ask. Do you all think this is whole not feeling like your able to be with others in the same way as before the connection is harder on the male side of things?I mean i was able to let go of that lifestyle easily but do you think its harder for this masculine side to deal with wanting to be with just one person?[/quote

i reckon we couldve been twins ourself in a past life lil star lolol

I dont even know when we became 'a couple' , dont know if we ever was Dont know if we are now hahah . my twin said this to me after we reconnected again lol


i use to be a charmer myself but i guess i met my match in my twin lol but i always say hes my man cos its true he is MINE and im HIS always but yeah same for me i just cnat be bothered anymore , i use to have a laugh with men online was only a laugh but then he came along and he was different made me see now i was selling myself short and letting myself down cos i had alot to actually offer not just a bit of a laugh n i deserved more also ...

Originally Posted by Lilstar07

Uno what, i just realised i dont even know if im single or not lol I dont even know when we became 'a couple' , dont know if we ever was was. Dont know if we are now hahah

Anyway, im his woman. whatever way you look at it. I tried to 'have a bit of fun' during the time when he was in a relationship. Though theres no point waiting around for him to reject me so I had a one off. Was the thing that made me realise...I'm stuck with this guy no matter what. I used to be such a 'man's-lady (female version of a ladies man ) could and probably still can get any man i wanted with my scorpio charm . Just dont want to anymore. I dont have to even try to control myself . Just havent got the urge.

Mystical "i didnt wnat to commit to anyone because it wouldnt of been fair" I said EXACTLY that sentence to him a little while ago. I said its not fair being with someone else whilst thinking of him and its not fair, when I could allow this person to find HIS true partner in a woamn who is obviously not me.


I wanted to ask. Do you all think this is whole not feeling like your able to be with others in the same way as before the connection is harder on the male side of things?I mean i was able to let go of that lifestyle easily but do you think its harder for this masculine side to deal with wanting to be with just one person?

well to be frank, i have never really been a ladies man as such, when i was younger, I did date and what not, but mainly sought an emotional connection with someone, rather than just a pure physical thing, though there was obviously some of that too when i was a teenager but I still always sought rapport with girls

I experienced tons of rejection from women, throughout my life so i guess this is nothing new and have also had girls who liked me and I didn't feel it and although I did sucumb the other night, it was because a woman in a bar, where I went to after my drunken ceroc disaster, first began chatting with me because I was talking about her and my feelings for her in the bar, and I joined and began chatting

she asked me about her later on that evening, and I started crying, telling her about it, all, relaying how, I had messed things, up even more, and that I still could not bring myself to talk to her, and that I felt she was enjoying seeing me so messed up by it, although she did give me a smile, but it seemed kinda spiteful to me, because my god, I was so drunk and I can't be sure whether it was spiteful or not(first time I had seen her since november 14th and after my email)

I will say that although I had nothing more with a coffee with this girl today, my mind did wander on occassion back to her yet again and i did feel, like, not sure I could pursue it anyways

i do wonder what the tablets have done, though as the only time, I seem to have been able to contemplate someone else is when i have been drunk, and since these tablets, kicked in from 5 week usage

before that time,I was becoming more and more debitilitated with sadness and crying in the toilets at work( sexy, eh)

I am not sure I could honestly date anyone else and if I did, I know I am lying to myself and my soul is gonna remind me

thing is, we aren't involved, tons of misunderstandings, feeling overwhelmed, I am sure she has been on dates( I saw her on one very clearly, out of nowhere)

who am I kidding

without the growth, I could be single at 90 and we will have to roll on the next life

[mystical]

Originally Posted by Dharma Employee

I should say, I did slip up the other day when drunk but that was because the situation was feeling so hopeless, and I was so fed up and upset with it all and what it seems to be doing to my life, without these tablets, though, not sure I could have gone there

it was meaningless but sometimes some affection is a tonic, even if my soul, didn't let it go, throughout the night

yeha i understand this , when my soul mate came bk form the army on a visit he came round to see me i can always be myself with him and he neevr hurt me once in all my life and i have known him since childhood , he was my best friend the obnly one to ever really know me , but when he cmae round i had tabs that night also and i was doing ok , i felt so relaxed with him , until i saw at that moment my twin in his eyes after that everything changed , if i was gonna make it wiht sumone else it would of been him but i couldnt even bring myself to do it , he kept syaing we was perfect for eachother and how natural it was , suddenly i knew thne in my heart i didn tlove him like that not in a way i loved my twin , i cant ever settle for less when i had the best , god gave me my gift my wonderful treasure it is all mine nothing can ever fulfill me as much as that

Originally Posted by mystical

for those who ahve found their twin and are single i ask you , have u ever been tested , ? when i met my twin and we seperated the first time i discovered i was suddenly inundated with offers of dates etc , one day i was on fb , n one man popped up askin me out then after i told him sorry im not interested another popped up , in one hour i had four offers lol, befor ei met my twin i use to be rather flirty and have a laugh with men but suddenly i found i no longer felt that need and it was like i saw right thro them the rose tinted glasses were off and suddenly i was annoyed , i knew these men had a hidden agenda esp as i knwo them rather well and half of them were already in a realtionship but were looking for a bit of fun
but because of my twin i jsut couldnt bring myself to do it , i knew movin on to another was no good for me because i could not offer all of myself , i didnt wnat to commit to anyone because it wouldnt of been fair , yet it seemed as tho the universe set out to test me time and time again , i passed tho lol and gained more respect for myself and my own worth,

how about anyone else ????? have they found meeting another and moving on helped ? did people just appear from nowhere suddenly paying an interest ? did any of u remain true to ur hearts calling?? , i knwo when i did finally move on and meet another before being taking back my kids dad i found altho i smiled it just made me feel even sadder adn made me miss my twin more , what was worse is that i found him to speak like my twin did , he held me in the exact same way , holdin my hair back and staring into my eyes telling me how natural it was to be with me , thsi just totaly freaked me out i learnt my lesson for trying to move on lol it seemd i jsut couldnt ever get away from the twin conection

i can understand ...... hm .. currently with someone I have seen into his soul .... he's defiantly being tested ..... i was being tested ...... the couple days before i realised who he was truly i would menchion my ex who actually dated my twin flame, every time i said his name he'd show up less than a minute later out of nowhere on the street, i kept obsessing over missing him........ when i realised who this guy is in soul and started experiencing his inner emotions and pain, i instantly forgot about my ex ......... it's been 3? days since i last ran into him.... now I'm just currently discovering another soul mate who lives in toronto while a Tibetan Buddhist keeps sending me messages of friendship ? strange.

[mystical]

((((((((((((dharma))))))))))) u said u have been rejected by tons of women , and now u think alison is enjoying having u this way and smiling at u being spiteful , ya know my twin once wrote me a poem and in this poem it was syaing how soon how i was his best girl but soon as the love kicks in the image of me changes and suddenyl im a differrent kind of a girl , the girl who is bad the girl who cna really hurt him , he then sees me the way he sees all the others , its this rejection u need to work on u need to knwo that u are loveable just as u are , and are just as deserving the problem is not with alison its with u ur own insecurities are preventing u from going further xxxx

well yes, but i think you will find, she must have a few too but my god, she can be good at appearing, unaffected by everything, sometimes

but no else pushes my buttons like she does and I guess that is the point

[mystical]

sumtimes we all hide behind oru fears and insecurities , i use to act liek i didnt care or let anyhtuing affetc me until i me tmy twin , thne he reopened me bk up , he thinks im cold , but i aint its just i guess sumtimes ihow i appear i never like to show my hurt alot as it means people know im vulnerable and take advantage

Originally Posted by mystical

i reckon we couldve been twins ourself in a past life lil star lolol

.

lool I know, we just keep matching. I end up thinking 'hold on a minute is she talking about me or her?'

Dharma - Maybe she thinks YOUR being cold to HER right now. Sounds like your trying to escape from her all the time and get her out your mind. Ive been there too, i still do that quite a lot actually but then I realise although its hard at first , it feels good to just let him be there. The other day he said to me that I'm not warm. Hes right and wrong because when I am warm I open up and i end up getting hurt. So when hes around I try to close up in self-protection. I know he feels this whether we are pysically around each other AND when we seperate. Tried to ignore him today and busy myself but got that uneasy fidgity feeling of him trying to get my attention and ended up on this forum.

She doesnt want you to forget her. maybe you should try to let go of this fear and let yourself feel again.

Me too.

Originally Posted by Lilstar07

lool I know, we just keep matching. I end up thinking 'hold on a minute is she talking about me or her?'

Dharma - Maybe she thinks YOUR being cold to HER right now. Sounds like your trying to escape from her all the time and get her out your mind. Ive been there too, i still do that quite a lot actually but then I realise although its hard at first , it feels good to just let him be there. The other day he said to me that I'm not warm. Hes right and wrong because when I am warm I open up and i end up getting hurt. So when hes around I try to close up in self-protection. I know he feels this whether we are pysically around each other AND when we seperate. Tried to ignore him today and busy myself but got that uneasy fidgity feeling of him trying to get my attention and ended up on this forum.

She doesnt want you to forget her. maybe you should try to let go of this fear and let yourself feel again.

Me too.

well although I don't agree with taking them, I am on anti d so they are numbing me a bit, but yes, I think I have been trying to escape, thinking about her and her affect on me and how much I feel for her,

the advice I have been given about the growth required seems kinda impossible at the moment, and i guess that, the bottom line is that I remember all the rejections, I remember her lie and it changes nothing obviously but, I am not grounded in me around her, since september, my energy would just leap around the dance hall and was everywhere except, within me, so I had joyless dances, with I don't know how many girls, occassionally a dance partner, would energise me, but it was always focused on her 95 % of the time, I was there

moonglow in watford on tuesdays is the only time I can now enjoy dancing and even then , certain songs can get me going

and she became more guarded again( there was buch of things that happened from july time that were the most exasperating misunderstandings), and I felt pretty esmaculated everytime I saw her because she has plenty of harnessed fire and i have plenty of leaking, uncontrolled water that this experience has exposed

after last week, turning up drunk, being lectured by the doorman for cursing and seeing her, but not saying a word to her, and leaving within 25mins, I felt such an idiot and an embarassment, the idea of going back to ceroc, makes my stomach churn , because of the chronic idiot this experience seems to be turning me into

I don't feel man enough for her and that is part of the problem