Rich twin v. Poor twin / Permanent Separation? / New Life?

[TXGemini]

Hi All -

Just wanted to touch base, ask some guidance, and maybe make sense in order to move forward.

* As I have stated in previous posts, the more I pray and fast to God for assistance the blessings are answered but are a blessing for my twin rather than me. He's been blessed with a new job and moving next month to another state. I've been praying for at least 4 years to get another job and move and so far nothing. Apparently, a job just fell into his lap.

* Now with him moving to another state, I am hoping that this will be a permanent separation between us. If this is the case, will this event help move this black cloud from my life--get me unstuck professionally and personally? Those that have been in this position, did you get the opportunity to get back on track--find the job of your dreams, find your life partner? Since everything goes right for my twin and everything goes wrong for me. He gets everything he wants, whenever he wants it, no one ever says no to him; whereas, I'm always behind the 8-ball.

* Lastly, if/with your 'twin' gone how did your life change? Did it get better---did everything seem lighter and easier, back to normal? Did the cloud of emotions leave from you so you could sleep better and no longer have to deal with emotional baggage?

When he called and told me that he was leaving, the emotional Gemini side cried that night and the next two nights. It felt like I was losing my parents and brothers all over again---all that same pain came rushing back plus now he would be gone too, a third 'brother'. Then by that third morning the logical Gemini side took over, cemented over the emotions and put a padlock on the door with a sign plastered on saying "it is what it is." Time to move on and don't look back.

I have no plans to reach out or be in contact with him ever. I know he won't take the first step to contact me so I'm safe regarding communication. I wish we had never met.

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

"I have no plans to reach out or be in contact with him ever. I know he won't take the first step to contact me so I'm safe regarding communication. I wish we had never met."

Well, if you do that, won't it be the end of it all? You are in total control of your whole life. It is yours, your path, your choices. If he is hurting you, or his energy is causing your energy to be depleted or harmed, then by all means, break contact and communication - right away and forever. You are on your own special path in this universe. It is prefect and it is yours, no one gets to take it from you are make you deviate from it. If they do, or if they make you hate your path or your life, and make you wish that you never met them, then they are a negative and you must protect yourself from them. Best of all light to you.

[Green.Heals]

I don't know, the twin relationship I just came out of, I couldn't get it together. Having never seen the light at the end of the tunnel, or having it, and not continuing the path...because I get amazing gifts from the Universe, but I quit just when it's about to break through due to exhaustion or questioning my ability, and he no matter the sacrifice, no matter how hard, just kept pushing through, and because of it, is now a free man, has the things he wanted so badly, and in that time of sacrifice, was also turning the mind, and working on his own health, unlike me, I was just so completely mentally unwell.

Do you feel well? Do you feel stable? Have you had any sort of glimpse of something good come YOUR way, and not while watching his? I am just curious, because YOU matter too.

Isn't it a funny thing, when we put so much energy into something, a process of events, even negative - that someone close to us gets everything we want, but not us. I mean in regards to, maybe in the subconscious you were thinking that he was just going to get all the things you wanted anyways, and so he did.

I don't really know to answer you truthfully. What I can say is that, he and I met when we were both literally going though some terrible times, I couldn't get out of mine, and than there were a couple of times, when he was gone (had left the picture) & really AMAZING things happened and came my way, almost as soon as he walked, I was gifted.

Apparently when he was with me, I made his life miserable, and that's just not true, and not fair for the things that were happening in his own life. I'm sure I didn't help, but I didn't make him feel the way he already was feeling. Do you know?

After he "left left"...basically ghosting me, though told me goodbye this time, something else fell into my lap that was solid, but I've lost both already due to depression, and a feeling of discontent.

He, had a very high chance of going to jail, yet I passed him a few weeks back driving - so I guess that didn't happen. & I think, I KNOW that his life will get better, he is strong. I wish he could have seen me or gotten to know me at other times in my life. I don't think we were meant to be together in this life's journey anyways, my guides TRIED to stop it from happening.

I do feel better than I did before, and from where I was a year ago, which is almost the same place, but for him, it is eons away from where he was, and he got to see what he was made out of. I am strong too, but I am exhausted with life atm. I am not saying I, or he, is better because we are no longer together, our paths kept going, as we did, you see..I cannot say whether there is an energetic disruption when true TF's are together or not, because I do not know.

I didn't believe it to be a TF relationship, but because of the uncanniness, possibly.

I think about him all the time. I hope he is doing well, and feeling better, and I do miss him, but I don't wake up crying anymore, and it is getting better.

If you're not where you want to be, go in that direction, perhaps.

That is what I am trying to unfold myself. Remember, you ARE Deserving.

Sending you Love, and Light.

[TXGemini]

I hope things level out now. We have some ideals in common and we resemble (complexion, we could pass for siblings) but we are also opposites. He's an exercise fanatic and I have physical/medical issues. He was very materialistic (exotic vacations, money, house renovations, etc.) when we started communicating and I am very religious/spiritualistic (mass, retreats, prayer, etc.).

It was a shock about the job because he's always been our management's golden employee and I've been in the doghouse for the last few years.

Just tired...of feeling all the emotions. This was never me, I can't even get a good night's sleep without all the crazy dreams, mood swings, feelings popping up.

Maybe once he gets settled in his new job and new state, all this will fade away and everything will go back to normal. I pray it does and I can get focused on finding me a good job.

He says he wants to talk to me before he leaves, but I don't want to talk to him because it just makes all those 'feelings' bubble up---and I've put a lid on them. I want to keep it that way. I plan to stay out of his way, dodge him between now and him leaving.

Just want to go back my old self; I'd be more than grateful.

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

"He says he wants to talk to me before he leaves, but I don't want to talk to him because it just makes all those 'feelings' bubble up---and I've put a lid on them. I want to keep it that way. I plan to stay out of his way, dodge him between now and him leaving."

Be strong. Say - NO! Tell him to move on and take his final words with him, you don't need to hear them. That will be the first STRONG step you can take to get the control of the steering wheel of your life. Then - DRIVE GIRL!! It is YOUR road, you make the choices and you call the shots. Flip that energy to nothing but good. You deserve to live in the sunshine!

[clueless]

TXGemini
you can reset.

I did after 20. It was 20 years overall, and 11 years of separation I spent wanting, hoping, wishing, trying ... whatever you wanna call it to "get him back".

You don't need 20 years I promise you.
But you need time to heal and you are in the process of healing.

I was poor as church mouse and less, isolated, lonely, desperate and worse till April this year. Then I just decided to reset and yes I also used the word to reset, to reset to the state I was before him, to remember who I was before I met him. I met him when I was 24.

It took me more than a year of purging, rage, anger, and expressing that anger to him (via writing to his fb friends since he never dignified me with an answer)
It took me many scary, spiritual experiences.
It took me of a year after that of being calm, reading, watching Abraham Hicks and Teal Swan videos and doing what they said person should do. I couldn't even buy their books, that's how low I was financially. (sometimes I couldn't even buy a meal a day.. that's how hard it was.. but it is over)

My reset started in April this year.

I'm ok. I'm grateful for everything. And in here for everyone who read my posts and answered me ever.

No, I haven't met new person, nor "soul mate", I'm still single and lonely but not at the same way I used to be.


My advice how to reset can be extremely triggering for you and if you feel triggered by any part, then you are not ready yet, but you will be one day.

I was triggered by the words I'm going to write now by many people in here in the time I wasn't ready to "move on" when I registered to this forum until this year.

Here it goes
-stop praying from a desperate place
law of attraction is real, it is not a cult, it is not un-christian, it is real
if you are desperate and praying from desperate place more desperation will follow
so start watching videos about law of attraction

-sit through, then express your anger, rage, jealousy in a safe way,
if you feel compelled to tell him everything I mean everything how do you feel even "it is not fair I'm jealous of your life part" , just do it.
If you cant or not ready then write your rage, anger, jealousy on paper, express your rage in safe way -yell in the woods or in the pillow, cry, punch a pillow or do anything safe physically that is exhausting and a way of expressing your anger

-write NOW gratitude list of things in your life you are grateful for now
but it has to be real, not ironic or fake
If you cant think of anything basic, start with - you are living in the country without war, you have internet connection (even sometimes) your native language is one that you communicate with the whole world.. don't take anything for granted
Also don't fake it (it is you private list) so don't fake by spiritual mambo-jumbo of grateful about him and the experience and blah blah... no you are not there yet, you are purging now...
If you at least have roof on your head and bread to eat, write that down, and the fact that there is food bank you may use it if needed or whatever is the minimum of what you have now.

-ask god, universe,Christ, whatever you wanna call it for help, just ask, in a calm manner, without desperation nor doubt that universe knows what you need and when to deliver that to you

-don't try to control anything
"the need to control life controls you"

-accept that it is ok to be jealous of him and his life
yes, no matter how much you loved him once,no matter what every spiritual teacher says, no matter how being jealous is deemed shameful, just accept that you are jealous of his life

I used to be jealous of people in his life cause they have his time and his presents and I don't and I used to be jealous about the opportunities and distractions he has in his own life and I was poor, isolated and without anything ....

-you being jealous, or angry with him does not mean he wasn't or he isn't your TF , it just means you are human and it is ok to be angry and jealous
(at least those emotions are higher on the emotional scale than being powerless)


In my case, I know that man and I used to share some kind of connection,I know what Ive been thru but I also know that connection dissolved on its own and I'm grateful for it.

I believe it can dissolve and I don't care what others say about it.
I'm just being honest.

I loved that man when we first got in touch, we stared our connection over phone calls back in 1999. I loved that man back in 1999 with pure unconditional love and I know he loved me as well.

However after that year, when life has abrupted our connection I developed lots of need and being needy toward him every time we continued our communication. When we start seeing each other back in 2005 and he asked to borrow and took my money (which he never return) playing hot and cold games with me I developed lots of anger and resentment towards him.
So I'm being honest saying I loved him unconditionally 1999. and felt need, passion, desire, then anger and resentment then finally nothing towards him.


I faced how I felt towards him and discovered that when we were playing hot and cold games (him married so been afraid of letting go control and be mine) I enjoyed those games even though I was in my 30s I was teenager on the inside, I was in love, passionate teenage girl who had her movie romance going out on dates in fancy restaurants, being touchy-feely, walking by the river, being silly etc....
I realized that he was my cooperative component back then since in fact I didn't want real relationship, what we had back then was my substitute for real adult mature thoughtful relationship.

Then I realized that nowadays I don't want that anymore. I'm over it. I would like partner, real partner, not a person whose afraid of his own shadows and who plays hot and cold games with me...
Yeas I wanted real relationship with him and couldn't imagine anybody but him, but now I see it cant be him, and I'm ok with that.

My cooperative component may or may not show up in this life, and I'm ok with that.

There is a possibility that you spiritually "feeding him" with your emotions by being not just focused but feeling desperate and feeling desire to be with him. So you have to stop with that, and you will over time.

In my case connection dissolved when I realized I cant love him unconditionally after him ignoring me.I just cant. That does not mean we are not TF or whatever you wanna call it,it means I'm human and I cant do that, nor I want to do that.

One of my lesson for this life was to know my limits when it comes to love.

For years I was "after him" since I felt both emotionally and spiritually that he was "into me" , that he has feelings towards me.

The cold reality of him ignoring me after he knew how bad my situation was said me that he might loved me once but his fear then his ego overtook that love he used to have for me.

Then I realized I just don't want to be with somebody that doesn't "love me enough", you know what I mean.

If any of my words are triggering you, if you are thinking
"Gee this person is such a cold hearted b, and her story is nothing like mine, and I couldn't ever stop loving my TF....." then you are not ready yet. I was triggered by similar words for years and years...

Maybe you can love him one day, that is not important now, but for now you can reset and you can be happy and prosperous again. You can.

[jro5139]

Hi TXGemini, what I am wondering about and a bit confused about is why you seem to think that your tf is the cause of the lack/negativity in your life? Like if he goes away, you will have some sort of black hole lifted off of you? I'm not trying to be condescending or judgmental, I'm just trying to understand.
Maybe he is just a reminder to you of everything you feel you are not getting? I can understand that, because when I met my twin, it was like he represented everything I didn't have (but things have changed dramatically now due to the circumstances in both our lives).

As far as how to change your life and gain what you want, I cannot give you all the answers, but I can tell you some things that have worked for me...

Before I met my twin, I was desperately trying to find a new job, because I hated the one I had and it barely kept the bills paid in time to not get stuff turned off. Like you, I spent years applying for anything else and could never find anything. I realize now that the reason I never found anything is because the universe had a MUCH better plan in mind for me (I just wasn't able to see it at the time.)
Eventually, I got so fed up I decided to go back to school and finish my degree (just hoping that would help me find any job that paid better and didn't make me hate my life.) Going back to school was something I really did not want to do but if I hadn't done that, I would have never met my twin and probably never had my spiritual awakening.

Incidentally, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, I realize now that at that time, my standards were much too low (just wanting a job that would pay the bills and not make me hate my life was much too low, I can see that now because I am on what I believe to be my "right" path.) I should have been asking and demanding for much more all along, because as a sovereign being, I have the right to it and ability to accomplish it, and so do you.

So I am going to lay out some pivotal things that I did along the way that I feel helped.
First of all, like Clueless said, I had to deal with all of the negative emotions that I had. Namely the anger, which I had a lot of. I had to deal with it until it was gone, and that took a while. I worked on it everyday, just worked on feeling less angry. I would go to bed not feeling angry and wake up angry again and had to deal with it all over again. Eventually, it went away and I realized that I wasn't angry anymore. And like Clueless said, it's not about stuffing it down or denying it, it's about really facing it and dealing with it.

Once my negative emotions were dealt with, I had to learn to be more present and happy in the current moment. This may not be want you want to hear, but when you are waiting for this or that to be happy, you are putting your own happiness on hold. I had to find some happiness in the present moment, even as nasty and unpleasant as it seemed to be. I started to live more in the present and not in the past or future. So and like Clueless said, find some things to be grateful for now and concentrate on what you do have, not on what you don't have.

Now I'd also like to throw in that I had a breaking moment, where I got so fed up with the way things were that I sort of snapped. I demanded (not begged or pleaded mind you, but demanded) that things change. I yelled it out loud for the universe or whoever was listening to hear. I stated that this life was not acceptable and demanded that things were going to change.
What I believe I did, was demand my sovereignty back and took back my own power.
This seems to be a pivotal moment for me. Sure I did not wake up the next day with a perfect job or a million dollars in the bank, but this does seem to be the moment that things really did start to change. I think this is because we have been led to believe that we don't have the right to what we want, we don't deserve it, there isn't enough for everyone or it is selfish of us... none of this is true. The universe is full of abundance and we have the right to have what we need and want.

This leads me to my next point because what I am seeing from you, TXGemini, is a focus on lack and when we focus on lack, like Clueless said, we seem to receive more lack. But also, the begging and pleading with God doesn't work. It's about praying in a way that is empowering and assuming that we can have what we want and it is already there for the taking. And maybe stop comparing yourself to others. For one thing, appearances are usually deceiving and it's no good for your mental health. Just focus on yourself and own life, not on what other people appear to have that you want.

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

Originally Posted by clueless

TXGemini
you can reset.

I did after 20. It was 20 years overall, and 11 years of separation I spent wanting, hoping, wishing, trying ... whatever you wanna call it to "get him back".

You don't need 20 years I promise you.
But you need time to heal and you are in the process of healing.

I was poor as church mouse and less, isolated, lonely, desperate and worse till April this year. Then I just decided to reset and yes I also used the word to reset, to reset to the state I was before him, to remember who I was before I met him. I met him when I was 24.

It took me more than a year of purging, rage, anger, and expressing that anger to him (via writing to his fb friends since he never dignified me with an answer)
It took me many scary, spiritual experiences.
It took me of a year after that of being calm, reading, watching Abraham Hicks and Teal Swan videos and doing what they said person should do. I couldn't even buy their books, that's how low I was financially. (sometimes I couldn't even buy a meal a day.. that's how hard it was.. but it is over)

My reset started in April this year.

I'm ok. I'm grateful for everything. And in here for everyone who read my posts and answered me ever.

No, I haven't met new person, nor "soul mate", I'm still single and lonely but not at the same way I used to be.


My advice how to reset can be extremely triggering for you and if you feel triggered by any part, then you are not ready yet, but you will be one day.

I was triggered by the words I'm going to write now by many people in here in the time I wasn't ready to "move on" when I registered to this forum until this year.

Here it goes
-stop praying from a desperate place
law of attraction is real, it is not a cult, it is not un-christian, it is real
if you are desperate and praying from desperate place more desperation will follow
so start watching videos about law of attraction

-sit through, then express your anger, rage, jealousy in a safe way,
if you feel compelled to tell him everything I mean everything how do you feel even "it is not fair I'm jealous of your life part" , just do it.
If you cant or not ready then write your rage, anger, jealousy on paper, express your rage in safe way -yell in the woods or in the pillow, cry, punch a pillow or do anything safe physically that is exhausting and a way of expressing your anger

-write NOW gratitude list of things in your life you are grateful for now
but it has to be real, not ironic or fake
If you cant think of anything basic, start with - you are living in the country without war, you have internet connection (even sometimes) your native language is one that you communicate with the whole world.. don't take anything for granted
Also don't fake it (it is you private list) so don't fake by spiritual mambo-jumbo of grateful about him and the experience and blah blah... no you are not there yet, you are purging now...
If you at least have roof on your head and bread to eat, write that down, and the fact that there is food bank you may use it if needed or whatever is the minimum of what you have now.

-ask god, universe,Christ, whatever you wanna call it for help, just ask, in a calm manner, without desperation nor doubt that universe knows what you need and when to deliver that to you

-don't try to control anything
"the need to control life controls you"

-accept that it is ok to be jealous of him and his life
yes, no matter how much you loved him once,no matter what every spiritual teacher says, no matter how being jealous is deemed shameful, just accept that you are jealous of his life

I used to be jealous of people in his life cause they have his time and his presents and I don't and I used to be jealous about the opportunities and distractions he has in his own life and I was poor, isolated and without anything ....

-you being jealous, or angry with him does not mean he wasn't or he isn't your TF , it just means you are human and it is ok to be angry and jealous
(at least those emotions are higher on the emotional scale than being powerless)


In my case, I know that man and I used to share some kind of connection,I know what Ive been thru but I also know that connection dissolved on its own and I'm grateful for it.

I believe it can dissolve and I don't care what others say about it.
I'm just being honest.

I loved that man when we first got in touch, we stared our connection over phone calls back in 1999. I loved that man back in 1999 with pure unconditional love and I know he loved me as well.

However after that year, when life has abrupted our connection I developed lots of need and being needy toward him every time we continued our communication. When we start seeing each other back in 2005 and he asked to borrow and took my money (which he never return) playing hot and cold games with me I developed lots of anger and resentment towards him.
So I'm being honest saying I loved him unconditionally 1999. and felt need, passion, desire, then anger and resentment then finally nothing towards him.


I faced how I felt towards him and discovered that when we were playing hot and cold games (him married so been afraid of letting go control and be mine) I enjoyed those games even though I was in my 30s I was teenager on the inside, I was in love, passionate teenage girl who had her movie romance going out on dates in fancy restaurants, being touchy-feely, walking by the river, being silly etc....
I realized that he was my cooperative component back then since in fact I didn't want real relationship, what we had back then was my substitute for real adult mature thoughtful relationship.

Then I realized that nowadays I don't want that anymore. I'm over it. I would like partner, real partner, not a person whose afraid of his own shadows and who plays hot and cold games with me...
Yeas I wanted real relationship with him and couldn't imagine anybody but him, but now I see it cant be him, and I'm ok with that.

My cooperative component may or may not show up in this life, and I'm ok with that.

There is a possibility that you spiritually "feeding him" with your emotions by being not just focused but feeling desperate and feeling desire to be with him. So you have to stop with that, and you will over time.

In my case connection dissolved when I realized I cant love him unconditionally after him ignoring me.I just cant. That does not mean we are not TF or whatever you wanna call it,it means I'm human and I cant do that, nor I want to do that.

One of my lesson for this life was to know my limits when it comes to love.

For years I was "after him" since I felt both emotionally and spiritually that he was "into me" , that he has feelings towards me.

The cold reality of him ignoring me after he knew how bad my situation was said me that he might loved me once but his fear then his ego overtook that love he used to have for me.

Then I realized I just don't want to be with somebody that doesn't "love me enough", you know what I mean.

If any of my words are triggering you, if you are thinking
"Gee this person is such a cold hearted b, and her story is nothing like mine, and I couldn't ever stop loving my TF....." then you are not ready yet. I was triggered by similar words for years and years...

Maybe you can love him one day, that is not important now, but for now you can reset and you can be happy and prosperous again. You can.

Clueless your whole post is brilliant. I WISH I had you giving me advice when I was in my 20's. What a gift these words are!

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

Originally Posted by clueless

TXGemini
you can reset.

I did after 20. It was 20 years overall, and 11 years of separation I spent wanting, hoping, wishing, trying ... whatever you wanna call it to "get him back".

You don't need 20 years I promise you.
But you need time to heal and you are in the process of healing.

I was poor as church mouse and less, isolated, lonely, desperate and worse till April this year. Then I just decided to reset and yes I also used the word to reset, to reset to the state I was before him, to remember who I was before I met him. I met him when I was 24.

It took me more than a year of purging, rage, anger, and expressing that anger to him (via writing to his fb friends since he never dignified me with an answer)
It took me many scary, spiritual experiences.
It took me of a year after that of being calm, reading, watching Abraham Hicks and Teal Swan videos and doing what they said person should do. I couldn't even buy their books, that's how low I was financially. (sometimes I couldn't even buy a meal a day.. that's how hard it was.. but it is over)

My reset started in April this year.

I'm ok. I'm grateful for everything. And in here for everyone who read my posts and answered me ever.

No, I haven't met new person, nor "soul mate", I'm still single and lonely but not at the same way I used to be.


My advice how to reset can be extremely triggering for you and if you feel triggered by any part, then you are not ready yet, but you will be one day.

I was triggered by the words I'm going to write now by many people in here in the time I wasn't ready to "move on" when I registered to this forum until this year.

Here it goes
-stop praying from a desperate place
law of attraction is real, it is not a cult, it is not un-christian, it is real
if you are desperate and praying from desperate place more desperation will follow
so start watching videos about law of attraction

-sit through, then express your anger, rage, jealousy in a safe way,
if you feel compelled to tell him everything I mean everything how do you feel even "it is not fair I'm jealous of your life part" , just do it.
If you cant or not ready then write your rage, anger, jealousy on paper, express your rage in safe way -yell in the woods or in the pillow, cry, punch a pillow or do anything safe physically that is exhausting and a way of expressing your anger

-write NOW gratitude list of things in your life you are grateful for now
but it has to be real, not ironic or fake
If you cant think of anything basic, start with - you are living in the country without war, you have internet connection (even sometimes) your native language is one that you communicate with the whole world.. don't take anything for granted
Also don't fake it (it is you private list) so don't fake by spiritual mambo-jumbo of grateful about him and the experience and blah blah... no you are not there yet, you are purging now...
If you at least have roof on your head and bread to eat, write that down, and the fact that there is food bank you may use it if needed or whatever is the minimum of what you have now.

-ask god, universe,Christ, whatever you wanna call it for help, just ask, in a calm manner, without desperation nor doubt that universe knows what you need and when to deliver that to you

-don't try to control anything
"the need to control life controls you"

-accept that it is ok to be jealous of him and his life
yes, no matter how much you loved him once,no matter what every spiritual teacher says, no matter how being jealous is deemed shameful, just accept that you are jealous of his life

I used to be jealous of people in his life cause they have his time and his presents and I don't and I used to be jealous about the opportunities and distractions he has in his own life and I was poor, isolated and without anything ....

-you being jealous, or angry with him does not mean he wasn't or he isn't your TF , it just means you are human and it is ok to be angry and jealous
(at least those emotions are higher on the emotional scale than being powerless)


In my case, I know that man and I used to share some kind of connection,I know what Ive been thru but I also know that connection dissolved on its own and I'm grateful for it.

I believe it can dissolve and I don't care what others say about it.
I'm just being honest.

I loved that man when we first got in touch, we stared our connection over phone calls back in 1999. I loved that man back in 1999 with pure unconditional love and I know he loved me as well.

However after that year, when life has abrupted our connection I developed lots of need and being needy toward him every time we continued our communication. When we start seeing each other back in 2005 and he asked to borrow and took my money (which he never return) playing hot and cold games with me I developed lots of anger and resentment towards him.
So I'm being honest saying I loved him unconditionally 1999. and felt need, passion, desire, then anger and resentment then finally nothing towards him.


I faced how I felt towards him and discovered that when we were playing hot and cold games (him married so been afraid of letting go control and be mine) I enjoyed those games even though I was in my 30s I was teenager on the inside, I was in love, passionate teenage girl who had her movie romance going out on dates in fancy restaurants, being touchy-feely, walking by the river, being silly etc....
I realized that he was my cooperative component back then since in fact I didn't want real relationship, what we had back then was my substitute for real adult mature thoughtful relationship.

Then I realized that nowadays I don't want that anymore. I'm over it. I would like partner, real partner, not a person whose afraid of his own shadows and who plays hot and cold games with me...
Yeas I wanted real relationship with him and couldn't imagine anybody but him, but now I see it cant be him, and I'm ok with that.

My cooperative component may or may not show up in this life, and I'm ok with that.

There is a possibility that you spiritually "feeding him" with your emotions by being not just focused but feeling desperate and feeling desire to be with him. So you have to stop with that, and you will over time.

In my case connection dissolved when I realized I cant love him unconditionally after him ignoring me.I just cant. That does not mean we are not TF or whatever you wanna call it,it means I'm human and I cant do that, nor I want to do that.

One of my lesson for this life was to know my limits when it comes to love.

For years I was "after him" since I felt both emotionally and spiritually that he was "into me" , that he has feelings towards me.

The cold reality of him ignoring me after he knew how bad my situation was said me that he might loved me once but his fear then his ego overtook that love he used to have for me.

Then I realized I just don't want to be with somebody that doesn't "love me enough", you know what I mean.

If any of my words are triggering you, if you are thinking
"Gee this person is such a cold hearted b, and her story is nothing like mine, and I couldn't ever stop loving my TF....." then you are not ready yet. I was triggered by similar words for years and years...

Maybe you can love him one day, that is not important now, but for now you can reset and you can be happy and prosperous again. You can.

Clueless your whole post is brilliant. I WISH I had you giving me advice when I was in my 20's. What a gift these words are!

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Hi TXGemini, what I am wondering about and a bit confused about is why you seem to think that your tf is the cause of the lack/negativity in your life? Like if he goes away, you will have some sort of black hole lifted off of you? I'm not trying to be condescending or judgmental, I'm just trying to understand.
Maybe he is just a reminder to you of everything you feel you are not getting? I can understand that, because when I met my twin, it was like he represented everything I didn't have (but things have changed dramatically now due to the circumstances in both our lives).

We had a very hard start and he pushed my buttons from the start---I don't know if he had a chip on his shoulder or if it was his way of testing me to see how far he could push me and how far I would push back. I was already having emotional turmoil in my life, but I was still being nice to him yet he kept giving me a patronizing attitude and not providing me much needed information.

When the 'switch was turned on'between us, he was promoted twice and earned the ear of management with all the perks (extended vacations, etc.) while I was given extra work hours without extra pay and I received an oral reprimanded for the first time in all the years I have worked at the company. The reprimanded was because I wasn't my normal bubbly self---basically we were beginning to take on each's personality traits...he was beginning to be more chatty and extroverted like me, and I was beginning to become more introverted and curt in my responses.

This is only my thoughts, I think because we are both strong personalities, I think there's a force between us that even others can physically feel. I think once he is gone all the moodiness I feel will lift, and things will return back to the normal before the switch was turned on.