The Actualisation of Loving-Kindness

[sky]

@7Lumin: If only we could choose our Parents, some say we do but I'm not to sure about that.
Your in a difficult situation and I personally think you are doing the best you can to have a relationship with your Dad even though it is sometimes painful for you. It sounds like he has problems of his own which he hasn't dealt with and because of this he makes the lives of others miserable, if he was my Father like you I would love him but definitely not like him.

You might find this article interesting, it explains better than I can why Loving Kindness has to be heartfelt. I wasn't in anyway criticizing you



https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/ayya...ovingkindness/

[Rain95]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

If so (and only if you care to share) -- can you could relate, or do you had some thoughts or insights?

Peace & blessings
7L

You are doing a lot better than me. I just end relationships with toxic people no matter what the relationship is. I do give them a lot of chances though but when certain lines are crossed I'm done. Never speak to them again but it's not like I am angry or anything. It's like a dog bites you on a certain street so you walk on a different one.

If I had to guess, I would say your approach is the more spiritual one. I think it was Eckhart Tolle who said the same thing you did, about how he deals with toxic relatives and people. He understands they are what they are and still maintains relationships with them. He did say however that some times he has to get away or limit how much time he spends with them as "their energy" becomes too much.

I like to say what matters in the end is how much suffering we caused in others or ourselves and how much suffering we eliminated in others or ourselves. If we made our lives and others better or worse by us being here.

The problem is when others harm us....and others we love, yet by ending the relationship with them we harm them. I just put myself and those I am most close to first. But like I said, I think the higher path is one where one can maintain relationships with everybody.

I guess it kind of depends on how bad these people are we are talking about though. I have a bunch of really toxic relatives and to have them in my life would create a lot of bad stuff. I have seen them destroy a lot of others peoples lives.

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Hello there Sky...your response prompted me to reflect further, and to clarify.

"It" is heartfelt but it's the conflation of the meanings of the word that needed my further examination. Is "it" my feelings or is it my intention or engagement? That's what I needed to determine. We can be present and authentic and should not be castigated for what we feel.

But what I feel is precisely where the tension often is with dad. Because of the internal feelings police , an authority which I still encouter directly whenever I visit. Intentions are put upon me for how I should "feel" and which then find me wanting, hahahaha. What a drag

The truth is, it's not so much that I "feel" anything for him, including anything strongly negative. Of course, I do love him and want his best. But as to the feeling, it's generally pretty neutral -- though of course he can say and do some disturbing things. I saw from a very young age that he has his own rather severe limitations and has done (more or less) whatever he could or was able to do. Therefore you meet him where he is at...with great caution and reserve, and with strongly centred ownership and boundaries.

We'll probably never be super close...my brother has said the same and has long felt dad was indifferent, cold, and uncaring. Privately, he doesn't know the worst of it and that's probably a good thing.

I think dad confided in me (rather harshly and cruelly) much more, as a dumping grounds, so conversely I probably have more understanding and compassion for him. On some level, I could not deeply connect to him personally because his cruelty was dehumanising. This approach was ultimately just so impersonal that I wasn't able to deeply engage with him. I realise his "methods" wouldn't necessarily work this way with everyone though, hahaha and many would be viscerally disgusted, appalled, or enraged at his actions.

Over the years, I am not indifferent and much he does can be deeply disturbing, but rather I just accustomed over a lifetime to not being much attached. So I examine myself to be certain I am engaging enough. Despite everything, I have always felt it's important to be there in whatever way we can.

It's heartfelt in its intent an dauthenticity, in other words, and frankly I am proud of the relationship I have maintained with him. But it's not the same "feeling" as I have for others who engage me personally, because that simply is what it is. And so occasionally my posts reflect how my dad sees us (as not adequately awestruck or worshipful), where I feel guilty for not "feeling" more for him and/or where I may be reflecting on the adequacy of my level of engagement -- which are two separate things and I need to remind myself of that, as well.

Peace & blessings
7L

Hi 7
Loving kindness as itself for itself deepens throughthe external reflections. So the more difficult they are, the more you can reflect and often times let go of more you might still be holding onto, if your fighting with yourself over it. Separating another out from there allows you to still be a clear presence of loving kindness which may determine silence as it’s action, non doing as it’s action. The movement from loving kindness from within is felt as you. It moves outwardly aware of others as they are. In my view being this is has no reaction, just aware of the other, seeing it for what it is.

Loving kindness is not a stand alone marker, it’s an inclusiveness of all the core teachings.

If your ‘striving’ for loving kindness, you won’t feel it from clarity.

If you don’t mind me sharing 7, intuitively I feel your striving to be your awareness of how you know you should be, yet until you move back to the basics of entering deeper into your being, to look at why your striving and questioning yourself, as to why it doesn’t arise naturally, you won’t find this as you. Your father is a reflection for you to find it for you first. He will follow on. Sometimes we have to revist to look at what we didn’t receive rather than their behaviours. This is a crucial piece of self love and that loving kindness comes through this space for self. Some food for your thoughts.

[7luminaries]

@7Lumin: If only we could choose our Parents, some say we do but I'm not to sure about that.
Your in a difficult situation and I personally think you are doing the best you can to have a relationship with your Dad even though it is sometimes painful for you. It sounds like he has problems of his own which he hasn't dealt with and because of this he makes the lives of others miserable, if he was my Father like you I would love him but definitely not like him.

You might find this article interesting, it explains better than I can why Loving Kindness has to be heartfelt. I wasn't in anyway criticizing you


https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/ayya...ovingkindness/

Hello Sky123 and thanks for your thoughts.

First let me just say that I don't usually like to spend a whole lot of time focusing everyone on my stuff -- but, we are on this lovingkindness thread to discuss, and it does seem like we are at this time and place in the universe, so there you go.

Also, as we've all just been discussing, it's a rather universal problem, in that quite a few folks have to deal with difficult family...and as I've come to realise, it's so often family that challenge us in this way, or who present a challenge.

So to your post...most recently, I have consciously let go of what I didn't realise was there, by making it visible. I let go some longstanding assumptions that dad is a certain way and may not change in ways we would generally say are positive. Even though I reckon I am right to expect nothing much, it's still freeing to let go the deeper expectation (that he will always disappoint or disturb if I engage or visit for too long.

There is that old saying I've heard about fish and guests stinking in 3 days but its' more like in 1-2 days for dad. And since we generally stay overnight if we go to visit due to the drive, it's tricky Hahaha!

Well...I have also made peace with my conscious perception that heartfelt intent to be and do lovingkindness as being acceptable and even good. Ideal even. I don't think we have to feel a certain way toward a person, as in warm or blissful about them or our relationship with them, to be and do heartfelt lovingkindness for them.

The intent is heartfelt, and that is the main thing, as I see it. It does take you through the steps in the article. Even if we don't feel much for the person himself -- and that is because neutrality is preferred to other things we might have felt if harmed or aggravated.

I did read your article and it was very nice - thank you so much for sharing. It mainly discusses the practice and the doing. It also perhaps suggests it is ideal to be joyful in our heartfelt expression but we know that is not always possible, and that's ok IMO. To me, I think it reasonably affirms my point.

So what do you personally think? What is your position?

Also about choosing your parents, hard to say, I agree. Even if it's so, there may be other reasons than personality for choosing parents. Timing, bodily health, strength, intelligence, etc., which could explain a lot. I will say my folks - particularly my dad - taught me a boatload regarding the iniquity of men and of humanity. As a result, from a very young age I knew temperance, discipline, and negotiation tactics...I don't get angry when others attack, nearly ever, in any situation. I have some built-in distance and some built-in boundaries and I am more clearly able to see that I am and have never been responsible for the behaviour of others.

I feel in a sense we are born knowing so many of these lessons, and yet it seems they continue to be presented and reinforced again in each lifetime, just for good measure. I suppose since I haven't died young this go round, I see how this sort of challenge is ever present. The hope is that some good can come of it, in the end, regardless of outcomes. It being good intent and working to manifest it.

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Rain95

You are doing a lot better than me. I just end relationships with toxic people no matter what the relationship is. I do give them a lot of chances though but when certain lines are crossed I'm done. Never speak to them again but it's not like I am angry or anything. It's like a dog bites you on a certain street so you walk on a different one.

If I had to guess, I would say your approach is the more spiritual one. I think it was Eckhart Tolle who said the same thing you did, about how he deals with toxic relatives and people. He understands they are what they are and still maintains relationships with them. He did say however that some times he has to get away or limit how much time he spends with them as "their energy" becomes too much.

I like to say what matters in the end is how much suffering we caused in others or ourselves and how much suffering we eliminated in others or ourselves. If we made our lives and others better or worse by us being here.

The problem is when others harm us....and others we love, yet by ending the relationship with them we harm them. I just put myself and those I am most close to first. But like I said, I think the higher path is one where one can maintain relationships with everybody.

I guess it kind of depends on how bad these people are we are talking about though. I have a bunch of really toxic relatives and to have them in my life would create a lot of bad stuff. I have seen them destroy a lot of others peoples lives.

Hello Rain...I understand what you're saying. I have minimised or dropped off contact with folks in the past when it seemed like the natural thing to do, or perhaps the best thing to do. Judgment call there. But with my parents, I did use a different standard. Meaning, I have made a point to always maintain a fairly good, even close relationship with them. Not that this was easy. Particularly with my mum, I've got quite close despite her not liking that I was a single mum and really still holding that against me still in some ways. And with dad, we got a fair bit closer when he was sick and he was more keen on reaching out...so we'll see there.

And I have a great relationship with my son - he's a young teen now! But I would also take a lot of stuff in order to maintain a good relationship with him. And likewise, my closest friends, who are "extended" family.

What about you? Do you make some exceptions and take some stuff for any of your fam or closest friends? If so...what is most challenging to your ability to be kind and compassionate?

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Hi 7
Loving kindness as itself for itself deepens throughthe external reflections. So the more difficult they are, the more you can reflect and often times let go of more you might still be holding onto, if your fighting with yourself over it. Separating another out from there allows you to still be a clear presence of loving kindness which may determine silence as it’s action, non doing as it’s action. The movement from loving kindness from within is felt as you. It moves outwardly aware of others as they are. In my view being this is has no reaction, just aware of the other, seeing it for what it is.

Loving kindness is not a stand alone marker, it’s an inclusiveness of all the core teachings.

If your ‘striving’ for loving kindness, you won’t feel it from clarity.

If you don’t mind me sharing 7, intuitively I feel your striving to be your awareness of how you know you should be, yet until you move back to the basics of entering deeper into your being, to look at why your striving and questioning yourself, as to why it doesn’t arise naturally, you won’t find this as you. Your father is a reflection for you to find it for you first. He will follow on. Sometimes we have to revist to look at what we didn’t receive rather than their behaviours. This is a crucial piece of self love and that loving kindness comes through this space for self. Some food for your thoughts.

JustBe, hello there & thanks for your thoughts.
I agree sometimes silence or non-doing is best. Likewise, IMO neutrality is often best as a "feeling".

I also feel that it is probably the only thing that allows me to have a decent relationship with my father. He cannot hear or hold others' feelings where they would point to his behaviour or need to take ownership, so I have rarely if ever gone there. He would get angry and say it's disrespectful. Also, he is easily angered if provoked, and like many men, there would be an implicit threat of force -- though I'm sure if he or anyone ever started yelling, I would simply leave. By simply holding a calm space and being as non-judgmental as possible (though it's not always easy), I allow for dialogue. He was sick for several years more recently, so I also try to keep in mind this may have further altered him somehow.

As to what I wasn't given, those things have always been clear. And you're right, it's absolutely critical to be aware of those and to provide those things for yourself. Mostly, they are things like wisdom, guidance, affirmation, confidence in your own perceptions and decisions. Things I would and do want for myself (and all others) regardless.

It's also true I did not receive love from him that I could recognise or apprehend. This is another insight I sometimes share...it is lacking for you, because it is not resonant with you in any way that you or perhaps most others can receive it. But despite that, it was what the other was able to do. And it is what it is. Dad's idea of love was only this: it was a mum's love or a partner's sexual love. His dad was the kind yet distant one as so many were then. Dads didn't love or engage much. He thus had no use for his own kids because they weren't autonomous adult women who could give him either love &/or sex. I understand something of his severe limitations surrounding love. And I realise that my ability to love much more freely, deeply, and widely is a great spiritual gift.

The more closely we align with spirit and center, the more fully and generously we are able to give and receive love. As we've both said, by being present when we can and engaging when we can, we can hold a space for others to come to their own centres, if they so choose.

What about you? Do you have any thoughts on reflecting on what was not received? It was a good question BTW, and thank you.

Peace & blessings
7L

[sky]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Hello Sky123 and thanks for your thoughts.

First let me just say that I don't usually like to spend a whole lot of time focusing everyone on my stuff -- but, we are on this lovingkindness thread to discuss, and it does seem like we are at this time and place in the universe, so there you go.

Also, as we've all just been discussing, it's a rather universal problem, in that quite a few folks have to deal with difficult family...and as I've come to realise, it's so often family that challenge us in this way, or who present a challenge.

So to your post...most recently, I have consciously let go of what I didn't realise was there, by making it visible. I let go some longstanding assumptions that dad is a certain way and may not change in ways we would generally say are positive. Even though I reckon I am right to expect nothing much, it's still freeing to let go the deeper expectation (that he will always disappoint or disturb if I engage or visit for too long.

There is that old saying I've heard about fish and guests stinking in 3 days but its' more like in 1-2 days for dad. And since we generally stay overnight if we go to visit due to the drive, it's tricky Hahaha!

Well...I have also made peace with my conscious perception that heartfelt intent to be and do lovingkindness as being acceptable and even good. Ideal even. I don't think we have to feel a certain way toward a person, as in warm or blissful about them or our relationship with them, to be and do heartfelt lovingkindness for them.

The intent is heartfelt, and that is the main thing, as I see it. It does take you through the steps in the article. Even if we don't feel much for the person himself -- and that is because neutrality is preferred to other things we might have felt if harmed or aggravated.

I did read your article and it was very nice - thank you so much for sharing. It mainly discusses the practice and the doing. It also perhaps suggests it is ideal to be joyful in our heartfelt expression but we know that is not always possible, and that's ok IMO. To me, I think it reasonably affirms my point.

So what do you personally think? What is your position?

Also about choosing your parents, hard to say, I agree. Even if it's so, there may be other reasons than personality for choosing parents. Timing, bodily health, strength, intelligence, etc., which could explain a lot. I will say my folks - particularly my dad - taught me a boatload regarding the iniquity of men and of humanity. As a result, from a very young age I knew temperance, discipline, and negotiation tactics...I don't get angry when others attack, nearly ever, in any situation. I have some built-in distance and some built-in boundaries and I am more clearly able to see that I am and have never been responsible for the behaviour of others.

I feel in a sense we are born knowing so many of these lessons, and yet it seems they continue to be presented and reinforced again in each lifetime, just for good measure. I suppose since I haven't died young this go round, I see how this sort of challenge is ever present. The hope is that some good can come of it, in the end, regardless of outcomes. It being good intent and working to manifest it.

Peace & blessings
7L

I personally find it very easy to love everyone my weaknesses is liking everyone, some people are hard to like so If possible I don't have much to do with them. I have realized though that some of it is my fault and not always there's. I think we want others to behave as we think is the right way to behave, we expect others to be what we want them to be and that's very judgemental, it's something I am working on

I don't get to attached so it's easy for me to just let go of a relationship that I don't feel comfortable in. It is a very different situation when it involves a Parent, I couldn't just walk away from them but I would definitely limit the amount of time I spend with them if that's possible and while your in their company just try and ignore whatever upsets you unless it gets unbearable, let everything go over your head if you can otherwise it causes pain.

I think from what you're explaining that your doing the best you can, you don't have to like your Dad and you certainly don't have to feel guilty for feeling the way you do.
Did you know that in Buddhism ' Guilt ' doesn't exist....

Try and not get attached to your Dads words/behaviour, he must be in inner turmoil to behave as he does, if he is really nasty then maybe you could explain to him that it's not acceptable and leave until he realises he's hurting your feelings, we have to be there for our Parents but we don't have to allow them to treat us badly. Hope it gets easier for you....

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

JustBe, hello there & thanks for your thoughts.
I agree sometimes silence or non-doing is best. Likewise, IMO neutrality is often best as a "feeling".

I also feel that it is probably the only thing that allows me to have a decent relationship with my father. He cannot hear or hold others' feelings where they would point to his behaviour or need to take ownership, so I have rarely if ever gone there. He would get angry and say it's disrespectful. Also, he is easily angered if provoked, and like many men, there would be an implicit threat of force -- though I'm sure if he or anyone ever started yelling, I would simply leave. By simply holding a calm space and being as non-judgmental as possible (though it's not always easy), I allow for dialogue. He was sick for several years more recently, so I also try to keep in mind this may have further altered him somehow.

As to what I wasn't given, those things have always been clear. And you're right, it's absolutely critical to be aware of those and to provide those things for yourself. Mostly, they are things like wisdom, guidance, affirmation, confidence in your own perceptions and decisions. Things I would and do want for myself (and all others) regardless.

It's also true I did not receive love from him that I could recognise or apprehend. This is another insight I sometimes share...it is lacking for you, because it is not resonant with you in any way that you or perhaps most others can receive it. But despite that, it was what the other was able to do. And it is what it is. Dad's idea of love was only this: it was a mum's love or a partner's sexual love. His dad was the kind yet distant one as so many were then. Dads didn't love or engage much. He thus had no use for his own kids because they weren't autonomous adult women who could give him either love &/or sex. I understand something of his severe limitations surrounding love. And I realise that my ability to love much more freely, deeply, and widely is a great spiritual gift.

The more closely we align with spirit and center, the more fully and generously we are able to give and receive love. As we've both said, by being present when we can and engaging when we can, we can hold a space for others to come to their own centres, if they so choose.

What about you? Do you have any thoughts on reflecting on what was not received? It was a good question BTW, and thank you.

Peace & blessings
7L

Hi again.

Thanks for asking.

I’m in a stage of my process of receiving love in ways I haven’t before. Both personally and interconnected tin the world. I feel loved and supported. Both to myself and one with the greater around me. This seems to be a part of me actualizing my process thus far. The journey back to love (self) is showing me the more open I am in myself in trust to be me the more care and love flows into my world. It’s an open stream in me with dis cernment deeper through listening to the whole shared space. The realisation stage is all about self awareness, the actualisation as I see this becomes what you are and feel more open to your realised self and share this to those in your world. I connect, in life, in love, in spirit matters. For me the realizations are my lived experience. I can look at people as they are, by myself and comfortably let go when I am no longer in reaction, need or fighting in myself with that shared space. I see people as they are, I accept them as they are and I move as myself. Peace with everything in me serves me to connect more openly. I’m not talking intellectual knowing to do the ‘right’ thing, but deep lasting peace and clarity. A real and true feeling of being myself.

My mother and father as my source did their best. I love them both for various ways they cared and supported me. Part of my own journey back to meet myself beyond that earliest foundation, was to open and not be afraid to be loved in ways which was foreign to me. I want to live and actualise my realisations into a lived experience. This takes me deep into a letting go process that gives birth to clarity and a new way of being and living. The actualisation is the reflection of the work done. I take that walk. I open myself to that walk.

Change scares many. The journey leads me. I accept change. I have more choices as I have become this me I am. I’m comfortable in all ways I choose. There is an effortless now and if not I keep working through my process until peace with all choices has been met. I move differently now. I’m in no rush to make changes be. I just move and listen through the process all the while aware, some things happen fast, some things take longer in the face of my life and others lives around me.

I hold an underlying intention that all beings be happy.I move from there. I’ve let go of all judgement against myself, so I’m comfortable moving through relationships without lingering needs to make be. I’m conscious of others where they are and need to be. I get on with my life.

My greatest gift in this journey was to toughen up with deeper inner strength and belief in myself and my life. It’s not my role to be something for another. I just be myself aware and open, connected to those lovely spaces that Buddhism teaches (as my true self) but with awareness not everyone can meet me there. With awareness even family have their own life and process. We walk alone. We walk together.

[7luminaries]

Sky hello there -- thanks for your response.
I think there's actually quite a lot here which really gets to the heart of actualising lovingkindness, for me.

Originally Posted by sky123

I personally find it very easy to love everyone my weaknesses is liking everyone, some people are hard to like so If possible I don't have much to do with them. I have realized though that some of it is my fault and not always there's. I think we want others to behave as we think is the right way to behave, we expect others to be what we want them to be and that's very judgemental, it's something I am working on

I agree. I personally feel it is easy to love humanity, meaning individual folks, in the sense of loving their humanity, their unique being, and their piece of the tapestry. For some the love we experience is more universal, i.e., it's literally the same good we wish for everyone - certainly including those we don't know.

But liking is another matter. And when we get down to the personal level, it can be a bit exhausting to deal with those whom we love but who are not particularly kind or just or honorable or centred on their end. I think that's totally ok. One of the nuggets of wisdom that these traditions teach us is that authentic love is key. But authentic love is doing and being. You don't have to conjure up "liking" or "feeling" a certain way. If you feel it, that's amazing. If you don't, that's ok too and just get on with your doing and being. What a relief

In fact, what I find to be super bizarre is that anything as critical and doing and being kindness and compassion from one's centre should ever be dependent on our fleeting feelings. As in, I'm not feeling it today, so kindness is out the window and you're all going to get a piece of the douchebag a.k.a. numero uno. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be feeling civilised again, who knows? Isn't this basically just the narcissistic 3 yr old at play here?

I don't get to attached so it's easy for me to just let go of a relationship that I don't feel comfortable in. It is a very different situation when it involves a Parent, I couldn't just walk away from them but I would definitely limit the amount of time I spend with them if that's possible and while your in their company just try and ignore whatever upsets you unless it gets unbearable, let everything go over your head if you can otherwise it causes pain.

Yes...that's exactly why I took my dad as case in point...what about those relationships you either can't or strongly prefer not to cut off? Your parents, your children, your extended fam (including your beloved best mates), etc? That's exactly what I'm interested in...the hard cases and how each of us handle those. I do limit time with them, mostly with dad.

I do try to always engage fresh and with enthusiasm, though keeping a steady neutrality on my end. My brother is somewhat more shell-shocked with the sudden turn of events (my dad is now getting into some extremist conspiracy theories...hard to process) and so he does as you describe...tries not to engage too deeply. Yet, as usual, all this is judged so no one gets away with anything (LOL).

I find it's really in these situations where the tyre meets the road.

I think from what you're explaining that your doing the best you can, you don't have to like your Dad and you certainly don't have to feel guilty for feeling the way you do.
Did you know that in Buddhism ' Guilt ' doesn't exist....

Thanks a tonne for that affirmation. I think it's something many need to hear.

I get it's preferred to also like others, esp. one's parents, and that's what always causes guilt, LOL. But when we stress it's acceptable to be in the middle (so as not to veer toward the strongly adverse), so long as your intent is right-aligned, then you can simply enjoy things as they are. That's where I've been for most of my life...but apparently my dad was judging my lack of adulation all my life behind my back, hahaha. He used to mention it to mum and she would make light of it and tell him no worries The thing is, I love him and respect him but the rest is not obligatory...and you've summed it up so well.

Try and not get attached to your Dads words/behaviour, he must be in inner turmoil to behave as he does, if he is really nasty then maybe you could explain to him that it's not acceptable and leave until he realises he's hurting your feelings, we have to be there for our Parents but we don't have to allow them to treat us badly. Hope it gets easier for you....

Sky these are good suggestions and they absolutely would work well with some folks. And thanks so much for the well wishes -- that's very kind of you.

There are folks with whom it's dangerous to reveal your feelings. With whom it's dangerous to express emotion, or to say something upsets you or that you need to leave. These folks (narcissists) don't respect boundaries, they are predatory, and they look for weakness (emotion is assumed to be one, as it points to your underlying humanity and vulnerability) to exploit and attack. At all times, they must be on top, else they will seek to crush you in order to regain their footing. In a sense, it is a supremely impersonal attitude, no matter how they might seek to leverage their personal relationship with you in order to control or dominate or denigrate you. I understand very well that I maintain my own boundaries, my own distance, and my own protection (caveat emptor, LOL) -- and I can always make some neutral response, change the subject, or make some excuse to leave if things got rough.

But in a better world, your honest and authentic approach of sharing is the nore ideal one IMO, and one I have certainly used with others who have a bit more emotional resilience and fortitude, and more capacity to see, accept, love, and respect others as they are.

Have you anything you care to share regarding your own challenges and obstructions to manifesting lovingkindness? Perhaps more on those you've disliked...? If not, no worries.

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Hi again.

Thanks for asking.

I’m in a stage of my process of receiving love in ways I haven’t before. Both personally and interconnected tin the world. I feel loved and supported. Both to myself and one with the greater around me. This seems to be a part of me actualizing my process thus far. The journey back to love (self) is showing me the more open I am in myself in trust to be me the more care and love flows into my world. It’s an open stream in me with dis cernment deeper through listening to the whole shared space. The realisation stage is all about self awareness, the actualisation as I see this becomes what you are and feel more open to your realised self and share this to those in your world. I connect, in life, in love, in spirit matters. For me the realizations are my lived experience. I can look at people as they are, by myself and comfortably let go when I am no longer in reaction, need or fighting in myself with that shared space. I see people as they are, I accept them as they are and I move as myself. Peace with everything in me serves me to connect more openly. I’m not talking intellectual knowing to do the ‘right’ thing, but deep lasting peace and clarity. A real and true feeling of being myself.

My mother and father as my source did their best. I love them both for various ways they cared and supported me. Part of my own journey back to meet myself beyond that earliest foundation, was to open and not be afraid to be loved in ways which was foreign to me. I want to live and actualise my realisations into a lived experience. This takes me deep into a letting go process that gives birth to clarity and a new way of being and living. The actualisation is the reflection of the work done. I take that walk. I open myself to that walk.

JustBe - hello there!
This is a wonderful share of what you've gone through.
It's great to know you're walking your path consciously and to be able to express that to others. I use that metaphor all the time and I get it when folks describe their journey as a just that...a journey, a walk, a travelling.

Change scares many. The journey leads me. I accept change. I have more choices as I have become this me I am. I’m comfortable in all ways I choose. There is an effortless now and if not I keep working through my process until peace with all choices has been met. I move differently now. I’m in no rush to make changes be. I just move and listen through the process all the while aware, some things happen fast, some things take longer in the face of my life and others lives around me.

I don't mind change either. Sometimes change is obvious around us, or we've made some sort of move in our lives. But the most profound change is what's going on inside -- and in a broader sense, what's going on collectively amongst us all.

That change is continuous and never-ending. I'm ok with that too and in fact, it really energises me. The examined life is a source of unending, deep, sublime joy. It's also the source of new illuminations and knowledge regarding myself and What Is. We have to be open to change, to receiving, in order to be present in the moment and to apprehend the grace and wonder that is all round.

I hold an underlying intention that all beings be happy.I move from there. I’ve let go of all judgement against myself, so I’m comfortable moving through relationships without lingering needs to make be. I’m conscious of others where they are and need to be. I get on with my life.

My greatest gift in this journey was to toughen up with deeper inner strength and belief in myself and my life. It’s not my role to be something for another. I just be myself aware and open, connected to those lovely spaces that Buddhism teaches (as my true self) but with awareness not everyone can meet me there. With awareness even family have their own life and process. We walk alone. We walk together.

So JB, have you anything you care to share regarding your own challenges and obstructions to manifesting lovingkindness? Particularly with those situations where you cannot or prefer not to disengage (parents, children, close family & friends). If not, no worries...

Peace & blessings
7L