What is unconditional love?

[Inika]

Love without conditions.

[firstandlast]

Originally Posted by Emm

I think I understand what your saying...so would it be fair to say its more of an awareness of what we are? An expression of our inner self that is always there but hidden under the clutter of our thinking mind?

Actually in the way you worded that, yeah. I mean before conditional and unconditional, what is love? And in two sentences you expressed it's relationship to its self.

Everything is defined or formed in relation to the environment it is in. And here I am talking about something beyond cause and effect as we know it, and is about the nature of self expression. Because like the condition of beliefs and outlooks cause thoughts to form so that it fits within such a state of being. Like water forms to a cup, like plastic into a cup mold, like steel carved and cast and marble chiseled to its refined beauty, everything comes into formation in relation to everything else.

So the matter of love as it pertains to us, is a matter of how we relate to everything. And if unconditional love is a pervasive quality, that by mastering the concept of it even in those terms I condemned, do we allow ourselves to relate in new ways and as base such is useful.. but I will say what such a goal should be for us, and that is the practice and mastery of conditional love, within all conditions so that it is none other than unconditional love as it always has been. Just a higher quality, nor one thing that gets along with everything, but two things who get it on like there ain't no tomorrow.

And if we can cultivate a world view, in which we can create a focused personal conditional love that is intelligent enough to see the highest quality condition of love to be expressed between oneself and any other. Because if the the form of context matters, than the most potent thing we can do is not act out of love that acts to mundane modalities as a rigid existence that performs the same dynamics regardless of the dynamics they are in. Because if we act on love in a conditional way, we are not just acting out of love, but forming it as an aspect of our own self expression.


It is awareness in what we are that will you allow you to see around you, but such would be harmful if we approached it in a matter of some kind of truth, because what is, and what it is in form; is entirely different than that other oh so important quality you mentioned and that is of inner expression. Unless we treat things as they are in their intent to interact with us, then no matter what they are made of, we have already nullified it's existence by treating it different than how it's expressing itself to us as something to relate to, and by doing so not taking in the true causes.

As for what is hidden in our under our thoughts, all I will say is that it is more than you can imagine, different than you suspect, and could only ever be your destiny since you will never be able to pull yourself out of someone else.

[QT Pie]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

It is told to us that if love our Tf, we must love them unconditionally. And this means that they may be happy with whosoever they are. But is this really unconditional love? I believe I love my parents unconditionally. I can even give my life for them. I want them to be happy, no matter what. Same goes for my tf.But I want to live with my parents. If at some point, my parents decide to leave me and run away, I would try to chase them. And if they still don't want to be with me, I would spend the rest of my life in some sorrow because I'd still want to be with them. Now, there is no one who would advice me something like, "Oh. Live your life. Move on. Find a new set of parents." It's obvious that no one would. But when it comes to TF, why do people think it's alright to advice to move on and fall in love with someone else. Does unconditional ask us to stop having the desire to be with someone?

Unconditional love remembers who "others" are to us even in the midst of a turbulent situation. Unconditional love remembers everyday this other person has spent with you it remembers who they are to you. Unconditional love does not allow you to pretend someone has changed before your eyes. I learned this very clearly in my current relationship. I was faced with a situation that my heart did not want to face. And and as we argued I could feel myself trying to turn him into a stranger. Someone I was just now discovering. But unconditional love does not allow this. Unconditional love sees that a situation or happening does not define a human being. And while a situation or development can change the status of who someone is to us as a label it does not change who they are and who they've been for you. For me that is unconditional love. Not needing to change how we feel just because something happened that upset us. Unconditional love is the foundation of every relationship you have and maintain right now. That is every relationship you have with no motive for having it outside of the pure enjoyment of another person.

[RedBasket]

To reach the level of true, unconditional love for a person will, I imagine, shatter the walls that protected and restricted our heart. We will no longer need this layer of protection.

Then with our vital, strong heart, we will be free to expand the targets of our unconditional love to others we know, then others we meet, and ultimately our heart will be open to love all others. Our hearts will never close down again; love will flow in and out effortlessly and unconsciously, like breathing.

That is one of the reasons it is important to hang in there with these tough TF journeys.

[username4this]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

It is told to us that if love our Tf, we must love them unconditionally. And this means that they may be happy with whosoever they are. But is this really unconditional love? I believe I love my parents unconditionally. I can even give my life for them. I want them to be happy, no matter what. Same goes for my tf.But I want to live with my parents. If at some point, my parents decide to leave me and run away, I would try to chase them. And if they still don't want to be with me, I would spend the rest of my life in some sorrow because I'd still want to be with them. Now, there is no one who would advice me something like, "Oh. Live your life. Move on. Find a new set of parents." It's obvious that no one would. But when it comes to TF, why do people think it's alright to advice to move on and fall in love with someone else. Does unconditional ask us to stop having the desire to be with someone?

I understand where from your question is coming :)
I asked that myself a lot.

Psychologically they say unconditional love is love towards offspring.
But, we are not talking about it now.

What people on TF sites are talking about as -unconditional love- is just a way to circumvent their clients frustrations with their readings, healing or whatever they call it. xD
"In order to reunite with your TF you have to love him unconditionally"
"But he is with another women now, Im sad, Im angry"
"Well, it is your fault, if you loved him unconditionally he would be back. Bye. Thank you for you cash"
Ka-ching. Next.

Ok, let us take a step back.
People who are experiencing TF phenomenon they already love their TF.
We dont need anybody to tell us to love TF, we already do. If we dont love them we wouldn't be here, and on those stupid TF sites too.
On top the fact that we love them we yearn for them, their presence in our lives, yearn to be with them, and more so we yearn to know that they will be connected with us thru our lives.


Now, TF sites and experts make us questioning our love sine they say we shouldn't yearn for them. But to me that sounds silly since if we dont yearn for them in the 1st place we wouldnt be on TF sites, does this makes any sense?

When I first met my TF, (was 24 he was 42, and married) we stayed in continuously five times a week couple of hours a day contact mostly by phone. From the day one, my heart was pounding with love, I felt amazing just knowing that he exists, that I just met him - I felt so much love - this specific feeling our dear friends on spiritual forums call unconditional love. Why I call it unconditional love back then, since
I was too young and too conservative to expect anything more than us two to be friends since we just met couple of months ago and he was married -
So in that time frame, I loved him with my whole heart and I was absolutely positively happy just for the fact that I met him and that I know of his existence.
I didnt expect anything back from him, I remember that feeling of me being out of this world happy and full of love towards him not for a second thinking in that time, he is that very moment next to his wife and they are doing this or that etc.
It was a strange feeling just being happy and loving a person loving just for the fact that this person exist.

But, then, something external happened that had us to cut contact (I wont go into details but it wasn't his or my will to do so) ... - that was the first time I felt like the world is gonna end. I couldn't take the amount of pain for us two to be separated ... the pain of us to being separated was unbelievable...
Long story short, we end up being in touch again after a while, but this experience taught me that I actually want him to be near me, want his presence in my life as friend (if I cant have more- that is what I was thinking back then). The trauma of us being apart and lost touch was ... I cant describe that pain...

I was miserable, resentful towards world, god, universe, other people, I was sad I was many things back then.... and of course I still loved him, but I also wanted him in my life... and according to TF sites that would make me a bad TF, bad person, person who doesn't have unconditional love and all that stuff they are saying ...

Im trying to say, that even though we love them, we are allowed to yearn for their presence in our lives without being marked as a less of a spiritual being by not loving them unconditionally.

For me, as the time passed by and as our relationship progress both for the better and for worse, I had more and more things adding to what I was expecting and I don't think it is a bad thing.
It is one thing to expect as you are young lady just get to know a guy for a couple of months, it is another thing to expect when you are dating for a while, or you are being friends for a while.
As TF relationship be it friendly or loved one progress it is ok to expect different things, and for us to be told on those sites that we have to love unconditionally is just ridiculous.

Now, after years of separation and mutual pain and feeling hurt after something we both done to each other , I love him, but I also feel sad and desperate and miserable for him ignoring me after all those years.
When I wake up in the morning feeling sad that yet another day Im gonna spend without his presence - that doesnt mean I dont love him, it just means that my feelings of love are layered with a sorrow or disappointment...
I couldn't stop love him all those years, but there are days when my love is layered, as a bottom layer of a cake, with a feeling of disappointment or sorrow or anger or wondering or any other feeling... The cake is still there - my love toward him as a cake - but there is a more layers, there is a chocolate part and fruit part and lots of frosting and then some more - you know ...


TF sites are trowing this phrase "unconditional love" since they know how hard is for us to say that we love them enough that we can bear the fact that they are making passionate love to their new partners right now (for example).

But then, there are others, non-TF profiteers, there are other well spirited, amazing, spiritual people, like some of our friends on this site, who have experienced unconditional love towards other people BUT who haven't had TF experience. I appreciate them but you cannot put equality sign between unconditional love towards mankind and a TF experience. Because having unconditional love towards mankind in general is not the same as having this specific type of love towards your TF.

You can absolutely love unconditionally other people, anybody and everybody, you can loved them so much that you never want to see them, hear them or know about them - lol - you know what I mean.
You can say I love every human being on this planet Earth even though I dont wanna know who he/she is, I dont want to be in their vicinity nor to know anything about them but I love them - you can do that, but that is not the same as TF love.

[jro5139]

I don't think that unconditional love means that you can't yearn for them to be in your life more because, in reality, we can't control our yearnings or feelings. I think it means acceptance. So it means accepting that they are not there and loving them anyway. Unconditional love means loving another and accepting what they do, who they are and how they treat you (even if it's poorly) and loving them no matter what. Notice I said loving them and accepting it, NOT putting up with it. What I mean is you can love someone while at the same time deciding not to allow them to treat you bad. Sometimes that may mean you have to cut a toxic person out of your life, but that doesn't mean you can't still love them. You can love them from a far but not have contact with them.
Username4this, it is interesting that you stated tf love is different. What is the difference really? The fact that you want to be with them, while people you pass on the street you don't? The fact that you have romantic feelings for them? The fact that this type of love gets layered with other emotions?
It doesn't have to be a romantic feeling for a relationship to get layered with emotions, that happens in all interactions. Friends can disappoint too and you have emotions towards them such as anger, frustration, disappointment and yet, you can still love them if you are spiritually advanced enough to do so. Even strangers can cause anger and frustration and it can be even more of a challenge to love them anyway since you have no bond with them and your only interaction with them may be negative. The challenge then, is to learn to love everyone unconditionally (no matter what your interaction with them has been). That involves and takes acceptance and forgiveness, so I think, you cannot experience unconditional love without those 2 things.

To OP, I see your point. I used to think the only people I could love unconditionally were my kids because those are the only people I would put up with absolutely anything from and still accept them, but that was before I had these revelations about unconditional love. I think that when people tell you to move on, they have good intentions because they don't want to see you hurt anymore so they think if you find someone else it will heal you. But you are the only one that can heal you, another person is just a distraction. Many many people just move from relationship to relationship without ever understanding themselves. To truly be "healed" you have to be comfortable with yourself, inside and out. Our society will tell you different because our society puts a high importance on having a relationship and looks down on or pities those that are alone.

Also, as far as psychics go, it is natural when you are confused to look to others to help find answers, however, ultimately we are meant to learn to look inside, as we do in fact, have all the answers ourselves.

[ShootingStar]

I can't define it exactly, but I know I felt it for the first time in my life when I met TF. It is selfless and all-encompassing.

Yet I still had selfish egoic love, wanting her to be with me, at the same time.

The two are quite separate dynamics, but both using the word "love" which probably causes so much confusion.

[intj123]

Unconditional love, to me, is when we can handle a person at their best AND worst. I stress that worst part, because you have to love ALL of them.

Thanks Impulsv, you inspired me to articulate what unconditional love means to me.

[firstandlast]

I will be sincere in that, I consider our ideas of love to be that phantom that keeps us from it (and so to any theory on relationships that we uphold as the relationships themselves); that every single ideal and virtue, noble in intentions; to be those things that are quite obviously not what we make of them--

If love was a powerful force on this planet, than we must truly come to grips that those blissful moments of love existent all over, are not even a mere shiver of the potency of it; love as such a low quality of expression, that our hearts would shatter with glee if we should we meet something slightly finer in quality--

If the ideals we raise up high, do not sustain the existence with those ideals; and yet, so many people are trying to.. than we must assume that which we raised our emblems, were not directly expressive enough of the qualities as to only bring about the darkness as much as we try to act as light--

I mean, really; I am not even here to talk about these things as ideas-- To be honest I couldn't tell you if I had any love for anyone; that's really not my concern if we all have love for each other.. nor do I consider any viable solution to life to be one of a commonly held idea that must be insisted upon--
Any time I consider what this world needs; the nature of the solution will not be to convince people that the one way there is, is so limited to be only one way in expression; If I have love, it is because those solutions I would use would only support the whole as it is; if I change the context of the situation I change the form of the response and interaction, and in that I hold more power to wield someone to work in accordance of our will than my own-- I simply act in a way that only allows the outcome I desire, but for the highest quality it must be allowed to move in a way where each person came to the choices they made in it on their own as to lead then to their own highest results of the interaction-- I cannot depend on people doing what I want, but I can create a situation where people will do what they want, and in such a way where everyone gets some form of it expressed--

I went off track, I guess none of that matters--

I really don't see any of these things in conceptual terms though; more like I use conceptual terms to caress the relations involved as to peer deeper at the nature of the situation, rather than the concept in philosophy--

[username4this]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Notice I said loving them and accepting it, NOT putting up with it. What I mean is you can love someone while at the same time deciding not to allow them to treat you bad. Sometimes that may mean you have to cut a toxic person out of your life, but that doesn't mean you can't still love them. You can love them from a far but not have contact with them.

Well I will be honest, I dont feel this way. Im sorry :(
This may be the way person can love their offspring but Im not anybody parent and I dont have to do that :)
I mean, I cant love a person if a person treats me bad or if I really, truly see this person as a toxic to me.
Now you may say -but ignoring is also treating you bad- but I dont see this that way.
Im sorry if this sounds confusing but that's how I feel.
If would my TF (suddenly, magically lol I know that's impossible) but if he would show up and start treating me bad, abusive in any way - that would be it. I just couldnt love a person who whould treat me bad. I could be sorry for that person and for the whole thing, but I couldn't get in here and say :
"I love X even though he is toxic and abusive"
I just couldn't.
For example I had this cousin who was alcoholic and was verbal abusive and loud and mean when drunk and stuff like that, I know he was suffering and he didnt mean those stuff, but I couldn't love him - I felt sorry for him and sorry for the anybody whos around him, but it would be a lie if I would say "I loved him".
That is just an example. Things I felt towards that person was feeling sorry as a fellow human being, but that wasn't love.

(Now, I can imagine that "loving but cutting away toxic person" is something parents can feel towards their kids ---that is unconditional love---. I guess people who have kids, parents, or cousins who are abusive drug addicts, murderers, psychopaths and whatnot... - they can say I love that person but I have to cut it away from my life - but that is a different story )

I just dont have this type of experiences personally nor I can say "I love you but Ill have to cut you away from my life" . For me is either I love you and want you in my life (as a friend, cousin, coworker whatever our relationship is) or "I just dont love you and I wish you the best but I dont love you".

I wouldn't call love for me, in my own life, (so Im just talking about me :) ) the feeling I have if I dont want this person in my life.
Ok, Ill give more examples, I had this friend and I felt like she wasnt there when I needed her and that's a long story (in a way I feel she was a toxic person ) and once when I realized our friendship is over - it was over. I dont want her in my life, and I dont love her. I wish her the best, I feel sorry for her, I feel disappointed and sad that she turned out to be that way. But that is just not love. I dont love her at all nor in a way I love my TF :)

So Ill admit at this point, maybe Im screwed up, or whatever, but I just dont live by the concept "I love you but I dont want you in my life". Hard for me to imagine real life situations IN my life to live by this rule
I can imagine it is for other people in some really bad scenarios but not for me.

Username4this, it is interesting that you stated tf love is different. What is the difference really? The fact that you want to be with them, while people you pass on the street you don't? The fact that you have romantic feelings for them? The fact that this type of love gets layered with other emotions?
It doesn't have to be a romantic feeling for a relationship to get layered with emotions, that happens in all interactions. Friends can disappoint too and you have emotions towards them such as anger, frustration, disappointment and yet, you can still love them if you are spiritually advanced enough to do so. Even strangers can cause anger and frustration and it can be even more of a challenge to love them anyway since you have no bond with them and your only interaction with them may be negative. The challenge then, is to learn to love everyone unconditionally (no matter what your interaction with them has been). That involves and takes acceptance and forgiveness, so I think, you cannot experience unconditional love without those 2 things.

Well I would say the difference is that it is really hard for TF to not yearn and it seams like this is the main thing TF
sites experts are telling us to do. Not yearn, not expect anything (no call, no word, no emotions blahblah ...you know all that).
What Im trying to say is that TF experience is really intense and people who haven't felt that in their own skin tend to talk about it
as it is something that is easy to do.
As I told you I cannot imagine in my right mind to cut all contact from somebody and still claim I love them, unless it is some kind of disastrous scenario (person being so sick not liable for their actions or something like that )
Otherwise not wanting anything to do with somebody and still love them it is a strange concept to me. :)
And now imagine how hurtful and weird it sounds when TF expert says "you dont love him unconditionally so you cant have him"

Also, as I said in a previous post, in a way, it easier to love mankind in general than a specific human being.
This type of love "I love you so that I dont want to know anything about you, never too see or hear about you" - in a way is kinda easy to achieve.

I personally dont want to love everybody - and Im not ashamed to admit it lol
I dont feel that we are here on this planet to literally love everybody. And when I say LOVE I mean LOVE, with a capital L.
That type of loving everybody all the time is just too high up there and it is god-like quality I just dont have nor want to have to be honest.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"-----that on the other hand, is my motto and something Im passionate about and I want to live by this rule (and I feel like I do live by this rule)
I want to be more emphatic, compassionate towards mankind yeah - but do I love each and every person? NO. Do I want to reach up high that level to love everybody? NO
Do I want to do justice to others with whom Im in personal contact, yeah I do :)

But to say that I love others the same way I love my TF that would be ridiculous.
I love him in a way I never loved anybody else, his existence in this world makes me happy despite all that happened between us.
I love friends in a friendly way, I love parents in a way you love parents, I appreciate strangers on the street as a fellow humans but I dont love them :)

If they say, and they do, lol , that you have to love everybody on Earth unconditionally in order to get you TF - well I find it ridiculous.
They (Im talking about TF sites and TF experts) are setting some ridiculous standard for us poor TF souls, and they are doing it since this is the only way to circumvent everything else that they dont know.

Im not Buddha nor Christ and my "job" or mission ( I hate that word) is not to love unconditionally everybody :) my human purpose is to be compassionate and good towards people I get to meet on my life path.
And that is not an easy way lol :)

At this point, I realize I sound stupid and kinda beneath spiritual forums criteria, but Im just trying to be honest and learn more about myself by writing this and about others and I am interested to read others people opinions :)

The thing that bothers me and that is why Im writing in here is a notion we are getting from TF sites about unconditional love, feeling whole and all that - notion that we have to do a lot and have to suffer a lot to get them back. And also this part about TF "mission" Oh god dont make me start about it... - it is too much.

See original post starting this thread

And if they still don't want to be with me, I would spend the rest of my life in some sorrow because I'd still want to be with them. Now, there is no one who would advice me something like, "Oh. Live your life. Move on. Find a new set of parents." It's obvious that no one would. But when it comes to TF, why do people think it's alright to advice to move on and fall in love with someone else. Does unconditional ask us to stop having the desire to be with someone?

written by person fed up with those kind of advice "stop, move on, find better TF or soul connections" and other types of silly advice we get from those TF sites.

In what way TF connections feels different? In any way. It would be a lie for me to say I loved anybody ever the way I love him. It is just so hard to explain it, to put it in words :(
For me it sounds almost offensive and derogatory to say "I love everybody on this planet the way I love him", or "I love my friends the way I love him" or "I love this person and that person same way I love him" --- it is just not the same. It doesn't not follow same set of rules :)
It feels so different and special and unique and above that it is not just about love it is about the void
inside.

He is the only one that can fill this void inside of me, only one that makes me feel whole, at home, his presents deletes my yearning, my void, this hole, emptiness I have inside my soul ...------------ I know you gonna say "you have to fill it on your own" - we been there already lol but it is just not how things works...

I never felt this way with any other human being, never felt "at home" with anybody or at my literal home lol, felt "at home" just when I was near him.... :)