work related question, please, anyone?

Hi!

There is this pattern, work related, that I feel the need to ask you about, if you could guess or know what this is about, please?

It is not only one person doing this. These are very intelligent people and experienced in what they do for a living.

I interpret by now, as it has happened too many times, that this is on purpose. I don't know if I am being overly suspicious though, could be, but already when it first began to happen I felt it in my gut it wasn't right. What they do is that they make foolish mistakes that they then leave up to me to contact them about, or take for granted that I will. I am on my own time schedule and can not spend it correcting other people's mistakes, especially not these foolish and repetitive ones, so I simply do what works best for me, is less time consuming. They've also now worked it up so they will not repeat the old foolish mistake, but they will make up another, just as foolish and out of place. I am sorry if I sound so suspicious of this but considering everything up to the point of the mistakes I find it hard to believe they are not on purpose.

They then insist to come to me in person with what they have done wrong before, instead of them just correcting it on a note and then leaving it to me to deal with later.

They have questioned separately why I do this, but not in a rude or angry way, more surprised, and not go to them, and there has been times I had to go and even if they are in the middle of something they are always gracious. They talk though, even if they try to do it in a surprised, or fun way, if they have the right to question, and they don't, so I then let my silence speak or say something neutral, I won't back down and let them think I will do it their way the next time. Maybe I am being too rigid? They are not the boss of me, I have a boss and it ain't them and I have my work responsibilities and I honestly do not have time for this. I see my time just as important as theirs, I don't care what our different pay checks may say or may not say. I will not drop everything and go after them when they are the ones doing this. The ones doing this I do not think are close in any way, or know of each other doing this, but I could be wrong. It is weird that there is more than one doing this which make me think this is some kind of invisible rule for something, but then what?

So my question is why are they doing these foolish on purpose mistakes or new ones over and over? Could I be right? They want me to think they are stupid? That ain't smart.

I have noticed that this does not happen to other co-workers. I have not said a word about this to nobody, it is as if I can't touch it, you know, but I know it is going on? Then again I often see patterns etc in things, behaviors others do not see and I know I come off as exaggerating if I was to explain it so this too why I won't say anything. I use to live in a marriage where my husband would tell me in an angry tone that I was so sensitive and to stop being so sensitive, even if I was right. I told him to get over the sensitive stuff, even if it did get to me and made me not share with him anything else (and regretting before I did) and tell me if I was wrong, and he couldn't. He's changed since those years but it was years of this, and I know there is a chance what I see, experience will not be received well, this why I shut up about it.

My guess is that they are used to someone in my position to drop everything and go to them and my guess is that this could be how other co workers would behave if given the chance maybe?

I wanted to ask about this here before asking my husband because maybe he has the answer and maybe he will get suspicious for no reason, but he is suspicious (stern) by nature.

I've had for years successful collaboration with male colleagues, and this is new to me, what this is, I don't even know if this is a male question? I don't wish to offend any guys here and it could very well be this is not something reserved for men and nobody understand what I am trying to describe. I just wish to understand.

When they by now insist of coming to me personal with all this, and talk or somehow find their own space (in my space) to relax, and talk or just be silence, at times I am not even clear what they are doing there. Sometimes it is so stupid that I keep on working in silence and they sit there or hang around there in silence before going. I am used to people saying they feel relaxed in my presence and so they usually hang out and usually quite close to me, then suddenly becoming aware they do, so this I am used to, nothing new there. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, it is a nice compliment to receive and not sure I deserve it.

I have questioned if maybe it is me that takes my work too seriously and want to be as much effective as I can, I know I can get lost, too focused at times? Maybe this is a social skill I am lacking? Some social code I ain't getting?

Perhaps I am the one who is suspicious but I am following my gut feeling even if I do not know quite what it is trying to tell me. It is as if my gut feeling is only working half way. This why I need your help. I would really appreciate it if you could answer any of this? And should I just continue to do what I am doing btw?

[astralsuzy]

Is it your responsibility to correct their mistakes? If it is not then do not do it. Some people can have degrees and are very good in what they do. When it comes to common sense they are hopeless. They do not know simple basic things. My guess is they are not trying to annoy you. They do not want to put the time and effort into fixing it when they know you will do it. It sounds like they rush what they are doing and they know you will fix it for them. They are not taking the time to look through it and correcting their mistakes. It is an easy way to get someone else to finish it for them. Instead of fixing it, perhaps you could give it back to them to fix it. That might solve the problem with them giving it to you and expecting you to finish their work.

Thank you very much Astralsuzy :)

I have tried my utmost to not be irritated with them and trying to think of some Buddha quotes, LOL, because I know if I even get irritated there will be a connection, they will know what they have done has made some sort of emotional reaction in me, and I wish to stay as neutral as I can get with these people and just focus on why I am there (to work). I can't believe there is more than one doing this. They are also inpatient and when someone is inpatient I don't hurry up and I still stay by my own priorities. I think they are use to getting ahead in line, and it ain't happening. That's disrespectful to everyone else and to me and my work.

I don't dare to ask my husband about this as he will jump to the conclusion that these are guys who are interested in me in some way, and it is a tactic.
That they are insulting my intelligence by thinking they can fool me they do not do it on purpose.

I use to have a close collaboration (I still miss those guys!) for years with my previous male co-workers, they were like friends and bros, and they too could mess up, as could I, and we could kid around a lot, but it was never like this. It is as if I can tell the seconds before it happens it is prepared, a prepared "mistake". I know if I confront them about it they will just deny that of course, and I will look like the foolish one.

I totally agree with you - I know just the types you are describing, LOL, it's just like that! It is like one part of the brain is overly advanced, and another is still a baby sleeping in it's nest.

Yes you are right, I should do that. I have been too nice again (hopeless I am). When they come with what they now have done they show me they have half-way fixed it at times and others full-fixed it, so to speak. I will tell them when it is half-fixed for them to fix it all the way (and let me be..!).

[FallingLeaves]

in my understanding, when people are doing this (or a lot of other things that maybe one doesn't like) they are just giving you the chance to continue doing things you always wanted to do before. Maybe though you've come to dislike those things now and that is why you are bristling?

In things like this I find I get the choice, either correct them the way they are leaving it open for me to, or let it go and let them deal with the fallout however they want to... the former has become icky even though it is supposed to be a good thing to be the one with the answers lol... the latter is kinda scary but once I'd been through it a few times I realized they can deal with it, and it isn't really needed that I go around correcting them. .

As far as whether they do it deliberately, perhaps... at some point though I figured it isn't such a nice thing to always be delving into the motives of others, either... I try not to care so much why people are doing what I see them doing...

Fallingleaves@ thank you so for sharing your experiences with me (or us anyone reading this).

If and when I am the one who has to correct anyone than I start out by saying something I have done wrong, error, mistake in the past, that way I don't come off as superior or Miss Know it All, I hope. I don't mind being the clown. I mess up too, so it is not that. I'm not afraid to mess up.

I know they are doing it fully on purpose (sorry if I sound righteous and real stubborn about this, LOL).

There are other things too I can not mention here so I am putting it all together.

This is all too familiar to what I have experienced before, and I don't like it. I don't like to be unfriendly or ignoring someone else either as by nature I generally like people, and I don't want to put someone in a bad mood. I feel I have to keep the walls up and I don't enjoy doing that either.

I am always interested in why people are doing what they are doing, but I don't ask them as I'm thinking it will be intrusive and I don't tell anyone else and I don't snoop. I only observe. You can find out a lot about someone by noticing the details and I often have to hold back as I 99% of the time feel a natural tenderness to people, and find it rather easy or perhaps too easy to connect in real life. I think that was why in my past I had a strong reaction, sense of warning, when my ex (then my current) would before my very eyes manipulate someone for his own gain, instead of simply knowing about it, and protecting that someone. Not saying I am a saint or what ever, but I don't like it when people are fake, and he was fake and he was use to people not noticing all the little things, the manipulation, and where he was heading with all this.

What I resent is that when people are trying to stupify you, when they are fake like that, doing it on purpose, and then act as if they think they are smarter than you, that it isn't real, and then get to talk to you as if they are innocent.

I don't think they don't like me, it is not that, I do think they like me, but if so they are not doing it right. I can laugh etc and do jokes etc at work too, but this thing they do is something else.

When I have noticed other details it is like pre warnings to me and months later if something is up and people don't seem to have a clue I had to be the one to carefully point out something and would be met with no, no.... to then be told I was absolutely right and how did you know? I know because I see the details some people miss and don't think matters. They matter. I do this automatically, my brain does, because I am highly sensitive, it is as if I suck it in, all impressions. I know this is on purpose, but I can't prove it.