Really struggling with the message...

It might have been productive when asked to deal w/ the technical issue to comment you had no idea how to do this, would have to see if you could find any instructions online while wondering if anyone else knew how to do this. This would just be being matter of fact. Or seeing if the person who assigned you this would be OK w/ your checking to see if anyone already knew how to do it &, if so, if it was OK for them to do it. You could have done something like emailing or telling them that the other employee knew how to do it & would be installing it before the meeting.

If this is an issue w/ your boss, simply tell him that you didn’t know how to do it, was trying some things online that hadn’t worked, & the other co-worker who knew how to do it it said she would do it. It might be useful to note you were observing so you could learn how to do this. If he asks why it wasn’t done, tell him the software took much longer to instal than expected. Unless this gets into a big issue it isn’t necessary to divulge that it wasn’t done to the last minute.

Don’t worry about others ranting about lesser things. This doesn’t mean you should drop to their level. The distanced observer skills of not getting upset about trivial drama is vey useful.

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

I'm sorry. See, there i go getting it wrong again. I didn't mean to upset you. Use this as an example of what I am saying. I had said twice that I saw a pattern, you ask me if there is a pattern so I quote myself and upset you. What I should have done is just say "yes, there is a pattern".

Maybe I need anger management.......

I'm in a bad place today because of the above issue... although it turns out the computer has worked fine I am still aware that I have possibly failed in my boss's eyes. He is very good at making me feel rubbish and I messed up a few weeks ago and he had to "have words" with me, and really shook my confidence in myself. I am working towards getting some qualifications so I can get out of this place, but in the meantime i am treading on eggshells all the time, this was the last thing I needed.

I guess I didn't really want to go into my whole life story. I understand that someone on the outside may see something I have missed and be able to give a different perspective.

Just having a pity party here and dragging everyone in with me :(

No need to apologize. I understand more than you may know and I am not upset. I just don’t want to upset you.
Things will work out. Tell your boss that the only people that make mistakes at work are the ones that actually do work……..lol
My best to you…hang in there…these are tough time in the work place for sure!…………..blessings, James

(Feel free to vent here anytime you want……….)

Originally Posted by mattie

It might have been productive when asked to deal w/ the technical issue to comment you had no idea how to do this, would have to see if you could find any instructions online while wondering if anyone else knew how to do this. This would just be being matter of fact. Or seeing if the person who assigned you this would be OK w/ your checking to see if anyone already knew how to do it &, if so, if it was OK for them to do it. You could have done something like emailing or telling them that the other employee knew how to do it & would be installing it before the meeting.

If this is an issue w/ your boss, simply tell him that you didn’t know how to do it, was trying some things online that hadn’t worked, & the other co-worker who knew how to do it it said she would do it. It might be useful to note you were observing so you could learn how to do this. If he asks why it wasn’t done, tell him the software took much longer to instal than expected. Unless this gets into a big issue it isn’t necessary to divulge that it wasn’t done to the last minute.

Don’t worry about others ranting about lesser things. This doesn’t mean you should drop to their level. The distanced observer skills of not getting upset about trivial drama is vey useful.

Hi Mattie

Thanks for your reply. The problem is, the other person knew even less than me. And he knew that is was left till the last minute because his office is next to ours and he saw the panic

But other than that it was great advice. I'm the one that is next step down below the IT guy in that I know a little whereas most other people know nothing. But because my boss knows nothing he thinks I know more than I do. But yes, I should have told him I had no idea what I was doing. He works on the basis that I'll sort it out.

You are right, I shouldn't lower myself to other's standards but it would be nice to find the right level where i can stand up for myself appropriately.

Originally Posted by WhiteShaman

No need to apologize. I understand more than you may know and I am not upset. I just don’t want to upset you.
Things will work out. Tell your boss that the only people that make mistakes at work are the ones that actually do work……..lol
My best to you…hang in there…these are tough time in the work place for sure!…………..blessings, James

(Feel free to vent here anytime you want……….)

thanks James

[karma111]

Sungirl,

I haven't read all the posts so I am just going off the few that I read on the first page:

It sounds more like delegating that you did first of all, by giving your assignment to someone quailified and involved in the meeting. This is ok.

However, this is not "standing up for yourself" and if you see it that way its actually coming from a more passive aggressive way of behaving and would be viewed that way by others.

To truly stand up for yourself in this situtation, you say point blank to the boss him/herself "I am drowning in work here, and I need to focus on that, would you mind getting someone going to the meeting to handle it?? Besides I am not even sure how to get that running for you" THat is a simple point blank way of getting your point across.

I would say just from what I read, and don't take this the wrong way, is that people mistake you because you beat around the bush instead of just telling them that "hey, I would love to, but I am very busy at the moment, can someone else spare the time?"

I have had this problem soooo much in the past, and always wondered why I was putting people off of me, when I am such a nice person, and I came to find out through life in general, that I wasn't sending clear messages, and I was hoping others would understand me, but hey...they aren't psychic, and when I realized i needed to be more clear, I didn't have as many problems.

I hope this helps you, if you can get past the "tone" that I don't mean to portray. LOL. (nudge nudge)

Hi Karma

Thanks for your reply. I understand you not reading all the replies, I do that too. However I will say what I said to Mattie above, the other person knew less than me. The only person "more qualified" than me on this would have been the IT guy and he is also drowning at the moment. That is why I think it landed on my desk.. because I know a little about IT, not a lot, but enough for those that don't know anything to think I know a lot. I'm also quite good at learning on the job so he knew I would muddle through until I sorted it.

I was always taught that you don't tell your boss you can't do a job unless you really can't. It's ok to ask for help but never say to a boss "sorry, I am too busy". That would be seen as bad form. I've kept this job during redundancies on being willing to give anything (other than sales) a go. I simply can't say no to him.

I guess this situation wasn't so much as standing up for myself in a direct way, but an annex to this situation where when I do I get bitten on the bum.

But I do see what you are saying, I do beat around the bush because I worry that people are going to be scared of me and think bad of me. I feel a very strong energy in me that if unleashed could be very distructive, so I tiptoe all the time, fearing who I could be if I really did let the real me out.

However, I don't think I came across as passive agressive in this situation to my colleague, just someone who was drowing and asking for help.

More to ponder tho, thanks. And also thanks for the last line of your message, it made me read it again in a different way. It's amazing how something like that makes all the difference :)

[IsleWalker]

Sungirl--

"Pattern" is in the eye of the beholder. Now I could see another pattern in the three examples of things that "bite you in the bum"--when other people "get away with it". [What does that have to do with anything? The fact that other people do things or don't shouldn't be a (a) crutch or a (b) deciding factor for you.]

The pattern I see is that you acted without all the facts. Car is new, not someone parked where they shouldn't be. Ranting at someone and then finding a "missed" note. And then this example.

Were you not the person responsible for finding the note first before assuming someone had not done (or done) something?

I am playing devil's advocate here, but also assuming you really want to get to the bottom of this. When I do stuff like this where I seem to repeat mistakes, I take it as my subconscious trying to teach me something. Yes, being in a hurry or angry or busy do make that tough to do.

IsleWalker - Lora

[Zagacat]

Just a small thought here after having read the actual circumstance-

For the future, if you are truly not comfortable turning your boss down on a request (sometimes they ask bizarre things as a developmental process) and you choose to delegate, you must have an organized system of FOLLOWING UP. I know what it is like to be ridiculously busy and have a million things on your plate, however, by simply following up, you avoid snags such as these. Like previous people have mentioned, you don't even have to worry about the whole "stand up for myself piece". You just need to have a system and be accountable. When you are able to incorporated stuff like this into your already busy schedule, even if it does require delegation, it will show your bosses how agile you can be and help your status rather than hinder.