A light of hope...

[Astral Jane]

What I just mean is that if one always lives pinning and longing and despairing for a future that by definition doesn't exist yet , and may or may not happen

Love your story and your posts, LivinIntheNow! Thanks for posting. I just wanted to add that I hope that part above is a bit of a sarcastic exaggeration too. I just see it as overstated sometimes. I think most people go through these feelings just like they might with any relationship. People want affection and love and fellowship, that's all. How best to give and receive- those are our lessons. But most folks don't wallow in these feelings day after day for years, even depressed types who stay depressed, I don't think it's all about wanting specific others to meet your needs.
With TF's or any romance, people have to work thru feelings of hurt and letting go, that's all. It's a process, and denying that one had any feelings of hope and attachment and disappointment is , IMO, just as unhealthy as wallowing in them.

Thanks Astral Jane, yes you are right and the "always" in my sentence was not appropriate: I must have read too many posts here and elsewhere expressing similar feelings! But obviously they are written by new and different persons all the time, so at an individual level there must be some progression in the processing of those feelings, as explained in Umbridge's posts. And yes it's as unhealthy to deny them as to wallow in them, agreed. SF and similar online outlets have a good cathartic role for that purpose I guess.

... by the way the "it's good enough for us" in my original post was also an exaggeration: of course it's not, of course sometimes we would prefer the 24/7 happy ending. But at least we can discuss it and we know why we are not there (yet) and somehow made peace with life as it is, despite the occasional bouts of frustration. What I mean is that those stories don't have to be "all or nothing". There are many shades of togetherness, and sometimes not having the perfect scenario is still very good, still worth living, IMHO.

[kerrielle]

My experience is that there isn't anything perfect... or looked at another way EVERYTHING is perfect. I find I get hurt when I try to hang on as change swirls around me. We need to let go of the river bank to flow in the river or it will hurt us. That can be hard to do. It involves lots of trust and faith and I think for many of us that's where we struggle. I am dealing with the idea of trust right now, with both my twin, who I have NEVER doubted before but who I am feeling like trusting is dangerous (it's not, I'm just reacting from ego and old hurts) and with others, the universe and my own self. I have had a lot happen, a lot of loss, a lot of change, and right now, when I am feeling most vulnerable and fragile, I get asked to trust even MORE! It is a test that seems really hard, but in some ways is the simplest thing. It involves getting out of my own way and not feeling lack, but the abundance I do have.

I think when we do the all or nothing thing we really do a disservice to love and to our own selves. There are indeed many shades and they change all the time.

I'm starting to learn that when I feel hurt, esp by my twin's actions or non-actions, it means I am hanging onto the river bank, and I need to let go and get back in the flow. Which is what I am going to do now, getting on with my day without worrying if anyone loves me or not or if I deserve love. Of course they do and of course I do.

Lovely post Umbridge. Nicely articulated. :)

[Mysticrose37]

Thank you Umbridge. My day yesterday was very strange and i wanted to share it with you all. Six weeks ago yesterday i met a soul connection and we both know it was perfect the moment it happened. We have both more in common and challenge each other than anyone i have ever met.

Well this stranger lady comes up to us and tells me he is your soul husband. He is your destiny. He is a good man who will treat you right, he is a gift from God. Then tells me about her own journey with her twin and how you never want to loose a love like ours. She tells me how sometimes our Twin is a different person than the person whom we marry and that my journey with my twin is not over permanently. That this man is my destiny but for now we need to be with others to grow hence my soul connection (future husband)

This is the second time i have had a strange lady say things like that to me. So i now know that i am happy with my soul connection, truly happy but i also know my twin is not far from my thoughts and that i must have terrified him when he knew me. I met him to help him heal from his divorce but it was not our time. I was told before she told me that he would date another as i would but i would find him again one day whether as a friend or more. I have no idea. But my heart knows that he has a lot of awakening to do first. She talked about her men run when there emotions get involved to fast and they push you away and shut down rather than deal with them. Especially if they are logical men. My twin is an accountant hence makes sense. Said how he will only realise through experience what he ran from and that will take time.

Any way this is my story oh and the other odd thing was at a second hand book shop later that day my soul connection knocks down a book called, "Are you the one for me?" hence i have began reading it. As we both felt it was a message to me. So i letting life lead me from the coins in the shopping centre and everything that has happened since has led me to right where i am. I have never felt more alive spiritually and mentally before but without my twin my sensuality have died. As around him it was at fever pitch.

Thank you for sharing.

[umbridge]

Its crazy actually how much time we spend THINKING our way out of this connection. When the key actually lies in surrendering. Letting it be. But we see ourselves as individuals. We definitely do not want to share a soul with anyone. How could we? We are all connected.
I guess that twins really are one soul being. They awaken each other with the pain of longing which puts them on a journey which at first its very painful and confusing. First years is all about dreaming and fantasizing about the other person and then feeling hurt when he/she is gone. There are those, who wait..who put their life on hold and there are ones who move on with their lives..they know that something has been shifted, something have been changed, but they try to convince themselves that they can live their life the way like before. But the pain gets their attention. They cannot do it for a very long time, they can run, but they cannot hide.
They are trying to ignore it, pretend like it does not exist.

For those who wait and fell madly in love with their soul connections, might feel that its wrong to be with someone else, because they would feel like they are cheating. Others are using others to distract themselves. Either of them is not happy. One is remembering the good old times and fantasizing about the future. And the other is not thinking about it all. Or tries every way how not to do that.

Then the one who waits gets hurt when he/she finds out that the other is dating someone or is in relationship with someone. The agony starts. Hurt. Sleepless nights. Crying your heart out for days and nights. Very draining and does not look good on you! It lowers your vibration because the only question you ask from yourself is how could he/she? Because you waited him/her for so long... how could she/he dares to move on?

The other who is trying to move on with him/her life, knows that he/she is ripping his/her life apart, but he/she still continues. Her/Him subconscious mind knows or his/her heart knows, but he/she does not listen to the heart, he/she listens to his/her mind. MIND! Mind starts to analyze and rationalize this thing and it does not seem logical. Although this feeling is still there. It can also cause alcohol problems, addiction, anxiety, sleepless nights etc. Because he/she is trying to forget what happened. Tries to erase it completely.
He/She might thinking is this person following me? What he/she wants from me? Why he/she does not go away?

Both sides actually feel frightened. The first one just thinks that he/she is not running but actually he/she is. He/She is running away from his/her life, trying to put the other one on a pedestal, because he/she is loving the other one more than his/her life. More than anything in his/her life! And the thing is - he/she does not love himself/herself at all. He/she puts all his/her focus on the other.

The other is thinking that the one is chasing him/her. That the one wants something from her/him. That why cannot the one leave him/her alone. How happy would he/she be when he/she would do that!
He/She feels trapped. He/she is still thinking about that person. All the time. Every day. He/she starts to question is sanity. Thinks that something must be wrong with him/her. And the one is using him/her. Using black magick or wants to hurt him/her etc.

But the first one is also struggling. He/She feels that its so unfair that they cannot be together. That they are like perfect match and they cannot be together. Why? And why the other one is running away? What should he/she do?

And one day, chaser stops. We all think that he/she is the chaser, he/she is not. And then the runner stars chasing. Because its that energy, energy what we feel. The polarity. And then the ex-runner feels - why he/she is running away from me? Cant he/she how perfectly we fit for each other? And then the ex-chaser feels what does he/she want from me? I left him/her alone, what now?
etc


Its a pretty sad scenario, to be honest, but we all exchange these roles all the time. There is no need to blame anyone. There are just energy polarities.
Thats why in most cases twins tend to think the opposite. Like I would like to go out today, I rather stay at home etc.. its a very simple example but..there are also a state of harmony, what twins experience. When everything is in sync and they are in a bliss state. When they get along perfectly, there is no fear and they feel happier than ever. Until the fears kick in..until the logic kicks in and until the frequency lowers...
When there is state of harmony there are butterflies and flowers everywhere and life is a colorful place..and even if you know him/her for years, you are madly in love with him/her at that time..
Actually we fall in love every time we release something from our past. Being grateful. Being thankful for the other part showing you things about yourself. All people reflect ourselves, but twins do it extremely well. I mean the issues you are facing with your soul connection are most likely the ones you are struggling in your life. Everything comes into light. Thats why twins experience also dark night of the soul. But you have to always remember that you are the light. There can be dark outside, but you are holding a lantern.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNorIrV4EXk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhmS5orhRaI



Until you make peace with it and accept the situation as it is you cannot get out of it so easily.


Anyway good luck & take care!

[umbridge]

Originally Posted by Mysticrose37

Thank you Umbridge. My day yesterday was very strange and i wanted to share it with you all. Six weeks ago yesterday i met a soul connection and we both know it was perfect the moment it happened. We have both more in common and challenge each other than anyone i have ever met.

Well this stranger lady comes up to us and tells me he is your soul husband. He is your destiny. He is a good man who will treat you right, he is a gift from God. Then tells me about her own journey with her twin and how you never want to loose a love like ours. She tells me how sometimes our Twin is a different person than the person whom we marry and that my journey with my twin is not over permanently. That this man is my destiny but for now we need to be with others to grow hence my soul connection (future husband)

This is the second time i have had a strange lady say things like that to me. So i now know that i am happy with my soul connection, truly happy but i also know my twin is not far from my thoughts and that i must have terrified him when he knew me. I met him to help him heal from his divorce but it was not our time. I was told before she told me that he would date another as i would but i would find him again one day whether as a friend or more. I have no idea. But my heart knows that he has a lot of awakening to do first. She talked about her men run when there emotions get involved to fast and they push you away and shut down rather than deal with them. Especially if they are logical men. My twin is an accountant hence makes sense. Said how he will only realise through experience what he ran from and that will take time.

Any way this is my story oh and the other odd thing was at a second hand book shop later that day my soul connection knocks down a book called, "Are you the one for me?" hence i have began reading it. As we both felt it was a message to me. So i letting life lead me from the coins in the shopping centre and everything that has happened since has led me to right where i am. I have never felt more alive spiritually and mentally before but without my twin my sensuality have died. As around him it was at fever pitch.

Thank you for sharing.

You're are welcome.
Awakened Queen shared her writings with me.. For all the women a must-to-read post, because we tend to focus on too much on the other, we often feel like we should be like perfect women or feel guilty when being with someone else and having a good time or lock ourselves completely to others..and just mourn and cry for the loss.

http://awakenedqueen.com/2014/07/los...flame-journey/

There is a feeling that you cannot share yourself with anyone. That you should not. And if you do it, you are bad. At first I felt it. Exactly like AQ explains. Then started thinking why should I share my energy with someone who I am not passionate about? It just felt wrong..

Maybe for guys its different. But I know at first when I kissed someone else, I cried. It happened many many years ago, but I felt like my whole body and mind and spirit was in pain, also I looked for distraction but it actually made this pain worse. After that I felt guilty. But I also wanted to be distracted.
It was a dance between ego and the heart.

There have been sooo many years of pain and agony, its just so crazy when I think about it. Right now I am very grateful for the circumstances to be the way they are. At least I am not pulled in different directions, I can feel like I can now really do something with my life, before my life was a complete mess, my emotional body acted crazy. It still is sometimes. But now I am just a little wiser due to the years of experiencing all of that. Nothing to brag about, everything came hard and in a very painful way to be honest. The understanding I mean. Understand of it all.

And how both parties really influence this connection. It is felt. Especially when the runner-chaser thing starts or when someone is feeling hurt, sad, depressed, unbalanced whatever you name it..You definitely can see, feel and even smell different things which cannot explain in a logical way.

[umbridge]

And something to add as I read AQ post in her site
That do not ever ever ever close your heart.
Pain really does that with your heart, but you have to open it.
I recently discovered and realized how closed I really was, because I hold too much old stuff there -old emotions, pain, hurt, wounds, loss, grief etc.
My heart did not function properly. It causes me hurt. It was hurtful for me to live with the pain from the past every day. So I released it and suddenly I realized how all my life I have protected my heart, because I was afraid of getting hurt, now I am doing, trying to do the opposite. Living my life with an open heart. When your heart is open, even if you lose something or someone, your body or your energy system heals yourself. And you will get pass this and you will survive. But never close your heart. It causes great pain to live with a closed heart.

Originally Posted by umbridge

You're are welcome.
Awakened Queen shared her writings with me.. For all the women a must-to-read post, because we tend to focus on too much on the other, we often feel like we should be like perfect women or feel guilty when being with someone else and having a good time or lock ourselves completely to others..and just mourn and cry for the loss.

There is a feeling that you cannot share yourself with anyone. That you should not. And if you do it, you are bad. At first I felt it. Exactly like AQ explains. Then started thinking why should I share my energy with someone who I am not passionate about? It just felt wrong..

Maybe for guys its different.

... not necessarily. And thanks for the link by the way, very interesting. I know right now I couldn't do it with anyone else. Well, maybe I COULD but would certainly not WANT it. I love this part " Why settle for a knight or a prince, when you have a king?": spooky, she told me nearly exactly the same thing a few weeks ago, maybe she read the same blog? . Honestly I'm not so sure men and women are that different: some (both sexes) may need to go on to a sexual rampage after a broken heart, some others (both sexes) may need a more or less long period of dry spell, physically and emotionally, like some kind of mourning. And it can change throughout life: I personally experienced both, after different stories, at different periods.

Fully agreed with you on not letting the heart close (in the following post), even when it really hurts and it feels like the sane thing to do. It never is. That doesnt mean necessarily looking for someone else right away , just remaining open to love in all its different forms (including family, friends, pets, including oneself first and foremost)

[Astral Jane]

Originally Posted by LiveInTheNow

... by the way the "it's good enough for us" in my original post was also an exaggeration: of course it's not, of course sometimes we would prefer the 24/7 happy ending. But at least we can discuss it and we know why we are not there (yet) and somehow made peace with life as it is, despite the occasional bouts of frustration. What I mean is that those stories don't have to be "all or nothing". There are many shades of togetherness, and sometimes not having the perfect scenario is still very good, still worth living, IMHO.

thanks for the clair dear. ya what's progress, agreed, I've never been a good measurer ofthat for self or others. i can't integrate those earthly habits and timelines, it seems, tho I knoe I don't really mean can't
n
your arrangement sounds like a happy happening whether it's beginning middle or end, hence your name. that's the best part, the happening. I think that's great to be at a valley with him like you describe, that wiold likely help some folks here, about the progression (doesn;t phrasese like this as i dont mean anything you said,"getting to the point" sound a little less Now or flowing?) just an observation. Thanks &, i like what you say that having options while you're doing the rest of your plans- i just mean that that is its own part of the peocess to stop and review and then realize something or other had started to go toward expecting anything was possible, and you feel like you describe, as of way of perspective before you change directions.