is(was) he playing?? feeling foolish and stupid

[Lavendercrandberry]

This is a long read for some. Thank you those who read.


This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occasionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don’t get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we’ve been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I’m a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We’ve had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago…he ghosted me for a short while…and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven’t heard from since, and he’s been ignoring my texts… I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling…the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks… then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company…or so I thought… I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then…in which he never responded.that day…not even to tell me he’s busy…

I thought that was strange because he’s always asking to spend more time with me…even if it’s a quick hug… He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out…

He swears that there are no other women…

During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.

Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???
Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??


It's been 2 weeks since we've last communicated.. whenever I see him from my window coming home from work he's always on the phone now..he was never on the phone before when I've seen him commuting. It must be another woman, or multiple right?? It pains me that he seems happy, and unaffected...


Before, when we got into disagreements and arguments, he was always apologizing profusely, telling me that he loved me and didn't want to loose me. Begging me to stay. Ringing my phone a lot....

Now..radio silence for 2 weeks.

I feel like he used me to build himself up and dropped me now that he's feeling confident and confident enough to go after what he wants.

The other day I caved in and called his phone numerous times..each time it would ring a lot and it would cut to voicemail, saying that the user mailbox is full...I feel like he blocked me.

We use to talk daily multiple times. Both initiated. When we would have disagreements sometimes, and would stop communicating for a few days..due to differences of opinions..but he always ventured back to me often apologizing, telling me that he missed me, and just wanted to sit down and talk in person..that we never have to do anything that I don’t want to do. He’s never pressured me into having sex.

Once in the early stages he told me that he didn’t think it would work out between us and was pursuing other women on social media..and was going to focus on that… I got really upset and heartbroken and wanted clarity..then later on that day he begged me to forgive him and told me he it wasn't true and he was just saying that to make me jealous, and to see if I was really interested and cared about him. That he felt uncared for by me. He said now that he knew how I felt, he wanted to make plans to spend the rest of our lives together. That I was the only one for him, etc….

On the last visit, we decided to have sex…and afterwards we talked a bit before him leaving. Before he left he swore he would call and see me the next day, told me he loved me..and kissed me. I didn't doubt that because he would usually follow through with his promises. I told him that we had to learn how to better communicate with one another, and not put much space between us when there are disagreements.

He agreed, and apologized profusely saying that he wouldn’t disappear anymore. That he often has trouble expressing his emotions. That he wouldn’t do that anymore. That he really loves and cares for me. That he wants to move in, would help pay bills, that I'm his woman and is very excited about marriage and our future together.
It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve last communicated.. whenever I see him from my window coming home from work he’s always on the phone now..he was never on the phone before. It must be another woman, or multiple right??

He’s logged into social media often, even when he is allegedly at work. The login status is usually a half hour to an hour last active..all during the day…Does that mean he was being dishonest and playing games when he claimed to not be online looking for other women..or another??

Before, when we got into disagreements and arguments, he was always apologizing profusely, telling me that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. Begging me to stay. Ringing my phone a lot….

Now..radio silence for 2 weeks.

I feel like he used me to build himself up and dropped me now that he’s feeling confident and confident enough to go after what he wants.

The other day I caved in and called his phone numerous times..each time it would ring a lot and it would cut to voicemail, saying that the user mailbox is full…I feel like he blocked me.

I sometimes feel like confronting him, but I think that may be a bad idea. I don’t want him to think that I am desperate and thinking about him, and giving him access to make me a doormat.

I’m soo confused and heartbroken. It is extremely difficult moving on…especially living in close proximity to one another.
I am doing my best trying to move on, but it still remains extremely difficult... even more so because we live in close proximity.
I'm soo confused and heartbroken. I feel foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, and stupid.

how do i move on? is this a soul tie?? i am finding it very difficult to move on..

[Miss Hepburn]

Short take?
He says what he thinks you want to hear when he's with you ...makes it better for him...so much easier
to say pretty words and leave you smiling.
He doesn't mean them, imo.

You got involved with a liar, a 'player'. He is hurting you.
Don't believe another word from him ever.
You feel foolish cuz you would never do this to a person ...so did not expect this.
It happens...liars and thieves know how to manipulate good people.

It's easier to move on when you really see him for what he is.
If he does call you? Hang up. If he texts...delete them. No...Block Him.
Act the part of the one in power that is choosing to cut HIM out of your life.
My input.

[Redchic12]

Yeah I’m with Miss H on this one.

He’s treating you like this cos YOURE LETTING HIM.

Why are you letting him?

Don’t you think you’re worth more than this?

Judging from what you have said in your comments, you sound like a very kind, sincere beautiful soul. This guy is a total loser and doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you.

Just my opinion tho.