hello I need to talk with someone

[lamb1]

Once again me. I need to have a conversation with someone who had an experience of Onnes and have gone through what I'm experiencing right now... I feel lost and don't know if there is any hope to me. I'd be grateful to have an opportunity to have a sincere conversation with someone.

[angelic star]

Hello :) Feel free to write to me :)

[Lightwaves]

I love having sincere conversations. You can talk with me if you like.

[lamb1]

how would you describe Reality?

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by lamb1

how would you describe Reality?

As a Universal field of Eternal Energy with Holographic-like qualities...

How would you describe in Lamb? What inspired you to ask this question?

[Dude]

Wowzer- that's the trickiest simple question I have ever thought about!! My definition is rubbish but for me it's an everchanging state of our own truth- the real world- my reality could be very diffent to someone else's and has changed over time, infact my reality has done a big circle over the years. It depends what we believe to be true and factual about the world and everything in it

[sky]

.

The state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them

[Tigerlily3]

Reality is that moment in time where everything comes together and we feel as one with all.I think we float in and out of reality.I heard miat of us aren't even aware of our lives, like we are just going through the motions, but not aware of reality..? I think that is why some of of (like us who joined this site), are trying to become more aware.As we become more aware, we will become our reality, create our reality.Be at one with the universe. .We will just know it by the feeling of oneness, serenity, peace and joy.♡

[lamb1]

Maybe at last I should start be really honest. So Osho said something about Reality and experience of it is always sorrow and sweet can be only in illusion. My experience of Reality - I intuitively feel that it's an illusion, and it's very painful and the Reality without illusions would be grotesque and terryfying. I've read too much informations like Gurdgijew, Łazariew and many other teachers that now I know too much and can't process these informations. About ghosts, other beings from other dimensions and so on. My family is broken and I can't have any help in them and I can't have help with myself as I tried to kill myself before this experience. Now I know that I can't escape from what is ahead of me and intuitively feel that it's something very tough, like being crucified was tough for Jesus. Sorry, maybe I should be ashamed of myself that I think about myself in such categories but that's how I feel for a long time. And that I can't change this "destiny". I don't know why it's the way it is I only hope that is not because of my sins or evil things inside me.
I'm energy and I can shape my reality in the way I want to, I feel not able to feel joy, love and happiness so what kind of reality I can make? The only thing that gives me hope is that I've read that as Alan Watts said white must win ;)
Now we have very important times on Earth, don't we? And I'm afraid that World is splitting into two parts - the one with people who feel love, joy, excitement and compassion and the ones with darkness, fear and so on. And I'm afraid that I'm in this incarnation come on Earth and on the next incarnation I'll be far from the center of Universe and I'll be falling in every incarnation to the more dark places and planets but I don't know actually why, maybe because of the Shadow that I can't face? I don't have enough love to accepts dark sides of me so the Shadow is growin up and growing up, that's the way I feel. When I'm writing it I feel little calmer, but I don't have words to describe how hard is experiencing these feelings and thoughts. It's like the Shadow is always ahead of me and it's useless to fight with it, it will always win.
It's so beautiful that simply you are here, this is enough, what else man can have? And yet I feel that I'm in two parts, my mind and my heart which I feel is eaten, like I have no heart, I have only a mind. Like I'm an animal with mind
I feel pain in my heart chakra.

(sorry for my english, I hope there is something that you can understand) I feel ashame that I write it but I don't want to be ashamed and don't actually see a reason to be. It's like I should be ashamed but I don't want to. One thing more. The most important - why do I experience all these feelings? Why do I feel guilty, ashamed and so on, isn't that because I have some reasons, like sins?


Thank you all for your answer, and gosh, maybe I shouldn't share such a sadness and weird stuff from inside me, but, maybe I should and actually I do.


Sorry, but a few things more. I feel some entity inside me and I know there's another malicious entity somehow in my head, it penetrate through my body, my thoughts, emotions, I don't know. And I simply don't know what is true and what is this entity. Or, I know there's only escape inside me, that I can escape only into myself, but how I can escape into myself if there's only darkness and not enough love?
I feel calmer when writing it, maybe that's what I need to. And again feel embarassed that I'm asking for your attention.

I fear of hell, what I was experiencing during psychosis was terrible and I'm afraid I'll experience it again. The biggest fear is of condemnation. I'm also afraid that not all people are people, but some of them are holograms, they have no soul, like my ex boyfriend.
What does it mean to be born from the Spirit and what does it mean that "The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way."
I'm afraid as hell, where can I perf shelter if not even in myself? I counsciously do all the same mistakes, I make very slow progress. I know what I should do, but it's very hard and I indulge myself and make bad choices.

[keokutah]

Originally Posted by lamb1

Maybe at last I should start be really honest. So Osho said something about Reality and experience of it is always sorrow and sweet can be only in illusion. My experience of Reality - I intuitively feel that it's an illusion, and it's very painful and the Reality without illusions would be grotesque and terryfying. I've read too much informations like Gurdgijew, Łazariew and many other teachers that now I know too much and can't process these informations. About ghosts, other beings from other dimensions and so on. My family is broken and I can't have any help in them and I can't have help with myself as I tried to kill myself before this experience. Now I know that I can't escape from what is ahead of me and intuitively feel that it's something very tough, like being crucified was tough for Jesus. Sorry, maybe I should be ashamed of myself that I think about myself in such categories but that's how I feel for a long time. And that I can't change this "destiny". I don't know why it's the way it is I only hope that is not because of my sins or evil things inside me.
I'm energy and I can shape my reality in the way I want to, I feel not able to feel joy, love and happiness so what kind of reality I can make? The only thing that gives me hope is that I've read that as Alan Watts said white must win ;)
Now we have very important times on Earth, don't we? And I'm afraid that World is splitting into two parts - the one with people who feel love, joy, excitement and compassion and the ones with darkness, fear and so on. And I'm afraid that I'm in this incarnation come on Earth and on the next incarnation I'll be far from the center of Universe and I'll be falling in every incarnation to the more dark places and planets but I don't know actually why, maybe because of the Shadow that I can't face? I don't have enough love to accepts dark sides of me so the Shadow is growin up and growing up, that's the way I feel. When I'm writing it I feel little calmer, but I don't have words to describe how hard is experiencing these feelings and thoughts. It's like the Shadow is always ahead of me and it's useless to fight with it, it will always win.
It's so beautiful that simply you are here, this is enough, what else man can have? And yet I feel that I'm in two parts, my mind and my heart which I feel is eaten, like I have no heart, I have only a mind. Like I'm an animal with mind
I feel pain in my heart chakra.

(sorry for my english, I hope there is something that you can understand) I feel ashame that I write it but I don't want to be ashamed and don't actually see a reason to be. It's like I should be ashamed but I don't want to. One thing more. The most important - why do I experience all these feelings? Why do I feel guilty, ashamed and so on, isn't that because I have some reasons, like sins?


Thank you all for your answer, and gosh, maybe I shouldn't share such a sadness and weird stuff from inside me, but, maybe I should and actually I do.


Sorry, but a few things more. I feel some entity inside me and I know there's another malicious entity somehow in my head, it penetrate through my body, my thoughts, emotions, I don't know. And I simply don't know what is true and what is this entity. Or, I know there's only escape inside me, that I can escape only into myself, but how I can escape into myself if there's only darkness and not enough love?
I feel calmer when writing it, maybe that's what I need to. And again feel embarassed that I'm asking for your attention.

I fear of hell, what I was experiencing during psychosis was terrible and I'm afraid I'll experience it again. The biggest fear is of condemnation. I'm also afraid that not all people are people, but some of them are holograms, they have no soul, like my ex boyfriend.
What does it mean to be born from the Spirit and what does it mean that "The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way."
I'm afraid as hell, where can I perf shelter if not even in myself? I counsciously do all the same mistakes, I make very slow progress. I know what I should do, but it's very hard and I indulge myself and make bad choices.

First of all, I would advise you to stop reading outside information and focus only on your own experiences. You're afraid, and all that information is only adding to your fear.

Second, why are you afraid of the illusion? Is it just because you are afraid of something you do not understand? An illusion that is meant to cover up a grotesque reality would be a blessing, not something to fear. A new reality, is a second chance at life, nothing to be upset about. Perhaps your feelings of guilt are because you don't feel like you deserve a second chance.
But you do.

Third, your guilt is a major hindrance in your life and I think it probably is the underlying problem to everything you are talking about. I would advise doing self work, which you can either do by yourself, or in therapy with a therapist. You need to uncover the reason for your guilt and deal with it and let it go.
If you are interested in doing this, I can tell you how to do Part Work Integration by yourself.

Four, you are not evil. I highly doubt you were sent here to be evil, I think that is your fear and guilt talking or the entity telling you lies, not your higher self. I'm sure there are certain individuals that are here to create chaos in these times, but if that was true about you, you wouldn't be worried about it and wouldn't have such guilt about it, and you wouldn't feel so upset about descension. People who are meant to descend, are the kinds of people who enjoy decension. And quite frankly, it's not like there is anything wrong with decension in general, it's a natural state. But time is ascending for all of us, in this new reality, not going backwards, so if you incarnated in these times right here, right now, which you have, because you are here right now, it means you are here to ascend, not descend. And in general, if you are here on this forum, it probably means you have a very important mission here, to help the earth ascend. You may be hanging onto fear and guilt and residue left over from the old reality, maybe your pscyhe hasn't actually moved on yet. You can also deal with that with Part Work Integration.

Tough times may be ahead for everyone, but there is nothing to fear, because things will get better. Now, I sort of wonder if what you're feeling in regards to relating to the crucifixion is the part of ascension where you do become enlightened and people chastise you and misunderstand you and hate you in general because you're sensitive and spiritual. Part of any spiritual growth is learning self reliance and independence (not to rely on people) learning to listen to your higher self, and because of that relationships become difficult, and you're beckoned to get away from toxic people in your life.

Maybe I'm not the best at explaining what I'm trying to get across but the same thing happened to me, and it is a painful process, but it is very freeing and amazing afterwards, once you deal with it and overcome it. When I kept the courage and forced myself to do the work, I felt peace and happiness afterwards.

Lastly, entities are easy to get rid of, if you're willing to do the work. And also entities can plauge you with feelings of guilt, so chances are that's where your guilt comes from in the first place. There's some instruction on how to do it here: https://starbeam.org/2016/10/09/how-...y-attachments/