Letting go of wanting/not wanting

#1 27-10-2010, 05:12 PM

It think it has been an important part of this process for me to decide that I wanted a particular twin-like soul connection of mine to manifest into a romantic relationship, and equally important when I later decided I didn't want it. But then it went back to wanting, of course - repeating ad infinitum.

I find a lot of my internal struggle comes from asking myself the same questions over and over again:
Do I want this?
Is this real?
Can I have this?
Is this divine?

Do I ask myself these same questions over and over about the color of my eyes? The height of my body? The texture of grass beneath my bare feet or my biological need for food and water? Of course not, these things are as they are. There is a lot to be said for accepting what is. My spiritual practice of late is moving in the direction of no attachment and no resistance. The observer, I think they call it.

It is a delightful adventure to notice what takes place in my inner reality. I like it. I notice with my soul connection, I experience a lot more resistance than I would have expected. I don't like the term "runner", but I see that I am doing just that. Sometimes when I feel his energy, I catch my whole body cringing with fear and disbelief. Being presented with what I want is apparently traumatic for me. Go figure.

So what if I didn't want or question it? What if when it came, it were no more or less natural than the warmth of the sun on my face? A few moments of blissful acceptance and love. Basking in the sweetness of it all without expectation. And when it flickers or fades, no disappointment, just thankfulness for the moments.

When I have been able to let go of the acquisition mentality, (as in focusing on, or proving some prediction of "coming together") I live instead in the moment of discovery, and I find delight in my own self. I can see that the connection with him is pointing me towards myself. Instead of marveling at and wanting him, I try to enjoy the wonder of what meeting and knowing him has stirred in me, bringing fresh, new life. I search within me for the flourishing color and churning and allow THAT to lead me. The things I can do since I met him, wow.

If my consciousness were a wrapped gift that he opened for me, I will have missed everything if I chase after him and leave my consciousness behind.

mystical · #2 27-10-2010, 05:18 PM

i love this :)

#3 27-10-2010, 05:48 PM

Thanks! Hopefully writing it here will help me remember it tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...

What a ride, this thing.

mystical · #4 27-10-2010, 06:02 PM

good idea actually ,........ im suprised im stil holding on , kinda feel i been in a rodeo lol

Xan · #5 28-10-2010, 12:28 AM

Letting go of wanting/not wanting

I have found the best possible thing to do about soul mates... and about anything... is letting go... and letting go some more... and letting go some more.

Once I made it a habit, troubles faded away.

(btw... breathing in your belly helps with the letting go.)

Xan

#6 28-10-2010, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DulcePoetica

I can see that the connection with him is pointing me towards myself. Instead of marveling at and wanting him, I try to enjoy the wonder of what meeting and knowing him has stirred in me, bringing fresh, new life. I search within me for the flourishing color and churning and allow THAT to lead me

Thanks for this, this is exactly what I needed to hear. It is about looking at myself and how I feel and allowing myself to feel, to really feel and to know myself more.

Anima · #7 31-10-2010, 05:43 PM

Dulce, that was indeed a beautiful post. It touched me deeply and I have a feeling I too will have to occasionally come back to read it again.

The key to everything seems to be acceptance and letting go, which is difficult to do until you realise how love is easy and you were the one making it hard yourself all along by your expectations, questions, and doubts.

I had a dream where I was supposed to explain soul connections to this little boy, and other children who gathered around him. I was of course at lack for words and couldn't make them understand, and I think the dream meant how we are not supposed to be analysing the gift of a soul connection to death, because it is not something our conscious mind can understand - it needs to be felt and experienced. My soul is natural at it - it is only my brain that struggles for control. I also think that the dream meant that we cannot know everything at once, and God or higher consciousness is letting us experience and understand things at their own pace, knowing how much we can take at any given moment. We just need to trust that higher judgement and work on ourselves in the meantime.

Anima