Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

(wistfully)

i sometimes still wish
we could be together

but
despite myriads
of wishful thinking
on my part

that things would somehow be different
this time

from what they were
all the other times

the way I always do it

there is now the memory
that you did it again

and the understanding

that this isn't over
until you quit
doing it
-------------------------------------------------------
all your telling me
to do this or that
to get this or that
will just end up
in the same old rejections
over and over

like charlie brown
attempting to kick
lucy's football

until you quit telling me
to do this or that
and just do something yourself

which is the one thing
you can't afford to do
--------------------------------------------
so the other option is
i simply quit listening

sigh

[FallingLeaves]

i guess i'm full of it anyway though
with all my
continuing to suppose
you might actually want me

really
given everything that has happened
I really should question
that assertion

sigh

[FallingLeaves]

on with the arrogance
again

thinking she should like him

when she doesn't

sigh

[jazzy911]

Hi FallingLeaves. I bought my cat a sweater with falling leaves pattern on it. Lol I hope you are well.

[FallingLeaves]

Hi Jazzy,

well I'm glad your cat will be warm. Rockin' pattern!

I'm a little off balance. Some girl came round that reminds me of my twin... I'm trying to find some way not to let her rock my boat, but, not really satisfied I can actually do that because my twin always had a way of coming out of left field... Best I can do at this point is avoid her but that only goes so far and anyway I get tired of avoiding people sigh. I just don't wanna repeat past history at least as long as I can remember how bad it felt to live the way I was living. It was awful.

lol...

hope you are doing ok

[jazzy911]

Aww I am truly sorry to hear that! It's such a painful situation to be stuck in! Maybe your meditation will help. I can't say I exactly know how you feel, but boy do I know about avoidance! Lol Take it easy.

[FallingLeaves]

yeah i'm trying not to work too hard.

speaking of avoidance, when I was a child I used to keep maps of where people were likely to be so I knew how to avoid them. I'm glad that is over (shudders)....

[jazzy911]

speaking of avoidance, when I was a child I used to keep maps of where people were likely to be so I knew how to avoid them. I'm glad that is over (shudders)....

Wow that must have been awfully draining to do that as a child. I'm glad you have some relief from that now. Avoidant personalities must be some of the most exhausted (I know I am!!) Lol
Have a great weekend!

[FallingLeaves]

hi jazzy -

FWIW at some point you said something that yelled 'leave me alone' so I've been leaving you alone....... I was suprised when you posted here but it is nice

[jazzy911]

Oh Im sorry. I wasnt meaning you. Mostly Im talking to one of two soul connections who drive me batty. Lol
I like checking in with you, when Im balanced and friendly enough to say Hi. Lol :)