Dont need or want sex

My ex was the opposite extreme though, insisting that if someone ever isn't in the mood for sex something must be terribly wrong with them, and insisting that every normal person is the same way he is. But it was all part of his unhealthy addiction. I have to teach myself that it's okay to NOT have urges and to NOT be in the mood sometimes. This is something that many asexuals struggle with. Because society does also tell people that something is wrong with them if they don't need or want sex. Many people send out the message that everyone is supposed to be desiring and willing to have sex all the time every day and if they don't there is something wrong with them. This is also a very damaging message. Because in reality some people don't need or want sex because that's just the way they naturally are and most people will naturally not be in the mood sometimes. We shouldn't have to feel like were an abomination for it.

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by arive nan

My ex was the opposite extreme though, insisting that if someone ever isn't in the mood for sex something must be terribly wrong with them, and insisting that every normal person is the same way he is. But it was all part of his unhealthy addiction.

That is what I meant, he never should have threw that negativity at you. He should have realized that both of you had different appetites and moved on gracefully.

I have to teach myself that it's okay to NOT have urges and to NOT be in the mood sometimes. This is something that many asexuals struggle with. Because society does also tell people that something is wrong with them if they don't need or want sex. Many people send out the message that everyone is supposed to be desiring and willing to have sex all the time every day and if they don't there is something wrong with them. This is also a very damaging message. Because in reality some people don't need or want sex because that's just the way they naturally are and most people will naturally not be in the mood sometimes. We shouldn't have to feel like were an abomination for it.

Agreed. Sexual appetites vary among people just like everything else and should be respected. Sexual compatibility is very important and couples should be honest with each other and not show any hard feelings and break up gracefully under these circumstances. Its the advertising industry that is responsible for saying sex should be had all the time or your a loser not so much "many people" though your ex is an exception. Im sure many young guys think sex should be had all the time but thats the way it is physiologically when you are a male teen/twentysomething but Im sure most dont go around criticizing their partner like your ex did.

I think if we all look inside and love ourselves first and then send out the vibes for the kind of partner we want, the law of attraction will bring us that person and we can avoid this whole incompatibility mess to begin with.

It's true that no one should be treated the way I was, but it's not just an issue with compatibility when you're dealing with a sex addict. Sex addicts will have difficulty in any relationship they have no matter how high of a sex drive their partner has. Especially if they have no awareness of their own problem and made no attempt to face it.

When I say many people I mean many people. Many living people I interacted with in person. Sometimes their thoughts are communicated online instead, but they are still usually people I have met in person before. I haven't heard an advertisement say something half as bad as the things many real people of many ages have told me individually. I think you assume a lot of things and then try to explain to others that your assumptions are reality. I am not telling about my impressions from the media though. I am telling what I know to be reality because of what I witness in person from many individuals.

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by arive nan

When I say many people I mean many people. Many living people I interacted with in person. Sometimes their thoughts are communicated online instead, but they are still usually people I have met in person before. I haven't heard an advertisement say something half as bad as the things many real people of many ages have told me individually..

I had no idea what you meant by "many people" until you explained it to me just now. It seems that it means many people you have personally interacted with instead of "many people" in general. Big difference. Make yourself clear next time if you wish to avoid confusion. My spirituality has not yet reached the level where I can read another's mind and you shouldn't have this expectation of others.

I think you assume a lot of things and then try to explain to others that your assumptions are reality.

You are flat out wrong. It is you who are assuming things with this non-sensical statement of yours and your assumption is incorrect. I am only giving my opinions based on what I see in the media and the very little that others reveal to me in their posts. I do not claim to be a mind reader nor do I have the presumption to claim that my opinions are reality nor have I stated as such.

Make no mistake, this statement of yours is your projection and your projection alone that has absolutely nothing to do with me, my reality, my behavior or reality in general.

Originally Posted by arive nan

My ex was the opposite extreme though, insisting that if someone ever isn't in the mood for sex something must be terribly wrong with them, and insisting that every normal person is the same way he is. But it was all part of his unhealthy addiction. I have to teach myself that it's okay to NOT have urges and to NOT be in the mood sometimes. This is something that many asexuals struggle with. Because society does also tell people that something is wrong with them if they don't need or want sex. Many people send out the message that everyone is supposed to be desiring and willing to have sex all the time every day and if they don't there is something wrong with them. This is also a very damaging message. Because in reality some people don't need or want sex because that's just the way they naturally are and most people will naturally not be in the mood sometimes. We shouldn't have to feel like were an abomination for it.

Not to think about it is precarious. You need it in a balanced way and not to have the desire for it is really catastrophic. There must be some disorder. Like if you lose hunger you will lose health and if you lose the appetite for it you will lose stamina and vitality. It is a great energy source and when two willing persons make love it becomes synergistic. My friend told his story that his wife was always grumbling, nagging and he did not like it and he went to a councilor who asked what the frequency at which they made love. He said it was once a month and sometimes once in two months. He advised he would love at least once a week or if he has the appetite for it even twice a week and he did it she was cured and became uncomplaining and loving. This can act as an elixir if done appropriately.

I am responsible for some confusion, and for that I apologize. My annoyance was with returning the focus to the media after I expressed that my impressions do not come from the media but from the men I have met. This was in a previous post of mine.

Originally Posted by arive nan

I don't need the media to tell me that there are dangerous, chauvinistic, and insane men are out there. They are here, in my life, in my town, hurting people I know, sitting at my kitchen table with their tongues loosed by alcohol saying "I should be in jail for some of the things I've done". They are men I have met...

I was also annoyed with myself for not emphasizing earlier that I think it is problematic to say that this impression is due to the media, and for saying something that easily let that come back up. I didn't make it clear that the assumptions are about such men being rare exceptions and the media creating our impressions that they are common. It was stated in the manner of an explanation of the way things are. But this explanation was given to someone who has already expressed that her impressions come from encounters with the chauvinistic men themselves.

Originally Posted by supernova

Not to think about it is precarious. You need it in a balanced way and not to have the desire for it is really catastrophic. There must be some disorder.

I have already mentioned that being convinced that it is a disorder in the past led me to a severe, life-threatening depression. I make a conscious effort to believe that it is okay to not have desires. I have a goal to eradicate the fear that something is wrong every time I'm not in the mood and become able to feel completely comfortable and okay with myself during those times. People who never desire sex even when in a natural, non-depressed, healthy state can do this and find happiness.

Originally Posted by arive nan

I have already mentioned that being convinced that it is a disorder in the past led me to a severe, life-threatening depression. I make a conscious effort to believe that it is okay to not have desires. I have a goal to eradicate the fear that something is wrong every time I'm not in the mood and become able to feel completely comfortable and okay with myself during those times. People who never desire sex even when in a natural, non-depressed, healthy state can do this and find happiness.

You can have happiness without it but more happiness with it.

Do you agree?

I'll be happy when I'm okay with myself whether I have a libido or not at any given time. It is not unusual for libido to lower as one reaches old age. That will happen to me some day. I'd rather work on being happy no matter what my libido happens to be at any given time. Having issues with the level of libido is my problem, not the level of libido itself. I have read accounts from people who felt happier after losing libido.

Originally Posted by arive nan

I'll be happy when I'm okay with myself whether I have a libido or not at any given time. It is not unusual for libido to lower as one reaches old age. That will happen to me some day. I'd rather work on being happy no matter what my libido happens to be at any given time. Having issues with the level of libido is my problem, not the level of libido itself. I have read accounts from people who felt happier after losing libido.

Yours maybe an exceptional case and I am talking generally. Most of us have libidos and our actions are greatly shaped by it and our moves led by it.