To Date or Not to Date While TF Runs? That is the Question...

[Perseid]

Originally Posted by Shawnee

Thanks for your insight, Perseid! I'm in a much better place than I was when I first posted this thread. (I can go a whole week now before I get all emotional over TF. Lol). I took in everyone's advice & tried to be open-minded & have been dating someone about six months.

I can tell thru this that I'm not whole in myself yet & not ready to date seriously, although I enjoy the companionship. BF is wonderful - treats me like a queen, loves me, mentions the "M" word, etc. He doesn't have any commitment issues but I feel like he's settling & likes the "idea" of me more than the actual me.

I've told him I'm never going to have more kids or want a traditional relationship - but suspect he thinks I'll change my mind. It's all good for about a week - til I can't stuff TF away any longer & cry bc I miss him.

I have a long way to go but appreciate all the tough love everyone gave me when I first posted. :)

I'm glad to hear you're doing better Shawnee. This whole path you're on is where you're supposed to be including who you're dating right now and it's great that you were open to something new. One thing I've learned from the whole experience though is that you want to go into that pain. Culturally we're trained from a very early age to suppress and avoid our emotions but from a spiritual perspective when you face that pain and go into it and learn how to release the trigger that is causing it then it actually doesn't come back, if anything you just allow another layer to come up. The techniques to do this are varied but they are practical and definitely work if applied.

[mystical]

i left a relationship of 14 years to stay true to what i wanted (my twin) so for me to just go be in another relationship would meant i ended that relationship for nothing really what was the point in leaving in the first place ? i cant live a lie anymore i will always think of him while in anothers arms , when i say i love u i know i cannot mean that for as long as another is in my heart and soul . i have to stay faithful to him and myself im married spiritually to my twin so forsake all others till death us do part

It's actually not about living a lie - I think u take this view when u look at love as something external that is given to you from another, hence it never seems to compare.

I stopped comparing, and choose to share the love with a person who is present and willingly available to be in my life. The connection I have with my TF IS unique there is no denying that, but he is married - and until if or when he chooses not to be married anymore then I will carry on with life assuming he will remain married.

It doesn't mean you HAVE to date, but sitting on a shelf closing yourself off to loving another may be closing off just the lessons your soul is in need of.

My TF and I have ended up with extremely similar partners - any coincidence if we have similar lessons? We honestly have spoken about it and can value and see the lessons for all involved.

Stop allowing your emotional body control your life, yr not here to be martyrs your here to experience life and soul connections - allow it - when it is deemed time for you and yr TF to unite - all the water in the ocean will not stop it.

Trust it was divinely orchestrated that you met - trust it will also be so if u reunite...I no longer begrudge him his wife as he does not begrudge me my boyfriend - it doesn't need to compare, it just needs to be appreciated for everything it is :)

[sbella]

I forgot to mention in my previous post that I am a runner as well. If he showed up on my doorstep today, I would be terrified. I wasn't ready to date him when we first met, and am still not ready right now either. I'll just take things as they come. I'm focusing on myself right now, and am trying to move into surrender, but I can't do that without dropping my fears and letting go of this resistance that I have.

[YoursTruly]

Mine is the runner. I say, go date. Loving_Soul put it succinctly.

edited by SF staff

Originally Posted by Perseid

Interesting to see this old thread pop up now. As some background, I started working with one of the experts in soul connections a year ago September. At that point I was an emotional wreck and having a difficult time coming to grips with it, now I think it would be rare to have pain over almost anything, including the connection, which, of course, hasn't gone away. I've learned a great deal in that year and in the last few months I have gone through quite a journey involving a different woman.

One of the things I've learned is that if you're willing to surrender to the process, you will likely learn the lesson of what it's like to desire an outcome to something, and often this lesson is learned through the desire of wanting to have a physical relationship with someone. But since this journey is about the universal perspective and thus spans several lifetimes, often the soul connection has been given to you to help you to surrender to this greater viewpoint. This isn't really something that can be grasped by the ego or thought about much, but in my experience it has been about healing the wounds that come up when put into these situations.

A few months ago I started having an energetic interaction with someone who works close to me. It started as it usually does, we started meeting each other's eyes for long periods of times and we clearly liked each other and of course as soon as this started happening I went through the same process, should I date someone else? It can't be like the soul connection right? etc etc. But this time I was under guidance and I was advised to just go with the experience. Anyway it began to heat up and we started talking more every time I went to see her and it became quite obvious there was some interest going on between us. But at this point I was in a totally different mindset than I used to be and because I was understanding it as an energetic reaction and not necessarily a romance, I didn't fall for her and I let things happen. But at one point, I realized I would be OK pursuing a physical relationship with her and after enough flirting I asked for and got her phone number.

But then I called a couple times and the second time she answered but got off the phone really quickly, too fast. I was really upset about this a few days later but then I was guided through releasing what was a really huge emotional wound, something along the lines of "nothing ever goes right." This was a childhood wound and would take more time than I have to explain, but when it was released everything changed in a major way. So much of the pain I had been carrying disappeared immediately and while I'm sure I'll hit deeper wounds at some point, I haven't even been remotely unhappy ever since.

Anyway I went in to see her a few weeks later and she came at me really intensely, telling me she missed me and really pouring on the energy and charm. But since my perspective had changed, I was still a bit put off by the phone call and why she didn't call back and then for me my whole interest took a big step back. It was strange because she was making it really obvious she was still interested, but my intuition was guiding me not to do anything about it, there was obviously something that I didn't know.

I went in a week later and she was cold and offish, just a 180 degree turn. And so right before I left she basically forced the conversation in a direction in order to tell me that she has a boyfriend. This was after at least four months of going into seeing her and not once had she mentioned that fact and it was obvious to me she did it because I had backed off and she was hurt by it. When I got back to work, I was kind of stunned but then I started to laugh and ended up being in a super positive mood the whole day, feeling like I had missed a bullet, that my intuition had guided me out of something that could have been really messy.

Now I wouldn't at all say this was an outcome to the situation, I'm sure I'll see her again and the journey will continue with it. And this all happened with the full awareness that I still have a deep soul connection with someone from a few years ago. But I guarantee that if I hadn't found this teacher and surrendered to the process and started learning about why I went through the connection and where it's taking me, a situation like this would have destroyed me and my peace of mind, just like nearly every relationship I've been in. But because I've healed an amazing amount in a year I instead have just gone with the experience.

If my ego wants to debate about what would happen if I'm dating someone else when my soul connection returns, well most of me is just not really interested in going in that direction because if your ego is debating this then it's really not trusting in the universal process and plan. The reason why we don't do this is usually because we have emotional wounding and pain that has not been released. When you start actually releasing it then the pain starts to go away in a palpable way and it goes away without the connection going. That is always there, and it will remain so until you complete the karma. But there are lots of steps along the way and one of the major things to learn is to get away from ego mind and to work in the now, to let the energy lead you rather than the mind. Pain is just a reminder that there is work to do and damage to be released. If you release it, things get so much better, I mean I can't tell you how different I was a year ago when I started working on this.

So in the end the question isn't to date or not to date, you don't really have to answer that question. Romance and attraction is only part of the energy that creates a connection between two people and you limit where you can go if you desire strongly for it to go somewhere. If you trust the energy and the process then you are in alignment with Self and when you are, you actually want to embrace and transform the pain and see where it takes you next.

I totally agree, but where has it left you?
I don`t have a lot of pain (that I know of), after years of releasing, but I do have a desire to share this amazing love with someone.
Can I do that with someone else, when the other one is always there?
Maybe...up until this guy showed up, I haven`t been able to, but I`m ready for change. Now!

[Perseid]

Originally Posted by Honestly

I totally agree, but where has it left you?
I don`t have a lot of pain (that I know of), after years of releasing, but I do have a desire to share this amazing love with someone.
Can I do that with someone else, when the other one is always there?
Maybe...up until this guy showed up, I haven`t been able to, but I`m ready for change. Now!

Most of it is about trusting the universe and the path you're on. It's usually the mind/ego that is talking when this sort of question comes up, and we all go through it for sure. The level of energy and the divine doesn't really care what the mind thinks because it has a universal and unlimited viewpoint. Which means that you're on a journey, one of many lifetimes and experiences. My story was meant to demonstrate that even when your ego desires something, it's not necessarily the best thing for you or your journey. It's a difficult lesson because with a soul connection you've experienced so much testing and pain that you often wonder if the sun will rise again. Anybody who comes after will probably pale in comparison, but I don't think the universe wants you to limit your interactions with people to just this one hugely elevated experience. You only tend to interact with new people when you have some sort of vibe with them and so that feeling of romance and a new start is almost always there when you're about to go through a test. The key is to go into the pain and fear. If you fear dating someone else then that's often a good clue to actually go into it and see what it's about. It doesn't mean the outcome is a physical relationship, often the tests are there to bring hidden shadows to the surface so you can deal with them.

Soul connections are also really good for developing boundaries, you've learned so much about yourself you likely have a better idea of what you'll accept or not in a relationship. Those boundaries don't have to go away when you meet someone new, quite the contrary an opportunity like this might help you test them. Eliminating and releasing wounds will help you work from the present and in the present what happens next doesn't matter, since that's a matter of trust in the process.

Again I agree with you, but...

On a waking level, mind/ego if you will, he doesn`t pale in comparison, and I`m not afraid to date him, I want to, and there is a lot of energy there which points to this being a part of the journey.

On a soul level I`ve been shown that this man is a "comfortable" partner, and someone with whom I can have a good life. The other path was waiting for TF/SC, which is more fulfilling/intense emotionally. And it seems like it`s my choice. And then in comes the ego with all it`s questions...

Go with yr gut - there are NO mistakes, all the worrying does is make the ride more uncomfortable - u know when someone is in your life for a purpose - dont question it - just experience it.

[Perseid]

Originally Posted by Honestly

Again I agree with you, but...

On a waking level, mind/ego if you will, he doesn`t pale in comparison, and I`m not afraid to date him, I want to, and there is a lot of energy there which points to this being a part of the journey.

On a soul level I`ve been shown that this man is a "comfortable" partner, and someone with whom I can have a good life. The other path was waiting for TF/SC, which is more fulfilling/intense emotionally. And it seems like it`s my choice. And then in comes the ego with all it`s questions...

It is the choices that really mean our destinies aren't spoken for and so I wouldn't think of it as having two choices, one your SC and the other this new person. It doesn't have to be the outcome of what kind of life you're going to have but the quality of your life right now. And especially if there's a lot of energy there, that's the soul level telling you to go into it. The energy is always the key in these situations. But an energetic interaction won't necessarily have an endgame like someone you can have a good life with, it's a matter of what's right in front of you. It is hard not to think of these things as romances, but the more you go into them, the more you can process them and see how the universe actually is helping you heal, especially if you surrender to it.

The way I kind of look at it is a soul connection is strong enough to bring up your deepest wounds and the way to return is to heal those wounds so that you're strong to deal with the soul connection.