Meditation as it is

[FallingLeaves]

i kinda always thought somehow I had to make this thing with my twin 'complete'. This life though I was kinda fuming because no matter what I can do to unilateraly complete things she eventually comes in with a wrecking ball and then it isn't complete any more lol... and it is is a lot of effort to make things complete anyway... so I've been sorta leaning toward not trying to 'complete' this. in general im going in that direction, trying hard not to make 'rules' about what I will accept in the future and what I won't. Although that is hard too and it bothers me in its own way because then i have to be a little raw about the whole thing... im sorta liking it though but we'll see how long i can keep it up i guess...

i can sorta cope with dealing with her now, while at the same time also having some semblance of a life... it is kinda like standing on top of a balloon and trying not to fall off when the balloon moves lol... which i guess isn't ideal but, right now I don't see anything but that I'm going to get endless chances at standing on this balloon even if I don't want that, then I have to work really hard if i don't want to stand on it... I figure i might as well give in and do something a little different than my usual....

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by Gem

Hey, lil' miss popular! Can you delete your in-box so I can message you something? Cheers

Lol .. I’m not really.
That was Justin Passings one hundred messages that filled it up last time he visited.

All done!

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

i kinda always thought somehow I had to make this thing with my twin 'complete'. This life though I was kinda fuming because no matter what I can do to unilateraly complete things she eventually comes in with a wrecking ball and then it isn't complete any more lol... and it is is a lot of effort to make things complete anyway... so I've been sorta leaning toward not trying to 'complete' this. in general im going in that direction, trying hard not to make 'rules' about what I will accept....

Being open to what is, as it is without rules, does eventually allow you to grow more steady and true to you. If you hold yourself to rules etc, it can stop progression most naturally as things land. I look at this, as no different to sitting on a meditation mat, where suddenly you all peaceful and Zen, not a worry in the world, but suddenly, your slapped with the zen masters stick and ouch it hurts. Lol. Is it a temporary interlude where you feel it and get back to peace? Or are you ready to strangle the Zen master and leave the room livid.. lol.


There’s markers in self you see..

The twin thing is deep and identifiable markers in the core of our own being. When you place someone in there along side you, they represent and become bound to the closest part of you.

When you place them there, when you allow them in, in this way, most often you’ll feel like everything touched by them in this way, is left very raw and sore, especially these kind of deeper activations.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by JustBe

I look at this, as no different to sitting on a meditation mat, where suddenly you all peaceful and Zen, not a worry in the world, but suddenly, your slapped with the zen masters stick and ouch it hurts.

that is kinda the way life treats me... try to drift into sleep into automatic land, and ouch! it doesn't hurt so much any more though, Ive been trying to do the lessons and that seems appreciated, and it helps an awful lot to know what is happening and why .

I never was allowed to have peace once the twin left, another one of those reasons I was so mad at her because she had given me a taste and then it got pulled away when she ran! But I've found, there are other ways of living, always something one can do... trick is just not to get so hung up that there is something specific you should have and you've got to have it then you build your whole life around that and then your life is gone....

When you place them there, when you allow them in, in this way, most often you’ll feel like everything touched by them in this way, is left very raw and sore, especially these kind of deeper activations.

well yeah and then the instinct is to try to protect oneself... for me that is like making rules how to act though, a script for life... I'm trying to learn how to back off that whole process which is part of why I don't wanna just block the twin any more.

One of the biggest things I've learned in this lifetime is, not to try to preemptively block things that I think will cause me pain.

Honestly i don't think she is around right now anyway but still, I'm tried of being mad at her as my go-to emotion for dealing with her lol... rather try to learn not to have go-to emotions at least as much as that is practical and just cope with what happens as besgt I am able.

I guess you've been through something similar, to be able to talk about it this way?

[JustBe]

Yes a great lesson in not getting consumed by one stream of life and unhealthy attachments, where by you cling to something you believe is the only thing that matters in life.

Often when one is trying to undo protection the other is sealing walls shut lol.
I think being open with healthy boundaries is a much nicer gentler way to live.

I explained a little in the twin flame section as to my own process.

Coming through and out the other side, I’m just so acutely aware of all these steps and their meanings and relationship to myself.

Living my life with healthy attachments, is my liberation. Connecting energetically with this other reflection and feeling at peace, wishing them peace and acceptance for their life is where I am now.



And once aware, you can’t go backwards..well I can’t.

[FallingLeaves]

that has been a huge problem for me in other lifetimes and somewhat in this one as well; I've escaped in it big ways this time but I was actually working on it in small ways some more today... that is, getting consumed by the lure of the 'one true concept' ideology.

as far as the 'one true concept' ideology i also extend that to feelings, I can no long see myself seeking 'one true feeling' just for the purpose of planning to rest in it forever lol.. which was also kinda my lesson for the day, not to be so sure I should be dictating my own feelings as much as I have in the past....

as far as what the other does... i quit minding whether we could ever be on the same page at about the same time I realized that every complaint i could make about her, she would also be justified in making about me

[JustBe]

I think in the bigger scheme of ourselves, the whole concept of ‘one true love’ ‘one true feeling’ etc etc..eventually falls back into the ‘one’ - yourself. As humans we are a complex arrangement of interconnectedness, so being open and aware of yourself in this view allows you to see how much of ourselves we can and often neglect for the sake of things we tend to focus on that distract us from deeper truths within.

I’ve learned through my relationships with others, that the more connected and true to myself I’ve become, my relationships become an extension of my reality at any given period of my life.

Owning it all, is a hard concept for some to grasp. Becoming everything you see out there is also a difficult one for people to comprehend.

Projection is a tricky one as are entanglements. To truly connect with someone authentically and truthfully, requires both parties to be open to themselves in this way. It doesn’t have to be perfect by any means, but truthful self reflection as I am able to reside in, with another allows for deeper intimacy and connection.

I’m very fortunate, my current relationship is like this. Even when my partner cannot see, or stubborn, I’ll weave my magic and patiently kick his butt lol .. not really, I’ll bring it to his attention but only when I know I’m clear in myself. If I’m emotionally disturbed, reacting, no amount of seeing will filter through. So I deal with my part first, get clear and address. If he resists I’ll call his resistance and work through it with him.

Being more open and clear I find that when things get in the way of our relationship, I can’t ignore. My whole being now, requires I honour that space.

[FallingLeaves]

i sorta got to a point, regardless of what the 'truth' of things is, of deciding it is simply more 'fun' to think in terms of there being 'others' as well as my self. That was a conscious decision... I simply didn't want the aloneness of everything being me and there being nothing but me.

But that is my personal thought on the matter.

it doesn't mean though either that I don't see the similarities between whatever i want to call myself and whatever i want to call otherness either.... very much intertwined... whatever it is that I want to call 'me' wouldn't exist without all the stuff I don't want to call 'me'....

having a relationship with anyone is kind of a dream for me, don't know if I will ever have that. Or whether if I could, I would be able to maintain my sensibilities in the things I'm working on any more.

Anway because of the twin and my other lifes experiences i have a wonderful idea of all the things that are likely to go wrong but absolutely no experience with anything ever going right.

[JustBe]

Knowing all the wrongs is definitely a good starting point.. lol

Perhaps you’re building a culmination of them all to let all the wrongs go and finally start afresh?

I often find my process move like this. I’ll reach a marker where suddenly the culmination moves into a big package as ‘one’ and I notice it all finally leaves.

My current relationship, has been about being myself authentically as I am in all ways of being me and learning to love and be loved without the heavy pain body in myself. In some ways it’s all about embracing the upside of love and connection, which of course was very foreign to my world as a child growing up and my earlier relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents did their best, but even without severe trauma through them in this life, generational wounds and the worlds suffering was a heavy load to bear.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Perhaps you’re building a culmination of them all to let all the wrongs go and finally start afresh?

honestly, i feel like i can actually relate as myself in little ways now... whereas before I went to great lengths to try to be whoever I thought the other person wanted me to be....

so, i content myself with that for now.

I’ll reach a marker where suddenly the culmination moves into a big package as ‘one’ and I notice it all finally leaves.

personally i got tired of asking things to leave. It is like my twin, whatever I succeed in getting rid of always comes back anyway.... and that is after a lot of heart-wrenching effort to get rid of it anyway. i kinda got to a point now where I'm curious what all this stuff is before I just take another trip to the trash can... lol....

Don’t get me wrong, my parents did their best, but even without severe trauma through them in this life, generational wounds and the worlds suffering was a heavy load to bear.

same here... isn't it funny how we never seem to learn anything until we've been tossed against things we greatly dislike? lol...