Turned Off by Tone

Originally Posted by Gem

I read it, and the same thing happens to me, so yes, at first it startled you, and as it became the 'same old same old' it stopped working. I get it.

Now you're trying to say you chose to be startled, and also, you could be be startled if you wanted, even after it no longer startles you.

Yes Gem, whatever you say.

Originally Posted by Humm

I think part of our power is in feelings. Feelings tell us where our awareness is - of connection or disconnection, as you say.

I don't think it is a matter of becoming immune, but of learning to interpret the feelings in a productive way.

yes true I agree with you.

I was questioning that space of expecting another to behave a certain way and in that knowing you build an immunity almost like a preparation of expecting the hurt or harm in certain situations...

Well trust might also come into play as well...you lose trust in that person so you dont put yourself in a position with them in that light again...

Originally Posted by silent whisper

yes true I agree with you.

I was questioning that space of expecting another to behave a certain way and in that knowing you build an immunity almost like a preparation of expecting the hurt or harm in certain situations...

Well trust might also come into play as well...you lose trust in that person so you dont put yourself in a position with them in that light again...

Yes, I saw that.

IME often it isn't just a matter of trust, but learning how to interact with that person. People usually make the assumption that other people are like them, that if they are hurtful, it is for the same reason I would be hurtful, etc..

In fact, people vary widely in reasoning, motivation, etc.. Often, it is very beneficial to take some time to find out about them. I suppose this could be looked at as a kind of 'immunity', but I kind of don't like the term because it implies an inherent toxicity to the other person, and I've found truly toxic people are pretty rare.

More often, in a situation where someone experiences someone else as toxic, it is a result of the interaction between two people of a certain type, not just the result of a single person - but when one does run into a truly toxic person, the only real 'immunity' is a lot of distance.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Humm

Yes Gem, whatever you say.

I know what it is and it's just a common experience, but persons don't choose to be startled, and that's why the clip board trick is fun.

[sound]

Originally Posted by Humm

The discussion is if feelings are involuntary (IMO) but I think you show in what I quoted a careful consideration for feelings.

Mm ok ... ty for acknowledging that Humm ... I truly do care how others feel ... it is very important to me ... I don't always know how to express that, or indeed how to respond, especially in this social context, but I recognize deep feeling tones in others. I have worked with others more times than i can remember, offering the kind of support which apparently enables them to bring themselves back from the brink, and in most instances, it has involved helping them to work through some of those beliefs they are holding onto which have them finding themselves in the same emotional head space time after time ... and its worthy to note, for some record, somewhere lol that the realizations in those moments are never, ever one-sided ... there is no back patting ... no violins lol ... its not about that ... its about preservation of life ultimately, including my own

Getting back on topic ... if what i say offends, then consider that I am talking to myself ... that often makes all the difference ...

Originally Posted by Humm

Yes, I saw that.

IME often it isn't just a matter of trust, but learning how to interact with that person. People usually make the assumption that other people are like them, that if they are hurtful, it is for the same reason I would be hurtful, etc..

In fact, people vary widely in reasoning, motivation, etc.. Often, it is very beneficial to take some time to find out about them. I suppose this could be looked at as a kind of 'immunity', but I kind of don't like the term because it implies an inherent toxicity to the other person, and I've found truly toxic people are pretty rare.

More often, in a situation where someone experiences someone else as toxic, it is a result of the interaction between two people of a certain type, not just the result of a single person - but when one does run into a truly toxic person, the only real 'immunity' is a lot of distance.

Ok before I go to bed..one more..comment..

what about those that are physically or sexually abused. Fearing for their life under those circumstances...That numbing or immune space could come into play..The immune almost like a door slammed shut so feelings are no longer felt..creating an immunity to feeling ..I am not sure really, but I suspect even in that numbing or closing down, that eventually the feelings would have to be dealt with. Perhaps numbing is more how it would be...closing off feelings....

[sound]

Originally Posted by Gem

I know what it is and it's just a common experience, but persons don't choose to be startled, and that's why the clip board trick is fun.

I did it with a friend in the UK with a plastic spider in her work tray and she jumped up and hit her head on the wall ... not so much fun

[Gem]

Originally Posted by sound

I did it with a friend in the UK with a plastic spider in her work tray and she jumped up and hit her head on the wall ... not so much fun

Yeah ... starts in laughter...

ahh the nature of man kind, listen to learn and learn to listen was said to me a long time ago and still applies now. everyone has a story to tell so we listen. if you do not reply to the conversation then your silence says a lot.

[sound]

Originally Posted by Gem

Yeah ... starts in laughter...

Yeah I know it was irresponsible ... not funny hahahahahaha we still laugh about it now lol ...