Narcissists and Aging

[Izz]

The narc also has a way of making up suddenly a new role where there was before an old rule, so then it suddenly burst out in a comment or attack having made up an entirely new rule where I know it is new

This sounds EXACTLY like the narc I know

The narc in my life would also make up new rules and then she would behave as though I was a criminal for not immediately complying

1) For example I was cleaning up after others' dishes (emphasis : DISHES USED BY OTHERS IN THE FAMILY, I was cleaning up after them not just myself) and then upon leaving some water droplets on the floor from cleaning their mess - she cursed me about some new rule I should've known about

And then suddenly went into some tangent rant about how I was pitiful and supposedly had "enemies" (I really do feel like saying to her what makes her so confident that an unpleasant person like her would be liked by everyone)

2) She would berate me about not making unknown enemies (in a confusing word salad narc style) and then another new rule appeared; how dare was I NEUTRAL to this one paternal cousin I didn't know that well. I should've been rude and disrespected him (I'm sorry, isn't basic courtesy the prerequisite as to not make so called enemies or am I living in another planet? Just trying to go by the narc logic here)

3) She would insult that I was friendless and not liked but then some time later she would say I should stop communicating with "stupid" friends (?????)

4) She would expect me to take perfect hand care, care of my hands (old rule) because she honestly even compared me by saying other women have nicer looking hands (LOL) then whined like a victim when I over used (in her brain) the hand wash or bought myself a fancy hand wash (new rule)

She would bash my skin complexion and how dare I didn't take care of it properly enough (old rule) and then insulted me when I wanted to buy new skin care products said I couldn't handle criticism (new rule)

5) She would say not to upset the boss at work to be positive (old rule), but then attempt to put negative connotations to my work space by saying out of the blue in an unrelated context "don't be so confident about your work colleagues and friends liking you" and then insinuated "your boss is saying you make excuses" - so apparently I should be hypervigilant and also negative at work (new rule)

Narcs are on another level altogether! But they are cut from the same cloth, including with your narc in law! Methods and cultures may vary but similar wavelength you see

I found this picture that fits them


Another thing - I've been thinking about master numbers and 2022

2022 for me carries the same higher vibration signature for the Divine Feminine the way 2011 did for me. (master numbers = 22 & 11) I'm going to miss 2022 the way I've missed 2011

It's a time for huge transformation esp for the Divine Feminine of the twin flames

I feel like saying to these narc abusers - including a few narc others - "2022, this is MY year. You can be put in your place and the world itself will expose your abuse" And I am not sorry :)

Aside from that - I absolutely understand what you mean. How your luv's learnt behavior of tip-toeing around the narc has effected your family unit. It shouldn't have been as the golden child is a grown adult and needs to take responsibility even though he had been victimized and having done learnt behavior

It makes me think of certain golden child individuals I know :/ I wonder if me talking to you now is a sign being shown to me of what could come for their futures from always trying to appease the narc I know

I understand completely about you wanting to leave him if he failed again

[Izz]

Also asearcher

Another part of the mind games by the energy leeches I know, that is quite frankly pathetic

The energy leech family member I know and even that energy leech friend of whom I walked away from her (thank God and I wish I did it earlier) - liked to act as if their psychological abuse against me, false / confusing accusations blame shifting and behaving as if I was "not as mature or as profound as them" - were "constructive criticism" and I was just "sensitive." Especially with their changing rules / inconsistency

Does your narc energy leech in law do this?

I like the assumption they make as if I hadn't accepted constructive criticism before from others

I remember my paternal aunt once constructively criticized me about my behavior towards a cousin. I accepted it and checked myself and harbored no ill will because she was not abusive, not performing triangulation and certainly not behaving like she was all knowing as if I was the lesser or the less mature

I have also checked myself in terms of constructive criticism from numerous others because as human beings we all certainly need it. No one is free above constructive criticism

But energy leeches are on a whole other level

Imagine that this energy leech in my life - her word salad caused confusion "don't be confident about your work colleagues and friends liking you" saying that confidence was a downfall of my other family member (funny that it's apparently okay for the unpleasant, toxic cesspool of this energy leech to behave as if everyone liked her. Such superiority!). Imagine being put into confusion wondering about something at work that I didn't wonder about before her accusations (this is the triangulation effect). Imagine being falsely accused of adding to some unknown unseen negativity at work (word salad, and I don't even know what exactly she refers to) and then being made to feel as if I don't have the right to be Neutral in certain work situations like a Human being?

Imagine being punished just for being a Human Being and having human responses. That's what an energy leech does to avoid looking at their own moral failures in life

Their currency is Energy and it's easier said than done to not allow them to take up the energy

I pray to God that she will never again touch or taint my important goals in life

Pathological belittling (with false accusations and making some creation fog) is as bad as pathological lying. In essence - energy leeches are liars

An energy leech just doesn't understand - you cannot bully someone into genuinely liking you for your true self.
They're too damaged though so they live in a world of delusions and permanent damage

It's funny how these energy leeches behave as if they have the right to disguise psychological abuse in the form of legit criticism, but if I criticize them for their damage they would immediately get into victim mode. If I were to tell the energy leech in my life "stop accusing me of unseen negativity at the work place, causing confusion. how are you so confident that you as an unpleasant individual mean that everyone would like you? Im using your logic" - she would get in rage, tantrums, and cry crocodile tears again about how I wouldn't have anyone to turn to but her etc etc. If I were to tell that energy leech ex friend "you are certainly adamant and persistent about me being unhinged and should be talked down to, but you expect me to rush and help you with your 'much more serious' life issues. have you ever thought that your attitude is why you did not get the help that you wanted or needed? do you simply berate and belittle others while demanding they comply and help?" she would say something about her inner wounds and no one helping her with her responsibilities

Energy leeches make up this whole entire world, all on their own, because they don't want to see their own mistakes. They think it's okay to belittle and destroy others subtly on the basis of acting as if they were more all-knowing, all-wise, more profound, all-evolved, more meaningful than their own victims - when it's really a bunch of tossed around word salad

But energy leeches - I see you. Rest assured. I see you for who you are. I won't let your triangulation games sabotage or stagnate

I need to mention - this is another tactic that energy leeches do esp when they blame shift

When they want to shift blame, they like to evade accountability by putting forward verbal abuse and unrelated insults

When that energy leech ex friend I walked away from - wanted to attack me for "abandoning" her for a few days (more like preserving myself from her verbal abuse so that I could focus on some goals that were set in motion - even though she accused me of being upset over something else entirely, because energy leeches LOVE to falsely accuse) - she blame shifted to something unrelated

She said that I was repetitive, and that I always had "something intense and serious" in my life BUT then she DEMANDED I should HAVE HELPED HER with her MUCH MORE SERIOUS, MUCH MORE PROFOUND issues (she was basically saying i lacked all profound experience compared to her, HER HOLINESS OF EVERYTHING SAINT MATURE AND PURITY but should comply in helping her anyway - that I had no right to reject her DEMANDS). She then shifted it to something unrelated - she decided to attack one of my goals, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW VERY WELL MY OTHER GOALS WERE HAPPENING AT THIS TIME - she said "see this is why a dream of yours doesn't come true and you'll learn why"

(Oh I'm sure if I told her why she doesn't get the help that she really wants is because of a certain behavior, she would also blame shift, attack and then tell me I triggered her inner wounds. Goodness forbid that anyone would give back to her what she's always given others)

And later, after all that, she still demanded that I help her. Wow. In hindsight, I wonder why I put up with that, perhaps I didn't want the guilt of abandoning someone in need - and I should have walked away much earlier

Much like the energy leech family member - if I bring up about her verbal abuse and her attacking me over nonsensical things (who attacks and curses someone for leaving a few water droplets on the floor FOR CLEANING THE DISHES USED BY OTHERS INCLUDING HER IN THE FAMILY? AT LEAST I CLEANT UP AFTER THEM, EVEN WHEN I WAS BURNT THE HECK OUT), she will get into a meltdown of crocodile tears - and suddenly it's unrelated, something about me and these unseen, unknown, untouchable goodness knows who (I don't even know their names), gee who the heck are these people, faceless "ENEMIES" that apparently prove she's far more "likeable" than me even with her unpleasant shell of a personality

(Oh I'm sure, if I told her that she's actually a broken shell and why is she, with this belittling verbally abusive attitude, so very confident that everyone throughout her course of a lifetime - span of a lifetime - liked her and should never criticize her at all... she would then throw more crocodile tears and smear campaigns about how I'm so not mature and only had her - LOL - to turn to)

Energy leeches are incompetent, lack any real logic in life, live in delusion because of their pathological belittling and their efforts are sadly transparent to someone like me at this stage. They're the lowest of the low

Also, thank you asearcher, for standing up to your narc in law, because you are in essence standing up for other victims of the same kind of narc abusers

I recognize so much from what you describe about your narc, the crocodile tears etc.

God that is a lot of her changing the rules!!! Jesus!

May I ask, perhaps this is too private and if it is I understand, but is there someone in the family you feel suffer from anxiety?

I think my luv is prone to anxiety only he does not always recognize it as such, and I think it is in the older generation as well and it take shapes such as having the home and yourself look perfect, re-presentable. I have this theory that it is really down to trying to find safety in a world where the rules keep changing. I feel tense when I am around the narc and so I recognize that within myself and I can understand that if you do not know when and if and how the explosions - the changes - will suddenly come that you try to built safety around you, take away any threats that you can so that there is order around you and that make you feel more safe? Also a way to occupy you?

When I first began to notice that my luvs parent was up to no good I remember thinking that this parent can not love it's son so much like a normal parent does or else it would not do this as it would be able to see the damage it could make in the son's relationship with me and with potential grandchildren in the future. Me and my luv was happy back then. That was when I thought I better just take the blows then and try to keep him out of it but the thing is I got too many of those punches, blows, and my luv did not understand why I was tense in his parents home or why I was withdrawing etc and I thought maybe he would not believe me (I could hardly believe it all myself. There is another family member that on its own exclaimed to me "Nobody is going to believe us!", and that too I remember thinking when I was trapped in the relationship with my ex, the psychopath that nobody is going to believe me.)

I don't know about yours but the narc I know cares of it's image even if it don't really care about people, another paradox, they are full of paradoxes aren't they. Nothing make sense. No wonder one get confused trying to figure them out. It is like one big hide and seek with them. Like you can never catch them. So anyways I suspect my parent in law is not the first narc in that family, it goes even further back.

And what these narc have in common it is that they have been able to preserve a status out in the society so that people think they are good people and all that, generations back!, and I can imagine if a child would say but it isn't so nobody would believe the child and it would be called ungrateful. I remember it was as if people thought I was ungrateful when I was the psychopaths girlfriend (or ex) even if they knew he had been the one to initiate the break up, suddenly I was the bad guy for not wanting us back together just because he wanted too? I remember I thought how is he doing this? How is it possible to manipulate these other people so well? And so it was then the isolation you talk about and too trying to guilt trip me again. It is so obvious with what you have written your relative is trying to do that to you, the isolation, and the quilt trip. Has she tried turning other people against you? With me and the ex-psychopath's people it was as if he and they acted as if I still had obligations to him, that we were not finished even if we were, as if he and they set the tone, the rule. It was all very strange. One time I just remember saying "It is not true". It was all I could say. Is your relative up to anything like that?

When I was trapped in the relationship with the psychopath it was as if I was in this fog and I was numbed on the inside and I was polite and doing chores and kept myself busy (but I could not sleep well at all).

I have thought to myself when I have asked my luv but what did you feel when that happened? When he witnessed his parent have a go at me. Were you thinking about jumping in? Were you not? Did you think I deserved it? What went on in your mind? How do you feel when the parent does it to your sibling, for instance? Where do you go?
And he has told me he don't know and he guess he got shocked and I said to him how can you be shocked, are you not expecting anything like this to happen? You've known this parent all your life. How can you be shocked?
But it is as if he can't find the words.

I know though that he is not expected to feel his own feelings, and that it is more important what the narc parent feels. So that is a sign of him having been abused. The narc is really doing the worst harm to him, not me. Because at some level my luv must know he is exposing me to a threat and he is then not man enough to help me or save me. What that does to him, if he now truly loved me, that is?

But it is truly as if all the children of the family has been taught to not jump in, not protect one another. It is only now that is being done.

I have been going through the information about autism and anxiety and how it comes across is that they can suddenly be overwhelmed and they can then shut down. I have felt it as if he has shut me off, and in a way I suppose it is a shut down. I have seen the same shut down take place in someone else in the family. I used to think it was only mental after the mental abuse they have been in for too long, but now I don't know if the autism spectrum is involved or completely to blame for the shut down. In the dream I had ages ago when I could not wake up him I can't help but look at that now and wonder was it a sign too that he in reality had this autism spectrum and he was shutting down?

My luv would tell me later that he remembered I told him early what happened to him (when we met his family) as he said I had told him it was as if he was someone else. So already then I could spot it, I guess. But he could not tell me where he went (mentally).

It is so cruel I think of your relative to keep changing the rules like that so you in the end don't know what foot to stand on. Thank God you are an adult now and will find and shape your own life without that relative too involved in your private life and in your work. It is a blessing really that you do see all this now and not later in life when it could impact your romantic life and the next generation.

What I find most disturbing of it all is that other people who suffer from other mental illnesses - those you can spot in a way (not all though) and they don't go through life fooling other people and destroying lives like that. What is so irritating is that the narc always get away with it. It just gets away with it! And it knows it! It knows it can mind- hum hum hum (can't write the word here) you and it can't be taken under accountability for it. Physical abuse you can see and touch and prove, but mental?

Some people might think they suffer but they do not even feel their own suffering because they project everything out so the rest of us suffers, not them. They have suffered a long time ago when they were small children and then never again. The rest of the time they are just like the narc who raised them and so the destruction continues but they go untouched from it.

I have talked honestly to my luv about how he feels about cutting off contact with his parents and he says he can't do that and I understand that too and I never wanted that either but it is no good for our relationship if I get triggered again and again, reminded and I think it can lead to our final goodbye then. Because I don't think either of us can take much of this anymore, to be honest.

When I have looked up the statistic of why marriages break down the in-laws stand for their % and the further away you live from them is apparently the better.

He has too told me he thinks I have to accept some of it and I say just forget about it. Just because my luv think it is OK to be a doormat one minute and a golden child the next don't mean I have to accept those rules. He does try to tell me things are different now, we are no longer in the past but I guess I am nervous to completely trust him after everything and how he has failed me before. He says the only way to do that is if I let him prove it but that I got to let go.

In the past I would in my grief wait for my luv to act but he did not. And I know my view of him as a man - I am sorry to say it but a man should protect his wife at threatening situations, even if I could do it too, physically I could not compared to him and this was after all his family so I waited for him to put out his hand and say stop it, I did not bring my wife over here for her to be treated badly. But he was OK with it.

I don't know if the way I used to love him will ever return and that is a grief in itself. We both know by now something has changed between us. Goes for him too. He says so himself that he does not dare to relax like he used to in our relationship, with me. He has too a shield around him, he says. Perhaps this after all is the end of us. It is just hard to know when to throw in the towel. Perhaps it will be a slow goodbye. If something does happen again where my luv won't defend me I will then ask him for us to split as I have to look out for myself and not sacrifice my well being anymore. He says he is tired that I go backwards and that I get triggered each time before we are to meet his narc parent and that he is sick of being accused of things he has done in the past but now has promised me they won't happen again. That he feels he keeps being punished for it. That he feels as if we can't move pass it. It just keeps coming back. That he says he can do it but he fears I can not. But it happens before I know I am to face the narc again, then I am reminded of everything and I shield myself days before. I do understand him though. It's not easy to be him either in this situation. I still feel the threat. I feel it.

All the time before i never threaten to leave him over this because I knew if I was to say those words I would have to mean them for sure and also because at the time I said those words I knew by the way he told me his dreams before and other things that he had abandonment anxiety.

He would tell me before me he had no dreams he remembered with feelings in them or stories and then I came along and he said I gave him nightmares, LOL. But he said he thought it was a good sign, that he loved me and he did not want to loose me and he had not felt that kind of fear before he claimed to loose another woman in his life.

But there has too been times he has looked at me and I can't say if it is good or bad but he has said "You challenge me". And so I have been afraid to push him too far. That is too when I think maybe he would prefer a relationship with someone who is more superficial than I am or a relationship that is just easy in a way that ours is not.

I still can't get over all your relative's rules and the changes of them all. God...

[Izz]

He has too told me he thinks I have to accept some of it and I say just forget about it. Just because my luv think it is OK to be a doormat one minute and a golden child the next don't mean I have to accept those rules

This is completely understandable, you should not have to live through some maze and fog set by the energy leech narc. Even though from one perspective I see that with the golden child it is possibly a learnt behavior from being in "survival mode" due to narcissist abuse (despite abuse faced by the golden child differing from that of scapegoat) - still the golden child must absolutely take responsibility because literally there's exploitation that the golden child benefits from - namely for example benefiting from the scapegoating of the scapegoated sibling

I can't help but once again feeling as if talking to you is a sign - as in the sign of what could truly potentially happen for the futures and connections for golden child individuals I know who are still trying to appease the narc that I know

I totally find it understandable that you set the boundary that you would leave if he failed you again

I want to thank you still and again, asearcher, because by standing up this hard to your narc in law - you are standing up for others. You are standing up for other victims of that narc. You are standing up for your luv's scapegoated sibling. I even feel as though you are standing up firmly for me, due to the experiences I've had at the hands of narcs - who SPECIALIZE in changing rules, verbal abuse, confusion maze and fogs, triangulation, false accusations of adding to unseen unknown negativity, attempted isolation tactics, attempted stagnation tactics, insults to make one feel stuck / stagnant and, damn, truly the list goes on. You helped me and I suspect others too - more than you realize by standing your ground

Thank you so much Izz you have been, are such a strength to me too, empowers the inner voice :)

I think that I am not the main character in this story, that this is really about my luv and him given the chance to stand up for himself and for his siblings and the rest. That it is time.

What I have always found is that the siblings have a very strong bond to each other so even if the narc parent has placed them in different boxes, roles, it don't matter in a strange way.

One of the things I have reacted on but had to keep my mouth shut about it is when I saw it so clear - it was this one time when the narc was having a go at the scapegoat sibling and the scapegoat sibling was fighting and the other parent was watching the others and if someone was about to say something, cut in between, anything, the other parent would by it's choice of words make sure we understood it did not see the scapegoat as a victim. The parent knew the scapegoat child was pushing out of the box, was going against authority and the thing is - this parent has been trying to show the children to stand in line. And my luv has stood in line. And so instead of taking one, too step forward where the scapegoat sibling has been trying to stand, the other parent has with its words made the other stand in line meanwhile.

And the thing is I think the parent has thought it was protecting the other children and meanwhile it was trying to get the scapegoat child to too step back, to stand back in line.

then the parent has gotten emotional, because it does have empathy, and have for some reason been taught that showing emotion such as tears, is a vulnerability so then it has left.

I have witnessed the fights between the narc and this other parent and even if the other parent start out strong it always ends with the narc getting the upper hand.

I hope this time my luv will conker what he needs to conker, for his own sake primarily, I think it will help him for the rest of his life and only make him a better person and a better dad than he already is.

One time I told him looking at our child, free spirited, strong, cute, sensitive, that please do not let the narc parent put the child's light out, do you see her fire?, as our child certainly do no standing in line business. And he has said he has understood and he sees it now and he too am these days very protective and will keep his eye all the time on any child and on me instead of his dam cell phone as if he has no part to play at all.

He has apologized about a thousand times and said he did not see it ,not the layers of it that I see. He has said he thinks I am someone "very sensitive" and that I "see all those things" that he didn't.

Before when we were fighting he could say to me "You're so sensitive!" and I used to think that was something bad (as I understood it was bad where he came from, as the parent itself had left the room) but I turned it around and said to him that I thought he was very insensitive. I also asked him "So what if I am very sensitive. Does it mean I am wrong? Am I wrong about this?". And he could not tell me I was.

He has told me that now he is educated about all of this and he knows now what to do, that he used to be taken by surprise (as the narc has this way of shifting suddenly, it wants you surprised) also because he could not then figure out fully why the narc was this way with me when it was not that way with him and i told him it is because you stand in line, that's why, it only occasionally tells you off, it does not need to go further because you are one of its soldier, it knows that. That is why it is harder on me and harder on the scapegoat.

My luv has said he has never seen the narc parent behave as crazy or as insecure as he thinks it does around me, and he has thought that I always made the narc not quite sure where it had me, that it was obvious it could never "connect" with me (only a narc don't connect I think). So I was a threat. A threat it wanted out.

I think had my luv been more weak than I do think that the narc's impression of me would have influenced him to maybe take steps from me and see me through the narc parent's eyes but it has not happened. I was afraid perhaps it was going to.

Instead my luv seemed more drawn to my life and the people in it and so we built our lives and our home there instead. Instead of just pushing me out which I do think was what the narc intended if it could not get me to stand in line, the narc also pushed out its own son, the golden child, as the golden child was going with me. I did not make him go with me even if that thought would be appealing for the narc parent to think, he walked away freely, by choice. And I am really happy about that as this was his free will talking. I never asked him too. I never threaten. I just watched it happen. Him doing it.

I wish you all the best Izz fighting against this and protecting your future and your life, and I think and hope in the afterlife the narc-relative will see that the bad seeds it tried to plant - did not grow. It died with it. And that you are blossoming and so will your future and the people in it.

Hugs

[Izz]

Hello again asearcher

I just remembered when the energy leech family member at some point before kept asking about me and my colleagues. Even at a time we were busy just wanting to complete our research tasks she for example asked why a colleague G exchanged office rooms (G used to sit in the same office room with me) with H (as she overheard me casually mentioning it)

G and I did not "fight", we simply were not that close, I never shared much with her on friendship level - we were just neutral. Energy leech family member would then mention names. She asked if I was okay with the others. She asked if I was okay with my new office roommate H. She asked if I was okay with G.

Every time I would say to her "yes we are fine/okay" - I was not saying "they love me etc" I was really saying "we are neutral, nothing much going on." Here's the kicker. I realize that it upsets her that I didn't say something negative or worrying instead and then she projected about another family member whom she said was "confident" about friends, secret enemies liking him. This is why she spiralled and accused a few times out of nowhere about "random conflicts" and "don't be so confident about work colleagues and friends liking you"

Why would I say something negative about acquaintances or about people I work with when we are just neutral??? Can you see how sick that is, someone who thinks like this?? That's equivalent to let's say for example if I were to regularly go to a cafe and saw a barista named Sheila. Thus Sheila and I made small talk., nothing special. Then one day twister narc would ask "are you and sheila okay?" I would just say "yes we are okay" this doesn't mean I'm praising Sheila or saying we like each other - but because we're neutral, there's nothing to report. Of course the narc would feel attacked by this and use opportunity at a different time to say "don't be so confident about not having enemies at the cafe" im using this cafe EXAMPLE to show how twisted and abnormal this energy leech's brain is. Who behaves and thinks like this?????

She and energy leeches like her need to stop taking out their sickness of resentment, envy, triggered over unrelated issues, imbalance on me

It reminds me when her unpleasant shell of a personality would claim that I was not likeable and had "enemies" (you'd think she would list them by now because she fixated on this in a sick way). However when I was behaving in a neutral and civil way to a paternal relative I didn't always get to see - she would insult, berate as if I did a crime. Its strange as I didn't praise this relative nor I expected him to do the same. We were again, NEUTRAL and she didn't like that

Whether she admits it or not the sick thing is I think she actually wishes I had "more enemies", she wishes I was having worse work issues, she is fixated to feel that she is much more "likeable" compared to peasant me. It harms her Narc ego for me to be genuinely liked or even simply treated with warmth, respect by others

I'm keeping some of my other goals away from her and praying again that they remain protected away from those like her

That level of pathological belittlement is truly sick and I know Karma will get her - and it won't be pretty

From what you described, I already know the Narc in law would twistedly make demean the scapegoated sibling and then make it as if the scapegoated sibling was the villain. Am I right?

This could be the tactic of the narc in law - the narc in law targeted something that triggered the normal human defense mechanism for the scapegoat. The scapegoat reacted and then the narc in law would use this reaction alongside other things to show that the scapegoat is "not all that innocent" or something like that?

The other parent and the golden child, albeit they are different to the narc, still needed to be given accountability to not enable the narc

Yes I too hope your luv will overcome. It is frustrating when the golden child appears to have one foot here and then the other foot elsewhere, but at least it appears he is making efforts. As he himself was put through the ringer from all the mind games

Of course the narc did not attack the golden child as much as the narc attacked the scapegoat externally, because the golden child appeared to stand in line. Whereas something about the scapegoat told the narc that the scapegoat could cut through the narc's illusions - the scapegoat represents the challenge to the "illusion world" the narc built away from healthier mechanisms + connections, objective criticisms

May I ask if it's not intrusive, how does the narc in law treat the scapegoat's partner compared to you? Hope that's okay to ask. I have this weird theory about narcs and possessiveness towards golden child

Instead of just pushing me out which I do think was what the narc intended if it could not get me to stand in line, the narc also pushed out its own son, the golden child, as the golden child was going with me.

lThis is good. It further challenges the narc's glass world of illusions which it kept hard to protect it's own ego in hurting so many others

Thank you asearcher. I think it's no coincidence I come to this earth having a fierce side, being life path number one - I was meant to be dedicated, driven, to have the strength to break away from certain unspeakable unthinkable abuse like that

Sorry energy leeches - your "victim" aka me doesn't want the world of unhealthy dysfunction, perpetual drama, imbalance, lack of clarity, lack of honest communication that you would try to impose with weird isolation games

[*Joseph*]

Originally Posted by Izz

Hello
For those who have experienced dealing with narcissists - do you find that the older narcissists get, the more those abusive and toxic traits get exacerbated?

I don't know if the traits get worse, but I do think that we start to see the cracks and then the whole lot becomes more transparent. That's the way it happened for me. One red flag came up and then I just started noticing more and more.

It's saddened me to read this thread because of what we have to live with. I constantly doubt myself and keep asking if I'm the narc. I know I have done some damage to my own children and that breaks my heart. My only excuse is that I was taught about love the wrong way and didn't know better. I do now, but the damage is done.

The only way out is by going no contact. Good luck with that though because as I'm discovering, the narc doesn't respect your wishes and won't let you go!

Hugs xx

[Miss Hepburn]

Joseph, as far as your children ---it is amazing what words can do ---saying your sorry
for something that happen a decade ago, even
...really means a LOT to them.
Well, it did to me, even 30-40 years later, from my narcissistic mom!!

And I saw my friend apologize often to her kids; basically, holding them and saying,
Mommy just had a bad day ---you really did nothing wrong, I'm sorry I screamed at you.
The kids are grown and so mentally healthy and happy...they know their mom is nutty, but they know they are loved ...
and nothing was ever their 'fault'.
It's never too late.

[Izz]

I have to remind myself, to take the advice that I give others

I was just telling someone who's been victimized by a narc family member of theirs "my advice to you is to hold on to the aims, avenues, support, growth that you have outside of that narc's orbit" and I realize that is good for me too - in maintaining my identity, growth, journey and resilience

I agree with Miss Hepburn, like what ever bitterness was between my split parents, after my dad died it was as if it was first then my mom could let go of her bitterness and instead grief and in her own way apologize both to me foremost but also to him (his spirit) and I was given more understanding to my true background which neither of them had spoken to me about. Our relationship also healed through that. I think once the apology is truly sincere and accepted then automatically both let go.

I think respect has to work both ways and it is so important that parents can apologize to their children, show them they are too human and this way too show respect to their child.