My life story of trauma and misery

[Really!]

Please excuse my earlier reply ...
I understood you had experienced a traumatic event, however, in searching your threads I could not find any mention of one ...

[Aube Borealis]

Death is not a solution to all the troubles you have gone through and still having. Your making the simple suggestions to be complex.

It looks like your fight to recovery is not yet over or as you say restored.
You keep on insisting the complexities of your severe depression, but I think you haven't tried your best yet.

Love yourself.

3 years, I have been fighting for recovery myself but because I have a family to nurture, I can't just sit and watch myself drawn to nothing because they expect so much of me that I can't refuse because somehow I tried to recall who I was, what iI was before everything turned out gray and lifeless.

I know that was artificial sadness because I have so much more to be thankful for, so I tried to be better everyday and took back my cheerful personality.

Stoic as I am for I know I don't have to babysit the feeling of lifeless, but helped me rebuild my relationship with family and friends.

I made it without any medication, vices and moral support from anyone. When it happened to me like everyones eyes were on me, like you wanted to bury your head under the ground because of the embaressment I Caused myself and my family.

Now, I focused myself not to myself but the happiness of my family, it is more rewarding feeling when they appreciate you of who you are and evrything with it.