The Human Way

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by not human

Yeah Rob..I think what has really amplified this experience for me was that I had, through a rough unbringing had been taught to negate what I was & look for something ' better' so the revelation that all I seek is right here has been profound. I heard a story once about the Gods argueing about where to place the cup of knowledge ...it was finally deemed to place it in the one place that man would never look...inside of him / her. Ya got to laugh,,

Yea i like that story, so many are told stories such as this, but it really never will hit us until we realize it from a deep place from within, where that place is I don't know, I have been there, but just can never put it into words, I bet you know what I mean, but for you to tell me what you mean, puts you into the same boat as I am in, or should I say the same Ocean lol.

Originally Posted by andrew g

I agree very much that balance is the key, but practically speaking, letting others be isnt always the most appropriate approach in my experience. To give a simple example, I dont let my kids run out in the road nor do I let them eat 10 slices of cake in one go.

I find flexibility in my approaches and strategies to be key these days in maintaining balance.

Yep...the Buddhist middle way comes to mind. Like strings of a lute ..not too tight & not too loose. Room to move.

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by andrew g

I agree very much that balance is the key, but practically speaking, letting others be isnt always the most appropriate approach in my experience. To give a simple example, I dont let my kids run out in the road nor do I let them eat 10 slices of cake in one go.

LOL!

Parenthood is a whole new kettle o' fish, or even can of worms ;)

Honesty is totally important with regards to your children!

Apart from Father Christmas, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy LOL!

This is you teaching them morals though!

As with others, I mean, adults, let them be!

You can be honest to the point of letting them know you are hurt by their actions, words, etc. although this may not necessarily change them, if this is your intention.

This is where you go within and accept what's yours to accept from it!

And let them be!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[andrew g]

Originally Posted by not human

Yep...the Buddhist middle way comes to mind. Like strings of a lute ..not too tight & not too loose. Room to move.

Yeah thats it.

Originally Posted by psychoslice

Yea i like that story, so many are told stories such as this, but it really never will hit us until we realize it from a deep place from within, where that place is I don't know, I have been there, but just can never put it into words, I bet you know what I mean, but for you to tell me what you mean, puts you into the same boat as I am in, or should I say the same Ocean lol.

Words are the thing. Case in point I was driving to work the other day just looking around at the world. Tears came......cried like a baby...no reason. Always surpressed that stuff up until recently ...they were tears of ( I don't even know the word ) wonder is the closest I can come to. Then I go to work & bang wood together all day. It's purely cognitive & all sqiggely lines....

[andrew g]

Originally Posted by Saggi

LOL!

Parenthood is a whole new kettle o' fish, or even can of worms ;)

Honesty is totally important with regards to your children!

Apart from Father Christmas, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy LOL!

This is you teaching them morals though!

As with others, I mean, adults, let them be!

You can be honest to the point of letting them know you are hurt by their actions, words, etc. although this may not necessarily change them, if this is your intention.

This is where you go within and accept what's yours to accept from it!

And let them be!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

I see 'letting them be' as an appropriate strategy at times, but at other times my guidance is to put a rule in.

Parenthood is a can of worms though so I will give another example. I am my Mum's primary carer right now, she has a Parkinson's related illness. As part of that illness sometimes she makes decisions which put herself in danger. There have been times when I have physically (but gently) stopped her from taking action which puts herself in a dangerous position, and also those around her in a bad position.

I agree that 'let them be' can be helpful at times. Or to use another word....'allow'. But then I find there are times when the most peaceful option is to not allow.

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by andrew g

I see 'letting them be' as an appropriate strategy at times, but at other times my guidance is to put a rule in.

Parenthood is a can of worms though so I will give another example. I am my Mum's primary carer right now, she has a Parkinson's related illness. As part of that illness sometimes she makes decisions which put herself in danger. There have been times when I have physically (but gently) stopped her from taking action which puts herself in a dangerous position, and also those around her in a bad position.

I agree that 'let them be' can be helpful at times. Or to use another word....'allow'. But then I find there are times when the most peaceful option is to not allow.

I understand you!

I was my Mum's carer from a very young age, then I went on to be carer for my siblings as well as my own children!

My younger siblings now care for my Mum.

I add when I feel the 'need'

My way is totally different to theirs, each of thrs is different too.

Now we could argue, we could fight, my younger siblings do sometimes. This is their pathways. I can offer advice and support, yet what they do is up to them. They are adults now!

I had to step back for my own sanity!

Letting others be, is different to lack of support!

You can support others while letting them be, that way you are safe and happy too!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by not human

Words are the thing. Case in point I was driving to work the other day just looking around at the world. Tears came......cried like a baby...no reason. Always surpressed that stuff up until recently ...they were tears of ( I don't even know the word ) wonder is the closest I can come to. Then I go to work & bang wood together all day. It's purely cognitive & all sqiggely lines....

Beautiful, just beautiful...

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by not human

Words are the thing. Case in point I was driving to work the other day just looking around at the world. Tears came......cried like a baby...no reason. Always surpressed that stuff up until recently ...they were tears of ( I don't even know the word ) wonder is the closest I can come to. Then I go to work & bang wood together all day. It's purely cognitive & all sqiggely lines....

There is every reason and perhaps that's all that is needing to fall into place for you to connect the dots nh.

[andrew g]

Originally Posted by Saggi

I understand you!

I was my Mum's carer from a very young age, then I went on to be carer for my siblings as well as my own children!

My younger siblings now care for my Mum.

I add when I feel the 'need'

My way is totally different to theirs, each of thrs is different too.

Now we could argue, we could fight, my younger siblings do sometimes. This is their pathways. I can offer advice and support, yet what they do is up to them. They are adults now!

I had to step back for my own sanity!

Letting others be, is different to lack of support!

You can support others while letting them be, that way you are safe and happy too!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

I think maybe you are defining 'let them be' a little differently to me. To me, it means literally....'allow', and what I find is that there are times when 'allowing' is not the highest option for me. In an ideal world I would love to allow all the time....or to only say 'yes', but this is a world in which sometimes saying 'no' is the most healthy and loving option. Sometimes I find that putting a boundary in is the most peaceful option, not ideal perhaps, but still the highest option.

What does 'letting them be' mean to you exactly? What are you doing or not doing when you are 'letting them be'?

Its time for me to go out but I will be back later. Thanks for the thoughtful conversation.