How do you be spiritual & loving while dealing with unloving people?

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Mayflow

Is this a part of the oil boom up there? If you are enjoying your work and making lots of money at it, you are in a good place. To me, this is cool and life is cool, and life is about being free-spirited. I am convinced that you are a free spirited woman.

Yeah, the oil boom! It's crazy, people are coming here from other countries to work! I have saved, in one year, 5 times more money than when I previously had the most money in my life. I keep trying to get my friends to come here too but they're too scared or something LOL

[Celera]

What do you see as your choices, here? Here are some options as I see them:

Keep going as you are but realizing that he is just playing at. love. Maybe your feelings will change toward him but I doubt it.. More likely you will sleep with him and then he will tire of the game and move on. Or he will move on when the boom ends or when he gets you both fired for ignoring the warnings about PDA in the workplace.
OR
Tell him you need a break to sort out your feelings. Endure the fallout. Make it stick. He will probably try to change your mind by doing all these things you see as affection that are really selfish and manipulative. Try to remember that he doesn't love you and h he never will.

The second one is harder in the short run but it will make your life better in the long run. Being a woman doesn't mean we have to let emotions rule us. He doesn't need more love in the way that you think. He needs more love of the kind that says, you are behaving badly and I'm not going to reward that anymore because I want you to grow as as human being. Really loving someone means doing the things that are difficult but right, and honoring truth.

If it wasn't for this infatuation, would this job still seem so perfect? In the midst of an oil boom,are other men or other jobs or other ways to spend your free time really so hard to find? Or are those excuses for hanging on to the comfort of kisses and cuddles and believing you are loved?

[Belle]

There are two players in this scenario.

If you want it to continue, that's fine.

There are ways of ending it if you want it to end.

Take the upper hand and decide what you want and go for it.

If you want a relationship with him and he doesn't, then -- hard is it may be -- you will get over it. Even in close proximity.

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Celera

What do you see as your choices, here? Here are some options as I see them:

Keep going as you are but realizing that he is just playing at. love. Maybe your feelings will change toward him but I doubt it.. More likely you will sleep with him and then he will tire of the game and move on. Or he will move on when the boom ends or when he gets you both fired for ignoring the warnings about PDA in the workplace.

We wont get fired, when we were talked to about this, that was like 8 or 9 months ago, now since he's still kept doing it they pretty much just figure ok this isnt a problem so it's alright. I think they were afraid it was going to end badly like that other couple but we've been "together" so long now that it's ok with everyone.

OR
Tell him you need a break to sort out your feelings. Endure the fallout. Make it stick. He will probably try to change your mind by doing all these things you see as affection that are really selfish and manipulative. Try to remember that he doesn't love you and h he never will.

I know this is the smartest option, and I will do this if things don't change in the future, I just would rather risk it later on after I've saved up enough money so that in case he wont quit and I need to, that I will have at least been here long enough to have a huge savings

If it wasn't for this infatuation, would this job still seem so perfect?

Oh yes...I didnt even start to like him until after I've been here for 3 months already (thats when he switched to my shift to start working with me and thats when we started hanging out). This job is perfect for every reason not including him.

In the midst of an oil boom,are other men or other jobs or other ways to spend your free time really so hard to find?

There are other jobs up here, yes, but this one is PERFECT! I have been here long enough to where I am established and got the position I wanted. If I were to start over new somewhere else, I wouldn't be able to get this exact position.

As for other men here, there are a small handful but most are married, have girlfriends, or are gay LOL We have a pretty small crew here so it isnt like I have a lot to pick from.

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Belle

There are two players in this scenario.

If you want it to continue, that's fine.

There are ways of ending it if you want it to end.

Take the upper hand and decide what you want and go for it.

If you want a relationship with him and he doesn't, then -- hard is it may be -- you will get over it. Even in close proximity.

Well "going for it" would involve pressuring him, or at least telling him how I feel, therefore putting him in the position where he will need to make a decision. And i've never heard of that being a good idea, men hate being pressured about relationship statuses. We're supposed to let them work for it. I've actually paid a lot of money for a few good quality relationship expert programs and this is solid advice all across the board. So I'm not going to force him to make a decision, that action alone will make him freeze up.

I highly doubt I will get over him as long as I'm working with him, once I was in love with a man for 15 years and the only way I got over him was drastically reducing the time I spent with him. I'm a very loyal person and my dreams die hard and my feelings don't change unless they are forced to.

I wasn't really looking for answers on "what to do" exactly, about this situation, more like how do I handle the feelings of loving someone who can't love, when I am a spiritual person. I thought that by being spiritual you shouldn't turn your back on anyone but apparently being spiritual doesn't really have much bearing on what I should do.

[Celera]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

I wasn't really looking for answers on "what to do" exactly, about this situation, more like how do I handle the feelings of loving someone who can't love, when I am a spiritual person. I thought that by being spiritual you shouldn't turn your back on anyone but apparently being spiritual doesn't really have much bearing on what I should do.

In that case I stand by the concept that "love" is being used two different ways here. One is the romantic sense where you feel you are "in love" with him and wish he was "in love" with you, or think that possibly he does have such feelings and is just afraid to say so.

I can't compete with paid professionals when it comes to romantic advice, so on that front I have nothing to add to what I've said previously.

But the spiritual sense of "love" is different, and has nothing to do with romance. It's my belief that conducting a romance in a spiritually loving way is the same as conducting any relationship in a spiritually loving way -- we must be honest, compassionate and respectful. Should you decide that the relationship is not working for you as a romance, there is nothing "unloving" spiritually, in honestly and kindly ending things.

On the other hand, if one finds oneself in a romantic relationship that is in some ways pleasant or gratifying, but that is founded on dishonesty, disrespect, or callousness to the needs of either person in the relationship, then the most spiritually loving thing to do would be to either change or terminated such a romance.

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

Yeah, the oil boom! It's crazy, people are coming here from other countries to work! I have saved, in one year, 5 times more money than when I previously had the most money in my life. I keep trying to get my friends to come here too but they're too scared or something LOL

Having grown up on a small farm, I can understand your friends reluctance to get into the big money world. You do gain things, but you may lose some things as well. I think you are a future oriented girl, and you want to travel and learn many ways and meet many beings. The Universe has offered you a unique opportunity - Why? - Because every Spirit is born to be wild.

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

*update*

So I have a little to add here, this week my guy has showed some good signs. We were talking to a coworker who said he was hitting on this cute bartender at the bar we were at a few days before, and my guy goes to me, "If I wasn't with you, I would have hit on her too!" I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say! So he considers himself WITH me!? He wont flirt with other girls because of ME, what does this mean!? Also during this conversation he said (to the other guy) that I am not like other girls, i'm one of the good ones who are hard to find. Also when we got into my car, he lit up a cigarette and the other guy goes "Why do you get special priviledges!?" and he goes "Why do you think!?" (What did that mean!?) Then my birthday was the other day and everyone here (at work) signed the card, and when he signed it, he wrote "Love, (his name)".

But yet he still doesn't call or text me, he didnt give me a goodbye kiss or hug yesterday when I left for my 2 week break (lots of hugs and kisses all day though, but he just walked away too casually considering he won't see me for 2 weeks!), maybe I just expect this to be like other relationships and maybe he's just not that hard core about it, maybe he likes things to be casual (after all, he is extremely casual in every other aspect of his life). I just can't figure out why he won't call me his girlfriend (when everyone else does!) and why he is ok with being "with" me if we're not having sex. If he considers this a relationship, you'd think he would keep trying for sex or at least want to talk about it or about the status of us.

I am more confused than ever now!! lol

[sandalwood]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

That's pretty much how i've been dealing with this, I have to keep reminding myself to be a good loving person, because sometimes it's very hard. I wonder if I will be able to keep this up for a few years (if he doesn't decide to actually ask me out, that is). It just hurts so much being so close to him and not getting love back.

as long as you give love, love may always return, even if it doesnt happen quickly.
but if you give hate, it is impossible for love to return

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

But he ACTED like we were a couple, right from the get go.

Ah, he made it known to other male co-workers that you are off limits ...

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

Then he got a little distant, stopped asking me to sleep over, was a little more distant at work.

This guy likes to be in control of the situation & is ...
Keeps you running after in, keeps you conforming to his whims ...

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

When we all go out together, me and him usually end up off on our own, hugging, slow dancing, barely talking to anyone else.

Divide & (eventually) conquer ...
Public display to keep you off limits in the hopes of sex & conformity to his rules ...

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

He still hasn't officially made his intentions known or asked me so I won't have sex unless we are a couple.

In not asking you out on a date he has made his intentions clear ...
He wants a relationship of strickly convenience ...
No whooing, no emotional investment, giving, reciprocation, spending money, special couple times, etc ...
Refusing the answer is holding onto to a belief that it's not true &/or hope it will change once you've proven yourself to be worthy of him ...

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

Here's another major factor in all this; at our job we work 84 hours a week, 6 weeks at a time.

Same for him ...
He's also learned to fill his time w/people, places & things that are available & convenient ...
It's like the song, "Love the One You're With" by Crosby, Stills & Nash ...

Most certainly he's attracted to you physically & enjoys your company for good times - that is the extent of it ...
But in giving him control, you're allowing him to make the rules as you demonstrate your willingness to participate in his game ...
I understand it's hard to accept, no one wants to feel used or like someone's play toy ...
We want to feel loved, worthy, treated special, a human being w/feelings ...
Only you can do that for yourself by looking elsewhere for a person with whom you can have a meaningful relationship ...
This is how to stay loving & spiritual w/yourself, letting go of him will also do it ...
Been there, done that, then found my husband shortly thereafter ...