Perception

[jimrich]

Dear Element 5:
Re: Thank you JIMRICH for all the great advice. I think I have to be more up front and honest with him about how I'm feeling and then if he doesn't seem interested in acknowledging the way I feel and working with me on it, I may need to move on. I truly think our biggest problem is the lack of communication between us. I started out being very open and quickly shut down after a few episodes of 'getting my hand slapped'. Now I'm guarded and tip-toe around him rather than tell him what I'm feeling for fear of defensiveness and being labeled too emotional or too much of a girl for having feelings.

The benefits of studying self worth/respect/esteem is that it give a person a few concepts about their rights, dignity, values and Boundary setting which in turn makes it easier to deal with difficult others and STOP walking around on eggshells out of fear or SHAME.
Once one had good self esteem and confidence, it is much easier to communicate even with difficult partners because you have the tools, courage and RIGHT to conduct meaningful communications. A person who learns about self worth, etc. will NEVER put up with an adversarial, stubborn, abusive or defensive partner but will have the skills and power to make the relationship work - OR LEAVE!
Once you know or are taught what your NATURAL RIGHTS are, no partner can pull you down or keep you down!
good luck studying self esteem and self respect,
jim :)

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Kathrin

Love is an inside job.

...and this is exactly what self respect/worth/esteem teaches us so that we no longer need to endure an ugly life with a bad or difficult partner.
Kathrin, thanks for writing all that you did..........

[Floatsy]

Originally Posted by Kathrin

I'm happy to :) Thx! Let's see. True intention = What is deeply desired. It is vague. Until it is felt. When felt it reveals its nature, its essence. It can be called by its name. Every notion has a name. That name is a mysterium and a revelation. Once revealed, the caller can chose. Whatever notion may be unseen because uncalled, still is. Truth reveals itself to the caller. The caller though receives his/her voice through feeling.

All is there, nothing becomes visible or clear until it is willingly felt.

All we have as orientation is our emotions. They are direct feedback on our mental activities. Very difficult to re-learn, feeling I mean, but the foundation of fulfillment. No Emotion, no Love.

Thanks Kathrin - let me reflect on this ;)

[Kathrin]

Originally Posted by jimrich

...and this is exactly what self respect/worth/esteem teaches us so that we no longer need to endure an ugly life with a bad or difficult partner.
Kathrin, thanks for writing all that you did..........

Oh, thx to you for reading it. Your perspective is appreciated :) I love to exchange good intentions <3

[Element 5]

Originally Posted by Kathrin

There is nothing to be accomplished. We are here for the exploration of life. As players and discoverers of things and stuff. As adventures in the game of life. Nothing is serious. It is all about fun, exploration, making it new, living, playing, doing things, making things, exploring for the sense of being. There is no task to be completed or goal to be reached. Unless you really really want something. It's up to you to determine what you want. What you want next also. It never ends. If something is not fun or feels wonderful, why keep it? Why self torture? To please yourself? To please whom? To win? For what? To not fail? Why not fail? What to proof? If you can take a moment to investigate your true intentions you may find how you hold responsible, someone for something. What do you really want from it all? More joy? More seriousness? More responsibility? All? Love? Love can not be found outside of you. Love is an inside job.

This is brilliant. Thank you!

[Element 5]

Originally Posted by jimrich

The benefits of studying self worth/respect/esteem is that it give a person a few concepts about their rights, dignity, values and Boundary setting which in turn makes it easier to deal with difficult others and STOP walking around on eggshells out of fear or SHAME.
Once one had good self esteem and confidence, it is much easier to communicate even with difficult partners because you have the tools, courage and RIGHT to conduct meaningful communications. A person who learns about self worth, etc. will NEVER put up with an adversarial, stubborn, abusive or defensive partner but will have the skills and power to make the relationship work - OR LEAVE!
Once you know or are taught what your NATURAL RIGHTS are, no partner can pull you down or keep you down!
good luck studying self esteem and self respect,
jim :)

JIMRICH, This is exactly right. I have been working on this very thing lately. I first and foremost have to be ME and I must quit trying to be what I think he wants. It doesn't work. The relationship actually has more hope when you're not pretending. I've been repeating over and over to myself the words "own it" every time I have a feeling or emotion that I fear won't go over well with him. This is who I am. It will either work or it won't. I will just communicate better and hopefully he will work with me on things. I have to at least give him the opportunity.