Losing My Beliefs

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

I want to believe in myself but there are these constant thoughts telling me that nothing I do matters and that all of my accomplishments mean nothing because I still have ADHD despite that. I try to fight these thoughts by thinking things like the things I have accomplished do matter because I worked so hard for them, but still I find myself wanting to feel sad all the time.

Here are my speculations (I mean guesses! - I certainly don't know if they are 'correct', self-referenced 'Doll') in the above regards:

There's what matters to ('selfish') 'you' and there's what matters to others. As far as I am concerned, anyone who wants, aims and tries to contribute to others (as in "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40) is a member (metaphorically: finger, arm, leg, heart-muscle, etc.) of my team (i.e. 'body'), and so is definitely valuable to and appreciated by me - this even if such person is limited or unsuccessful in accomplishing such 'mission' for any reason, whatever that may be.

Conversely, anyone who is only out for their own gratification/satisfaction just functions as 'parasite' on said body as far as I am concerned, and so might as well not be here for they are worthless in terms of my values.

It occurs to me that examining and thinking about the 'reasons' for your sense of value 'in light of' my above comments might(?) open you to understanding and more successfully e-merging from 'the predicament' you find yourself in.

On the other hand, if you are completely entrenched in selfishness and choose to continue to so be, it might not.

Here's a 'vignette' which touches on the issue as well, I think: "And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living." (from Mark Ch.12)

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Yeah no one seems to like it when I'm sad. I cant help it that I like sadness though. However it does seem to push people away from me.

Well, I still would agree with others and check to see if there is a clinical depression issue, but it is interesting that you say you like sadness.
Why do you think you like sadness? Does it seem more real or trustworthy?
I can think of times in my life that I didn't want to be up because that just meant the fall was going to be further and harder when it eventually came. Down becomes a safer more reliable place to be.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Sorry I haven't been here in a while, but lately I've been struggling with my beliefs. I have always had this strange interest in things like psychic powers and always wished I had some kind of psychic ability. I believed that I had the ability to see the future in my dreams sometimes as some of my dreams would later seem to come true. But maybe it was all just coincidence and just me wanting to believe I have some sort of psychic ability. It seems more and more that my ability to see the future is all in my head and that I'm actually ADHD and don't even deserve to exist because I'm so useless. I'm even losing my belief in a higher power and am starting to believe that life is meaningless and has no purpose. I hate to think that though. There is part of me that still wants to believe, but then why is it that when I don't take my ADHD medications I have so much energy and am so emotional to the point that I can't focus but when I do take my medications my energy is able to slow down and I can focus and am not so emotional. I hate to sound whinny but I hate thinking that psychic powers and stuff like that don't exist. I want to believe again but I see no evidence. All I see is evidence that I am indeed ADHD and useless.

Who said you were losing your beliefs? You still have many of them, as far as I can read.

Losing your beliefs must be an "all or nothing" thing for if to make any difference to your life whatsoever. I still have beliefs myself don't get me wrong, but I have managed to cut them all down to the few that honestly serve me and just got rid of the millions that did not.

This is also what the current situation asks from us all.

[IndigoDoll90]

Since coming to terms with having adhd I've suddenly become athiest. If things like psychic powers dont really exist then neither does things like god.

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Since coming to terms with having adhd I've suddenly become athiest. If things like psychic powers dont really exist then neither does things like god.

How do you know either do or don't exist?

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Since coming to terms with having adhd I've suddenly become athiest. If things like psychic powers dont really exist then neither does things like god.

I totally groove with such conclusion in relation to the idea of an external all powerful/governing' 'God'.

For whatever it imay be worth to you, conventional wisdom has it that peeps psychic powers get corrupted (meaning 'fooled') or lost completely if these are used with selfish motives.

The latter may actually be a blessing 'in disguise' because it cuts one's selfishness down to a 'smaller' size. I hope don't 'give up' on your own power to find your own way to 'groove' with Life in balanced relationship with others - via trial and error - however. (P.S. The 'trial and error' learning 'path' pertains to everyone, IMO. At least it has big-time in my case!)

Originally Posted by davidsun

...
For whatever it imay be worth to you, conventional wisdom has it that peeps psychic powers get corrupted (meaning 'fooled') or lost completely if these are used with selfish motives.
...

Well now, I suppose that depends on which convention one is attending. At some conventions they poo poo the whole idea of psychic powers to begin with.
That said, I believe I am attending the convention you speak of. I suspect that it is one thing to conduct a miracle in front of true believers, but to work miracles in front of true skeptics requires a bit more divine intervention, which is not so easily acquired if one does not intend to use it with the purest of intentions. This might explain why peeps such as Jesus and the Buddha might have been able to conduct miracles that your ordinary everyday run of the mill miracle worker could not. Jesus may have had supernatural miracle working powers, but he was also willing to make superhuman selfless sacrifices as well. Perhaps the universe self regulates that way to keep the wrong types for running amok... more so then they already do that is.

But more to the point of the thread, if one decides that only having miraculous powers is going to make one happy, I expect they are in for a bout of counter production. One has the power to make others happy and that can often reflect back onto oneself, but only if the original intent was not simply to make oneself happy in the first place. Of course one has the power to make those who care about them sad with their own sadness as well. We sow and we reap. If what we sow is intended only for our selves the harvest will be measured, and the bread may be scarce. If we sow with others in mind as well, the harvest is often multiplied, and there is plenty bread for everyone to eat their fill.

[IndigoDoll90]

It just seems if things like adhd are real then psychic powers aren't real. If however psychic powers are real my adhd probably keeps my power weak. Before coming to terms with my adhd I use to think that I had the ability to see the future in dreams but now I think maybe those dreams later coming true was just coincidence. I want to believe in psychic powers again and that I have them but what's the point if my disability probably makes my powers weaker.

Mintal powers are real however they are governed by understanding and beliefs and those 2 things just so happen to be greatly controlled by those in power on this planet
.

[IndigoDoll90]

So if I just believe in myself I have psychic powers?