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23-08-2021, 10:15 AM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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JustBe poem in Quietus form re-written!
Our perfection
Our perfection takes diligence
With practice and focus
Aligned with voice of our conscience
Along the love locus
We come into our own
We are never alone
Perfection has no clone
In unison
Our perfection
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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23-08-2021, 12:16 PM
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Master
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 3,503
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Very nice and gracious thanks.
Here I go forward into the land of perfection once more!!
I am floating in an unceasingly
Untroubled land of dreams
Fuelled by an unwavering joy
A Limitless gleam
Uncontained by the team
Arises flowing streams
Arranged and ordered schemes
Delightfully
I am floating
So...it’s eight, six, eight, six (rhyme with the other six)
Six, six rhyme, six rhyme
Four
Four (start of prose)
__________________
The universe is made up of experiences that are designed to burn out your attachment, your clinging, to pleasure, to pain, to fear, to all of it. And as long as there is a place where you’re vulnerable, the universe will find a way to confront you with it. - Ram Dass
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23-08-2021, 01:45 PM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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@ JustBe … in the first stanza, first line last word must rhyme with last word of 3rd line. Likewise last word of second line must rhyme with last word of 4th line. Hence end rhyme pattern abab
The tercet can be different end word - ccc
The last line you’ve got correct as the first line refrain (also poem title) but the preceding line of the couplet (last word) must rhyme with last word of the refrain, while having same syllable count as the refrain.
In addition to all this the syllable count must be maintained.
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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23-08-2021, 01:46 PM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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Feral instinct
Feral instinct, fear and control
Seeking domination
One-upmanship, the only goal
From God, separation
Stuporous mind in fog
Tail now wagging the dog
Think! Pause! Reboot, re-log
From soul de-linked
Feral instinct
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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23-08-2021, 02:25 PM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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JustBe … now see above
First stanza is a quatrain of 4-lines
The end rhymes alternate abab (free, envy and desire, aspire)
The syllable counts are 8-6-8-6
The refrain, as also poem title from 1st line is Fear transcendence
Next, a tercet (3-lines) of 6 syllables each with same end rhyme (buoyed, toyed, decoyed)
Last the couplet .. 2 lines, equal syllable count (in this case 4) with rhyme (parlance, transcendence)
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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24-08-2021, 01:41 AM
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Master
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 3,511
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unseeking Seeker
@ Nowayout … beautiful! Not quite the format but who cares? Thanks for sharing!
Quietus form
First stanza is a quatrain 8-6-8-6 syllable in end rhyme abab +
Followed by 6-6-6 syllable tercet end rhyme ccc +
Concluded by an equal syllable couplet using refrain from first line, as last line of the poem
Refrain is also the poem title
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Seemed ok to me, Jesus is not about details anyway, rather all heart....
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Nothing Lasts But Nothing is lost
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24-08-2021, 02:59 AM
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Master
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 3,503
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nowayout
Seemed ok to me, Jesus is not about details anyway, rather all heart....
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Sticking to the format with all heart
Amazing how your brain
Will twist it’s own domain and spark
Yet it’s all good retrain
An upside down
Round and around
Prose in woven gown
Gets me through
Sticking to...
(If that makes sense and is in the perfecto stream I’m onto a winner me thinks!)
__________________
The universe is made up of experiences that are designed to burn out your attachment, your clinging, to pleasure, to pain, to fear, to all of it. And as long as there is a place where you’re vulnerable, the universe will find a way to confront you with it. - Ram Dass
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24-08-2021, 05:17 AM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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JustBe … do a syllable check!
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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24-08-2021, 05:18 AM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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Catch and release
Catch and release, each emotion
As witness eternal
Feel rapture, of bliss elation
God bestowed miracle
Here and now thus present
Meld with the joy current
Our innate element
Flow on with ease
Catch and release
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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24-08-2021, 05:21 AM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Delhi, India
Posts: 11,685
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nowayout
Seemed ok to me, Jesus is not about details anyway, rather all heart....
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True, my dear, true!
As a matter of fact, I don’t bother about the rhyme … near rhymes do but on another site I’m on, poets check exact rhymes on rhymezone.com. Syllables are tricky, different sites offer different results sometimes. Poetrysoup syllable counter is fairly good, though not infallible.
__________________
The heartbeat of God is agape love & living light
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