sooo tired of awakening

perhaps I am wrong but you are possibly being awakened to your wrong placement of attention. You are being shown IMO where your problems really lay. It seems you are being shown your power is not in things or life experiences. Because they come and go then you think you have no control. You think you have no control yet you are being shown you are absolutely in the directors chair making every scene as you see it in your mind.
Your thinking you are not in control is the reason things are coming and going. You have a belief that you have no control over what is happening but actually that is exactly why things are coming and going.
You are believing that there is something that will make life all good. You are not realizing you are trying to control what makes you happy when you really without knowing it are grabbing straws.
You are so not realizing your continued reawakening is because you still have not learned from it. The word reawakening is correct because you keep being awakened to the same thing over and over.
You are so controlling what's going on and so you need to place your attention on the KINGDOM and all these things will be added unto you. In other words you will experience or be manifested your mindful vision of the KINGDOM. What is within the kingdom? LOVE, Blissful happiness, joyful tears, abundance that the walls can't contain it all and it overflows, spiritual companionship, all that is good.
The lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Even this to shall pass. We are creative. We create and then possibly recreate all out of the same universal energy. IMO the Lord here is referring to the subjective creative power.
I have experienced many things in life that I at some time or other thought about doing or having. They were only temporary manifestations because I choose to replace them with something else. Things come and go because we for whatever reason choose them then choose to let them go.
I think and choose to try this then realize it wasn't all I thought it was so I let it go. The experience didn't have control. I always had the control. Experiences nor matter have power of themselves.
I have seen so many changes in direct correlation to my direction of the experience of life.
IMO you are over and over or being reawakened to the fact you are not really letting go. You are limiting your happiness by telling how your happiness should come into your life.
NOTICE: I use IMO several times. IN MY OPINION means just that as I could be totally wrong. LOL However IMO I feel I am right.

[arjuna]

Thank you Froebellian for your honest answer. That really helps.

[arjuna]

Thank you as well for your post resurrectedlife. I understand what you're trying to say and you're definitely on to some things.

However, awakening for many people simply isnt just only a bed of roses. I at least am one of the people for whom it isnt just all bliss and sunshine.

Its about surrendering, letting go, being emptied out completely. And that is just something that is so terrifying for us, for our ego's.

It's effectively about dying, dying to the old self so a new one can be born. And with that come, inevitably in my regard, moments of great confusion, despair and fear.

It's just the way it is...

You aren't tired of awakening, you don't want to deal with it because it means life needs to change. Go with the flow, don't think too much. Let things unfold naturally.

[arjuna]

You have no idea who I am, what I've been going through, or what the path is that I am on. Without asking me any questions about what exactly is going on, you're just assuming that I'm not going with the flow and dont want to make necessary changes to my life.

I find your comment hurtful and incompassionate.

[froebellian]

Just Pmed you arjuna, I'm happy to do a soul purpose reading for you, just PM your full date of birth.
Froe

[sarek]

The desire to control is itself an attachment. I am very much wrestling with that myself.
The path tends to test us on each and every one of our attachments. Every lesson we have not yet learned, will be repeated back to us until we get it.

Perhaps is is necessary to realise your nothingness before the process of awakening can be completed. I have understood that this is so, but I am not looking forward to what it will take to get me there.

Perhaps this is another explanation of the parable of the camel getting through the needle having less trouble than it is for a "rich" man to reach the kingdom of god. In this case the rich man is the man with great knowledge, great ego, who is attached to those qualities.

[arjuna]

Yes Sarek, it is all about the desire to control.

I feel it may be one of the most deep-seated attachments and illusions that we carry around with us.

Right now I dont seem to be able to work - and its 'work' that my heart feels called to do - its work that came to me as a result of the whole awakening-process.

But I just cant do it, right now. Something inside is me is holding me back. Something inside of me feels that right now I'm still too much in 'doing'- mode and that I have to surrender even more than I've already done to 'being'-mode.

This feels frustrating - it feels like 'why cant I get on with what I'm supposed to do? '

But right now it's also starting to feel downright terrifying - I mean, if I dont take care of work-stuff, who knows what will happen to me?

But I cant, I cant do anything. I'm being held back by this process, which feels much more intelligent than I am. It says 'not right now, hold, hold, hold, surrender everything, become completely empty .'

Gosh its so terrifying. I'm sooo not in control anymore.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by sarek

Perhaps is is necessary to realise your nothingness before the process of awakening can be completed.

That IMO is one reason people end up confused, disoriented and even depressed about their spiritual journey. The idea of nothingness is spiritual nihilism, and the opposite of healthy spirituality. The self-realization path is about recognizing and understanding the fullness of our God nature. It is an ascension path, and the complete opposite of nothingness theology.

Get out of your head and get in nature. Breath the air. Honor the sun, the wind. Cultivate joy, happiness and appreciation for life. These are our spiritual tasks. We don't have to do anything more than that.

arjuna, I in no way had the intention of being hurtful or incompassionate. I sense a lot of anger and hurt in your post, therefore I will comment with what I feel it is you need to hear, you obviously do not like my comment and I accept that. There is no right or wrong. All the best !