Best revenge ever is to say goodbye?

[Izz]

I'm sorry to hear again about what he had put you through

He really sounds like someone who was able to manipulate with charm, lies and triangulation efforts. By the way you described him - he had manipulated several people and made himself look like a manipulator who could bypass anything. He tried to triangulate you with his ex girlfriend and he likely was abusive to her in another way

He likely had done triangulation efforts like this to a few others and it could've gotten unnoticed because he gave off that cheerful, upbeat, innocent or charming front

(The narc energy leech in my life also tried to triangulate me with other relatives and siblings - sadly I know there's no affection there, just manipulation and triangulation for her ego)

There are ones like that - who give me "off" signs about themselves but then others would say "that person is so nice, charming etc" but still alarm bells would ring. There was one male friend I walked away from who appeared shy and humble to some, but he was very off when he started to talk in a patronizing way. I think I did the right thing walking away

In fact I argue that some of the most abusive people tends to be the ones who appeared the most charming and the most well put together people, and this is something a tough pill that is hard for others to swallow. But it is reality

Even some big names in the media lately (can't say names here but you can ask me in PM) appear very charming but I've felt and seen something off about them

With abusers like this - when we are close to unveiling the mask of who they truly are (or so they feel), they get into attack and vengeful mode - in ways we cannot comprehend because they are already very sick. It's like "how dare you, I will show you later why it's wrong." Because to unveil their mask is to shatter their world of illusions, a world that was never real in the first place. So they get into this mentality that one must be attacked, belittled, accept belittlement at all cost (even to get attacked over every little thing, to let it accumulate)- just to preserve this non existent world. It's a sickness, a void. Unfortunately, there are shadows like this

However we live in a universe. It's not the psychopath's world. It's not the energy leech in my life's world. No matter how they wish it be. This is a universe. Not a universe that belongs to just them. This means they cannot truly escape the effects of what they do. One way or another, sooner or later, those flaws and games and triangulation efforts get mirrored back to them

And oh what an ugly empty void will they face

Also abusers like this - capitalize on others' fears and insecurities and identified weak points. That's how they could bypass and monopolize. Part of the inner work is to counter such fears and illusions. Their biggest fear is empaths who have no fear or who act in spite of fear

Thank you Izz for your compassion. Yes when you mirror him back like that I can see that would have been true for this one in particular. I'm also sorry for what you have been and are going through.

I do so hope that justice will be done or has been done to those who does such things to other innocent people, if not in this world, than in another.

I think in one way my anger is what got me out and knowing I was of better worth than his insult, that I would not want him either way. And I think it was real stupid of him to say that to someone he did not want to let go of either, as it turned out, his loss. My gain.

Yes, I can not imagine him treating his past partner or future any better than he did me. And if he did, sadly, this is the complexity of it, then he did not or would have as strong feelings as he had for me. These sorts of defects in human beings of his kind they treat the ones they have strong feelings for or love as badly as he treated me. It's best to keep such people with such conditions away from people they love and care about - as those are the one they will abuse. So that too is what is so stupid about all of this. It is that people like that (female, male) they would end up treating a partner they have less love for better than the one or the ones they did or does have love for. The human brain - I don't know what to say anymore about it, how some can turn out or chose to be that way. Those are the kinds that are also so much drawn to power and to all sorts of superficiality status as their inner core is something so dark they don't even want to see it themselves, still they project it out on others.

[saurab]

maybe it was your karma from a past life.

True, could have been, but haven't seen it myself (that is remembrance of it).

I seem to have trouble with anger about this chapter in my life that I before had forgotten about and now as I remember more than I did not do before (as my mind was protecting me) I feel anger. When I was in the relationship I felt sadness and grief, but no anger. And then numbness. And then long after as he was pushing me over the edge panic. I know I felt anger and disgust and even fear if and when he still tried to get in touch with me as I did not want that.

Even as I came in touch with the anger again (again in my sleep, my subconscious does this, before I could not feel or remember anything) the message came again that you have already done your revenge, you left, you said goodbye.

I know I thought at the time that I just thought I was going to rebuilt my life and I was going to be happy and be with people I wanted around me which did not include him.

I have thought about if the anger is with me now because I am someone different today than I was when I was in it or when I came out of it. I'm hoping i am letting go of that anger too and then nothing is left. Before nothing came to me in dreams or meditation state, not even PTSD or the sort, not flashbacks, no nothing. But it was my subcounscious that was so strong - protecting me.

He was foolish or damaged and I did, do not care about what he thought about me.

I think he said what he said and did what he did was because he again wanted to punish me, perhaps the time apart before that had made me again, more strong, me more coming up to the surface. It was typical how he would go out of my life just a little bit but still find something to hold on to me, just so he knew where he had me I guess. He did not want me in his life, but he did not want me out. So that was a strange kind of behavior. Perhaps I had become a back up plan? Perhaps he had someone else in mind who now took primary seat? What ever it was I believe he was damaged in his own head and that had nothing to do with me and that he was damaged goods even before we met then, of course. Even as it was over he kept trying to think he was entitled to come in contact with me, as if it was my duty to do that after everything he had done to me, how badly he had treated me. Finally, he got the message. A normal person would have understood that a long time ago. It wasn't happening.

I also think I did not know that period in my life that what had happened in my childhood had nothing to do with me. The way my mom behaved, the way my dad just went missing and other things too - it wasn't my fault. But I tuned in to somehow be my mom's mom even at a young age. I always had to be the one more calm, the one to endure (silence treatments etc). The one who thought twice. The one who was not allowed to show temper even if my mom did, when I did she said I was just as bad as my real dad was and would look at me like that, with hate and disgusted when all along she was the one who had been dominant in that relationship, she was the one who demanded to be in power over her family, she was the one with the temper-problem, not me. But a grown up could say that of course about it's own child and who was there to say otherwise? Nobody.

I know I used to think that my mom was silly, that she was not mature in a way, and she in return would say sometimes that I was older than my age.

I know whilst he said what he said while he had the talk with me that it was strange perhaps how calm I was while all of this was being said to me. I didn't show temper. And the lack of respect he really had for me. And as if it was all my fault. That he could hardly stand my presence. And that, as he had done before, wanted his time alone. I wasn't that old back then, I really wasn't, and for me to have gone from a stable relationship with my ex, for several years, to this - bull**** of a relationship, pardon me - and stood it the times he asked for "time out" and me keep being calm and even somewhat kind. I did not feel anger. I must have understood he had some sort of problem with himself. But I am guessing because of the abuse in my childhood - this was normal. It was OK to treat me that way. My ex before him would never have treated me that way, never. I was not used to games.

Had he treated me that badly at the start or the middle I think I would have reacted and just walked away but because these sort of things happened little here, little there I did not think too much of it. I knew the drill. I knew as soon as I had had enough of his silence treatment he would very quickly suddenly start to talk and very quickly tell me that he was going to call me so and so. And if I happened not to answer he went frantic. And when I did he was sounding like some angel, as if none of the bad stuff had happened before, eager to please, when he had just days before refused to look or talk to me (The silence treatments) and I was walking on eggshells around him. Then when I did that - even that was my fault - as he said he did not like that I was tense because that made him tense. He took zero accountability. So even that he wanted me to say Oh I'm so sorry, I will not be tense around you. (He had made me tense! Who wouldn't be tense around that? Crazy. But I konw by now that when I am tense I still must come off with having more self esteem and more self respect than just numb or sad or what ever. So I thank God the times I am tense, because then I am on to something. When my luv has said I am tense it has happened in the presence of a narc and he has never said that to me in an accusing manner, more so of his concern, his compassion, never that because I would be tense I would be making him tense. He has too much of heart in him to ever twist it like that) My first ex, before him, would never have treated me like that. My luv - never. Wasn't, Isn't in their mentality to do any silence treatment on somebody. But it was in my past, my mom doing that. And it makes me angry. I feel this anger just surfacing in my sleep, that I did not feel at the time and all this time afterwards - and now. NOW I feel it. But maybe it is because I have changed.

All of this old stuff was in my baggage, I had not sorted it out, I don't think I could even remember those things, but they were a part of me, and someone like my ex would try to use that against me.

He also did miscalculate that each time he and I were apart, I got stronger and more confident, and I guess that must have irritated him. He was full of himself. God, what a pathetic chapter in my life.

I'm just hoping the words that keep coming in repeat that I already had had my revenge and it was the best of the best and it was saying goodbye will get stronger and the feeling of anger will just go away.

I remember I thought you know what, I deserve better. Anyone does.

[Izz]

Thank you asearcher

It's unfortunate that the reason I could articulate things like that - was because of my own experiences and observations. I find that at times others are not as comfortable articulating it as it is - it feels at times like I was brought here to say "yes these shadows and darkness exist here in the human condition and my experiences and understanding testify to this. But you are not alone. We are not alone." It is what it is

It must have been very difficult to be brought in back then by a psychopath who manipulated and charmed others. I am certain I am not wrong when I say some of the most abusive people can appear the most charming and the most seemingly well put together

I note that there are both differences and similarities in our experiences, but we have some similar conclusions. Personally I have never been with that kind of psychopath and I have never had a bad narc in law - but still I experienced the darkness of other abuses as you know. These abusers all seem to operate with that impactful triangulation efforts

Yes you are on point about how these abusers would hurt the ones they have the strongest feelings for. He knew you were the one who could trample his deck of cards of illusions, and he was threatened

I was reflecting and I think the worst part of the abuses I had endured was - (aside from triangulation between me and those I care about or triangulation between me and people who can potentially help me) - how they tried to make one feel trapped "stuck" and stagnant. That stagnancy, the energy of it I hate. I resolved to myself, never give in, find ways to go forward, away from stagnancy - and I think even that upsets the energy leech

She can try to slow one down with as many "games", triangulating and tantrums over the most miniscule things but a part of me knows inside that - giving that stagnancy energy is just wrong

Also your strength is inspiring, asearcher, more than you realize

yes we speak the same language even though our circumstances has been different, are different. That is sweet of you, thank you :) you too!

I think a strong man wants a strong woman and want to help her grow as well as himself in the right direction. But a weak man wants his woman weak and for him to pretend he was, is superior. This is not really about man or female, but people in general. I guess I thought of the man-woman theme as in thinking of romantic relationship/s from my little angle, my own perspective, experiences.

I do remember one time when I thought I was having a really good day and I was shining or what ever - not even knowing I was vulnerable - and how that then - was when he began his abuse. He did not want me happy. He did not want me strong. He wanted to push down my strength just the way my mom tried. I never understood what she was talking about later on in life when she would say that I was strong, that don't let my looks, image (sensitivity??) fool anyone. I remember when she would say that - that I did not believe her. Because I think she had taught me in my childhood I was weak - when I wasn't. She would tell stories where my dad would, if he could have wanted done something to me but how he wouldn't. I think my dad wanted to encourage me to be strong and for me to grow, not to take that fire away from me, not like she had, perhaps down to her own fears.

I view my mom today totally different than I used to before. I guess I never thought what she had been up to had been so important. I could also see the struggles she went through (but also created for herself, pardon me).

Anyways that is what I think, anyone truly strong in a relationship with someone want them strong too, and someone who wants to fake strong (superior, dominant) want you to be weak. But they're the weak ones.

[Izz]

Yes, our experiences are indeed different but at some point we speak the same language

I know I have never dated a psychopath but I think I encountered one who was a friend (a friend who was attracted to me) and when I felt something off, I walked away. I know he could be very charming with women, even though he painted himself to me as someone humble and not popular. He acted like he was shy, but I knew it was an act. It took me several months to walk away from that friendship. It sounds weird but if someone is "too charming" but displays a few "off signs" - that is more than enough to ring my internal alarm bells. I know it's something others are not comfortable to confront in the human condition, but this doesn't negate the existence of such a darkness, right? Others might say I'm insane for that - but am I really? I think not

However, my pathologically lying ex from years ago was abusive, even though I don't think he is one that could be classified as psychopath (I believe he had a little bit wider emotional range, but is still toxic nonetheless. Still very harmful)

So far I have never encountered a narc in law, but unfortunately I have narcs related to my own family ties

Even with all these differences -at the end of the day they're all cut from the same fabric

Originally Posted by asearcher

I do remember one time when I thought I was having a really good day and I was shining or what ever - not even knowing I was vulnerable - and how that then - was when he began his abuse. He did not want me happy

I am sorry to hear that

This is the envy that he had

That sick envy.

It's the sickness of that vice amplified that defines all abusers.

As I said, when we are close to unveiling the mask of such people, they get into all sorts of subtle attack and vengeful mode. How dare we. How dare we provoke their envy even for being happy over the small things in life. How dare are we able to connect from our heart center. To unveil such a mask is to shatter the world of illusions they kept to protect themselves, to justify their amplified toxic evil envy. So then they place themselves into a mentality that the one they target - must be attacked, belittled, torn down, to be subjected to belittlement at all cost, to be verbally attacked over every little thing, to let it accumulate - because how dare. It's such a horrendous sickness and at the end of the day - no matter how they think they can bypass or get away or continue on with those illusions - illusions are illusions, they would still have to face those flaws, shadows, wickedness mirrored back to them

As I said we live in this universe. This is not the energy leech's universe. This is not the psychopath's universe. The universe has mirrors, whether one wants to accept that or not

Originally Posted by asearcher

Because I think she had taught me in my childhood I was weak - when I wasn't

Daughters who had their voices minimized in the past, and get strength later - tend to be truth tellers

And what do people (like the psychopath) do and feel towards truth tellers? They feel threatened. They sense that truth telling energy

I know it's something difficult to articulate at times - except to the ones with first hand experience like you and I. I hope we continue to overcome and that our own lights continue. Despite people like this who attempt with their triangulation games. Sooner or later, they will fall to their own mirrors even without us making an effort

I hope I can continue to evolve and reject all that "stagnant" energy thrown in this direction by that energy vampire

___

Also another thing I realized when undoing gaslighting by the energy vampire - that if i really did have this "unseen hate and negativity" at work as she claimed i did, i would not have spent time being confused by whatever she was saying. when in reality i was much happier and more fulfilled in my work and the meaning i found in it, as contrasted with her toxic presence

Thank you Izz :)

Yes, interesting you write about truth tellers, that is exactly what the narc in my life have told me that i could get in trouble for telling the truth and here i thought only people telling lies could?

I see games going on, very quickly, and I don't join. I have understood though that some don't see it and some see it and still join. To me the games are lies and I don't want to participate in those.

I do think you are right, they are threaten by it. Because they of course don't know if you are going to spill the beans on something they don't want you to (they don't know if they can trust you) but I don't even think that is the major part why they don't want you to be a truth teller. Because a truth teller has nothing to be afraid of. A truth teller feel it's own strength. It sees it's own path. It knows. And it can at any time expose the narc. So I agree with you, they don't like that.

I have deliberately owned my own vulnerabilities and discovered then that they can't shame me, as I have already owned up to it. I have my own version of it, so the narc or anyone else then can't get to me. They only look silly if trying and they know that.

They only want the vulnerabilities to be things we try to hide about ourselves (not something turned into a strength for God's sake), so they can have that as a weapon against us.

So I discovered that, also others, you know those who like to gossip and spice up a story - they are the same way, but if I am not ashamed, if I own my story - then how can they get to me? And make themselves look better? Answer is they can't.

Because everyone, weather we talk about it not have problems, different kinds, in our lives. They come and they go.

I know however that if I am entrusted with something I won't tell and things I will take to my grave, things even my "enemies" so to speak has said in confident before - I wont tell, ever. I live by my rules so I can see my face in the mirror each time. I've also noticed that everyone respect you if you tell the truth about something, some problem in your life, normal people respect you, and perhaps they can recognize themselves in it to or some other problem they don't talk about.

The way you describe your narc - I would hate to have her at the same working place. Imagine all the intrigues she could make up? I would not discuss work with her. She can't handle it. You don't have to own her an explanation. At most I would just say everything fine or I can't really discuss my work with you or I don't feel like talking about it or "you know, same, same". If she wish to live in Fantasy land she can do so else where, not at your job and at your expense (sorry if that sounds harsh).

I remember when the ex (psychopath) would somehow nestle his way in with some story I suppose when I just said to someone "It is not true". It was all I dared to say at the moment. I think if it had not dawn on me before it was starting to dawn on me then what he was up to with his words.

When I have heard the narc say something unflattering to it's partner which to my surprise anyone can see is not true I have noticed that even the partner can say that yes, that's true, or agree with it somehow, so I have to say "It is not true". It is scary to me how the narc's partner can buy a "truth" about itself like that but I am guessing the narc has been saying it so many times that it has become the truth, so I think it is then important for others to object and say no instead of nothing and thinking that is just between these two. The way the narc speaks it does not expect anyone to have a different version of the truth, only the narcs "truth" is suppose to matter. And you know how it is, evil wins when the good say nothing. To say something or do something, show by body language, a sound, what it now may be, shows that this is not OK what you just said about someone else and I don't agree, it ain't my truth of what I see.

I feel sorry for you having a narc so close by in your own family, but believe you will find your way and be the one to break the circle, that this is what you were meant to do and already mentally you are doing it.

I have asked in my sleep or meditative state why would me saying goodbye be the greatest revenge after everything the ex put me through at also such a stressful period in my life (him knowing that and still acted the way he did) and the answer came to me that it is because then there is no hope, there is no communication, that person is worth no contact with you, game over. And not to brag but I am not exactly known to be a cruel and difficult person, that was not how I was known in our circles. Even he must have known that. Not saying I was perfect, but still. And so the answer was pretty much that had this person treated you better he would still have had you in his life when he wanted to. He was the one to live with the regret even if I also could not understand that it was any regret to talk about.

I remember that one time when I was seeing the psychiatrist and she asked if he had tried to contact me and I said no and that I could hardly imagine him doing that, but she was certain he would and I tried to explain that he had not been interested in me for a long time before this separation and it had been everything else and everyone else that had taken first seat, not me. (Also I had been in secret unhappy with him, and once he let me go I could tell that my secret, silent unhappiness was because of him, me in this relationship, it wasn't me. I had thought it was me. Or I wanted to make sure before I did anything. So then I knew it was he, it was us, and it was such a relief to not be in that so called relationship no more, but be free of him. I did not miss him one bit. He did not break my heart. He humiliated me, yes and he did so strategically, but that was "all" he did.) So no, I didn't think he would. And then, out of nowhere - it began. And he kept trying. I was shocked. It was very hard for me to believe. And speaking words of love through others and to get those messages to me, I remember I thought once has he confused me with someone else? Is this an accident? Is this some cruel joke? Is he making fun of our past? Is he making fun of me? What is this? What is he doing?
As he was as weird as he was already before I got scared and again and again I would try to tell myself, OK this was the last time, he's not gonna do this again (try to come in contact with me). To have someone who you so distinctively remembered was so irritated by your presence alone and telling you he preferred his ex's company - to that - it was some bizarre joke to me. Like he must be really out of it. I was just so happy he was not in my life no more to make further damage. I also knew there was not a single word that would come out of his mouth that I could trust. And I did not want to see him or hear him or have anything to do with him. I was sorry I ever had.

[Izz]

When I have heard the narc say something unflattering to it's partner which to my surprise anyone can see is not true I have noticed that even the partner can say that yes, that's true, or agree with it somehow, so I have to say "It is not true". It is scary to me how the narc's partner can buy a "truth" about itself like that but I am guessing the narc has been saying it so many times that it has become the truth

This reminds me of my energy leech family member who kept insisting indirectly but consistently that I was putting in some unseen hate and unseen negativity at work - insisting about some ulterior motive or actions I had about enemies - which left me very confused. She said it so many times indirectly as if it was some truth and I felt weirded by it. Perhaps she was upset that I didn't really have anything horrible or juicy at work to share with her? I had been blessed at that front for some time. Most importantly I choose to just be Neutral in certain work situations as it is my right. And yes she can choose to stick in Sick Fantasy la la land

My closest friend pointed out "if what your abuser said is true why would you then be confused and how come she can't even list names? Why are your so-called work enemies nameless?" Good point

Perhaps I should also see the silver lining as in - because of her abuse my heart chakra feels further open in a way to connecting with some people at work and also other relatives. she's giving me the opportunity as well to connect with people I had previously not connected with due to her triangulation. Perhaps that is a blessing itself

I know there's so much shadows and darkness like this but as humans one must need to focus on joys too and the light

I remember when the ex (psychopath) would somehow nestle his way in with some story I suppose when I just said to someone "It is not true". It was all I dared to say at the moment

I am certain he was threatened by your truth telling energy. Because a truth teller empath is the biggest threat to someone like that and he also had that envy amplified. He knows at some point you were one of the few people who could figure out what he really was about

As I said. The universe is filled with mirrors. Flaws like that would still be mirrored to such abusers, they cannot use charm or deception to worm their way out of what they sowed for themselves

To me the games are lies and I don't want to participate in those

Yes that is essential and true, in breaking those narc triangulation

Hi Izz, thank you : ) I swear it your narc sound like someone who loves to create intrigues and has paranoia. I know of someone else who a period in her life suffered from paranoia and for her I felt nothing but sorry for (a good person). However I have not so good memories if we put it that way when thinking about the ex (the psychopath) and how he would simply not believe me and question me and do it over and over about someone I did not even know the name off and had nothing to do with, as if he was fixated. Suspicious. It even got so bad that he - I heard afterwards, way afterwards, did not know it when it happened - chose to punish that close to stranger and getting other people on it as well. It was in his mind. It was not in reality. At the time I did not know that he could be dangerous like that. He would do things behind my back.

Some of the memories I have where it is the beginning of a discussion, argument or fight - I have only the beginning of but the beginning is bad enough so I understand I don't remember the rest. But it was those times when I would still not apologize or well give up that part of me, my dignity, I guess. And he would be on and on about me how I could have left him once and I never said I was sorry about that. I think I even said he deserved it. I wouldn't take it back. But I was always like that. My mom said so too, when I was a child and she was against me and a bunch of others and I just refused to give that last part of me. And now I think in retrospect me still having that much strength even if it wasn't much, in me must have made him think he had to push me down even more so and that somehow I would be able to take it, that I would surrender before that. But no one can have that last part of me. No one. And if someone tries to take it from me they stand an even less of a chance of getting it. I never said please or don't or I'm so afraid. I never used those words. I guess I did not want to let him know I was afraid.

I have thought that if I had not had those other stress factors in my life at the time - then I would have been even stronger and I think I would not have put up with him, I would have been done with him before as his behavior was totally strange. When I got to the psychiatrist all I thought was that he was a very selfish person and that there was something with his temper but other than that he had managed to quilt trip me for most part. When I was told she believed he was a psychopath - and what that meant, and everything, it was the perfect description of what I had been through with him. But while I was in it I lived a busy life and there was no time to catch my breath.

He would actually accuse me of lying and he would say stuff like that he could not trust me but in reality I think you could be right, that he may have felt threaten by me simply speaking the truth.

I think he needed someone who I would call was "sleeping", not being awake like I became. As soon as I was awake, what good was I to him? None. So he needed me to be more stupid than I actually was. Not very encouraging but there it is. I don't think he could have ended up with an intelligent woman for long. He needed me to be more stupid and more weak.

I can compare and see that the stress factors I had then in my life, that before in the first relationship I was in - that ex was totally supportive of me, and also with my luv - my luv has been a great support when I had to go through some stressful things, then really he is the best, he put his all aside. But when I was going through something, or rather my family was and this was very serious, he was not there for me and I know that I did not even think too much about it (me being as self going, independent and busy as I was), I could only look at it afterwards and say Boy, he treated me like that well knowing I was already weakened with what was going on in my family. How on earth could I have kept him as my boyfriend back then? He wasn't there for me. He did not even try to be. It all evolved around him, his life was more important. And I struggled on in silence. I think I today have a much better appreciation for those who are there for you when it matters, before I actually took it for granted. Now I know not all boyfriends are like that. I know someone in my family said once he again began to try to get in contact with me that they couldn't believe it, that he should have felt ashamed of himself to even do that. My family had risen and fallen and risen again in the past but whilst I was in it I had no clue as to how it was going to end. I know I did not dare and I did not want to burden anyone with what ever was going on in my relationship at the time. I had difficulty finding the words even. I just knew something was wrong. I would cry in secret and not understand why I was so unhappy and then covering it so he would not tell. I didn't trust him in bed even as it was as if he wanted me pregnant. So he wants his girlfriend pregnant one minute and the next he wishes his ex was there instead of her? Who thinks like that? Creating a child together is serious responsibility and a life long commitment, if we would make it or not, we would still always be attached to each other - and he wanted that. He would tell me that. It was not in his words if something would happen we would not keep it, the opposite. And still - for how long had he wishes I was his ex and not me? I'm glad though he made that comment because then there was no fog, then there was no, does he mean this? Or that? It was more no turning back. How can one even think there is something to continue on after that? So sick. Such a sick thing to say to anyone. How sick he must have been in his head. And all that attitude on top of everything, that superiority, that irritation. As if I was his slave. Oh I do hope there is revenge out in the universe, karma because that was ugly as hell, pardon me. But I know I thought it was only he that was ugly. And if he saw me like that through his ugly eyes and he rather look at his ex then by all means please do.

I know afterwards too in a way I felt lucky because knowing he was a psychopath, knowing he frighten me, knowing he could be dangerous, not quite knowing what kind of people he had in his life - worse things could have happened. Perhaps it was lucky that I was as calm as I was despite. Even if I did not give up that last part of me.

yes it is strange how that envy goes. The narc does it to - to it's own children. How can you be envious of your own children? But it is obvious that narc is.

You are doing absolutely right to be who you are and to stay neutral at work etc. :) and to have your closest friend back you up. I hope the narc is outnumbered and just keep surrounding yourself with positive people that can support you. I Know the first time the thought hit me that the psychopath he was like this doorkeeper of who was in and who was out of my life, and did things even behind my back without me knowing, and all these people. But no one , not even my close friend or so I thought, would be nothing more but an enabler. But I was also too afraid to talk, and perhaps he knew that.