I'm a shallow person

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by fire

A premise that you ought to acknowledge is that we attract unto ourselves experiences in life that are a vibrational match our expectations, beliefs, and underlying emotional turmoil. Your experience of continuously entering info dysfunctional relationships is tied to exactly this.

Love is not a game but within the realm of consciousness, where it has become conceptualised and identified as things it is not. The true understanding of love is not something the mind can comprehend on its own, as it can only experience life through consciousness, as an artificial perception of reality.

The experience of perceiving oneself as shallow can only exist from the mind, on behalf of how the mind interprets what it wants to believe that love is. It may or may not start with an emotional connection between two parts, in which the latter case, the foundation of the relationship is based entirely from a mental perspective, by defining what the perfect mate has to look like and be like, and then chasing the fulfilment of realising this story, of what the mind has come to label "the perfect love".

The reason why one may become prone to living by such a perception has to do with a self-love imbalance. In human society, there has always been the definition of social status, as rejection of that which does not conform to certain norms. One strives to become the ideal image of the persona one has defined oneself to be, and what the definition of success looks like from this perspective. This concept, as a way of living, can, however, only exist from a perspective of feeling insecure about oneself, as one's perceived value of self will appear to be inferior, due to distortions caused by emotional imbalances.

What I would recommend for you to do, to begin to move beyond this experience, is to look up a video on YouTube, titled The pulse Technique, by Deb Cummings. This video features a source energy clearing transmission, that will assist you by clearing away all unwanted programs that are related to any subject of your choice. All you have to do is simply focus upon and think about everything that bothers you about the subject, during the 3 minutes of the transmission, and the energy will initiate a process to progressively clear all of it over time, until the root cause has been permanently terminated.

In preparation to using this healing tool, I recommend that you write down a list about the subjects that bother you, and additional subitems for the most persistent and undesired experiences related to them. It is important that you are completely honest with yourself, and that you allow yourself to feel the entanglements as they are. All you have to do next is then to address each item with the clearing transmission, one by one, and the energy will simply take care of the rest for you, allowing you to continue about your life and experience an exponential unfolding of becoming more of who you really are.

I should keep a journal and I'm still trying to find the more about myslef. I'll have to check it on youtube about the The pulse Technique I hope it's going to help.

You're not at all shallow. I have been in this situation myself in the past. There are certain chemical, hormonal and spiritual connections with a potential love match that cannot be faked - if that "spark" is not there, one way or the other, the fairest thing to do is to let them go romantically and offer friendship then you are both free to continue looking for happiness in love.

Nada, I understand you have had a bad experience in the past, but people on the autism spectrum are also individuals. Perhaps I misunderstood your words somewhat but I found them a little hurtful since I have a beautiful soul of a son who is on the spectrum and I sincerely hope he will find love one day because he thoroughly deserves that experience. I know autistic adults who are in fulfilling and understanding relationships. Some relationships work out and some don't, but this is true regardless of any medical or mental health issues.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by Carwen*Angel

You're not at all shallow. I have been in this situation myself in the past. There are certain chemical, hormonal and spiritual connections with a potential love match that cannot be faked - if that "spark" is not there, one way or the other, the fairest thing to do is to let them go romantically and offer friendship then you are both free to continue looking for happiness in love.

Carwen*Angel thanks for the advice. Thats intresting about the chemical and hormonal spiritual connections we have for people. I agree with you that if the spark is not there than it's not. But that does mean that there could of been a potential relationship you are right about offering friendship and hope that they will fine someone who loves them for who they are.

Nada, I understand you have had a bad experience in the past, but people on the autism spectrum are also individuals. Perhaps I misunderstood your words somewhat but I found them a little hurtful since I have a beautiful soul of a son who is on the spectrum and I sincerely hope he will find love one day because he thoroughly deserves that experience. I know autistic adults who are in fulfilling and understanding relationships. Some relationships work out and some don't, but this is true regardless of any medical or mental health issues.

Carwen*Angel thanks for the advice. Thats intresting about the chemical and hormonal spiritual connections we have for people. I agree with you that if the spark is not there than it's not. But that does mean that there could of been a potential relationship you are right about offering friendship and hope that they will fine someone who loves them for who they are.

[Celera]

I agree that it's not shallow to find that you don't feel romantic-type feelings for a specific person. It would be worse to keep seeing someone when you know you aren't feeling it. That would just be dishonest.

Of course Derrick might be disappointed, but that's just a part of life. Eventually you will find that you have feelings for someone and they feel the same way about you. When that happens, that person might not be your "type" either. Often the people we fall in love with are unexpected. But in the meantime there is no obligation to date people just so they don't feel bad. Be honest and kind to everyone and the rest will work itself out.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by Celera

I agree that it's not shallow to find that you don't feel romantic-type feelings for a specific person. It would be worse to keep seeing someone when you know you aren't feeling it. That would just be dishonest.

Of course Derrick might be disappointed, but that's just a part of life. Eventually you will find that you have feelings for someone and they feel the same way about you. When that happens, that person might not be your "type" either. Often the people we fall in love with are unexpected. But in the meantime there is no obligation to date people just so they don't feel bad. Be honest and kind to everyone and the rest will work itself out.

Thank you Celera you are right I have to be honest and kind to everyone. and that jsut because I have a "Type" that does not Necessarily mean that they are good for me either. I have plenty of time to know what I'm looking for in the future.

[astralsuzy]

You cannot marry someone because you feel sorry for him. I know you were not going to marry him. There is no shame in doing what you did. There would be shame if you made him think you were interested and you were not. It happens to a lot of people. People go out for a while then they realise that it will not work or they do not want it to work. Do not worry about it. That is life. You have to think of yourself.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

You cannot marry someone because you feel sorry for him. I know you were not going to marry him. There is no shame in doing what you did. There would be shame if you made him think you were interested and you were not. It happens to a lot of people. People go out for a while then they realise that it will not work or they do not want it to work. Do not worry about it. That is life. You have to think of yourself.

I wasn't going marry him. He just was interested in being more than friends and he wanted to date me. I told him that I only wanted to be friends with him because I didn't have the same mutual feeling from him back. But I feel guilty because I could have taken the time and gotten to know him better before just saying no. I just hate this because the guys I dealt with never saw me as their type and never gave me a second thought on why I wasn't to begin with. So that’s my dilemma I honestly feel like I’m too picky when it comes to what I’m attractive to. I know that a person’s outer appearance should not mater as long as they treat you with respect. My ego wouldn’t let me see passed his looks and like I have sated he is not unattractive I’m just not attracted to him in that way. So it still does not give me a right to just blow him off does it .? My grandmother once told me that sometimes it takes a while for people to start seeing you as beautiful and for an attraction to start growing for that person. And now that I’m getting a little more mature I’m starting to think that guys I once thought were cute are not generally speaking that they could have an ugly personality Beauty fades within time and it’s only skin deep.

[astralsuzy]

I think a lot of people are choosey when they want a relationship. There is no shame in being choosey. It is no good going out with someone if you are not interested in them even if the person is very nice. You cannot change the way you feel. Sometimes you do not know if you are interested or not so you go out with them and see how it goes. Other times it is obvious that you are not interested in that person. It may not be any fault of the person. It is true that in time a persons looks can change. We do not want to marry someone for their looks but they have to be attractive to you. Personalty is important as well and other things.

Originally Posted by girlsearching

Date: 8-11-2012
Week: Sunday
Month: August


A quick update so yesterday I started Talking to Derrick. He goes to the same College as I go to. He approached me first and we exchanged numbers yesterday. He seemed excited to be talking to me. I like talking to derrick he is smart and nice his interest are playing pool and he likes underground music. He is Autistic a little though that’s okay. I thought I could do it and make this work but it turns out that I'm not invested with my feelings towards him. I'm not saying that a possible relationship could have never happened between me and him because it could of. To Sum this all up in fewer words I told him today at breakfast time in the cafeteria that me and him should just be friends. Of course I pulled him aside to discuss it in private. Derrick didn't seem to mind it though of I started to cry because I feel like a (edit) for turning him down and I just wanted to be honest and not to lead him on. I’m still going to meet his mother though like we planned for Friday still. I’m a horrible person for shunning him I feel bad. But I know that he will find someone for him who deserves him he really is great guy. Why does this have to be so difficult?
This whole cycle: of I like Joe but Joe has feelings for Sarah but Sarah secretly likes mark. That type of scenario is constant in my life.

I don’t think I’ll ever find what I’m looking for I need to quit wishing my Ideal person because chances are the Ideal mate we desire are no good for us from the gecko. I’m not good when it comes the game of love it’s hard to comprehend.

If you were shallow you would not have felt bad about the whole thing.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

I think a lot of people are choosey when they want a relationship. There is no shame in being choosey. It is no good going out with someone if you are not interested in them even if the person is very nice. You cannot change the way you feel. Sometimes you do not know if you are interested or not so you go out with them and see how it goes. Other times it is obvious that you are not interested in that person. It may not be any fault of the person. It is true that in time a persons looks can change. We do not want to marry someone for their looks but they have to be attractive to you. Personalty is important as well and other things.

astralsuzy you are right but instead I wish I wasn't choosey. because I know that it's always about looks and it should not be. I f a person likes me for me and treats me nice than I should give that person a chance. I know that the guys I dealt with never found me physically attractive either and they were not interested in me.