Lost at wit's end

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by inavalan

I resonate(d) with your post on several points.

What I found:

- once you start your quest, things will come your way as they are needed for your evolvement: a book will lead you to another, searching for something will bring in your way something that you need

- there is nobody, no book, no religion that you can trust 100%: although there are many good honest people that are convinced they're right, there is practically impossible to logically find whom to trust

- the most trustworthy source of knowledge and guidance for you is your inner source of knowledge: an inner guide; here the caveat is that you have to be permanently careful to adopt such an attitude that you don't distort that source's message with your beliefs and expectations (when you receive), and then not to distort them by trying to make sense; there are many honest people who channel, pray, etc.. that fall pray to these errors, unwittingly

- the best way to get in touch with your inner source of knowledge is self-hypnosis (easy, fast, reliable, safe): you'll get in weeks and months what meditation gives you (for this purpose) over many years, if ever, and without the distortions induced by methods and gurus

- I can give you my answers to some of your questions:

- what is the purpose of all this? And what is my purpose?
- this is a lab where you practice what you learned in class, between lives: how to create reality
- you'll keep coming back here until you learn to do that
- you can't do that yet because you are controlled by your emotions, you have a still rudimentary intellect, you have an undeveloped intuition
-so you have to learn to master all your emotions, to develop your intellect and intuition

- I want to transcend the limitations of this body/physics at will
- you can't do that yet, but the next best thing until you can do it, is to get in the appropriate level of trance and project anywhere in the physical space and time, and onto some levels of the wider reality, where you can also practice creating reality
- you can also learn to better know and use your body and mind (conscious and subconscious)

- I do not know anything for sure". And if I know nothing, how can I then navigate
- realizing that you don't know, and that there is no external source of knowledge you can fully trust is a very important step
- you can, and should, read, and discuss, but keeping the reserve that you do it only to get inspiration, and never to find a trustworthy external source
- frequently turn inside and get knowledge and guidance from an inner guide that probably already tries to help you, but you're tuned out

You can do it!

Most excellent summary (IMO), Inavalan.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by davidsun

Most excellent summary (IMO), Inavalan.

Thank you

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Without goals I learn to flow with what is.

Maybe. But how do you know if what you are flowing 'with' really is what is ... as opposed to what you personally 'wish' it to be?

Methinks that, maybe, you are just sounding 'smart'.

Tell me what you think Life is all about instead of JUST sounding like you know, Bro.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." yada-yada.

[deLord]

Thanks for your answers.
I need a bit more time to reflect and answer more properly. I think especially slowing down and getting out of my head would be a good idea ;)
Also, inavalan, what you say also resonates with me. That I should come to the inner source of wisdom, I think I got that already recently. BUT the answers I am getting so far are still way too blurry. I feel like a 12yo child that wants to become 18 finally :)

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by davidsun

Maybe. But how do you know if what you are flowing 'with' really is what is ... as opposed to what you personally 'wish' it to be?

Methinks that, maybe, you are just sounding 'smart'.

Tell me what you think Life is all about instead of JUST sounding like you know, Bro.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." yada-yada.

At least you ask decent questions before you...

Your charity is certainly ‘unbecoming’ and that’s a good thing for you David.
I notice your charitable ways tend to show adverse reactions in many. Un be coming may serve you to win friends and lose enemies. Not that I view you as anything more than a man in his own private mission, much like most of us ‘trying’ to support where we can, those that seek supportive understanding.

It’s just..





Now to address that smart little mind of yours, the question your asking..

Wait!

That’s not my issue.. silly me.

When you find the answer in yourself, let me know. Self reflection David, self reflection!



(Your three year old self and it’s descriptive frustrations are very unbecoming.
Patience, patience David! You won’t always get what you want, the way you want, when you want it oh and the way you want it too sound!!
What’s this Bro thing you send out? It’s rather an odd sounding way to address females you often address through this means)

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by deLord

Thanks for your answers.
I need a bit more time to reflect and answer more properly. I think especially slowing down and getting out of my head would be a good idea ;)
Also, inavalan, what you say also resonates with me. That I should come to the inner source of wisdom, I think I got that already recently. BUT the answers I am getting so far are still way too blurry. I feel like a 12yo child that wants to become 18 finally :)

Yes as david will show you that when you spend too much time in your head about external views you end up missing what the 12 year old needs without moving past that point.

In his case it’s his three year old self.

In your case it’s twelve, which makes you more evolved than him...hehe

All jokes aside, listen to your twelve year old self, breath into him and listen to him. He’ll take you where he ‘wants’ to go..(he doesn’t want to miss out again)

[FallingLeaves]

first when you get an impediment that won't let you go home, you eventually get desparate. If in your desperation, you somehow decide to go the other direction, away from the one true path you know to go home, you sometimes find yourself home anyway.

second as much fun as it is to join in the festivities, if you were to somehow decide that the paths the others have agreed are best weren't for you, you might one day become objective enough to see exactly how little truth content there is in the festivities. Pretty much none of what we do has any intrinsic worth even in terms of being particularly likeable, what makes it all so valuable to us is that it is the way we know to relate to each other.

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by JustBe

At least you ask decent questions before you...

Your charity is certainly ‘unbecoming’ and that’s a good thing for you David.
I notice your charitable ways tend to show adverse reactions in many. Un be coming may serve you to win friends and lose enemies. Not that I view you as anything more than a man in his own private mission, much like most of us ‘trying’ to support where we can, those that seek supportive understanding.

It’s just..





Now to address that smart little mind of yours, the question your asking..

Wait!

That’s not my issue.. silly me.

When you find the answer in yourself, let me know. Self reflection David, self reflection!



(Your three year old self and it’s descriptive frustrations are very unbecoming.
Patience, patience David! You won’t always get what you want, the way you want, when you want it oh and the way you want it too sound!!
What’s this Bro thing you send out? It’s rather an odd sounding way to address females you often address through this means)

So - am I assume that this is an 'illustration' of what you mean when you say "Without goals I learn to flow with what is."? Huh????

[Shivani Devi]

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=133070

Here is another thread started by the OP.

From as far as I can see, his priorities appear to be all wrong about attaining any real advancement beyond what he can get out of it in the form of psychic powers that he can make money from.

The way a Bhakta surrenders to God?

They give up any and all notion about what it is that THEY want, and trust that God knows what is best for THEM.

The reason why the OP won't listen to anybody is because he is just in it for his own agenda.....a lot of people are...to become "Enlightened" and to get "Siddhis" etc, but those are just more badges the ego wants to collect at the expense of any real progress.

So while everyone is busy arguing their points in the effort to help another, consider that the universe is doing this for a reason and on purpose until he changes his attitude about what spirituality and God means to him personally.

Now I am sorry if this sounds brutal, but I grow weary if pussy footing around such issues.

[zastrakoza]

Originally Posted by deLord

So basically I have been talking to myself for the last 2,5h after waking up at 04:00am with the last thing from my dream being "Welcome God" and since I've been already looking for answer quite some time now and haven't got any, I realized yet another time, my mind cannot find what I am searching.
Now I'm hoping that with the full force of the internet () something will lead me back to my way.
Brace yourselves, here's my story:

33yo, came from the IT sector, quit my job 3-4 years ago without any future plan but having enough money to stop caring for it. This was the beginning of my spiritual journey I'd say and it was a good decision so far. I'm super logical and can find any gap/loophole/potential lie in every "system"/discussion. 4 years ago I really started looking for truth-topics which lead into spirituality after a relatively short time. I am not bound to any religion, I'd say Buddhism has the most appeal to me so far but I wouldn't pigeon-hole myself. As far as my mind could take me (and I think I reached the mind's border there) I understood Shunya/emptiness, also that everything is connected, that I am part of a higher being, that there has to be a creator of this planet and that Boddhicitta/pure love (reducing suffering) is important. My 50c on free will are that yes, we do have it, but it is <100% and certain things are bound to happen + higher beings can intervene. Also with the palm leaf library, it seems the future can well be foreseen hundreds of years ahead. Which kinda makes me wonder how close to 0% our free will actually is.

Now comes the tricky part: what is the purpose of all this? And what is my purpose?
If Shunya is taken into account, there are no meanings in anything. Nothing carries meaning in itself, so there can neither be any purpose that I haven't set up myself. That would mean, to make ANY sense of this embodied life, I have to give it a meaning/direction. Otherwise it would be only torture which I think it's not.
--> OK so assuming I make up my own meaning. Then what do I do with my life?
How can I know that this world even continues to exist after I leave my body? Maybe everything will fade away once I leave this body so it wouldnt even matter at all whether or not I actually helped beings here or not. It wouldn't matter either if I played computergames all day or came up with an invention that saved all humanity. Occasionally I do help others and I like it but it totally doesnt feel like I have to open up a healer business. Basically I want to transcend the limitations of this body/physics at will. But in this field I lack the experts that do more than just talk.
I tried developing my own computergames which is fun (à la Bashar - "find your highest excitement") but then the market is so that nobody plays your game unless you invests tons of money/time in marketing which is no fun at all. The market is full with indie game developers and there's an oversaturation of games coming out.
I have a tendency to not properly end what I start because in the end of the process I tend to realize that either it doesn't lead me to happiness or it is too much headwind which to me is a sign of the universe saying "not this way".
Tried to contact higher entities, enlightened masters and even god himself but I do not get responses while asking. What can happen is that the answer is presented in real life of some sort. But so far I haven't got a proper answer to "what am I supposed to do here"?
I do the Isha Shambhavi Mahamudra for ~4months now, breathing techniques and meditation (~2 years, 30-60min daily) and although some bodily blocks have been released since then, this doesn't answer my big questions. My concentration is not stable enough yet to go deeper into meditation, and I will not sacrifice 2h of every day for the next 40 years for a routine that I cannot even be sure will work in the end (to achieve enlightenment, siddhis (ultra powerful paranormal abilities), etc).

No matter how I approach this with my logical mind, it always results in "I do not know anything for sure". And if I know nothing, how can I then navigate? I want to know god, I want to grow and help others. But neither reading all day about it, nor doing excersises/meditation all day would help. And I have no clue how the Bhaktas give themselves to god. There's no feeling of being guided right now, more like "you wanted freedom - there you go" and now little me wants to connect to higher entities because the material activities lose their charme - they are still fun but with the smack of "this is a waste of time / this doesn't lead anywhere / this doesn't help any being".

I hardly see anybody of whom I'd say "OK this is the guy, this guy knows 100% what he is talking about". Even Sadhguru whom I respect a lot seems to have huge gaps in his understanding (which I can even deduce logically) + how can I even know he is not just talking? Where are all the people with their siddhis? I do believe in all this and I experienced telepathy more than once but it feels people are only just talking and bullsh1tting themselves. Asked several channelers already, none of them withstood my tests. To sum this up, I hardly believe any human on this planet has a clue and those who have seem to have slipped out of my range.
I'm fine with that I need to find my own answers but how to continue if you think your mind reached a dead-end because the nextlevel growing requires another dimension of experience which I cannot induce at will? Even drugs become more attractive as a possible solution now but since they are external, this can only be a temporary solution either.

Sorry, this is the best I could structure this mesh/s of thoughts

Your purpose is to identify your best talent (the one you most enjoy) and use it to relieve the suffering of others. That is why the healing arts are so popular. But no worries, most suffering is not physical, and intellectuals are best suited to providing information. It seems to me that you might have physic abilities, but your intelligence is getting in the way. I recommend going on a world tour with the purpose of reconnecting with your feeling soul. It will change your perspective and inspire you. Best wishes to you.