Looking for an answer

Originally Posted by Quest

You WERE given all the answers, by her but us as well. You even typed them out in your response to my last post, so go back and read what you typed and what she told you. You were given all the reasons why she ran by her, you just don't want to hear them.

Those things she said were the first time, nearly two years ago, when she left me physically. The time she came back to talk with me online (and we are talking dozens of hours of talking in just over a month), she said NOTHING. I never crossed the line of friendship with her, and every word from her was good. Then she just left, after our final talk of several hours. In all of the time, I never put any pressure on her, I never even mentioned a thing from our past. We existed only as friends. The only clue I got was something she said to a friend of mine, "it's not working for me". If she truly does not want contact from me, why would she not reply, at least once, and tell me that? If she did that, I would stop. It's something BeautifulLife asked way back in this thread, and I agree. How hard is it, to simply email a "please leave me alone"?

What is the "vibration" that would be generated by a reunion? I am not all that educated in all of these terms.

[Quest]

A vibration that would be generated by a reunion would be the feelings you would experience, so if you feel this excitement in your heart, connect to that rather than the loss of not being with her.

Why doesn't she tell you to leave her alone? She loves you, doesn't want to hurt you, her ego likes that you are still telling her how much you love her and she hasn't managed to let go of you either. It could be any of those reasons, or others, who knows, but you know what, it doesn't matter what the reason is. You have your own work to do, so don't focus on what she is or is not doing since that is like going down the rabbit hole! You'll never get out again!
ha, another phrase my TF mentioned a lot cause I used to love going down the rabbit hole hehe He had a hard time getting me out of it but he always managed cause I trusted him completely to guide me, and that's exactly what he did, guide me out of the rabbit hole, and it's so much more invigorating to see the light, to smell the fresh air rather than being down there with the worms lol

Originally Posted by Quest

Why doesn't she tell you to leave her alone? She loves you, doesn't want to hurt you, her ego likes that you are still telling her how much you love her and she hasn't managed to let go of you either.

Well, I can't speak for others, but for myself, I can guarantee that what she's done/is doing, hurts me far worse than just telling me to stop would. Being ignored and blocked is much more hurtful, than an honest "I need to be away from you for a while." The thing with her ego is quite possible though... like I said, when I used to message her after the first time she left, she would not reply, and would complain to others about it... but she would also run to read whatever I sent, right away.

It's ironic, that we used to bask in this ideal of "total openness and honesty", when we were together. And we were, we told each other everything, talked about anything, no matter how difficult. I guess that's all I want from her now, just an honest statement about what she wants, or doesn't want. In the absence of that, it would be great if I could get an answer, or a sign, from my guides, which is what Post 1 of this mega-thread was about. Still haven't received one.

Originally Posted by Quest

A vibration that would be generated by a reunion would be the feelings you would experience, so if you feel this excitement in your heart, connect to that rather than the loss of not being with her.

Oh... and I do do this, as much as I am able. I think all the time, about how wonderful it was to be with her, and how I would feel if it happened again. All of the ways I've grown, and how much better I could be with her this time. I even have a stuffed wolf, that I give a hug to, when I'm really feeling good about her. It's a weak substitute, but she has the heart and soul of a wolf, so it works on some level. Oh yeah... if that's weird, I don't really care, lol. It gives me a lot of comfort to hug something that reminds me of her once in a while :)

Originally Posted by Quest

It doesn't matter what you tell her at this point. The crux of the matter is that you are focussing ALL of your energy onto her right now which is making you miserable. It's a phase we all go through before we are able to truly let go. You are resisting the letting go right now cause you enjoy the suffering, projecting your needs and love onto her rather than yourself, being in a state where you want something that you currently do not have so badly you would loose yourself over it. I believe that's what LS meant by sacrificing. It's a pattern you got stuck in, and not just you, I was stuck in it as well and most people with TFs have to face this at some point I believe. But you can move through it to get a taste of freedom and inner peace!

I agree with LS which is why I gave you the advice before to turn that love inwards. You haven't done enough of that yet and that's why I said you aren't ready to reunite yet.

I have an idea about the phase you are going through since I've been there myself. I wasn't ready to discover love for my higher self yet, and with that the love for and IN everything else in life. There is no comparison between the love you feel for your TF and the transcending love for everything that is. I can now look at a tree and feel love coming back to me, filling my heart. It takes you to a totally different level which allows you to still feel unconditional love towards your TF, but then your TF has just become a part of everything that is, ie the divine. You overflow with love for everything, not just your TF. As long as you attach your love to one person, or her soul for that matter, you are stuck in a pattern and the suffering and agony will continue, plus that other person has to respond to a huge responsibility and carries a huge weight on their shoulders. It ain't freedom, and again, maybe that is why your TF ran. That's pure speculation on my part since I have no idea, but I know that the intensity and the responsibility that TFs feel towards this connection makes a lot of them run. It's hard to live up to, and running is much easier. You are clinging right now. Set her free and she'll come back to you!

Quest, letting go is a process. A constant one. You are in a great space right now, I have *also* been in that very same place. For quite a long time, in fact. Years and years. You are only just beginning your journey, you can't see it now, but you will. And I don't want to speak for White Wolf, but I suspect he's also lived in that same place too. I think he has tried over and over to tell us this, and everyone tells him he's wrong.

You'll see eventually that it's a process. Right when you think you've got it all figured out, BAM. You are back to the longing and the torture, and you have to learn to let go ... yet again................

Why do you think I have been such a mess? Such a big surprise to me that I am back in the torturous place. I really thought I had it all figured out. I was wrong.

"The only thing I know for sure, is that I don't know nothing."

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

And I don't want to speak for White Wolf, but I suspect he's also lived in that same place too. I think he has tried over and over to tell us this, and everyone tells him he's wrong.

Exactly right. If you even look back at my posts that I've made since joining here, I *am* in a place of peace, especially compared to the nightmare I lived in for nearly 2 years up to now. My life is changing for the better in many ways. I succeeded in letting her go (more than once). I made it about 6 months without contacting her, before she came back the second time. And I made it another 3 months since my huge meltdown in February of this year.

The problem (and I really haven't seen anyone address this yet) is the nearly continuous emotional surges, that I am SURE are coming from her. The things that make me start crying, when I was totally content a moment ago. The things that make me laugh for no reason. And the dreams... I hardly dreamed about her at all, from the time she first parted with me, up until about a month ago. Now she's there, every single night, in several different dreams. There's no exception. Every.... single.... night. How does one continue to let go, when that is happening?

[Quest]

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Quest, letting go is a process. A constant one. You are in a great space right now, I have *also* been in that very same place. For quite a long time, in fact. Years and years. You are only just beginning your journey, you can't see it now, but you will. And I don't want to speak for White Wolf, but I suspect he's also lived in that same place too. I think he has tried over and over to tell us this, and everyone tells him he's wrong.

You'll see eventually that it's a process. Right when you think you've got it all figured out, BAM. You are back to the longing and the torture, and you have to learn to let go ... yet again................

Why do you think I have been such a mess? Such a big surprise to me that I am back in the torturous place. I really thought I had it all figured out. I was wrong.

"The only thing I know for sure, is that I don't know nothing."

SQ, I struggle too, and part of the reason why I'm typing all of this is because it helps to reinforce where I'm at, or think I am at or wanting to get to 100%. I would be the last person to state it's not a struggle, it is, every single day. My TF has done the exact same thing as WWF's, he disappeared without a reason and he hasn't responded to my attempts to get back in touch with him either.
However, and here is the big difference, I let him BE! I give him the space that he needs to work on his issues. I do not make my happiness dependent on whether he responds or not. I was there before and won't enter into that type of dependency again. So yes, it is a process, but once you have managed to let go and not attach your love to your TF, then it does give you peace. It doesn't mean it's a simple journey, far from it, but it doesn't prevent me from enjoying my life anymore.

WWS, I have the exact same emotional surges, in fact just 10 minutes ago I started crying for no reason and I felt a deep pain and had no idea where it came from. It only leaves me to believe it was my TF's. I do know what you are going through. But these emotional surges do not prevent me from enjoying my life to the fullest and from living here right now cause that's all we got. I'm not suffering because I don't have something that I want. That's a very different stage to be in, I've been there but I've moved on. I have a choice to dwell in the negative but I have decided to see the good in this and to cherish what I've got, which is far more than the majority of people on this planet.

Why am I in a good spot right now while going through the biggest, most colossal changes in 4 decades, having lost everything that I ever thought I had or knew? Because I have done a ton of soul searching and in doing that I have managed to let go of the romantic expectations of being with my TF, and not just that, I have managed to let go of everything, totally allowing myself to clear my emotional body of junk that got piled up over the years. The reunification with my TF may never happen in this lifetime which is ok with me cause it wouldn't be the first loss in my life. I live my life right now cause who knows, it could all be over tomorrow. And this attitude will not change. Yes, I will have hard times again where the longing is trying to take over but I know how to deal with them now. They are like waves on the ocean. I'm the waves but also the ocean, a deep, still, quiet and peaceful place at depth that will never leave me again. It's always there, no matter how strong the waves are that will surface. And that also means I'm already one with my TF. When those waves show up, they disappear as quickly as they surfaced again because I don't put a huge amount of significance in them anymore. They are just waves!!!

WWS has stated himself he lacks trust, so he can't feel completely at peace cause a deep level of peace comes from trusting that everything is as it should be, and that is part of letting go. I agree that it is a process. I didn't learn this overnight either, and doubts do creep in because I'm only human too, but all I need is my little voice inside reminding me that everything is as it should be, and I can breathe out and let it go again. This trust is crucial, otherwise you keep chasing something that isn't within reach.

And while I don't have decades of experience, I have been dealing with this relationship for 3 years. I'm trying to help but you gotta be ready to hear the message, and what I'm seeing is someone who isn't ready, which is ok too cause the time will come when the time is right. Everything happens for a reason.

WWS, I also dream of my TF on a regular basis, even though it's not every single night. However, I actually love those dreams cause they allow me to raise my vibration. They do not trigger a huge longing in me since I can just see them for what they are, dreams, beautiful dreams. If you connected to that deep well of peace and stillness inside of you, these dreams wouldn't shatter your emotional stability. You become more of an observer, thinking oh, this was an interesting dream that came up, I wonder what will be next... Rather than dwelling on its meaning, thinking this must mean I need to spring into action, etc etc It's like a hamster wheel if you go there, it keeps spinning and spinning. Observe your dreams, let them raise your vibrations and continue to do the work you need to do. Don't let them distract you from your work, and if you need outside help, see an energy healer who helps you cut the cord to your TF (you are probably thinking why you would ever want to do that! I asked myself that too, and yet I do it on a regular basis myself through energy work since I refuse to let his feelings overwhelm me or throw me off centre any longer). And since then, I do cry here and there for no reason but it doesn't trigger any obsessive tendencies anymore. Your TF has to live HER life, you can't do that for her. And you can't save her either if she is in trouble right now. She has to do that herself as harsh as this may sound. You need to save yourself first, then you have the strength left to help her out. You can't help or give her anything if you are needy and clingy.

[Quest]

Originally Posted by WhiteWolfSpirit

Well, I can't speak for others, but for myself, I can guarantee that what she's done/is doing, hurts me far worse than just telling me to stop would. Being ignored and blocked is much more hurtful, than an honest "I need to be away from you for a while." The thing with her ego is quite possible though... like I said, when I used to message her after the first time she left, she would not reply, and would complain to others about it... but she would also run to read whatever I sent, right away.

It's ironic, that we used to bask in this ideal of "total openness and honesty", when we were together. And we were, we told each other everything, talked about anything, no matter how difficult. I guess that's all I want from her now, just an honest statement about what she wants, or doesn't want. In the absence of that, it would be great if I could get an answer, or a sign, from my guides, which is what Post 1 of this mega-thread was about. Still haven't received one.

My TF has done the exact same thing by the way and he used to say how he couldn't live in a relationship if it wasn't totally open. And yet, while I shared everything with him, he held back, and then he took off without an explanation. Again, the message for you is to accept that you won't get an answer from her just as I won't get an answer from him. This is already allowed in when it surfaces and manifests, so trying to resist it and wanting something else isn't going to help you. Accept the absence of a sign as a sign! :)

No one is saying you are wrong WWS - we are just trying to help you push thru this phase - believe it or not I think there is great hope for you both - but u must find a way to push thru this xox

Originally Posted by Loving_Soul

No one is saying you are wrong WWS - we are just trying to help you push thru this phase - believe it or not I think there is great hope for you both - but u must find a way to push thru this xox

I am trying to, I really am. I've made so much progress, from where I was. I feel comfortable with where my life is going these next few years, like I've never been, in my entire 37 years of life. I'm pretty sure it was even you, who said that I was doing great, going out and doing the work my TF and I were meant to do together, on my own. I'm doing that, and I still am.

I would like to think there's hope for us. I am certain, beyond all doubt, of the great things we could do together. I'm also certain, beyond a doubt, that if we truly unite, neither of us would ever look back. I've looked back at our first time together... and it's true, I wasn't ready for her, even though I was ready to try anyway. I know some of you say I'm still not ready, and when I'm in a phase like this moment, it might be true. But I really do feel like I'm ready for her, and I appreciate her on a level I never did before, as much as I loved her. I get everything about her now, accept it all, love every bit of it.

Again, if I hadn't suddenly started getting overrun by these emotional surges, and the dreams, I'm pretty sure I'd still be in the place of peace I was at not long ago. There HAS to be some reason all of this is suddenly coming at me though, isn't there? If it's just another test, it's a cruel one, and I'm not afraid to say that. Cruelty has no place in love of this level. So, it must be something else. But what?