I'm a shallow person

[girlsearching]

Date: 8-11-2012
Week: Sunday
Month: August


A quick update so yesterday I started Talking to Derrick. He goes to the same College as I go to. He approached me first and we exchanged numbers yesterday. He seemed excited to be talking to me. I like talking to derrick he is smart and nice his interest are playing pool and he likes underground music. He is Autistic a little though that’s okay. I thought I could do it and make this work but it turns out that I'm not invested with my feelings towards him. I'm not saying that a possible relationship could have never happened between me and him because it could of. To Sum this all up in fewer words I told him today at breakfast time in the cafeteria that me and him should just be friends. Of course I pulled him aside to discuss it in private. Derrick didn't seem to mind it though of I started to cry because I feel like a (edit) for turning him down and I just wanted to be honest and not to lead him on. I’m still going to meet his mother though like we planned for Friday still. I’m a horrible person for shunning him I feel bad. But I know that he will find someone for him who deserves him he really is great guy. Why does this have to be so difficult?
This whole cycle: of I like Joe but Joe has feelings for Sarah but Sarah secretly likes mark. That type of scenario is constant in my life.

I don’t think I’ll ever find what I’m looking for I need to quit wishing my Ideal person because chances are the Ideal mate we desire are no good for us from the gecko. I’m not good when it comes the game of love it’s hard to comprehend.