Question for those who don't believe in the Tf concept ?

I don't believe in TFs at this point, but I have experienced soul connections. Whether the TF concept of two individuals being connected in a different way than they could be connected to anyone else is true or not, it would be a form of soul connection - which is what I have experienced and struggled with. So what people have to say about TFs can be helpful for me to learn about.

Soul connections can be wonderful and yet extremely difficult at the same time, TF or not. By its nature the connection involves very strong feelings. Along with the intense love there's the intense longings you can't get rid of no matter how you may try, the intense emotional pain from being separate or from whatever other drama may occur, and the almost insurmountable (at times) challenge of dealing with all this in a healthy way.

For some, like myself, just cutting off the connection to be done with it is not an option. I mean, I've tried. I've tried as many ways I could learn about many times to cut them off while focusing on a fierce will to finally be rid of the troublesome connection. It doesn't work for me. It's still there, still affecting how I feel. And it seems to affect me more negatively the more I try to just get rid of it. So it's healthier to just accept that the connections are there to stay and find another way to cope.

I've been through various dramas with my connections. Some of them frankly are just hurtful people. When they act with the intention of hurting me, I can't just choose not to feel affected by that. I've tried... and tried. I've blamed myself for feeling hurt, which only makes things worse. I've been blamed by others for feeling hurt, as if feeling hurt by the hurtful actions of people I love is a willful immoral act.... This makes the pain 100 times worse! Blame is not the answer. Calling the pain a choice as if it is a willful immoral act is not the answer. These things just make it SO much worse!

Again, acceptance was a better solution. Dealing with the drama and coping with the pain and getting past the pain was a LOT easier once I accepted that feeling hurt when someone I have feelings for tries to hurt me is just natural. I could get through it and move on from it a LOT more quickly that way. Regarding the pain as a choice was just making it take longer and feel worse because of the self-blame and the damage to my self-esteem from seeing myself as someone choosing to feel pain. That is not healthy. Accepting that it is natural to feel pain in that situation is healthy. I could forgive myself that way, cry it out as much as I needed to, and then it eventually fades that way.

The hurtful ones are not a part of my life anymore, as in I do not see them, or communicate with them in any way. They can be cut off in that sense. But the connection cannot be cut. It's still there, still affecting how I feel. I still feel a longing to have them in my life. Again, the healthiest way to deal with this is to accept that this is a natural part of a connection that I am better off accepting will not go away. Again I reached this conclusion after trying the very unhealthy method of trying to shun those feelings and blame myself for them and try to make the feelings go away. That doesn't work for me.

But by accepting that these feelings are just part of my cross to bear in life it became much EASIER to cope with them. It's not easy, generally, to long for people who should be cut off from my life as much as possible, but it did get comparatively much easier to cope with that once I accepted that these feelings are here to stay and it's doesn't mean that I am willfully doing something wrong. I just feel them, regard them as a natural part of the connection, and make sure to still keep those jerks out of my life.

Not all of my connections are hurtful people though. Some of them are quite gentle and caring... but unavailable in one way or another. It's still not easy to be longing for them when I can't be with them. I can focus on the positive aspects and enjoy the love, of course. That helps. But it does not eliminate the discomfort of longing for people I can't be with. Again, accepting that was the answer. Having soul connections with people I can't be with is going to such in some ways. I found that it is healthier to accept that this just a part of my life. I accept the bad with the good so that I can enjoy the positive aspects. Because I found after trial and error that trying to eliminate the bad parts doesn't work and just makes things more difficult and prevents me from enjoying the good aspects.

So I will continue to at times feel hurt, to feel painful longing, intense discomfort, and all the negative things that fall under the category of suffering as a result of my connections. I don't choose it. The bad aspects will naturally be a part of it to some extent and I've accepted that I can't eliminate that. Accepting that was a lot healthier for me than regarding it as a choice. Accepting that this is not a choice is what makes it possible for me to enjoy the good aspects more and cope with the bad more easily.