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Originally Posted by iamthat
forgiveness. grudges, betrayals or injustices need to forgive others. shame need to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness happens when we let go of our resistance.
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I think if you do something wrong and there's no way to right it, it will be burden, so one has to be careful about what they do or you end up carrying a lot of baggage in life. The notion that you can do a bunch of wrong stuff and later live as if it didn't happen is flawed. That doesn't mean you can't forgive yourself and be happy - you probably can and should - but it does mean you pay the price regardless.
Grudges are heavy to carry. The problem is, you can't simply decide to forgive someone, or if you really want to, a bunch of stuff has to be untangled. It's a process that indeed involves a cessation of resistance, and if you are prepared to go through the process then you could be free from the grudge, but it's usually stuck fast because the mentality is chaotic, and it takes a long time to unwind since it mostly plays out in its own time.
If there's nothing to forgive, it wasn't really an issue, and we probably all have minor petty grudges that resolve without incident, but if the wrongdoing was prolonged and/or extreme, it's not going to pass easily because it's tangled in knots inside. If you can really just leave it alone (which might not be possible yet), it will start to untangle, but that process is hard and it's very unlikely that it will resolve without resistance along the way.
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