What experiences led you to non-duality?

[FallingLeaves]

i remember being in a library at the U one time when I was young, trying to decide what direction to go in... and I thought, everyone is lost. In that moment I realized that even the most revered people, the ones with the 'bliss' everyone is seeking, are equally lost. Because, to my reasoning at the time, if anyone wasn't lost, they would have found a way to make this place less awful instead of just doing the same thing over and over for millenia with no results.

So I knew there is noone I could follow without myself remaining lost...

I tried reading books but there is a lot of hypocrisy and I didn't do too well. I also didn't like the transactional nature 'do this and you will get this'. I guess I knew instinctively from past lives that wouldn't work for me nowadays...

The ones I did read I took as mostly a how to about what not to do if you want to get anywhere.

I sort of got along with the tao te ching, lots of deep insight there, but, still lacking in some ways...

ive never been agreeable with buddhism, because, it basically outlawed suffering and for no apparent reason other than 'i want i want'. I need a better reason than that if i am going to accept outlawing a whole range of experience just on the say so of others (as I suspect others often lie to themselves and each other in the name of what they want lol). Because of that I usually resist attempts to get me to read about buddhism although I'll read comments in passing sometimes...

never been too interested in the other isms...

somewhere in all that my twin introduced me to god.

gradually I learned that he is the only one I want to follow, nowadays he makes a lot of sense even though I know noone would see it that way if I tried to explain how I actually see it. I'd probably get laughed out of the building lol... and it is just as well.

I sorta have a meditation that I found somewhere and a lot of the things I learn from god help me with that, prayer can help with that too... but I realize now I couldn't have gotten any of that from books...

meditating, i've sorta dabbled in experiences that are shall we say less dualistic than normal waking life and all that is how i got to that point; even so I'm not specifically seeking nondual experiences. Mostly at this point I am trying out living life without making long-term goals to run around after with my last dieing breath...

which means I don't get much of anywhere (because everyone knows you can't get anywhere without a Big Goal to guide you forward) but on the other hand people won't beat a path to a door that doesn't seem useful, so, silver linings abound...