Meaning of trauma and healing

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by wanchain

Thanks very much for sharing the links. I will explore the support group more!

I have more than half the list of traits, although nowadays the intensity of my traits has reduced significantly.

Hmm ... sounds like your family did not have the capacity to help you. I don't think my parents have the capacity too, but for me, I have to hide my problems from them, because they expect me to be perfect, to live up to their expectations, so if I don't, my father will get mad at me and blame me for not being good enough. When I was sick, I had to hide it from him, because he would get mad at me for being sick. So at my weakest point, not only did I not get the help that I needed, I got pushed even lower. What I had was not a life ...

Wanchain

Sorry to hear that, it's sounds terrible. I do whatever I need to do to take care of myself and protect myself from abusers. I'm the most important thing, I can't fix any of them or do anything for them anyway, I have focus on me getting better, that's number one priority. I owe them nothing and I'm not letting them control my life any more, I'm breaking out of their mold and of course they aren't going to like it, but too bad I'm doing it anyway for me. They don't want us to feel or express our feelings, they want things to stay the same, to keep us in their trauma world. But we're only responsible for ourselves and have the right to take care of ourselves, to not follow their rules but to have compassion for ourselves and break free.

The more I heal the more I see the horrible things that were done to me, and the more i see that focusing on myself was the right thing to do. That's why we need support because the past trauma will cause us to feel guilty for standing up for ourselves, we need lots of validation especially in the beginning, then later we see that all the guilt was just a lie. We did the right thing by focusing on ourselves and leaving their sick world behind.