Life changing NDE

[MARDAV70]

I had a heart attack in 1997 at the age of 58 and with it a NDE. I'm a gay male, was raised Christian. I began questioning the bible as I learned about science in school. I began to look at the bible as a collection of parables and symbolic lessons. I still believed in God/Jesus, and prayed...and prayed...that God would take the "curse" of gayness from me.
I wasn't a bad kid/guy. In fact, some of the guys I went to church with were full of mischief. I always tried to do what Jesus would expect of me. So I couldn't figure out why I had this big burden on my shoulders. And why even the worst of the lot was rewarded with a wife and family...and what had I done to have this denied to me. What sin did I do? One of my last prayers was that I know God would reveal to me what terrible thing I was guilty of when I needed it. Never happened...after 20 or so years. So, over time I just thought, the heck with it. There's no God, no afterlife. I wasn't bitter...just accepted the facts. It didn't bother me that when I take my last breath I would no longer exist.
I still admired and tried to practice "The Golden Rule" just because it was the decent way for a person to conduct themselves.

Well. lo and behold. I had a heart attack. I knew what it was soon after the pain started...and I can tell you that the pain was the worst physical I'd ever experienced. Unbearable pain that you must endure because you have no other choice. I didn't care how, I only wanted that incredibly terrible pain to stop. My partner called the EMTs. They arrived and put me on the gurney and rolled me into the ambulance. In the ambulance the EMT told me they were going to stablize me before they took off.

Everything was black. Nothing scary. I was just..."there". I knew of no past, nothing in my mind of knowledge of anything. I felt as if I'd just come into existence. As I looked around and saw nothing but blackness...I wondered "what?"....not in English, but feeling the essence of the word. Then, I saw blue sky and plants come into view from my left. As they became clearer I felt a welcoming and love from the plants. Finally, I was on like a hill, far out in the country away from civilization, with these plants and trees ahead of me down in what looked like a stream might be there. I knew beyond that there was something wonderful. I thought to myself "so this is the way it is" (in English). I sensed a feeling of "wholeness" and a perception of experiencing reality as never in this life. As I was so excited and anxious to cross over that area of trees/plants I found I couldn't move my feet. As I looked down to see why, I saw not my feet, but instead was looking out into a light grey blue mist that kind of resembled the universe. The area was extremely vast and went on into eternity. There were a few lines going in different directions and one or two that were arched. There was a huge sphere. It looked like a distant huge planet or dimmed sun-like star, but much, much larger. I don't know what those things were or what they meant. I didn't question...I just looked in awe. Then as I was taking it all in, to my right I saw what looked like a cross between little t.v. screens and bubbles...like rectangular shaped dark grey bubbles. One flashed in a fraction of a second. I knew it was this life and that I had to return to it. I saw how people are so into themselves and ignore the spiritual within them. I didn't want to go back to it. I wanted to stay there. But it seemed to come from within me that I had to return to this life. I was so disappointed I had to come back. I'm sure all those other little screens/bubbles were my other lives.
So, I opened my eyes and saw that EMT guy hurriedly working. occupied with his equipment trying to save my life. I thought to myself "well, here I am again. Guess I gotta put up with this existence for a while". The pain was back, and hurt every bit as much as before...but it meant nothing and I didn't care about it.

When I woke up in ICCU I knew what had happened to me. But I was confused as to why I didn't see the tunnel...the bright light. I felt like an 18 year old...eager to get out of that hospital and learn, do research...on things I knew little about...spirituality, physics, astronomy, ancient civilizations. I felt better (physically) than I can't remember when.
But more than that, I knew that the most important thing that exists is unconditional love. Something we all must-NO exceptions-do in order to make this a better world...because when this life is done, we'll have to return. I don't remember being told that or experiencing learning it...I just knew it. And I understand it.
(After getting home I did research on NDEs. I found that many NDEs do not involve the tunnel and the light.)

Something else that is within me is a feeling. I don't know if there's any validity to it or not...but what I feel is we're on the brink of a major, major change. That we're on the threshold of an evolutionary upgrade (?), that materialism, greed and selfishness will die and we'll become far more spiritual beings in service to each other. Maybe it's just a manifestation of what I'd experienced translated for my ego's benefit, and maybe there is something to it...I don't know.

But, no matter what we believe or don't believe (it doesn't matter), unconditional love and practicing the Golden Rule can only bring about good things.

Namaste