Is marriage overrated ?

[DoctorStrange]

I'm beginning to think it is.

I've never been married but the thought of it, escapes me as to it's validity especially nowadays.

Everything has moved so fast, and the pressure on marriages especially with such economic turmoil all over the world, makes it a very daunting thing to keep afloat.

[starling]

Originally Posted by ExperiencingTheJourney

I'm beginning to think it is.

I've never been married but the thought of it, escapes me as to it's validity especially nowadays.

Everything has moved so fast, and the pressure on marriages especially with such economic turmoil all over the world, makes it a very daunting thing to keep afloat.

I wish I could say no.

It's a big question and all I an say is that stuff has changed.....

1) It's (apparently) ok now to have kids without being married.

2) The social climate out there is not good.....many just have the wrong attitude (IMO of course)

3) you only have to look at he 50% divorce rate to know your chances....






I'm a hopeless romantic but with stress issue/noise intolerance I'm stuffed anyway.

[Shekinah]

A human fabricated bond most likely with financial security for offspring in mind. Origin of the wedding band is the Egyptian slave ring. Personally I am not so sure two humans should be indentured to each other for a lifetime. Co-habituating couples seem most happy when there is no legal bondage contract.

[starling]

Originally Posted by Shekinah

A human fabricated bond most likely with financial security for offspring in mind. Origin of the wedding band is the Egyptian slave ring. Personally I am not so sure two humans should be indentured to each other for a lifetime. Co-habituating couples seem most happy when there is no legal bondage contract.

Something of a generalisation.

Where kids are involved.....and they frequently are......some form of permanence is not ad idea ...... even in this day and age.

[TheGlow]

With the right person, maybe set up so it lasts not forever but as long as it is suitable..... IDK I still love being married. I just think we get married way to early. Before most people even know themselves let alone each other.

If you find the right person I think it is quite beautiful, the issue is that the person who matches you at 20 will likely not be your match at 50.
Next life I will wait till at least 30 to consider any suitors permanently. 35 to commit. At least knowing yourself you can decide if 2 can grow together instead of apart. If you don't have yourself "found" first it's Russian roulette.

Also the stigma of divorce and not being prepared to be alone if it happens.... There should be no shame in admitting a relationship has run its course romantically and now needs to become "family" of another type so you can find someone more aligned to love you as a mate.

I also think you shouldn't have to cut the ex out of your life. Family is family especially the family you chose.


Of course maybe if we didn't rush into marriage so young we wouldn't ever need to divorce.

It is a beautiful set up just ensure you have found the right person.

[Clover]

I think people get married too young without understanding who they are is the greater issue. Is it overrated? Eh, depends where you are spiritually and if you value your beliefs. I genuinely see family structures that are functional, especially when their is children involved. I think it takes two very strong minded people to make a marriage work. Unfortunately, most people union in their twenties and in my non spiritual opinion,it's not a wise period. Your still coming of age and physiologically, your brain is still developing.

I think marriage and social economics tie in together significantly. I was reading that statistically, the number one friction/break in a marriage is finances ( infidelity second) and the more kids you have the higher the divorce rate. I agree, there is a lot of pressure in keeping up with the unrealistic culture/society ideals.
Because of our changing economy ( more women in the work force/over working the working class). I definitely think there is a shift in the traditional family model. Moms are't home cooking or spouses aren't spending more time with each other, so I feel marriages are subject to have a higher failure rate. Its just like the public education system, your trying to teach a 1950's model to a 2015 Global world. Id go more into this, but I am enjoying Christmas music at the moment

[Sarian]

Yes.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Marriage is a 50 billion dollar a year industry. These days folks get married mainly for insurance purposes or due to unexpected children and while I understand people thinking that children are better off when parents stay together, exposing children to a bad relationship and teaching them that being miserable together is "normal" is not good. Kids are really resilient, or at least they used to be. As to having the two parent household, speaking from the perspective of an orphan I can tell you, just because there are two parents in the house doesn't mean it's good, there are many circumstances where kids are better off without what their parents provide. Kids don't need a mom and dad, they need positive male and female role models and those don't necessarily have to be their parents.

Personally, I'd rather eat a box of hair than get married, I have seen marriage ruin some of the most beautiful relationships.
Marriage isn't romantic, love's expression is (or can be) romantic. Marriage is a contract, nothing more, how people treat one another has little to do with said contract. If anything, having that contract in place often creates more problems than anything else.

[starling]

Originally Posted by Nettles

Marriage is a 50 billion dollar a year industry. These days folks get married mainly for insurance purposes or due to unexpected children and while I understand people thinking that children are better off when parents stay together, exposing children to a bad relationship and teaching them that being miserable together is "normal" is not good. Kids are really resilient, or at least they used to be. As to having the two parent household, speaking from the perspective of an orphan I can tell you, just because there are two parents in the house doesn't mean it's good, there are many circumstances where kids are better off without what their parents provide. Kids don't need a mom and dad, they need positive male and female role models and those don't necessarily have to be their parents.

Personally, I'd rather eat a box of hair than get married, I have seen marriage ruin some of the most beautiful relationships.
Marriage isn't romantic, love's expression is (or can be) romantic. Marriage is a contract, nothing more, how people treat one another has little to do with said contract. If anything, having that contract in place often creates more problems than anything else.

Nettles , your even more cynical than I am.

Let's start again.

1) Marriage can work.

2) It can be romantic.

3) Couples can stay together and be happy and work it out.

4) Marriage IS hard work, I don't think any one would dispute that. It just depends on if you are prepared to put that commitment in.

5) If you're not prepared to face that commitment, don't have kids.

6) Even now people do occasionally stay together out of respect/bond. NOt just financial or legal reasons.....

Originally Posted by starling

Nettles , your even more cynical than I am.

Let's start again.

1) Marriage can work.

2) It can be romantic.

3) Couples can stay together and be happy and work it out.

4) Marriage IS hard work, I don't think any one would dispute that. It just depends on if you are prepared to put that commitment in.

5) If you're not prepared to face that commitment, don't have kids.

6) Even now people do occasionally stay together out of respect/bond. NOt just financial or legal reasons.....

Well of course these points can be true, I never claimed otherwise. I am not cynical in the least when it comes to love. In fact, I am the very definition of a romantic fool. All about holding hands and candles etc...making love rather than just f-ing.
I sound cynical of the institution of marriage, perhaps I once was, but upon reflection, the emotion I feel when I think about marriage is total indifference.