My story: I decided to stay celibate

Dear all,

I am new at this form as I've only recently experienced spiritual awakening.
I will try to summarize my rather interesting story.
I have met my soulmate when I was 17 during the exciting ski trip.
We saw eachother at the apre ski party he came up to me and we started kissing right a way. People were stunned. We continued dating experiencing pure bliss when together.
However unthinkable happened.
The war broke out in the part of Europe. I exiled to the part of country where my mother is from. As I didn't know at that time anything about soulmates, and I was very young I continued to date other people. I noticed right a way that while connections were sexually charged none of those have depth and intimacy as the one I had with him. 10 months later when returning from school I saw him. He exiled to the same area. Our connection was instant and we continued to see each other. My parents who managed to escape to another area wanted my sister and I to join them ASAP. The night before our separation he and I confessed our love for each other. I cried for 12 hours straight knowing that I will not be able to live without him. As if someone gave me the harshest life sentence that night. We have reunited with the parents. We have decided to immigrate to Canada.
That is where I have been living for the past 17 years. But I count my years from the time of separation with him.
We have wrote each other letters. I found it too painful so I entered another relationship, this time I went overboard I got married. I ended up in abusive relationship divorcing shortly afterwords. He found out I think and he never wrote again. I found out that shortly after words he entered another relationship as well.
There was no contact. In 1999 I met someone at the sea coast line who told me that she works with someone by that name. His name is very common name in that area. It could have been anyone. I knew that was him and no other. I asked her to give him my e-mail. He wrote right a way! He was cold. I found out he was engaged to be married. I went on with my life. I had a string of unsuccesful relationships. In 2004 I met someone at work I got married again, got pregnant and started somewhat satisfying home life which turned into abusive relationship again. I could not reach pinnicle of pleasure sexualy. I would compare my spouse to my soulmate. I left the bedroom and we are getting divorced right now. My spouse has moved on very quickly I beleive he is already seing someone. I have a beautiful daughter thus I do not view my marriage as a mistake. For the past year while strongly feeling yearning for my soulmate, I have worked on my spirituality. I am able to se my aura and I was in the vortex twice. It was beautiful. I decided to contact spiritual advisor who was recommended to me. She told me right a way that I have a soulmate who is separated from me. She told me that he is going through a tough divorce right now. She told me that he is angry with me and that he doesn't wish to be contacted so I wouldn't see how unhappy he is right now. She also picked up on the fact that we've never had a sex (really).:))) She has also confirmed that the reason I can not orgasam with anyone else as because my chakra would only open to him. She sees that we will be reunited one day and even have a child when he works out his issues. She described him as if she sees his picture. He became a wealthy but not happy man. He becane a ssuccesful leader of a large enterprize. He is thinking already that only true happines can come from me.
This was a pivotal confirmation for me life, that I am not crazy, dellusional or sexualy disfunctional. That I am simply spiritual being who could not complete the life without the One. From everything I have experienced known and seen, I know where I belong I know for who my soul is yearning and how I can complete myself. While 17 years was a long long time of suffering I can wait 17 more. But I will not enter another sexual relationship again. I am open to dating and friendships I am at the peace with my decesion. Any thoughts or comments let me know and God Bless. Namaste

[BlueSky]

Yes, that is a very interesting story. No thoughts or comments come to mind as I read it.
I am glad that you are at peace with your decision.
With that said, would you say that you are open to that decision changing?
Just curious.....thanks for sharing from your personal life...........
Blessings, James

[SeaZen]

Interasantna a zalosna prica. Taj glupi rat je dosta nama unazadio psihicki i duhovno. Neverujem da ce mu trebat 17 godina da se smiri od ljutne. Neka ti prijatelji pratu gde je i kako je. Verujem da ce mu samo trebat godinu dana da se smiri a ne 17 godina. Verujem da ce te skoro biti zajedno i srecni!

Pitnaje je gde cete da zivite. Gde si sada ili tamo kod njega. Interesuje me, jeste li iz isto poreklo kao on ili iz druge strane? Gde zivi on sada? Izvini ako moje srpkso/hrvatski nije jasno jer sam rodjen ovde. Zelim vama sve nabolje!

[Silver]

Originally Posted by SeaZen

Interasantna a zalosna prica. Taj glupi rat je dosta nama unazadio psihicki i duhovno. Neverujem da ce mu trebat 17 godina da se smiri od ljutne. Neka ti prijatelji pratu gde je i kako je. Verujem da ce mu samo trebat godinu dana da se smiri a ne 17 godina. Verujem da ce te skoro biti zajedno i srecni!

Pitnaje je gde cete da zivite. Gde si sada ili tamo kod njega. Interesuje me, jeste li iz isto poreklo kao on ili iz druge strane? Gde zivi on sada? Izvini ako moje srpkso/hrvatski nije jasno jer sam rodjen ovde. Zelim vama se nabolje!

Whaaa...?

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by Silvergirl

Whaaa...?

Hahahaha!

I bet you had a fun time "super-moderating" that one Silvergirl!

[Nymphea]

I hope you once will come together. That will surely happen, but you never know when the time is right.
It's a blessing to get the confirmation of a spiritual counselor that what you're feeling is real. Do never doubt your own feelings and intuition!

Originally Posted by SeaZen

Interasantna a zalosna prica. Taj glupi rat je dosta nama unazadio psihicki i duhovno. Neverujem da ce mu trebat 17 godina da se smiri od ljutne. Neka ti prijatelji pratu gde je i kako je. Verujem da ce mu samo trebat godinu dana da se smiri a ne 17 godina. Verujem da ce te skoro biti zajedno i srecni!

Pitnaje je gde cete da zivite. Gde si sada ili tamo kod njega. Interesuje me, jeste li iz isto poreklo kao on ili iz druge strane? Gde zivi on sada? Izvini ako moje srpkso/hrvatski nije jasno jer sam rodjen ovde. Zelim vama se nabolje!

SeaZan,
He lives in Zagreb. I live in Toronto, Ont. We do not have mutual friends any longer so I am unable to connect with him that way. Dear SeaZen I couldn't care less where I live with him It could be Croatia, India or Thai. I will converse with you in native tangue but please post in English so other enlightened souls can understand. Topli pozdravi. Namaste

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by 17 years of separation

SeaZan,
He lives in Zagreb. I live in Toronto, Ont. We do not have mutual friends any longer so I am unable to connect with him that way.

That’s sad to hear. Its unfortunate if this were because of the war. We still maintained our friendships with our Croatian and Albanian friends (I am Serbian) during that time though I have heard of friendships ending because of the war.

Dear SeaZen I couldn't care less where I live with him It could be Croatia, India or Thai.

Thats good

I will converse with you in native tangue but please post in English so other enlightened souls can understand. Topli pozdravi. Namaste

I understand, however, I wanted to post in the native tongue at first so that you know right away that you have kindred spirits here who wholeheartedly welcome you to the forum and understand what you went through (as far as the war and its hardships). I also wish to let you know that I do not think badly of or harbor any ill will towards Croatians, Bosnian Muslims, Albanians etc. and that you have nothing to be apprehensive about. We are all one!

Even though I was here during the war, it tore my soul apart when it was happening. It was a very difficult and dark time of suffering for me spiritually and psychologically. Spirit came through for me however during that time through 2 very lovely women. One contacted me via a Balkan internet dating site. She was Croatian born here and she had the most beautiful eyes and amazing smile. She was the type who could light up the room when she walked in. We had a great intimate email correspondence though nothing happened of it because the war was still fresh, my soul still needed to heal, I couldn’t really see how this would work out if I was to go visit her friends and relatives in Croatia, we don’t live in a vacuum etc.. I didn’t tell her this but she sensed this apprehension and hesitance in me and chose the other guy. Who knows, maybe she was my soulmate and I missed out.

A year or so later, as my soul continued to heal, I met a Bosnian Muslim (who emigrated here after the war) on the beach here in Chicago. She was amazing and we hit it off very well and spoke on the phone often. The last time we spoke she had mentioned that her mom just walked into the house and that she would call me back later. That was the last I heard from her. I had left her a message the next day to call back and she didn’t. I suspect her mom asked her who she was talking to and she had told her mom about me and her mom admonished her not date or contact a Serb. I wasn’t upset at all and completely understood her situation and let it go but it would have been nice.

What spirit did for me by bringing these 2 fine women into my life was to have me experience a wonderful intimate soulful oneness with them that somehow healed me. I’m not sure how or why, but it did and that’s all that matters.

Puno Topli Pozdravi iz Chicago Draga Moja! Kao uvek, zelim vam sve nabolje! Namaste!

SeaZen

Dear WS,
I am not open to chaning my decesion any time soon.
I will explain why. When I gave birth to my daughter, I was in bad shape.
Epidural, drugs, C-section and the whole nine yards.
Dazed and confused I opened my eyes in hospital waiting for my SM to enter with the flowers.
Right there right there
I knew that I had the child for a wrong man. I didn't bear a wrong child she is my angel but as I belong to someone else the joy of childbearing could not happen for me. Thank you for your reply!

[Anima]

I am of Serbian Croatian descent too , and live in Split. Fortunately, I was born in 1992 and didn't really get to live through the war, not that I remember anyway.

Your story deeply touched me. I wish I could tell you to open yourself up to possible other relationship, but even though I'm young and relatively unexperienced, I completely understand the problems with connecting to the other people the same way, and the wish to rather wait than push yourself into relationships you know in your soul can never match up. It's good to hear that you're letting go off of the expectations for the relationship to manifest right away, because like many people on the forum keep saying, acceptance and letting go are one of the important things that help you spiritually evolve to the point where you can handle the relationship with a soulmate. Maybe all of these years of seperations, and all of the time you will continue to spend on your own before you unite, are neccessary for you two to be ready for eachother. Something like, you need to be a complete half in order for you two to make a real whole. Maybe you were ready for a long time, and he was not. Maybe it was the other way around. It seems rather often that in case of "twinflames/twinsouls" - meeting earlier in life, and then going on different ways to eventually reunite eachother again. The labels don't really matter, and I don't know if you're familiar with this particular one, but it might be interesting for you to inquire about the subject. I can send you links to good articles for the purpose of possible more understanding, if you'd like.

Best wishes, light and love,

Anima