It’s been suggested I have to live with my traumas

[CosmicWonder]

Hi,

Had a conversation with my therapist yesterday. We did EMDR, trauma therapy, because I’m suffering from severe PTSS (every form of PTSS is severe, but I say it because it surely feels like it). So I am now “recovering” from the therapy, as that is normal. However we figured out my symptoms got worse. I have worse flashbacks, worse anxiety, worse alarm system, worse nightmares, everything increased and got worse. The only thing that healed is that I can now look at it and just face it. I’m not running as much away from it anymore.

So it was suggested that I’m highly associative, hence I can’t process it properly. It’s too connected. It is only a theory. It only makes sense because yes I’m highly associative and I do have autism too. And with autism it’s known that sometimes they respond differently to treatment.

So now I got unsolvable trauma’s. At least, for psychiatric treatment. I’ve already tried a lot of the spiritual stuff which all didn’t work (for example the completion process and feeling through it). I’ve more traumatic experiences than is assumed as possible as well. So I have for example memories of war, which I have never been in in this life. As well as sexual abuse, which isn’t probable as well. Basically I have two lifetimes filled with trauma’s.

Just wanted to vent this. I suggested I might want to work on self-management then. Which is the only option that seems open now. I don’t have extreme outbursts of rage anymore, luckily. Usually I just get passive and get anxiety attacks when the trigger is too close.

Much kindness,

CW

[CosmicWonder]

It’s fine tho. People live with traumas all the time. I’ll manage

[Miss Hepburn]

Hoping the links I sent you will help ya.
It will take a couple days maybe or more to watch them, I know.
Take your time.

[CosmicWonder]

Hi, thanks miss H.,

Last while I’ve been quite numb. Empty, except for the horrors in my own head. But today is a good day. I found a way to push away the damage a bit. And now I feel better. It’s not that I’m avoiding them, just trying to rewire. It was difficult to achieve that at all, because my mind was (and still is) deeply and throughout fractured. I notice I feel a huge interest in cats, mental health, mental illness and bats. Maybe also in things like depression and dementia. And the way they work. I hope I can buy some nice books on bats, cats, depression and dementia. Feels good to me tbh. I enjoy healing after all.

Much kindness,

CW

[saurab]

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

Hi, thanks miss H.,

Last while I’ve been quite numb. Empty, except for the horrors in my own head. But today is a good day. I found a way to push away the damage a bit. And now I feel better. It’s not that I’m avoiding them, just trying to rewire. It was difficult to achieve that at all, because my mind was (and still is) deeply and throughout fractured. I notice I feel a huge interest in cats, mental health, mental illness and bats. Maybe also in things like depression and dementia. And the way they work. I hope I can buy some nice books on bats, cats, depression and dementia. Feels good to me tbh. I enjoy healing after all.

Much kindness,

CW

A good way to end your problems is to practice being aware of your thoughts or visual pictures without trying to interfere with it in any way. This way all repressed emotions and thoughts will come to the surface and be gone forever. But if you try to interfere with your thoughts then you might become entangled in them.

[utopiandreamchild]

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

Last while I’ve been quite numb. Empty, except for the horrors in my own head. But today is a good day. I found a way to push away the damage a bit. And now I feel better. It’s not that I’m avoiding them, just trying to rewire. It was difficult to achieve that at all, because my mind was (and still is) deeply and throughout fractured.
CW

Love yourself first and foremost unconditionally. Negativity is suffering and hate is at the core of it all.

You may need to rewire subconscious and lean on love as your foundation and support
Be positive, be loving, that will heal you.

It won't happen over night but it will happen, it takes personal growth, when your strong enough you'll know.

Love utopia

CosmicWonder - that's great you're feeling better :)

Miss Hepburn - would it be possible to share the link with the rest of us?

[winter light]

CosmicWonder It is a gradual process of building hope and confidence a bit at a time. And trying out many efforts to see what works. Glad you have a therapist to help you work it out. I've done a lot of EFT and EMDR work myself.

I was told and proved for myself that you can look for progress in terms of frequency, duration, and intensity. In other words over time the events become less frequent, do not last as long, and reduce intensity.

The intensity is the last to go however. And things may become temporarily more intense just as you begin to make real progress. So when things return strongly that is the time to remind yourself of the progress made in frequency and duration. To keep your hopes up in tune with reality. Hope this helps.

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks a lot winter light, I haven’t thought of it like that yet. I tried to build a kind of internal healing process last few days that might be capable of putting my brain back together again and etc. It’s truly a fracture, multiple even.

It’s so weird how certain stimulus can cause the brain to fracture under the pressure.

Lately the fractures cause pain daily. I hope I can decrease the pains in the ways you described.

Much kindness,
CW

[tomstarot]

Hey CW,

Hope I am ok in offering some advice.

Firstly, I am very sceptical in the abilities of therapists, they have a very two dimensional view of the world.

Think of it like being in a high rise building, currently you are stuck on one floor being taken from room to room. The solution of course is to go up.

How do you go up? This is of course a spiritual forum, so I hope you are familiar with some of this. You need to think in terms of vibration, two things that will help you understand are, the law of attraction, very useful for getting into a better state of mind, secondly I would recommend the book power vs force which offers a more theoretical explanation of these levels.

Lastly I would highly recommend music for healing, not you usual music but things like binaural beats and other gentle sounds.

It will of course take time to heal but it's important to at least be heading in the right direction.