Am I Doomed To Be Single?

[MOLA]

Hello,

It has been around seven or so months since my last post here on SF and I feel like this thread has been the accumulation of what my heart has been feeling as of late.

The topic is, am I doomed to be single?

The reason I ask this is simple: everytime I try to develop a connection to someone, I always feel a block is there; a block that basically prevents me from wanting to know her a little better. Everytime I try to develop a connection, there's always those that avoid me for some particular reason, the most popular being that they accuse me of already being in a relationship; when that is exactly the opposite.

I am a 6'1 guy that is most of the time quiet and analytical. I read body languages and is an empath, so therefore I'm able to sense general vibes from people. I've been getting readings (both free and professional) that indicates that I'll be meeting someone and actually get married by next year; but nothing has indicated this despite the readings all seem to be consistent with each other.

I am already putting the LOA into practice - I affirm that I am already in a relationship and that everything will take off once I meet her. I don't worry about the fact that I'm not in a relationship that often; just on some days when I realize that maybe I've lost the charm and is maybe doomed to be single?

Input please. I'm a mess.

[Baile]

MOLA, your profile says you're 25, from the title I was expecting you to be a 45 year-old bachelor! After many years of bad relationships due in large part to my youthful nativity and immaturity, I would recommend to anyone to stay single until you're in your 40s. It's around that age that one finally has a handle on who they truly are, meaning s/he can still remain independent while in a relationship. It's that independence of soul that's key. If you can't live without someone, if you can't be alone, you haven't developed that independence. It's that need to have someone (need to "own" and fear of being alone) that causes most relationship problems.

Use this time to simply enjoy being with whoever you date. Don't look for a connection, look to relate to them as a person. Be interested in them for their sake, and not as a potential partner for you.

[Baile]

Searched and found just the greatest quote, posted a few weeks back, exactly what I was trying to say in my previous post:

Originally Posted by Badcopyinc

Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other. ~Osho

Originally Posted by Baile

MOLA, your profile says you're 25, from the title I was expecting you to be a 45 year-old bachelor! After many years of bad relationships due in large part to my youthful nativity and immaturity, I would recommend to anyone to stay single until you're in your 40s. It's around that age that one finally has a handle on who they truly are, meaning s/he can still remain independent while in a relationship. It's that independence of soul that's key. If you can't live without someone, if you can't be alone, you haven't developed that independence. It's that need to have someone (need to "own" and fear of being alone) that causes most relationship problems.

Use this time to simply enjoy being with whoever you date. Don't look for a connection, look to relate to them as a person. Be interested in them for their sake, and not as a potential partner for you.

As I was reading this i was thinking of osho. good use

[MOLA]

Originally Posted by Baile

MOLA, your profile says you're 25, from the title I was expecting you to be a 45 year-old bachelor! After many years of bad relationships due in large part to my youthful nativity and immaturity, I would recommend to anyone to stay single until you're in your 40s. It's around that age that one finally has a handle on who they truly are, meaning s/he can still remain independent while in a relationship. It's that independence of soul that's key. If you can't live without someone, if you can't be alone, you haven't developed that independence. It's that need to have someone (need to "own" and fear of being alone) that causes most relationship problems.

Use this time to simply enjoy being with whoever you date. Don't look for a connection, look to relate to them as a person. Be interested in them for their sake, and not as a potential partner for you.

Hello Baile! Sorry for the late reply as I just got back from a road trip today. But yes I am 25 and I've gotten lots of compliments from many others saying that I'm beyond my age.

Maybe the title of the thread is an exaggeration in itself but this month marks the 1 year mark of me being single. I don't mind the independence that single offers for me; in fact I love it, its just that I'm questioning why is it that I can't get a relationship? (even a date!) whereas before it was like second nature to me.

I like having independence in my life and I can certainly live by myself but I imagine I want to share my life with someone and I'm just wondering why is it so hard for me to get a date, let alone a relationship nowadays.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

I've recently been responding on the LOA section. LOA is something I can't believe in except at the highest levels like: if you're unhappy you can't expect to attract happiness. I agree with that but as things get more detailed the less practical it becomes.

On that basis, " a block that basically prevents me from wanting to know her a little better. Everytime I try to develop a connection, there's always those that avoid me for some particular reason,"

...could the block be attracting people with similar blocks?

Only you know what this block is - it could be many things from past emotional wounds to sexual deference to, are you worried about looks? Dress sense? and a lot more. You have to find out with meditation - or as I'd prefer it, contemplation, looking at yourself from a 3rd person view in the situations you describe and being ruthlessly honest. What is it about you that blocks? And, if you can read body language well, ask why the person seems to be reacting as they do. Try to rationalise.

But also, here's the sting in the LOA tail. Believing you already have a happy (presumably) relationship. If you're doing it with skill others will assume you're in a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with affirmation supported by strong visuals but LOA? Be careful.

Affirmations are different and should never be bracketed with LOA. Affirmations are about drilling into you then focusing on what you want to achieve. The stronger that focus, the more it will guide your actions/behaviour towards it - LOA is pretending something you're not.

♥

I was taught to try to visualize what I wanted as if I already wanted and the universe will one day provide for me those things. I was also taught the Law of Detachment but she also told me how affirmations (similar to LOA) would help bring what I wanted to materialize if its for my highest good.

Now I don't go around my everyday life as if I'm already in a relationship. I act like your usual single guy but what separates me from many others my age maybe its because I don't 'seem' to be actively pursuing anyone or aggressive enough about wanting a 'woman.' Maybe this is what's causing people to perceive that I'm already in a relationship? I'm 6'1 and I've gotten tons of comments saying that I have a playboy's looks attached to me.

The negative side to me is I overthink and worry too much which leads me to becoming more tense than needs be. I'm still working on improving this.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by MOLA

I like having independence in my life and I can certainly live by myself but I imagine I want to share my life with someone and I'm just wondering why is it so hard for me to get a date, let alone a relationship nowadays.

Well that's good to hear. Hey, being with someone is great, but there is nothing better than: having your own bank account; doing only what you choose to do, when you choose to do it; and sleeping alone in one's own bed. Along with how special soul connections are, relationships have taught me this much.

Dating... sorry, no advice to give. I did that once, went on an actual date to meet someone. It was like going to a job interview, ugh. Soul connections are best anyway, and they happen spontaneously and out of the blue; you just have to bide your time, that's life.

Originally Posted by MOLA

I don't mind the independence that single offers for me; in fact I love it, its just that I'm questioning why is it that I can't get a relationship? (even a date!) whereas before it was like second nature to me.

I like having independence in my life and I can certainly live by myself but I imagine I want to share my life with someone and I'm just wondering why is it so hard for me to get a date, let alone a relationship nowadays.

I found myself thinking the same thing a year ago. Then realized i wasn't ready. I was still harboring stuff from my past relationship. and then throwing in learning all i have and changing my taste or removing it completely when it comes to females. I wondered how will i ever really find anyone who is as corny and oddball as myself let alone believes the same things i do now? who is focused on loving themselves and not relying on me for their happy.

then it hit me from a post on here a few months back and i don't remember which one exactly but i do remember thinking it was pointless to allow myself to worry about when and who ill be with in the future. it wasn't doing anything but taking away from the present and my current goal. Me working on making myself a better person in every way. how can i believe that I/the universe is all knowing and gives me what i need when i need it but still try to pick what i need when half the time i don't realize what i need when i need it. By diverting my focus back to me and only me I'm making myself better for the day when i start a relationship. it will make that experience that much better for me and her when that day comes. It could be here now but I'm letting what happens happen and enjoying it for what it is. id rather give things the opportunity to grow instead of worrying about when and if they will. I miss to much beauty when I'm focused on how i want things to be. instead of enjoying how they are.

easier said than done but its my tactic when it comes to relationships.

[MOLA]

Originally Posted by Badcopyinc

I found myself thinking the same thing a year ago. Then realized i wasn't ready. I was still harboring stuff from my past relationship. and then throwing in learning all i have and changing my taste or removing it completely when it comes to females. I wondered how will i ever really find anyone who is as corny and oddball as myself let alone believes the same things i do now? who is focused on loving themselves and not relying on me for their happy.

then it hit me from a post on here a few months back and i don't remember which one exactly but i do remember thinking it was pointless to allow myself to worry about when and who ill be with in the future. it wasn't doing anything but taking away from the present and my current goal. Me working on making myself a better person in every way. how can i believe that I/the universe is all knowing and gives me what i need when i need it but still try to pick what i need when half the time i don't realize what i need when i need it. By diverting my focus back to me and only me I'm making myself better for the day when i start a relationship. it will make that experience that much better for me and her when that day comes. It could be here now but I'm letting what happens happen and enjoying it for what it is. id rather give things the opportunity to grow instead of worrying about when and if they will. I miss to much beauty when I'm focused on how i want things to be. instead of enjoying how they are.

easier said than done but its my tactic when it comes to relationships.

Thank you for that - I will take note and try to implant that mindset into my rational brain. :)

Maybe I'm supposed to be 'alone' for a little bit longer so I can find out more about myself. After all, this is the first time I've been really single in about 7 years.

Originally Posted by Shoni7510

Have you considered that perhaps you could be commitment phobic as a result of your past and present experiences? I knew a guy who outwardly seemed to be pursuing relationships but he was afraid of women, in fact he hated them and was commitment phobic. But in any event you are still way too young to think that you are destined to be single. You will meet your girl when the time is right and everything will just fall into place.

I'm disappointment - phobic. I'm not afraid of women, in fact the opposite. But I'm very selective nowadays because I'm very afraid of people who don't stay true to their word, like I do. That's my #1 factor in deciding in a person and so far I've yet to meet someone who can make me 'calm' on the inside as to completely trust her with my time, emotions and etc..

Originally Posted by PhoenixNine

A whole year, hmm? Try almost 5! I think that without this time on my own I would not have developed certain parts of myself though. Also, I refuse to actively 'look'...when the time is right I will meet someone.....maybe...I have certain things I would like in a partner...Easygoing, sense of humor, etc<<<normal things...but then others like being into certain kinds of music, non-dogmatic wider existential view of Existence, and able to be responsible and partake recreational chemistry...not an very easy combination to find in another....most are already married.

I've grown immensely since the last time I was in a relationship, which was a year ago. But the more I grow, the more I'm less likely to be in a relationship because of how reality doesn't seem to match with what I truly want in a relationship. But I do know I don't want to live alone because its more 'fun' to have someone with me; not necessarily because I'm dependent on having a partner but I want to enjoy my life with someone. If that makes sense.

Originally Posted by MOLA

Hello,

It has been around seven or so months since my last post here on SF and I feel like this thread has been the accumulation of what my heart has been feeling as of late.

The topic is, am I doomed to be single?

The reason I ask this is simple: everytime I try to develop a connection to someone, I always feel a block is there; a block that basically prevents me from wanting to know her a little better. Everytime I try to develop a connection, there's always those that avoid me for some particular reason, the most popular being that they accuse me of already being in a relationship; when that is exactly the opposite.

I am a 6'1 guy that is most of the time quiet and analytical. I read body languages and is an empath, so therefore I'm able to sense general vibes from people. I've been getting readings (both free and professional) that indicates that I'll be meeting someone and actually get married by next year; but nothing has indicated this despite the readings all seem to be consistent with each other.

I am already putting the LOA into practice - I affirm that I am already in a relationship and that everything will take off once I meet her. I don't worry about the fact that I'm not in a relationship that often; just on some days when I realize that maybe I've lost the charm and is maybe doomed to be single?

Input please. I'm a mess.

I've recently been responding on the LOA section. LOA is something I can't believe in except at the highest levels like: if you're unhappy you can't expect to attract happiness. I agree with that but as things get more detailed the less practical it becomes.

On that basis, " a block that basically prevents me from wanting to know her a little better. Everytime I try to develop a connection, there's always those that avoid me for some particular reason,"

...could the block be attracting people with similar blocks?

Only you know what this block is - it could be many things from past emotional wounds to sexual deference to, are you worried about looks? Dress sense? and a lot more. You have to find out with meditation - or as I'd prefer it, contemplation, looking at yourself from a 3rd person view in the situations you describe and being ruthlessly honest. What is it about you that blocks? And, if you can read body language well, ask why the person seems to be reacting as they do. Try to rationalise.

But also, here's the sting in the LOA tail. Believing you already have a happy (presumably) relationship. If you're doing it with skill others will assume you're in a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with affirmation supported by strong visuals but LOA? Be careful.

Affirmations are different and should never be bracketed with LOA. Affirmations are about drilling into you then focusing on what you want to achieve. The stronger that focus, the more it will guide your actions/behaviour towards it - LOA is pretending something you're not.

♥

[shoni7510]

Have you considered that perhaps you could be commitment phobic as a result of your past and present experiences? I knew a guy who outwardly seemed to be pursuing relationships but he was afraid of women, in fact he hated them and was commitment phobic. But in any event you are still way too young to think that you are destined to be single. You will meet your girl when the time is right and everything will just fall into place.