back away from the cage.

[Internal Queries]

okay so i have these imaginary friends blabbing in my head and they and i are presently in conflict. see? they want to turn my "demon" loose so they get to the wounded child who hides behind it so they can heal her. i don't think they really understand what they're proposing. they believe they can catch it, leash it and neutralize it. i think they're underestimating it's capacity for destruction and i don't want that thing turned loose in my head, not only because it's a danger to my own sanity but i don't want my imaginary friends getting hurt either.

i understand their logic. i understand that they want to help that wounded child but my "demon" is a nasty piece of work, created out of pain, shame and terror, created to symbolize rage and to protect that wounded inner child from further harm. i also realize that she's trapped in there behind that extremely hostile entity but i fear the damn thing. this isn't just some primal beast that blunders around mindlessly breaking things. it's as intelligent as i am. it's evil. it's sneaky. it's revengeful. it's insidious in it's ability to target the vulnerabilities in the psyches of others. it's ruthless. it doesn't care who it hurts. i caged it for very good reasons.

so the conflict is in that i won't allow my imaginary friends near the cage wherein i keep my demon. and they insist that there isn't much further i can progress if i don't allow them get past my demon to help my inner child. i don't know if i believe it's worth the risk.

any thoughts on the continueing saga of my mental abberations?

You definitely have a challenge here.

Is there a way to find a safe place to allow your demon out on a controlled "leash" for a set amount of time? Will the demon agree to those terms?

That way you can work on this issue little by little, on your terms, in a safe place.

I agree that some sort of balance must be found, and it's good that you are taking such care to know yourself.

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by nalan

You definitely have a challenge here.

Is there a way to find a safe place to allow your demon out on a controlled "leash" for a set amount of time? Will the demon agree to those terms?

That way you can work on this issue little by little, on your terms, in a safe place.

I agree that some sort of balance must be found, and it's good that you are taking such care to know yourself.

oh it'll agree to anything ... anything you want and then it'll smile as it slides a knife between your ribs. i know this thing well and i thoroughly hated myself when it wasn't under control. i hurt people with it and i LIKED hurting people with it. incredibly cruel. **shudder** i don't think there's a safe way to approach it. it can mimic me and cause damage before the victim even realizes it and that's the danger to my imaginary friends.

By simply talking about the "demon" you are giving it energy to exist... By talking about its manipulative powers and designs on destruction you are encouraging it to carry it out even more...

Just ignoring it might be helpful.... for a while.... but it is like ignoring the 800 pound gorilla especially after you found out that there is a banana shortage.

"What" it is is up to you and your perception of it. Is it an energy pattern within your fields that is a part of you, but you rather not engage? Regardless, I agree with your friends, you will not be able to move forward until you deal with the "demon".

We carry many energy patterns around with us... "Past life" experiences that have yielded perhaps certain "fears" in our "current" reality. "Fears" that must be excercised such to purify the energy we put out to the universe.

Also "current life" experiences as well...

This time right now is a time to intruduce oneself to oneself. Look deeply within your soul and let these things come to the surface. Not out of "fear" of what might happen, but with a strong and clear intention to understand why such a pattern came to "existence" within you.

As energies continue to ramp up and more people are "called" to do their part, the less fear we carry around with us as individuals, the better.

Your "friends", I'm sure, can handle your demon.

Their offer to help you with it is a sign of extreme benevolence to me.

You need not tackle EVERYTHING alone. But the decision to bring it to the foreground and to process the "results" is YOURS alone.

Just my thoughts...

I send you much love.

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by Ladofthelight

By simply talking about the "demon" you are giving it energy to exist... By talking about its manipulative powers and designs on destruction you are encouraging it to carry it out even more...

Just ignoring it might be helpful.... for a while.... but it is like ignoring the 800 pound gorilla especially after you found out that there is a banana shortage.

"What" it is is up to you and your perception of it. Is it an energy pattern within your fields that is a part of you, but you rather not engage? Regardless, I agree with your friends, you will not be able to move forward until you deal with the "demon".

We carry many energy patterns around with us... "Past life" experiences that have yielded perhaps certain "fears" in our "current" reality. "Fears" that must be excercised such to purify the energy we put out to the universe.

Also "current life" experiences as well...

This time right now is a time to intruduce oneself to oneself. Look deeply within your soul and let these things come to the surface. Not out of "fear" of what might happen, but with a strong and clear intention to understand why such a pattern came to "existence" within you.

As energies continue to ramp up and more people are "called" to do their part, the less fear we carry around with us as individuals, the better.

Your "friends", I'm sure, can handle your demon.

Their offer to help you with it is a sign of extreme benevolence to me.

You need not tackle EVERYTHING alone. But the decision to bring it to the foreground and to process the "results" is YOURS alone.

Just my thoughts...

I send you much love.

wow. and you're right ... again. maybe it's not as bad as it used to be. maybe it shrunk since i caged it and stopped feeding it. i'm not looking forward to dealing with that psychopathic monster again but i know it needs to be dealt with. it's rather embarrassing that i created such a nasty thing first place. i didn't consciously mean to create it but i did none the less. it has my mother's face.

okay. **sigh** i feel like i've just made a dentist appointment.


it would be nice to be able to coax that little girl out of the darkness.

thanks again, Lad!

I might mention to do so- provided that when you are in lands of visualization that you have no feelings of loss-of-control when it comes to your subconscious mind. For me I am still learning about how deep and powerful those feelings can be.

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by dogninja

I might mention to do so- provided that when you are in lands of visualization that you have no feelings of loss-of-control when it comes to your subconscious mind. For me I am still learning about how deep and powerful those feelings can be.

right right. so maybe i should poke it with a stick so to gauge my reaction to it lol. but i'm thinking that maybe it's not as horrible as it used to be and the anticipation of the healing process is more scary the process itself. after all, i made a huge point to be it's opposite so i've developed into a pretty good person and i haven't turn that creature loose anyOne in a very long time.

besides, i have my imaginary friends to help me and they aren't exactly wussies. they say they've dealt with their own "demons" during their own healing processes so they know what they're doing.

[Silver]

Maybe it would also be constructive to mentally enumerate all the incidences of 'nasty' in its history, chronologize it, see if there's a pattern and exactly when it stopped being such a threat to others and in what way and to what degree. I'd like to think this suggestion could help, but if not, that's cool.

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by Silvergirl

Maybe it would also be constructive to mentally enumerate all the incidences of 'nasty' in its history, chronologize it, see if there's a pattern and exactly when it stopped being such a threat to others and in what way and to what degree. I'd like to think this suggestion could help, but if not, that's cool.

well, i've done that. took a moral inventory at the time i became aware of just how evil i was behaving. i know the pattern. i know from whence it came. it exactly stopped when i blithely hurt someOne, noticed the pain in their eyes and i realized i was turning into my psychopathic mother. **shudder** see? it's not actually my nature to be that way. i've always been "oversensitive" but by the time i reached my teens i had become rather twisted by my upbringing. after that epiphany i caged the damn thing and starved it. of course, i can be over zealous, especially if i'm guilt driven (raised old school Cathoic, ya see) so when i caged it i rendered myself defenseless. i became an entirely different person. actually a series of different people. i broke myself into aspect pieces so i could try to reassemble them into a good person. i wasn't exactly what you'd call "sane". i was totally harmless but i didn't know what i was doing or where i was going for a couple years. whatta mess. lol poor thing.

[Mathew James]

IQ, have you ever tried going back in time with it, as in traveling back to your early childhood and asking it questions as a child. Sometimes that can reveal some information that may help.