greetings :)
I'm a 23 year old boy.
For about 2-3 Years i have had some sort of process, going on.
Keep in mind that there could be other things lurking, mentally.
When i think back, i was always the happy guy, being friends with everyone in class, always very selfaware. And i wasn't shy until about 8th grade.
I dont know what did it, but i startet to feel anxiety. I remember i startet to smoke tobacco cigarettes, wich was not at all good for my health (or my selfconsciousness)
I began building up anxiety in classes, due to taking off from school, playing football in the class hours, smoking cigarettes.
I remember trying to perform a school work, a presentation, and i simply couldn't see what i had typed on the paper.
I was not bad at it, i was neither a follower, or a leader, i was just the selfaware, the thinker, but more the "action" guy before i quit school and startet to smoke.
So i lost alot of friends, and startet to play world of warcraft.
I was actually one of the best at player vs player (arena 3v3 europe), used 1000s of hours infront of that game, my new best friend played good, but he had a life. He didnt have 1000s of hours to study everything perfectly.
At 19 i startet at this school for business trading, i met the most beautiful girl, that i wanted to ask out, was madly in love with her, but i had to much anxiety and again i skipped school, and just couldn't handle the pressure, and couldn't handle the lack of respect from the other schoolmates.
I was not a "nerd" or a "freak" i was good looking and still am, i am not the kind of guy that you will think play world of warcraft and skip school.
when i had time of from school, i startet to research things like illuminati, masons, psychedelic drugs, all kinds of things. But in particular pineal gland openings.
I had a lot of anxiety, but i tried at 3 am in the middle of the night, binaural beats. I do not know why i tried in the middle of the night, maybe i had read that.
Here is what i experienced! during my first meditation
So there i was had just watched a third eye opening binaural beats, with visual effects.
Sitting in a full lotus, trying to focus on my third eye.
First i saw this monk or something. looked like this:
It was the same blue aura, and sitting in a full lotus, best i could find.
He took hes hands very close to each other, and i did the same, i could feel some magnet energy between my hands, with like a + and - magnet feeling. i let go of the ball.
I then saw some pictures of buddha and jesus, many pictures of belief i felt at that moment i had to "disbelief the agenda"
I then felt a light instant, my mindset was pretty clear, i had to open my third eye.
I had this amazing feeling of being lifted higher and higher and higher, and i saw a white light.
Then i got aware, of my spine, still centered at my pineal gland, feeling warm energy in my spine.
Basicly i felt like i was inside my spine, moving through the spine towards the brain, igniting the millions of braincells, with a fantastic blissful feeling.
I opened my eyes, and saw the room was wavy, the clock was around 7 am, and i had this fantastic blissful feeling, the wavy feeling stoppet, and i went to bed.
Here i saw pictures of what i was scared of like clowns with knifes, and other stuff, maybe once every 0,5 sec just passing by, until i fell asleep. Probably had a terrible nightmare that night.
While i was undergoing a process, i searched and searched for a spiritual or scientific answer for this thing i had experienced, and i found spirit science documentary movies.
I even joined something called experienceproject.
On this site i basicly asked out for spiritual guidance, because i was having dreams of geometry, and had milions of questions.
And on the site i met a guy named Unlearn, who said it might have been kundalini, he showed me a site, and it sounded like it.
From there on i still had anxiety, and the burden, i still played world of warcraft, i still had 1-2 close friends, while this process was going on.
, i had anxiety, i had throat and mouth feeling that it was rottening up, heart racing when laying down, it was a very hard time.
Then i felt like my heart was beating, then another beat, like it was not my heart, but like another person laying on you.
I felt this for a few days, until i let go, as soon as i let go, i felt my penis basicly felt so warm and all my energy was focused on this, i then layed on my stomach, and i felt like i was inside a girl, i felt sailing from side to side with my whole body, the extra heartbeat sensation filled my chest, and whole body with energy and it was only me sailing, not the bed, until i felt a huge orgasm, like i had never experienced full bodied energy orgasm, not from release.
I fell into a few days where i opened myself fully up and cried from within me, crying tears that needed to be cryed to open myself up and free myself of a giant burden, (because that was actually the biggest burden) to not forgive, and not forget. Even though it was hard.
At this time i wrote many posts, but the basic concern was will this energy work on my head next, and who controls it? will it destroy the feeling of rottening in my neck so i can atleast breath!
A few days later, in april 2013, while writing on a forum i fell into a spontainious meditation, i shifted into a full lotus.
I felt like my pineal gland, opened up like a tree of life, with this wonderful feeling, i then saw an energy wich i had alot of anxiety just looking at it, i thought i was dead, and should move onto a future life or something, but i could breath and felt my body, i could not look at this energy, but i remember it was "red, yellow, and green" like a circle of energy. I thought it was my own essence, or "it" the has no beginning. no end.
I opened my eyes, and was overwhelmed by this fantastic feeling of peace and a feeling of being free, and a feeling of ecstatic, but not to much, because i was very chill.
I then took the time to check the internet, and i felt like some magic consciousness of myself, or angels or what it was, guided me, i looked at the internet, everything that was kept a secret was easy to find and many things, and possibilities on the internet. At this point i felt one with prana, that gave me all sorts of ideas and information about eye color etc. It felt like a red energy, i felt ideas of source etc.
A few minuttes later i turned on my tv, and i couldn't believe it! It was the old icon of the station, there were a formula 1 car driving around, it was only filming that one car for 24 minuttes, and i cried tears of joy, and cried and cried. I felt very very good going to bed, it was like i was a little kid again, seeing my ultimate dream from when i was a kid, and feeling super safe.
The next morning there were no "magical consciousness" and no prana connected.
However i was still in a kind of strange state.
I could now feel energys, there were a polarity and like a magnetic energy inside my room, i needed air, trying to get the energys out! it was not a pleasent feeling! When i got out i saw that everyone had sparkling green eyes, like they were enlightened or something.
I called my best friend, to come check it out. We went out for a walk in town, and i basicly felt proud, and in tune, i felt like a wave, smiling, and he hadn't seen me like this in years, he felt a bit worried. When i said that everything was interconnected and spiritual things i had experienced the day before, I dont think he liked me that way. He liked the non spiritual me.
We went to the grill, and had extreme anxiety around 2 very beautiful girls, and from my pretation, it felt like they had watched over me the day before, they seemed from another dimension, and they also had the same energy wavy feeling as i did, when they made our food they were smiling to each other, like they were best friends forever, and almost danced while making it, while working. they looked like this:
I felt my solar plexus was hurting, so i touched it with 2 fingers out of nowhere, turned it slowly like massaging your solar plexus, slowly slowly, and it literally felt like i touched my soul, I dont know what i did, but my anxiety was now gone! after the solar plexus thing, and it has been ever since, the anxiety that hurts your chest very bad.
When i got home from the grill he was leaving, i did not feel like eating a burger, and i normally do.
When he left i again felt this energy, so i went to the woods, and at that point i thought it was a dream, i tried so hard to meditate the feelings of energy around me away. It was not pleasent.
Then i jumped in the sea, i thought i would wake up, from a dream, but nothing happended.
Next morning i smashed a window, where a cat was as i thought "locked in" i thought i could steal cars, i was in a mental state, so i smashed a window where the cat were, the police came a bit after, asked me why i did it. i had no answer other than "It was locked in like a dog that is in a boiling hot car" the cat just wanted to be free it felt like and looked like when i looked at it!
They drove me to the mental hospital!
And there i got ecstatic and the green eye color (very beautiful by the way) i danced for hours and hours and hours to music from my phone, like a wave of energy.
Anyone knows what i experienced? What i did?
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