PLEASE READ: How Do I Deal With A Mother That Cuts Down My Opinions?

[Alex-The-Iceman]

When my mom found out I started becoming interested in spirituality, she started up a discussion with me about it, and ended the discussion by informing me that "it's just a phase" and that "I'll grow out of it". When we got into a discussion about Quantum Mechanics and I tried sharing my opinion on some of the things they are starting to discover, my mom literally got angry and yelled at me called it "bull****" and that I don't know what I'm talking about. I made it very clear that what I was saying was just my opinion, not the truth, and I am open to hearing her opinion. When she starts a conversation about politics and I share my opinion on the subject, she gets very angry, says I'm misinformed, I'm wrong, and that I need to think. I don't have a problem with her stating her opinions, I'm very open to hearing what she has to say, because that helps me learn and reconsider my position on the issue. What I do have a problem with, however, is how she attacks my personal beliefs and cuts them down, and makes me feel like an idiot; I don't do that to her. I literally feel drained and very sad when she does this, as I do right now. Even if my opinions are 'incorrect' I feel that that's something that I need to figure out on my own, and not have someone to tell me I'm wrong. I want to be able to come to my own opinions, no matter whether it is 'right' or 'wrong' because MY OPINION is MY OPINION, and I want to be able to be strong and comfortable in my opinion without the fear that someone is going to cut me down. which I'm already starting to feel.

I don't agree with how advertising makes people feel bad about their physical apperance and sets a standard impossible to achieve, leading people to feel unconfident. I don't agree with minor drug offenders being incarcerated with the likes of murderers and sex offenders. I'm outraged at the amount of government corruption in the United States, which is pretty much sponsoring the death of innocent people for money. When I state my opinion on this, I'm automatically shut down; my mother said that my point of view was 'disturbing'.

It's getting to the point where I can't stand it; I now try to avoid bringing such topics up, but she insists on bringing them up and then proceeds to shut me down.

To anyone who thinks I'm exagerating or misrepresenting the situation; please trust me, I'm not. My mother has guilt-tripped me for years, tried to instill fear into me, and emotionally/verablly hurt me, etc. She used to verbally call me things like 'ugly' and 'stupid' so much that I lost all self-confidence and was starting to have suicidal thoughts (this was about 3 years ago, when I was 16/17) and I am still feeling the effects of this today. She does not call me these things anymore though, she has gotten much better. I'm not saying this so that you can pity me, I really don't need anyone's pity. I just want people to know that I am NOT exagerating.

Sounds like my dad. I started wearing black and what he calls 'racoon' eyelinner, that kinda put him off but now he's getting bad again. Have you tried (family) therapy/counciling?

[sound]

Alex why don't you write her a letter and leave it somewhere for her to read. You seem very clear about your feelings when you post here however i can imagine it isn't as easy to verbalize it at the time when your mum is treating you like that

[Alex-The-Iceman]

Originally Posted by Murciélago

Sounds like my dad. I started wearing black and what he calls 'racoon' eyelinner, that kinda put him off but now he's getting bad again. Have you tried (family) therapy/counciling?

There's no way that I could get my mom to go to family therapy with me; if I even so much as mentioned the idea, she would get furious and probably be upset at me for at least a week.

[Alex-The-Iceman]

Originally Posted by sound

Alex why don't you write her a letter and leave it somewhere for her to read. You seem very clear about your feelings when you post here however i can imagine it isn't as easy to verbalize it at the time when your mum is treating you like that

I've tried to do this in the past, with no success. When my mom was cutting me down verablly and emotionally, I tried to tell her how I felt, both through face to face honest verbal communication as well as through a letter. She pretty much told me I'm a "whiny sniveler".

You don't need your mother's approval to be happy.

[Alex-The-Iceman]

Originally Posted by tragblack

You don't need your mother's approval to be happy.

I'm not looking for her approval. It's just the fact that she cuts me opinions down that really upsets me; she's my mother and it'd be nice to share my opinion on something she might not agree with without getting shut down and made to feel like a fool.

[Silver]

Tragblack's right, Alex, you don't but you are so young, so I think it's gotta be pretty hurtful. But, I don't know how old your mom is or what kind of health she has, but it could be an ailment that makes her so crabby, like she could have high blood pressure (do you know if she does)? That could affect people's behavior. She could have a heart problem and not know it. You really should take that into consideration, instead of just taking it personally without knowing if she has something going on that maybe even she doesn't know about yet. Forgive me but I just don't recall, is there a father or father figure in your life that you can ask about her health?

Originally Posted by sound

Alex why don't you write her a letter and leave it somewhere for her to read. You seem very clear about your feelings when you post here however i can imagine it isn't as easy to verbalize it at the time when your mum is treating you like that

Something tells me that won't make her agree. Seems to me that these conversations should just be avoided with her.

[sound]

Originally Posted by tragblack

Something tells me that won't make her agree. Seems to me that these conversations should just be avoided with her.

Its not about making her agree ... it is about being able to express oneself without constant interruption and belittling ... and offers opportunity for his mum to reflect on his side of it in her own time over and over (re read) if thats what she chooses to do ... of course we cant control how others respond ...