My "little me" - inner child and me

[umbridge]

I have problems with emotions. Really I do. I miss my father from time to time, he never lived with us, I dont understand my mother's emotionally closed nature, its like she is shut down for everything in her life.

Even learning new language isn't very her thing. She enjoys her status quo, but I have never had that chance to experience that. My life has always been and meant growth. I have crazy emotions and other stuff.

Why I did not have this happy family life in my childhood. Ok, my mother took care of me but it was a half of the deal.

Ok, my soul counterpart chose this family..these problems..why??? For growth?

So that I could break these old patterns..

Can emotional body be closed? Can a person persuade herself that she does not have any emotions or believe something whats her life going to be so strongly that it finally manifesting? Then I am scared of what I have believed since I was a kid..

I have problems with forming a healthy relationships.. I tend to be unfaithful..I feel that its in my nature.. I cannot commit..and I cant find a real reason why.. Because I want to travel, built career and love freedom ? But no one wants to be alone for her whole life...

When I was 15 I told myself or believed that I never get kids nor get married. I only listened to what I mother said about relationships: be strong on your own and dont count on anyone..

So I tried. Didnt work out. It was not me. Now i know.

Now I am dealing with my belief what I had when I was a teenager - fear of get hurt and fear of losing my freedom, fear of being completely in love and mess up my whole life.
Fear of being under someone's control, fear that when I once made a decision its forever..

I am afraid of taking responsibility ..
When I am in mess how I can support someone? Be there for someone? Help do deal with their problems? What if I go crazy? What if my words become nasty and impolite? What if I scream and yell at them or even hit them?

What if I had a child and I cannot handle her cry ..

I am child. I still have not grown up.

Maybe I have been alone too much in my life that I dont know how to really be around people with my overly emotional and sensitive energy.

Sometimes I just think about killing myself. Everything just seems so black..then the Source is once again lifting me up to the higher realms.. and I start to see the light again..

Maybe if my grandparents were not dead, if my father would not leave us, if I would have brothers or sisters then this all would be easier?
But there are always problems.


What should I do? I assume that I should trust the Universe and its plan for me. When I am connected to the Source and HS and guides, everything will unfold naturally..I hope so.


Any thoughts?

Take care.
Hugs.

Originally Posted by umbridge

I have problems with forming a healthy relationships.. I tend to be unfaithful..I feel that its in my nature.. I cannot commit..and I cant find a real reason why.

You push them away before they walk away. Do you fear being left?

I hope you find strength to keep looking forward, to keep moving forward with love and light. Life will not always be easy, but it is worth it. Don't give up hope, hold on tight. Because just as much as life can be difficult, it can equally be uplifting and beautiful.

Sending good thoughts your way

Dear beautful Umbridge,

Your experience shares a lot of similarities to my own.

I've learned a couple things that help me- maybe they'll help you too.

First, we are infinite beings in a body. Everything that happens outside that body is outside of our individual control but you can control what happens inside. Your mind creates your world. And it takes more energy to create negativity than positive or neutral. When you are having a lower thought, it is your body and mind's way of telling you something is amiss. Thank yourself for the input and alert, but then move on from that thought to higher thoughts. Try to figure out the root of some of your fears. Is it something you experienced? Is it maybe something you feel irrational with no root? Could be something from a passed life.

You can go two ways with these feelings- explore them, understand them and expand beyond them or ignore them by shutting yourself off and contracting your energy. You don't need to know how to move beyond them, you just have to be willing to do it- your guides and higher self will help you with the rest. (Just ask for help and guidance and commit yourself to manifesting a resolution).

I feel like you are very empathic (taking on energies of others) so I feel like you get overwhelmed easily. Try some energy healing/grounding techniques to help you identify what are your actual emotions and what is feelings you have taken on from others. Also, when you are feeling emotional, try detaching from those feelings and bring yourself to the now. Live in that moment- feel that moment and all that is happening in it.

Regarding relationships, I feel like your higher self does not want you to settle for someone who is not right for you. Again, maybe an experience you had in a previous like, or something related to your parents relationship- seeing the fallout. When you are ready you will find that someone you are supposed to meet. I feel like you need to become the person you know you are in your core- your true self, who loves herself and has confidence in herself and the strength to live your life fully sans fear- then you will be at a place where you can ensure you treat your love with love.

You're right, no one wants to be alone, but what is worse than alone is being with someone wrong for you. You both will be unhappy and will not fulfil eachother.

Become happy with yourself first, because if nothing else, at least you can have that love in your life. Instead of taking a look at situations blaming them for your pain, take a look inside and decide what patterns of though are making you feel this way? What beliefs or outlooks are the common denominator? You are clearly a wise being- you have a lot of thoughts and insights a lot of people overlook. Be thankful for the wonderful being you are (knowing many people do not have the capabilities you have) and know that some of it comes at the cost of your situations in life. Do yourself the justice you deserve and keep going towards the light.

I am confident after some inner exploration you will have some astounding realizations that will greatly impact your outlook. You play an important role on this planet, consider these hardships your training and conditioning so you have the strength and compassion to make a difference in the world.

Peace and love!
hey