Torn between two dates - weird dilemma

[Emmalevine]

I never in a million years thought I'd have this problem.

I've experimented with internet dating on and off for a few years but it has never come to much apart from a long distance relationship up until early 2012 which lasted 8 months. This year I decided to try again. One date in April didn't work out. Then a few weeks ago I got chatting to two guys around the same time. I chatted to guy 1 via text for a little while then we met up. There was instant chemistry between us. However, due to the fact I have severe health problems he felt it couldn't work as he wanted an active girlfriend who he could be sporty with. Despite this he suggested staying friends and came over for a movie night recently. Since then he has been very flirty via text and it seems to me that he sees me as something more than a friend. He texts me a lot, even from the airport last weekend as he was going on holiday with his children.

Skip to guy 2. We have been speaking on the phone for a little while and finally met up over the weekend for a meal and chat. He text me afterwards saying he found me very enchanting and wants to meet me again.

I like both of them. There is more chemistry with guy 1, I find him very attractive, but the problem of him wanting to be active might be difficult later on even if he feels he likes me enough to pursue a relationship at this stage. He says he isn't spiritual and doesn't believe in anything but he has a lot of spiritual values including living in the now and making the most of life. he asks me deep questions about myself and says he respects my beliefs. He is caring but we have a real laugh on a friendship level and I really enjoy the flirting and silly banter. He has a sarcastic sense of humour which is mostly good but due to my background has sometimes made me feel awkward.

Guy 2 is very different. He's more serious, romantic rather than flirty, gentlemanly, kind etc. He is interested in the paranormal and spiritual issues. I think we'd have a lot of good conversations but not sure about the passion. I wasn't immediately attracted to him but he's certainly not unattractive. Potentially I think we'd have more in common long term.

This is a really weird situation for me to be in since I have a lot of health issues and didn't think anyone would want me. I don't want to analyse this too much but I'm worried about hurting one of them. Guy 1 knows I was talking to Guy 2 but Guy 2 doesn't know about Guy 1. Technically there's nothing to know since guy 1 is still a friend but if he continues flirting I'll need to work out how to proceed.

Has anyone got any thoughts or suggestions?

Hi Starbuck..

I would say that guy 2 sounds like a better prospect if you want a long term relationship. You have a lot in common with him. Friendship grows over time where passion can fade.

Guy 1 sounds better if you just want short term fun. The fact that he's still flirting despite saying he doesn't want a relationship makes me think that he just wants some short term fun.

That's my thoughts but you know them both a lot better than me.

Originally Posted by Starbuck

He has a sarcastic sense of humour which is mostly good but due to my background has sometimes made me feel awkward.

It could be easy to look past this for now and not let it bother you much. Fast forward in time though and it could become more annoying... Or that's my thought on it.

I agree with Echtalion that Guy 2 sounds more like he's looking for a relationship.

[Belle]

I don't think I like guy #1. He says he doesn't want a relationship - fine. But then, he is flirting which messes with the head.

Instant chemistry is lovely but it can be gone in an instant too.

My advice would be to not flirt back with guy #1.

Get to know guy #2 a bit, he sounds solid and reliable and chemistry can grow. My last serious bf I remember meeting and wondering how anyone can ever have thought he was attractive. But then, you get to see they are kind and their values become attractive and that ignites a spark in you, which is deeper.

Neither of them.
Keep dating.
The right one will not create any doubts in your heart.
Connection and chemistry can not be decided with mind.
Those are matters of your heart.

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by Nada

Neither of them.
Keep dating.
The right one will not create any doubts in your heart.
Connection and chemistry can not be decided with mind.
Those are matters of your heart.

I love you!!!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Saggi]

The No 9 Bus

Standing at the bus stop with not a bus in sight.
You know it’s time to take a ride
so you wish with all your might
for a bus to turn the corner,
then you can jump right on,
hoping that the time you have to wait won’t take very long

The sun is shining brightly;
it’s not so bad to wait;
you ponder why when the time is right,
they’re always running late.
So as you stand and ponder and wonder what to do,
you spy one round the corner
followed by Number 2.
They both stop at the bus stop,
which one is it to be?
You look up then and what a sight,
here comes Number 3

Now you’re left with choices,
your frustration is on the line
and you smile about the old adage,
about the bus that’s Number 9
The first one’s standing only;
the second has seats to spare
yet these are only single seats,
no double seats anywhere.
The third one,
well that’s empty,
yet feels inviting too!
On you get with joy in your heart because there’s space for you.
Space for your enjoyment,
lots of space for fun,
empty and waiting for you to fill with love,
you know Number 3’s the one

So you hop right on to Number 3
whist holding on to the pole,
enjoying your time with Number 3
knowing your journey’s end’s your goal.
The journey’s ends completion,
complete in every way.
It’s what your life’s been striving for
each and every day!

So enjoy your time in emptiness,
see what each stop will bring
and when the time to get off comes
the bell is yours to ring.

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Emmalevine]

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, much appreciated!

I think you're right. I've arranged to see Guy 2 again and anyhow Guy 1 is still on holiday. I'm not convinced that people always know straight away, although I accept that's true for some people. Sometimes it just takes time. I'm very comfortable with both men, just in different ways. I do think there's more potential with Guy 2 and the date was lovely. In any case, hopefully I've made a friend or two.

I think if guy number one makes it clear he's interested in someone he can be active with, you might want to take that at face value. Otherwise your health issues might sap your energy and he might get frustrated down the line and you might wind up getting hurt as a result of it.

No one can really tell you what is the better choice however. it seems like both have something to teach you and if you are spiritual and guy number 1 one isn't, that wouldn't be much of a foundation for you to begin a relationship on. I had so many people in my life who I wasn't spiritually compatible with (not always romantic interests) and I never felt like I could be myself.

Originally Posted by Saggi

I love you!!!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Zee.. thanks Saggi.